Social Anxiety

[Solongo]

Throughout my childhood I was always very extroverted. Then the teen years hit and I became extremely introverted and it affected my social skills. I have traumatic experiences that led me to not want to open myself to others and create friendships and not to mention having high expectations from others.

Couple of years back I started to train to become a dance performer and it has helped a lot to get used to be in front of an audience. It also helped with my social skills because usually after performances people come up to you and want to talk/dance and socialize. Slowly I have learned to switch it off and on and it has become a useful tool.

 

[NeverAmI]

I chose 'not sure' because in Sweden I rarely have it...
But here in America it is a CONSTANT problem!!!

Can you elaborate on this at all when you have time?

Thanks!

 

[NeverAmI]

Throughout my childhood I was always very extroverted. Then the teen years hit and I became extremely introverted and it affected my social skills. I have traumatic experiences that led me to not want to open myself to others and create friendships and not to mention having high expectations from others.

Couple of years back I started to train to become a dance performer and it has helped a lot to get used to be in front of an audience. It also helped with my social skills because usually after performances people come up to you and want to talk/dance and socialize. Slowly I have learned to switch it off and on and it has become a useful tool.

I can relate to this quite a bit.

Sometimes I even wonder if Introverts exist without social phobias, but I have seen a few on here without phobias around other people, they are just naturally reserved.

I am still looking at myself, sometimes it is like I very much like to be extroverted and be transparent to others. But on the other hand, I think I have a lot of peeves and I don't like to be around people because I get upset. Sometimes I get upset for good reason, sometimes I get upset for dumb reasons.

 

[Quinlan]

Sometimes I wonder if it is the reaction of society to introversion that causes social anxiety. After being asked "Why are you so quiet?!?!lol?" a billion times it's natural for some anxiety to arise...

So maybe the introversion leads to anxiety rather than anxiety leading to introversion?

 

[Morgain]

This is really strange. I never thought of you guys as being so social anxious. I thought you all to be more social skilled than me on the forum.

I had social anxiety at school. I walked on the school yard thinking they where all talking about me, laughing with me. For several years I had no friends and I hated to walk there alone so I locked myself up in the toilet so much (so embarrassing). But I can say it is not the case anymore, not in that degree. I even now exactly when it changed. It was at school (I was 14) and suddenly my mouth opened and I told them a joke. Everybody laughed (in a good way). And than it was I realized that people could actually be interested in and amuzed with what I had to say!

I think it needs practice. Starting with one good friend who appreciates you, one good conversation with a colleague, saying one good joke.

And self love and self confidence. I can't recall the amount of time I have spend thinking about what people might think of me, how do I come across, what should I do to make them like me. But now, since I found MBTI and recount that I'm an amazing person tape2, I found peace in myself, peace with myself and that has a remarkable effect on my surroundings. It is like I give off an other vibe. A more peaceful vibe, where other people feel ad ease. I think a lot of times when we believe people don't like us, it is not the truth. They act that way because they feel uncomfortable because of there anxieties. But when you have a peaceful vibe, they will relax and be more friendly with you. It is a paradox.

Sigh, I know it is easier said than done and I'm also still struggling with it ... one step at the time!

You are all such an amazing persons. I can't believe nobody whould like to be your friend! It is impossible. Show them your true heart and they WILL all fall in love with you!

 

[DefectiveCreative]

Thats interesting, because Buddhist principles has also helped me gain new perspective on things with the added benefit of mbti understandings. What type of Buddhism have you studied?

Lol, sounds way too formal to say I've "studied" it, I've just picked up bits and pieces on the subject here and there for the most part.

Mostly it's been the various wiki pages on Buddhism and its different schools (Zen, Theravada, Mahayana, etc.), plus various offshoots like the pages on the Four Noble Truths and the 8-Fold Path and such. I've also read the Dhammapada, plus there's the various threads and comments on the subject that crop up on boards like these, and I've also picked up some stuff from the references to Buddhism that turn up in some of the books I've been reading.

Sometimes I wonder if it is the reaction of society to introversion that causes social anxiety. After being asked "Why are you so quiet?!?!lol?" a billion times it's natural for some anxiety to arise...

