Spiritual Bypassing

[Anomaly]

I don't want to limit responses in any way. I just want to acknowledge that type descriptions generally describe INFJs as drawn to and adept at both the psychological and the spiritual, and I'm curious about the balance people strike between the two. How would you describe the psychological usefulness of spiritual beliefs and practices? To what extent do they blend well and compliment each other? When do they conflict? Have you been a witness to spiritual bypassing either in yourself or others? If so, and if you feel comfortable sharing, how was that resolved?

I think the biggest issue is that despite all of the examples we are given of 'good' and what it looks like, ultimately we are left disappointed. So, I can understand some spiritual bypassing because people are grappling with these existentialist questions. Unfortunately, they are given little help by well-meaning hypocrites in the "self-help" money grab industry or from the pulpits of toxic positivity.

The crux of spiritual development or psychological development is to embody 'good' or to work on those things which would prompt ourselves and others toward growth. Of course, you cannot define good without defining purpose. You cannot define purpose without defining cause. Once you understand that, there's an ultimate paradigm shift. However, so few actually know what that entails that they look to governing authority, their parents or mentors, or leaders in society. Yet, when confronted with the inevitability of the errancy of human nature (indeed each of those prior examples of 'good' will choose something contrary eventually), the observant inquisitor ends up surrendering their definition of 'good' and their telos with a contempt for humanity and a pledge to live out a bitter existence. Or worse, they succumb to nihilism or mistake evil for good, wherein they negate all personal responsibility because in the end it doesn't matter what we do, nor does evil matter in that mindset. Hence, Hitler. He was heavily influenced by Nietzsche, despite Nietzsche himself warning about the potentiality for evil in ascribing to his ideologies in ways which he did not intend.
(note: I am not speaking about those simply grappling with these notions, or dealing with very real negative life situations. I'm more so addressing those who are seeking how and why and what.)

I'm reminded of something Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote while in prison after trying to fight against the atrocities of the Holocaust. He was disquieted by the cruelty, and began seeking for good, wondering what the standard is, how he could possibly define it given human nature, what he could possibly anchor 'good' on in a world so bereft of 'good'? What sort of good leads one not only in a sense of 'knowing', but in doing and acting? Is this not the ultimate purpose of spirituality or of psychological growth? Self-actualization isn't the end, it is the fulfillment of purpose, and further 'good'.

From his prison cell, Bonhoeffer wrote the following on how to seek 'good' (I won't paste it all here as it is a bit long, but it is absolutely worth the read):
https://stromata.co/after-ten-years/

As for spiritual bypassing, I think it is a problem if it is in fact 'bypassing'. We often mistake our perceptions on the outside for what others are going through internally, or presume we have all of the details when we don't. Just because someone is spiritual, doesn't mean they are a proponent of inaction. I think it is integral to own your mistakes regardless of 'grace' or 'forgiveness' or whatever beliefs you adhere to. Once you've done that; however, then it is up to the offended to do something further or not. You can only control your actions/words, or own your mistakes if made. Though, I'm a bit cautious when others take on the helm of judgment in how humans should or shouldn't behave or be, lest they fall under the same judgment. To be clear, I'm aware of my own fallibility, and I work hard to own it despite being incredibly uncomfortable in doing so. Even stoicism seeks to negate one's personal responsibility to an extent, as it often leads one to throw up their hands. Striking the balance there, is difficult when you can do nothing more than leave your hands exposed.

I'll quote something from Bonhoeffer here:
"There is a very real danger of our drifting into an attitude of contempt for humanity. We know full well that it would be very wrong, and that it would lead to a sterile relationship with our fellow men. Perhaps the following considerations will save us from this temptation. The trouble about it is that it lands us into the worst mistake of our enemies. The man who despises others can never hope to do anything with them. The faults we despise in others are always, to some extent at least, our own too. How often have we expected from others more than we are prepared to do ourselves! Why have we until now held such lofty views about human nature? Why have we not recognized its frailty and liability to temptation? We must form our estimate of men less from their achievements and failures, and more from their sufferings. The only profitable relationship to others — and especially to our weaker brethren — is one of love, that is the will to hold fellowship with them. Even God did not despise humanity, but became Man for man’s sake."

Now, in addressing when spiritual bypassing has actually occurred, I can speak on that a bit. A friend lost her baby, and our mutual well-meaning friend, told her that she'd move past it and quoted her a Bible verse. For me, it was incredibly callous given the moment, but I understood that our mutual friend didn't have ill-intentions by it. However, for my friend who had just lost her baby, it was like being kicked in the gut. She became irate, and it took quite a long time for me to help them come to an understanding. Still, to this day, when that friend hears that Bible verse, she weeps.

