Social Anxiety

[dneecey]

I have something I guess that is known as general anxiety, and just started taking meds for that and depression a couple of months ago. I'm trying other venues of dealing with my depression though such as eating better and working out...

 

[jlynnr]

I spose I'm just a classic introvert - I find people exhausting, but am not particularly terrified of them. I feel so lucky after reading some of the other responses in this thread....

I do have to deal with ADD though, which is hard enough on its own.

 

[Gaze]

Yes. It's not debilitating, but it's there. I'm aware of it's potential, if fed, to become debilitating.

I value those who have spoken of the need to keep challenging oneself to be present with the anxious feelings. When I choose to avoid potentially socially aggressive environments, as Helpful Elf mentioned, my ability to handle the ones I cannot avoid is diminished. I'm not a masochist, but I do have to go to work and earn a paycheck at the minimum. I am learning how to accept I will often feel anxious and learn to be present with my uncomfortable experience. It is when I think it should be otherwise, and is otherwise for everyone else, that my self-hatred and resultant anxiety begins to spiral out of control. If I take that energy out of the system by accepting this is my experience and decline passing judgment on it, the whole cycle is deflated.

Yes, very much. This is one of the lessons i've learned recently, is not to deny that something affects you, and not forcing yourself to feel the way others do because this will worsen it. So, this is better. Thx for mentioning this Tovlo.

 

[Top cat]

Probably a combination of being made fun of a lot, taking life too seriously, trusting people too easily, being gullible, and my parents constantly urging me never to show my emotions, or just general negativity from them.

Yeah I think I have a mild case of it.

Thing is, it's not so much face to face people interaction I worry about, I mean I can extremely anxious about going to new groups of people who I've never met/unfamiliar environments. But calling people on the phone is awful for me. Seriously, sorting out my Uni application was hell, even calling the hairdressers to get a hair cut requires hours of mental preparation for 30 second phone call.

I also am afraid of public transport. No idea why, I would rather walk ridiculous lengths then get a bus. Trains freak me out as well, I know soon that I'm gonna have to make my way across the UK on train and I'm absolutely dreading it. It doesn't stop me doing what I have to do but it makes it hell to do it. I'm extremely good at hiding it as well, even from myself sometimes.

Mine's caused by really awful experiences in public places. Mostly the bus, the supermarket. Mob mentality

But some times, I don't feel anxious at certain places
I feel calm, collected. I don't have negative thoughts, I don't think about past experiences
but my body is reacting oddly. It's like an automatic response, it's reacting on its own... Anybody go through this?
I want to visit a hypnotist to remove it. It's of no use to me

In other cases, I think my anxiety is useful to me.. I feel like it's me wanting to be more myself. To stop compromising for the sake of other people, their expectations. It's like a way of taking better care of yourself

 

[Eric86]

My social anxiety is like an automatic response all the time, just like what you mentioned.
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[acd]

Yes. To an extent.. Not nearly as severe as when I was a kid.. In junior high, I used to sit in class and breathe as slowly and quietly as I possibly could.. with the hope that no one noticed I was there.

I sort of outgrew it mostly, not sure how. Maybe I developed a sense of entitlement as in, "The Universe spawned me, I have just as much right to be here as anyone else!" But I'm not really sure how that idea formulated.. Probably through my love of being outside and marveling over nature....

 

[Moxie]

I have Social Anxiety, bad sometimes. I know we've talked about it before. It seems to get worse the older I get - I don't remember needing so much courage just to leave my house when I was 18.

I confuse people though, because for the first 5 minutes, most would think I'm really extroverted. I'm not - I just say enough to get it out of the way, so I can be quiet and go hide in a corner. I think I'm odd like this.

Strangely, I've been diagnosed with two different anxiety disorders. PTSD and OCD. Apparently I developed OCD to combat the PTSD. I wonder if they're getting worse, making me have a hard time leaving the house. I've never mentioned the PTSD or OCD in here before. I feel kind of sensitive about being looked on as a lesser being because of these issues. I do feel like my anxiety is way out of bounds, and I've never found anything but bandaids to make it better. It's also causing the current depression I'm in.

But back to the OP - yes, I know how you feel.

 

[Stellar Affinity]

Yes, and it's horrible. I do understand how you feel. I'm genuinely afraid of social situations because for me, those are the times where people are just bound to be judging me, or sizing me up around their own opinions about me, maybe even without me knowing. I fear someone noticing me being the quiet, invisible person in the back or sitting alone at a table eating lunch. I mean, heck, I'm afraid to eat or drink in front of people period!

