Single mothers devalue fatherhood?

Shai Gar said:
If you have a kid at 35, you will be 50 when the kid is 15.
That's a big problem, as anyone who can remember being 15 will attest.
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I disagree there. My mom had me young and it would have been better to wait.
 
My mum had me at 19, my dad was 21.

They made excellent parents, and they were still extremely youthful and vigorous when we were growing up to be able to go hiking, camping, 4WDing, canoeing and sailing in a shark filled lake. It was because dad was still young that we got into field hockey as kids and had a very active childhood. We went not at his urging, but at his example. (mum was a-grade womens cricket)

Tell me how many 55 year old parents do that with their kids.
 
Blind Bandit said:
I disagree there. My mom had me young and it would have been better to wait.
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I think that this is a case of individual subjectivity.

While it's easy to say that 21/22 year olds are too young to deliberately start a family (and I do believe this is true in general) there are exceptions to this - of which my parents were one.
When I compare my parents from my early childhood until now with the parental history of my acquaintances I feel genuinely lucky. My mom was all about making us brush our teeth, learn to do chores, treat each other with respect, and still found energy to teach us all to cartwheel - by example. Both of my parents were mature enough in some ways that they were able to parent me and my siblings with love, and authority. The main three things they tried to instill in each of us was a sense of personal morality and responsibility, an ability to think creatively, and an appreciation for knowledge. In that order. With a ton of little things thrown in on the side (don't be late for dinner, treat your elders with respect, enjoy nature, be entrepreneurial, do your best, be on your best behavior, etc.).

I sometimes think that they were better parents because they were so young. They were so terrified of screwing up with us that they put more effort into understanding and parenting us.

Plus, considering that I value my existence, I'm pretty damn glad my parents didn't wait.
 
my dad was 57 when I was 17 and my daughters are nine and eleven while I am fifty. Somehow I do not feel ill-equipped to deal with them. (nor do I take the speculations of post adolescent knuckleheads all that seriously) Not that it is germane to the discussion.
 
Shai Gar said:
Most of my friends had parents my parents age. But, they were Australian, not American with a sense of television taught entitlement.
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Lets not start that argument ok. lets for once stay on topic.
 
Blind Bandit said:
Lets not start that argument ok. lets for once stay on topic.
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Well, then, to stay on topic:
I think that it is easier for young parents to raise children when both parents are fully committed to the state of parenthood.
If a single mother was young when she gave birth (sadly, common) I think she would have a much more difficult time finding the balance between work, her kids' needs, and her needs.
I would think it would become exponentially easier (not "easy" mind, because every parent will tell you that it isn't "easy"), for a young couple who are fully committed to their relationship and to parenthood.

A young single mother might also find it easier to become temporarily embittered with guys and 'fatherhood' if she is left to fend for herself and child at a time when she would normally be working on her career or at least had relief in the way of support form the dad.
She might let feelings of betrayal color her impressions of the idea of 'fatherhood' overall.

But this is all speculation. I still think that most single mothers value the 'father-figure' in their child's life.
 
Shai Gar said:
If you have a kid at 35, you will be 50 when the kid is 15.
That's a big problem, as anyone who can remember being 15 will attest.
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Well, that was precisely what happened with me, and I can attest that it was not a problem.
 
TheLastMohican said:
Well, that was precisely what happened with me, and I can attest that it was not a problem.
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Really, you got to have an active life with your parents as well as with your friends?

More importantly, when you choose to have kids, do you think they'll be able to do fun things with their grandparents? Or will their grandparents be dead from old age?
 
Shai Gar said:
Really, you got to have an active life with your parents as well as with your friends?
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Sure, I play tennis fairly regularly with my father (not so often in the last couple of summers, since we're active in separate leagues). My mother was never into sports much, but that's not a problem. If anything has held me back activity-wise, it's been time constraints and other responsibilities, not my parents' aging.


More importantly, when you choose to have kids, do you think they'll be able to do fun things with their grandparents? Or will their grandparents be dead from old age?
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I highly doubt I'll ever have kids. But why should it matter? My paternal grandfather died of cancer when I was a toddler, and his wife practically cut our family off after that, so they weren't going to be a big part of my life anyway. Fortunately my maternal grandparents are alive and well, but they live a couple of states away, so I would not consider them a major presence in my day-to-day life. (I do visit and hear from them once in a while, and they're great, but that doesn't mean that grandparents are by nature essential to a good childhood.)
I don't think people should have to plan two generations ahead when living out their own lives. That's putting on pressures to enable situations that are ultimately not within their realm of control. Suppose I meet a wonderful woman who has no living parents. Should I disregard her as a mate simply because we might have children who then might have no grandparents? I would find that absurd.
 
I've seen mothers who've had the mentality that they don't "need" a father and they want to raise a baby on their own: I tend to see this women as more selfish than anything else. I don't really see a lot of donor eggs for men who want to have a children on their own, usually typically gay men for those advertisements.

I don't think many women devalue fatherhood though. With that being said, a nuclear family doesn't matter. A stable family does. No matter man, men, woman, women, or what not. Also, about gender, does each gender have strengths and weaknesses or is that more of a person thing.
 
Shai Gar said:
Yes.
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So your objection to late parenthood has been whittled down to the belief that a childhood is not worth having without grandparents, and now you don't want to present your reasoning for that belief.

Why, then, did you bother to post on the topic in the first place?
 
Most of my later posts on this (last two) were jokes, and I got bored of the jokes as I was posting them. Otherwise I'd have at least made some effort.
 
Shai Gar said:
Most of my later posts on this (last two) were jokes, and I got bored of the jokes as I was posting them. Otherwise I'd have at least made some effort.
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Sometimes I miss rather obvious sarcasm... but in this case, I think you really ought to have made your jokes clear rather than leading me on a wild goose chase. :tsk:
 
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