We can do great harm when we don't take the time to listen, to empathize, to understand. Unfortunately, many of us must learn that lesson the hard way, as it doesn't come natural for us.

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

I think the biggest issue is that despite all of the examples we are given of 'good' and what it looks like, ultimately we are left disappointed. So, I can understand some spiritual bypassing because people are grappling with these existentialist questions. Unfortunately, they are given little help by well-meaning hypocrites in the "self-help" money grab industry or from the pulpits of toxic positivity.

The crux of spiritual development or psychological development is to embody 'good' or to work on those things which would prompt ourselves and others toward growth. Of course, you cannot define good without defining purpose. You cannot define purpose without defining cause. Once you understand that, there's an ultimate paradigm shift. However, so few actually know what that entails that they look to governing authority, their parents or mentors, or leaders in society. Yet, when confronted with the inevitability of the errancy of human nature (indeed each of those prior examples of 'good' will choose something contrary eventually), the observant inquisitor ends up surrendering their definition of 'good' and their telos with a contempt for humanity and a pledge to live out a bitter existence. Or worse, they succumb to nihilism or mistake evil for good, wherein they negate all personal responsibility because in the end it doesn't matter what we do, nor does evil matter in that mindset. Hence, Hitler. He was heavily influenced by Nietzsche, despite Nietzsche himself warning about the potentiality for evil in ascribing to his ideologies in ways which he did not intend.
(note: I am not speaking about those simply grappling with these notions, or dealing with very real negative life situations. I'm more so addressing those who are seeking how and why and what.)

I'm reminded of something Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote while in prison after trying to fight against the atrocities of the Holocaust. He was disquieted by the cruelty, and began seeking for good, wondering what the standard is, how he could possibly define it given human nature, what he could possibly anchor 'good' on in a world so bereft of 'good'? What sort of good leads one not only in a sense of 'knowing', but in doing and acting? Is this not the ultimate purpose of spirituality or of psychological growth? Self-actualization isn't the end, it is the fulfillment of purpose, and further 'good'.

From his prison cell, Bonhoeffer wrote the following on how to seek 'good' (I won't paste it all here as it is a bit long, but it is absolutely worth the read):
https://stromata.co/after-ten-years/

As for spiritual bypassing, I think it is a problem if it is in fact 'bypassing'. We often mistake our perceptions on the outside for what others are going through internally, or presume we have all of the details when we don't. Just because someone is spiritual, doesn't mean they are a proponent of inaction. I think it is integral to own your mistakes regardless of 'grace' or 'forgiveness' or whatever beliefs you adhere to. Once you've done that; however, then it is up to the offended to do something further or not. You can only control your actions/words, or own your mistakes if made. Though, I'm a bit cautious when others take on the helm of judgment in how humans should or shouldn't behave or be, lest they fall under the same judgment. To be clear, I'm aware of my own fallibility, and I work hard to own it despite being incredibly uncomfortable in doing so. Even stoicism seeks to negate one's personal responsibility to an extent, as it often leads one to throw up their hands. Striking the balance there, is difficult when you can do nothing more than leave your hands exposed.

I'll quote something from Bonhoeffer here:
"There is a very real danger of our drifting into an attitude of contempt for humanity. We know full well that it would be very wrong, and that it would lead to a sterile relationship with our fellow men. Perhaps the following considerations will save us from this temptation. The trouble about it is that it lands us into the worst mistake of our enemies. The man who despises others can never hope to do anything with them. The faults we despise in others are always, to some extent at least, our own too. How often have we expected from others more than we are prepared to do ourselves! Why have we until now held such lofty views about human nature? Why have we not recognized its frailty and liability to temptation? We must form our estimate of men less from their achievements and failures, and more from their sufferings. The only profitable relationship to others — and especially to our weaker brethren — is one of love, that is the will to hold fellowship with them. Even God did not despise humanity, but became Man for man’s sake."

Now, in addressing when spiritual bypassing has actually occurred, I can speak on that a bit. A friend lost her baby, and our mutual well-meaning friend, told her that she'd move past it and quoted her a Bible verse. For me, it was incredibly callous given the moment, but I understood that our mutual friend didn't have ill-intentions by it. However, for my friend who had just lost her baby, it was like being kicked in the gut. She became irate, and it took quite a long time for me to help them come to an understanding. Still, to this day, when that friend hears that Bible verse, she weeps.