 

[Travo7]

Yes. I actually suffer from SAD and depression. When it's mixed, they call it anxious depression (bet you didn't know that, hehe).
I actually don't think it's debilitating as long as I don't go outside my house for anything.

I mean ANYTHING.

 

[grEEEn]

I've actually been living with social anxiety since I was about 5 years old. Possibly younger. I vividly remember wanting to go to school SO BAD before I was old enough, but when I finally got there the other kids were assholes and the teacher didn't recognise my superior intellect >_>

Things finally got so bad about 3 years ago. I was working in a call center (ugh) and I started feeling like I was gonna die. My heart was racing and I couldn't breathe and I was extremely nervous. This was happening every day and I became afraid of going in to work. I ended up moving back to my home town for college and finally saw a doctor about it. Yeah I've got a disorder or two. I've gotten counselling and I've had medication... I accept that it's just a part of my life that will always be present, and I will always have to deal with.

 

[Agnus]

Oh, social anxiety. I really know what it means. But, surely, it is possible to change that. I did. I understand that we understand the environment and ourselves different, but what helped for me it was knowing myself. What I mean is that, when you feel fear in society you should recognise the reason of this feeling. There is such a sentence from one fairy-tale: "tell me who am I, and I will dissapear". I think that fear is sort of lie to yourself. I noticed that my fears is coming of that point where is hiding the most vulnerable feelings. And in me, fear usually is that, what I call injured feeling, what I am hiding even from myself, that I would feel safer. All people are using self-defence mechanism, maybe you are using it in wrong way. Maybe the feeling which was hurted long time ago just need caring of you and then it will grow to a big worth of you. I also feel that there is such a possibility (even I can not be totally sure) that everytime when you feel fear in society, it is because of contraposition of your sensitivity and other people who might not understand your point of view and can say something what will hurt you. So, maybe what you feel deep in you and trying to hide it even from yourself, is the strongest side of you. You just need to find it, and give for yourself some trust, because no matter how strong any person can look with his believes, because of that he is social person and human, he is experiencing emotional growth always. And growth always starts in doubts, and because human have feelings he needs confirmation is he growing to the right direction. So, what i want to say with this looong text is that, you should find those words for yourself which confirm that you are making right decisions in your mind. What I mean, your point of view isn't worse than other people, maybe it is just different. You are able to choose. Also, science showed that your thoughts can actually change the chemical material in your brains, so what is a diagnosis from a doctor is nothing compared to the power for yourself. Cheer up buttercup

 

[shannishannon]

Yes, and it's horrible. I do understand how you feel. I'm genuinely afraid of social situations because for me, those are the times where people are just bound to be judging me, or sizing me up around their own opinions about me, maybe even without me knowing. I fear someone noticing me being the quiet, invisible person in the back or sitting alone at a table eating lunch.

Mine is like this. Very situational and specific to social interactions. I have no trouble with public places, restrooms, stores, or crowds. Even my job, that of a nurse requires me to be REAL close to people, or to phone doctors or other disciplines, is really no problem because I figured out a way to cope, and that was by playing a role, like an actress. But throw me into a social situation at work, the nerves start up. So I come off as extroverted when I am not. Yeah, confusing to me too.

I prefer to be the person eating lunch alone at the back of the room. Sure enough, some well meaning extrovert/SFJ/P spots me and tries to "bring me out of my shell." Or worse still, they have already judged me as reclusive and/or troubled and need to be fixed.

I think one reason why INF's of either flavour may avoid social interactions is because a lot of don't idly chitchat about inane topics-when I get even a little comfortable talking with someone out comes Ni/NE flavoured with Fi/Fe. The full brunt of THAT, from what I have seen, is overwhelming to certain types of people.

 

[James]

I still struggle with social anxiety, but it gets easier as you get older (or did for me). I think the first thing is to recognise it and then take small steps to try and overcome it gradually. I was ok at school, as at some point I just thought "I don't fit in here". Once I stopped trying to fit in, I felt it just became a lot easier and paradoxically people accepted me.

I think if you try to practise being a little more extrovert you can gradually improve that area. I'm far less introverted now than I was, but I still feel the same way. My wife is quite extroverted and I think that helped me a lot. Although I hope my 'think first, act second' introversion has helped her too !

 

[NeverAmI]

I prefer to be the person eating lunch alone at the back of the room. Sure enough, some well meaning extrovert/SFJ/P spots me and tries to "bring me out of my shell." Or worse still, they have already judged me as reclusive and/or troubled and need to be fixed.

.

Yea, I am the same. Everyone seems to think I need to be "fixed." I don't need to be fixed, I seem to attract all the women that want a project. Usually if I don't want to come out of my shell, there is a good reason.