So maybe the introversion leads to anxiety rather than anxiety leading to introversion?

I think it's probably a combination of both, being introverted can lead some people to treat you a bit weird which makes you socially anxious which results in you being more introverted, because you're more introverted more people treat you a bit weird which makes you more socially anxious etc. etc.

Extraverts can be socially anxious too though, so I think it all comes down to having received some negative feedback somewhere along the line, which damaged our self-confidence.

 

[Pristinegirl]

Can you elaborate on this at all when you have time?

Thanks!

While I haven't been able to fully understand myself regarding it, I will give it a try..

First of all I find that I am soo lonely. Being or feeling (?) different has caused me to not want to go out. Like a social phobic extrovert... At the beggining of my trip, I was extremely outgoing and loved that everyone was being attentive to me, but now I just want to run away and hide somehow... Alot of the time, I have been living by myself as in not with my mother and stepdad, which means I have to get groceries and such on my own. Only I would dread it to no end because I feel so anxious/insecure... For example, while simply paying at the cashier I would feel nervous and insecure. AND not knowing all those damn US coins apart would really make me second guess myself :/

Now, that rarely, if ever, happens in Sweden... But perhaps it is just the result not really having anyone here (?)

 

[randomsomeone]

I don't have a lot of social anxiety...over the years I have had to deal with many types of social situations for professional or other reasons. I do, however, have social preferences. I tend to pan certain types of activities because the same ol' social dynamics seem to happen over and over and naturally I am in my normal introvert mode while the others are going crazy trying to entertain themselves and others with assorted antics and social games. Kinda boring. I like smaller groups and I like making personal connections. That seems to work well for me (and everybody else it would appear).

I consider myself to be very lucky to be an introvert...I can be happy when people are around, I can also be happy when no one is around.

 

[Gaze]

Struggling with this right now, and not sure how to handle it. More social interaction isn't helping; it just makes it worse, especially in public speaking. People look at your reserve or nervousness as a sign of weakness or meekness. Too much attention or energy leads to fear and nervousness. All the social accommodations are become more and more difficult. When you try to stay away from the attention or crowds, others respond to you as if you're being too shy by trying to cheer you up, giving you more attention which only leads to more self consciousness and discomfort. The quiet you seek is necessary to breathe. Why is that so difficult to understand?

 

[Jonathan]

Never knew this thread existed. [MENTION=1669]Anita[/MENTION], I know where you're coming from. It seems the more I've been putting myself out there to try to make things better, the harder it is to socialize. I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself right now. I'm good with a select few people, but I've been really weirding people out lately because I panic and don't know what to say. Problem is, as much as I do want to talk to and get to know people, I get nervous around them and doubt myself. It comes and goes, but it's been particularly bad lately, and I hope it goes away soon.

 

[Matariki]

Old thread is old, but either way I will respond to it.

I'm currently going through the progress of a diagnoses, but my counselor seems to think that I have it.
I'm not sure myself, all I know is that I spend 60% of my daily time in my room.

 

[Edith]

I've been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder by a psychiatrist.

People mistake my shyness for rudeness. It's awkward. I find it hard to be warm and inviting to people I've never met.

 

[Prometheus]

My social approach is what makes me question my J-ness. I don't get anxiety or even slight discomfort, but I go get a lot of "don't really give a damn." If you begin discussing something that interests me, which can even include your own sob stories, I'll perk up and become engaged. When people start going off about sports, Black Ops, and all that crap, I go back to talking to Lando in Cloud City.

I try to avoid going to crowded venues, true, but it has less to do with discomfort and more to do with people being constantly in my way. I get very frustrated if my planned aisle cycle gets interrupted by Team Geriatric hunting for the right cylinder of soup. I like to have my plan and execute it quickly and efficiently.

 

[NuthatchXi]

No, I don't have it. I'm closer than a lot of people, maybe, but I took a test and fell 16 points short of even the lowest group. I do have difficulty speaking up in class, but not to that degree. And I hate calling people I don't know well, and I will purposefully pretend I don't see people so that I don't have to go through the awkwardness of saying hi. Other than that...I'm just introverted, periodically painfully self-conscious, and a bit shy.