We can do great harm when we don't take the time to listen, to empathize, to understand. Unfortunately, many of us must learn that lesson the hard way, as it doesn't come natural for us.

Over the past year or so I've come to see toxic positivity as a dark personality trait given the harm to others it causes.

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

 

[John K]

Something that's bothering me - let me see where it goes ....

There can be a temptation to oversimplify this sort of issue by polarising it into black and white, at least in discussion. The trouble is that most of us can experience a measure of distress at second hand, for example by contact with anyone who is suffering. At a different level, every day the media bombard us with problems that cause anxiety and give a constant negative background that tells us the world can be a terrible place filled with the threat of pain and loss - like global warming issues and COVID. Is it any wonder that many folks grab at the lifebelt of some kind of bypassing, spiritual or otherwise, because even if they aren't suffering directly, they are living with a constant background of indirect emotional noise and its energy drain. Bypassing can be itself a response to stress and low level but constant trauma.

When in the past, through being primary carer for people close to me, I have suddenly used up all my emotional energy and gone into deep compassion fatigue, then bypassing is just a natural behaviour because I have no resource left for any other sort of response. Less dramatic than this is when we are confronted with more diffuse but awful situations that we cannot do anything very much about. It's just human to seek a rationalisation that has the semblance of a response - my folks suggesting years ago that my wife's psychological problems were caused by the menopause for example. Or - when my mum was in decline with dementia, my dad would continually grab at her days of remission and seemed to believe over and again that she was getting better. These were coping mechanisms.

I think that compassion in its greatest form recognises that bypassing is in many situations a response to anxiety in ordinary folks who are bombarded daily with threats and fear for the future - people who may be dealing with problems in their lives and among their friends and families and are fearful for where the world is headed, but just don't know what to do about it, or have no emotional energy left.

 

[Kgal]

When in the past, through being primary carer for people close to me, I have suddenly used up all my emotional energy and gone into deep compassion fatigue, then bypassing is just a natural behaviour because I have no resource left for any other sort of response. Less dramatic than this is when we are confronted with more diffuse but awful situations that we cannot do anything very much about. It's just human to seek a rationalisation that has the semblance of a response - my folks suggesting years ago that my wife's psychological problems were caused by the menopause for example. Or - when my mum was in decline with dementia, my dad would continually grab at her days of remission and seemed to believe over and again that she was getting better. These were coping mechanisms.

I think that compassion in its greatest form recognises that bypassing is in many situations a response to anxiety in ordinary folks who are bombarded daily with threats and fear for the future - people who may be dealing with problems in their lives and among their friends and families and are fearful for where the world is headed, but just don't know what to do about it, or have no emotional energy left.

Yes John. Big yes to all of this. I wouldn't call any of that kind of response as bypassing. Just mere survival these days for all of us is accomplishing something. Yes? Bypassing is just the wrong word because in essence you were giving your self radical Self Care.
Another key thing to keep in mind is we are all at different levels of ability to handle fear in any given moment.
I see all of us as riding intensely choppy waves out in the North Sea where they get huge and fierce. Some of us are on the swell up....and some of us are on the swell down....down in to the depths of our shadows....collective or otherwise. So I try not to dwell too much on the terms used out there to describe avoidance by others.
I only listen to me and share my methods for helping me love my way to my own center of Being. Which is equivalent to Self Care.

I wish you great love, strength, and clarity from the universe for you.
We are lucky you are here on the planet. <3

 

[Anomaly]

Something that's bothering me - let me see where it goes ....

There can be a temptation to oversimplify this sort of issue by polarising it into black and white, at least in discussion. The trouble is that most of us can experience a measure of distress at second hand, for example by contact with anyone who is suffering. At a different level, every day the media bombard us with problems that cause anxiety and give a constant negative background that tells us the world can be a terrible place filled with the threat of pain and loss - like global warming issues and COVID. Is it any wonder that many folks grab at the lifebelt of some kind of bypassing, spiritual or otherwise, because even if they aren't suffering directly, they are living with a constant background of indirect emotional noise and its energy drain. Bypassing can be itself a response to stress and low level but constant trauma.

When in the past, through being primary carer for people close to me, I have suddenly used up all my emotional energy and gone into deep compassion fatigue, then bypassing is just a natural behaviour because I have no resource left for any other sort of response. Less dramatic than this is when we are confronted with more diffuse but awful situations that we cannot do anything very much about. It's just human to seek a rationalisation that has the semblance of a response - my folks suggesting years ago that my wife's psychological problems were caused by the menopause for example. Or - when my mum was in decline with dementia, my dad would continually grab at her days of remission and seemed to believe over and again that she was getting better. These were coping mechanisms.