I don't know, I don't hyperventilate or show really any other phsyical symptoms in social gatherings, but when I am sober it is just overwhelming. When I lived alone I would literally use up every last thing in the cupboards for food before I forced myself to go to the grocery store. And this is ON antidepressants.

People trying to take me out of my shell by taking me to a party is similar to taking an arachnophobe and throwing them in a room full of spiders and telling them to mingle. Yea I can face my fears, I face them every day, but nothing changes, so what gives?

Then again, I live in Fort Dodge, and all there is to do is go to bars and parties. I KNOW I don't like hanging out with the typical party crowd, I never have. Not to say I am on a high horse or anything, I just don't dig it. Maybe that is why the world seems so wrong with me right now. Maybe it would seem better if I lived somewhere else.

 

[testing]

What gives? I don't know... I've been at it for longer than you and not a whole lot has changed! Am just recovering the ability to breathe properly after all the stinking holiday parties. Really. I hate not being able to breathe, it is the worst feeling! So you may as well get used to it -- social anxiety, that is.

Side note: I have a friend who teaches at Iowa Central Community College... I bet you may know her. It's not, after all, a large place, is it? Do you know any of the faculty there? At ICCC? (I am not sure if my friend needs a "project" or not, but I can ask if you like! :becky: :becky: Ahem. Sorry. Go ahead, kick me, I hate matchmakers myself.)

 

[NeverAmI]

What gives? I don't know... I've been at it for longer than you and not a whole lot has changed! Am just recovering the ability to breathe properly after all the stinking holiday parties. Really. I hate not being able to breathe, it is the worst feeling! So you may as well get used to it -- social anxiety, that is.

Side note: I have a friend who teaches at Iowa Central Community College... I bet you may know her. It's not, after all, a large place, is it? Do you know any of the faculty there? At ICCC? (I am not sure if my friend needs a "project" or not, but I can ask if you like! :becky: :becky: Ahem. Sorry. Go ahead, kick me, I hate matchmakers myself.)

LOL, I only know the teachers from IT, so I probably don't know her. Do you live in IA?

 

[sassafras]

I'm just a bit insecure when it comes to my person, so I get a little nervous meeting people, but I wouldn't put that under the "social anxiety" heading. I'm capable of being outgoing and gregarious in certain situations and don't mind being around people at all. In fact, sometimes I'll walk away quite energized and happy about after a meeting.

 

[Wyst]

When I was young, my parents had me learn piano. Recitals were part of the curriculem. I never EVER liked them but one time towards the end of my 7 years playing, I actually made myself sick, puked in the bathroom, and made it back to my seat just before I had to play.

Misery.

 

[testing]

LOL, I only know the teachers from IT, so I probably don't know her. Do you live in IA?

Nope, GA. But two of my best friends from childhood live in IA and I have visited them and enjoy IA. One is ultra-conservative, and the other (the one at ICCC) is ultra-liberal, and they're both extremely brilliant (much more than me) and ironically enough, they're sisters. Go figure.

 

[James]

Yea, I am the same. Everyone seems to think I need to be "fixed." I don't need to be fixed, I seem to attract all the women that want a project. Usually if I don't want to come out of my shell, there is a good reason.

I don't know, I don't hyperventilate or show really any other phsyical symptoms in social gatherings, but when I am sober it is just overwhelming. When I lived alone I would literally use up every last thing in the cupboards for food before I forced myself to go to the grocery store. And this is ON antidepressants.

People trying to take me out of my shell by taking me to a party is similar to taking an arachnophobe and throwing them in a room full of spiders and telling them to mingle. Yea I can face my fears, I face them every day, but nothing changes, so what gives?

Then again, I live in Fort Dodge, and all there is to do is go to bars and parties. I KNOW I don't like hanging out with the typical party crowd, I never have. Not to say I am on a high horse or anything, I just don't dig it. Maybe that is why the world seems so wrong with me right now. Maybe it would seem better if I lived somewhere else.

I'm a quite introverted person myself and I was really really shy when I was younger. I think working with a lot of people in a big office helped me overcome it a bit, along with getting married (my wife is a fantastic sensitive extrovert). I really feel for you, having to go through that if it makes you uncomfortable. I hope I put that right, as it looks to me like you know yourself and you're ok with that.

I think you're right too, that it's not about anyone 'fixing' us. Who knows you better than you do? They need to accept you on your terms. Why does someone being quiet bother others so much? I think it's true what they say, that its just about where you get your energy from. Sometimes watching the attention seeking actions of some extraverts I'm very glad to be introverted !