I think that compassion in its greatest form recognises that bypassing is in many situations a response to anxiety in ordinary folks who are bombarded daily with threats and fear for the future - people who may be dealing with problems in their lives and among their friends and families and are fearful for where the world is headed, but just don't know what to do about it, or have no emotional energy left.

As usual, you sum up perfectly what I was hoping to convey (at least partly in my above post). Often, we do not know where someone has been. It's also why Bonhoeffer spoke on approaching others with an understanding for their suffering, rather than solely their shortcomings or successes. In the excerpt that I linked he speaks on this further.

I think you're right that we oversimplify that which is not so easily explainable based on our perceptions. Ultimately, a modicum of humility goes a long way when interacting with anyone, but sadly not common; especially when confronted with something or someone that stirs up our defenses.

Thank you, John.

 

[Wildfire]

Something that's bothering me - let me see where it goes ....

There can be a temptation to oversimplify this sort of issue by polarising it into black and white, at least in discussion. The trouble is that most of us can experience a measure of distress at second hand, for example by contact with anyone who is suffering. At a different level, every day the media bombard us with problems that cause anxiety and give a constant negative background that tells us the world can be a terrible place filled with the threat of pain and loss - like global warming issues and COVID. Is it any wonder that many folks grab at the lifebelt of some kind of bypassing, spiritual or otherwise, because even if they aren't suffering directly, they are living with a constant background of indirect emotional noise and its energy drain. Bypassing can be itself a response to stress and low level but constant trauma.

When in the past, through being primary carer for people close to me, I have suddenly used up all my emotional energy and gone into deep compassion fatigue, then bypassing is just a natural behaviour because I have no resource left for any other sort of response. Less dramatic than this is when we are confronted with more diffuse but awful situations that we cannot do anything very much about. It's just human to seek a rationalisation that has the semblance of a response - my folks suggesting years ago that my wife's psychological problems were caused by the menopause for example. Or - when my mum was in decline with dementia, my dad would continually grab at her days of remission and seemed to believe over and again that she was getting better. These were coping mechanisms.

I think that compassion in its greatest form recognises that bypassing is in many situations a response to anxiety in ordinary folks who are bombarded daily with threats and fear for the future - people who may be dealing with problems in their lives and among their friends and families and are fearful for where the world is headed, but just don't know what to do about it, or have no emotional energy left.

I’m with you. And I think there needs to be room for a lot of nuance here.

I agree with so much of what you’ve said in this post, especially compassion’s roll in accommodating the individuals search for what they need in the moment. I think the only places my thoughts would differ slightly fall along the same lines @Kgal mentioned. They would be about conscious self care and similar concepts. But that self care could easily include immersion in the spiritual.

I know there are places in this thread where bypassing in one form or another is openly being discussed and/or labeled as harmful. And I think that it’s important that we’re able to do that. We really do need to be able to recognize when bypassing or avoidance is harmful to ourselves and others, in addition to understanding why and showing compassion for how we end up there in the first place.

 

[John K]

I’m with you. And I think there needs to be room for a lot of nuance here.

I agree with so much of what you’ve said in this post, especially compassion’s roll in accommodating the individuals search for what they need in the moment. I think the only places my thoughts would differ slightly fall along the same lines @Kgal mentioned. They would be about conscious self care and similar concepts. But that self care could easily include immersion in the spiritual.

I know there are places in this thread where bypassing in one form or another is openly being discussed and/or labeled as harmful. And I think that it’s important that we’re able to do that. We really do need to be able to recognize when bypassing or avoidance is harmful to ourselves and others, in addition to understanding why and showing compassion for how we end up there in the first place.

I agree Wildfire. My thoughts were triggered by the last few posts and crystalised out from some parts of @Anomaly's very powerful post. I didn't want to over-complicate what I was emphasising in my comment, but avoidance is a response to distress of some sort in many cases, or it might be a symptom of ignorance or perhaps even laziness. It's a bit like a crutch which is helpful, but used the wrong way becomes part of the problem.

Another thing that strikes me about possible spiritual bypassing in particular is that it's relative not an absolute. If someone is in distress and I suggest faith, prayer and trust in the Lord could help them, this might seem like a bypassing and a hurtful, inappropriate discount to one person, but to another person the support of a faith community and the love of God could be a life saver that becomes core to them. It's usually obvious which way this would go, but not always, and not everyone has the insight to judge it well - particularly as things aren't usually as black and white as that.

The relationships between people can be very messy and we can respond to each other in harmful ways as we trigger each others' shadows, or we can be of great comfort to each other through the empathy of a shared experience. I feel that understanding and compassion in the midst of all this are not to be confused with tolerating something harmful. It's much easier to see it with a physical problem - if I had COVID you might feel sympathy for me and even do something to help me out, but you still need to protect yourself from the harm I might do to you if you aren't careful of yourself around me. I think the same is true when responsing to people with psychological and spiritual problems - particularly for INFJs who tend to internalise other folks' emotions and get drowned in the emotional noise of those who are emotionally ill or blind in some way.

 

[slant]

My stance on it is that I just don't worry about it. I can only really control myself, and I do my best to validate my own negative feelings while not letting them control me and to keep my perspective as looking towards the future instead of getting stuck in the past. I know people who behave in the ways spiritual bypassing describes, but I realized that there's nothing you can do to change other people. I live by example and hope I influence people in positive ways. It's really easy to see what other people struggle with as wrong or flaws but we all have our own measuring stick and if you feel somebody is causing issues in your life because of their beliefs and ways of responding to things, you can discuss it with them, but ultimately that's up to you to solve. I get confused by threads like these sometimes because I'm not sure what the goal is. I think how you interpret other people's lives may be a thin line. It is really up to others to decide what they want to think, and for you to set boundaries when those behaviors impact you.

 

[o2b]

Philippians 4:6-8
6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And thepeace of God, which surpasses allunderstanding, will guard your hearts andyour minds in Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things.…

Using chemistry terminology, I refer to this passage as the ph test.

 

[o2b]

Hi @Wildfire -

I am a Christian with a passion for Christian gospel theory.

I firmly believe that a loving character is psychologically inherently well and any departure from that in our psychology is inherently unwell. My sense of the gospel is that it is all about folks being made well and anything other than that (in my sense of spirituality) is simply untrue.

So, for me, rightly understood, psychology and spirituality are one. And the only bypassing for me would be to shed those things I find to be mistaken.

 

[o2b]

Hi @Wildfire -

Spiritual bypassing – in the larger social context – means avoiding, denying, or otherwise minimizing the real lived experience of other humans, by applying spiritual concepts that keep us from really having to sit with it.

Just want to say that my prior post was written before I read this. I'll keep it as it is, but I now recognize I was understanding spiritual bypassing in a way entirely different from what you intended.

I think this text you quoted is huge.

 

[Wildfire]

Hi @Wildfire -

Spiritual bypassing – in the larger social context – means avoiding, denying, or otherwise minimizing the real lived experience of other humans, by applying spiritual concepts that keep us from really having to sit with it.

Just want to say that my prior post was written before I read this. I'll keep it as it is, but I now recognize I was understanding spiritual bypassing in a way entirely different from what you intended.

I think this text you quoted is huge.

Thank you for your reply. It is huge.

 

[Wildfire]

I think this is an equally important angle...

In Welwood's own words, the term means: a widespread tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.

 

[Wildfire]

I agree Wildfire. My thoughts were triggered by the last few posts and crystalised out from some parts of @Anomaly's very powerful post. I didn't want to over-complicate what I was emphasising in my comment, but avoidance is a response to distress of some sort in many cases, or it might be a symptom of ignorance or perhaps even laziness. It's a bit like a crutch which is helpful, but used the wrong way becomes part of the problem.

Another thing that strikes me about possible spiritual bypassing in particular is that it's relative not an absolute. If someone is in distress and I suggest faith, prayer and trust in the Lord could help them, this might seem like a bypassing and a hurtful, inappropriate discount to one person, but to another person the support of a faith community and the love of God could be a life saver that becomes core to them. It's usually obvious which way this would go, but not always, and not everyone has the insight to judge it well - particularly as things aren't usually as black and white as that.

The relationships between people can be very messy and we can respond to each other in harmful ways as we trigger each others' shadows, or we can be of great comfort to each other through the empathy of a shared experience. I feel that understanding and compassion in the midst of all this are not to be confused with tolerating something harmful. It's much easier to see it with a physical problem - if I had COVID you might feel sympathy for me and even do something to help me out, but you still need to protect yourself from the harm I might do to you if you aren't careful of yourself around me. I think the same is true when responsing to people with psychological and spiritual problems - particularly for INFJs who tend to internalise other folks' emotions and get drowned in the emotional noise of those who are emotionally ill or blind in some way.

Here I am again wishing I could like a post more than once. Thank you John.

 

[John K]

Here I am again wishing I could like a post more than once. Thank you John.

 

[Wildfire]

My stance on it is that I just don't worry about it. I can only really control myself, and I do my best to validate my own negative feelings while not letting them control me and to keep my perspective as looking towards the future instead of getting stuck in the past. I know people who behave in the ways spiritual bypassing describes, but I realized that there's nothing you can do to change other people. I live by example and hope I influence people in positive ways. It's really easy to see what other people struggle with as wrong or flaws but we all have our own measuring stick and if you feel somebody is causing issues in your life because of their beliefs and ways of responding to things, you can discuss it with them, but ultimately that's up to you to solve. I get confused by threads like these sometimes because I'm not sure what the goal is. I think how you interpret other people's lives may be a thin line. It is really up to others to decide what they want to think, and for you to set boundaries when those behaviors impact you.

Hi Slant. I get the confusion. The friend I mentioned in Post #8 has something going on that brought the concept up and when she asked me questions about my approach to engaging the spiritual while caring for the psychological I was at a loss. There is a lot that is intuitive and instinctual in my own approach and I was looking for a framework with some tangibles that would make sense to her. In Post #39 I mention finding a framework that is helpful. I read some of John Welwood’s stuff a long time ago and all this has brought me back to his work as well as the evolution of his ideas

Anyway, for what it’s worth, I’m right there with you when it comes to honoring our emotional intelligence and setting healthy boundaries.

 

[NightRaven]

Hello to all - I am a newbie when it comes to posting, so please forgive me if I make a mistake. I'm still learning how to quote others but I have enjoyed each and every post on this thread.

I was out today in a group of people that I like and that I think are truly good people. Lately I have come away from the group meetings feeling as though there is great burden there that is not being dealt with. What I mean is that yes, we are all suffering in this world at this time, many of us are on over load and burned out and so the move in the group has been to avoid any talk at all about difficult things, both on a community and individual basis. And, I have been hearing a good bit of "I have to focus on the positive" and "things will get better," comments, especially when I or anyone brings up a topic of current events. I tend to call this living in a make believe world of "unicorns and butterflies" - it drives me insane. I am not sure if this is spiritual bypassing or not, but it is I believe relying on spiritual cliches to avoid facing unpleasant realities. And, yes, perhaps we all need to do this sometimes in order to just escape. On the other hand, I think many of us just need in the world right now is to be heard and acknowledged when we attempt to talk about our difficulties and fears. I don't expect someone to solve my problems or the world's problems, but some compassion on a personal level would go a long way. I think we are all so consumed with fear right now (for the future, for how we will pay the rent, for our health, etc) that any compassion seems like too much. Hence, spiritual bypassing becomes an easy way to avoid that "one more thing" that we just can't hear.

And, as far a spiritual bypassing in myself, I guess my method is to intellectualize (use psychology) everything until it drives me crazy and has to drive others crazy too. I want to understand what I fear but I know it just gets to the point where it is mental masturbation. I absolutely believe that we can do others a lot of harm by either minimizing what they say with spiritual platitudes or with attempting to analyze them.

So, I thank you for this thread - it has made me think about my situation with the group in a different way.

 

[Roses In The Vineyard]

@NightRaven

That kind of spiritual bypassing is dangerous that it does set people up to fall on down the road as they don't face the smaller things so when something big eventually does happen the endurance isn't there never mind having healthy coping mechanisms so the results end up being pretty horrific. The safer way is to manage such as it comes even if there be a delay at least it was dealt with rather than just pretending everything is ok or worse. Life in this world has its way of forcing people to come to terms with darker realities be it personal or something else ect.

 

[zxgjhnmfm659]

Found Shinto through a deep introspection of coincidences, wanderlust and external and internal confirmation.

Each of those amounted to everything I've ever wanted and started with the fact that no one outside of me, could tell me otherwise.

It strung from Nichiren Buddhism and made it's way into Shinto the same way.

Like a monkey swinging from a tree from one religion to another, I landed on the roots of the Kojiki (Nihon shiki) and have been planted since.

Especially being in America where, no one really understands Shinto, neither do they rarely understand INFJ.

It magnifies my ability to be myself only further with it's simplicity. This is enough for me

---

If I may offer a word of wisdom, don't try to look for religion, let religion try to look for you.

I mean this quite literally, figurately, metaphorically and spiritually.

One could say religion is a spirit too, looking for a home, so be nice.