Teenage Dating and the influence of Gender

[acd]

The solution is simple. Give girls play options all their life as well as boys, and then teach them both to use condoms.

I absolutely agree with you!
My future children will not play with dolls or easy bake ovens. I'll talk with my sons about their emotions as much as I will my daughters. I'd rather focus on teaching them about the environment than any gender roles.
And preaching abstinence is absolutely counterproductive.
Hell, at 13 I was asking my mother what an orgasm felt like and how a condom worked, and she was telling me.. and I wasn't having sex as a result.

 

[Shai Gar]

Well, at least you said you realized you were speaking in stereotypes. But I dislike stereotypes so much... You've probably been around this board enough to realize INFJ males don't really fit into the male stereotype very well. Unless that's just me.

I'll be honest and say I really don't "act like a boy" as society requests. But really, what does that mean? Why do we have these stereotypes to begin with? How do we know that people do not act just to fit these stereotypes so they are not alienated from society? It could just be a neverending cycle driven by people's desire to conform and feel accepted. Or perhaps it is just hormones as you may argue. But as an emotional person, I've always believed people control their bodies with their minds (to a certain extent, of course) and not vice versa. Sure, you might feel irritable if your body is feeling sick, but I do not understand how some people can have their entire mindset changed based on something physical like hormones. I believe feelings are something more than proteins floating around in your blood.

Although I'm just a crazy abstract INFJ. I'm heterosexual and not a late bloomer or anything, but I'll definately "wait until marriage." I'd rather make sure I'm in love with the person first...

You're a 1% Deviant from the social norm. You can be ignored safely within a social discussion as long as we acknowledge that we're speaking in generalities.

 

[Solstice]

You're a 1% Deviant from the social norm. You can be ignored safely within a social discussion as long as we acknowledge that we're speaking in generalities.

But another point I was trying to make still stands. What if there are more "deviants" that have conformed because they didn't want to feel alienated? What if there are more boys who would prefer an emotional relationship but deny it because they fear being different?

 

[Shai Gar]

I absolutely agree with you!
My future children will not play with dolls or easy bake ovens. I'll talk with my sons about their emotions as much as I will my daughters. I'd rather focus on teaching them about the environment than any gender roles.
And preaching abstinence is absolutely counterproductive.
Hell, at 13 I was asking my mother what an orgasm felt like and how a condom worked, and she was telling me.. and I wasn't having sex as a result.

But... But.. Abstinence Only worked for Bristol Palin. And it's 99.9999999999999999999999999999999% effective in ensuring no children are born.

I'm going to be withholding television from my children, I'll let them make their own decisions as to what they want. I'll probably be raising them to use their minds and make their own damn fun like I did. I had plenty of toys growing up, but the times I had the most fun were when I was kayaking, or was using the toys or weapons I made myself.

 

[acd]

It's frightening how much I agree with you right now, Shai Gar.
Ah well.
If only more people thought the same way.
(This is probably the only time I will ever say this to you.)
LOL

 

[Shai Gar]

People always agree with me when I'm serious. It's because when I'm serious I talk sense.

 

[slant]

I always see families on trading spouses that are either rich and have every gadget or purposely live poor and deprieve their children from society for 'the good' of them.

As long as there isn't an extremity than I suppose baring children that way is fine. But since our future is going to end soon I don't see the point of continuing the human race by means of reproduction. Hopefully the species will die out soon.

 

[Shai Gar]

I always see families on trading spouses that are either rich and have every gadget or purposely live poor and deprieve their children from society for 'the good' of them.

As long as there isn't an extremity than I suppose baring children that way is fine. But since our future is going to end soon I don't see the point of continuing the human race by means of reproduction. Hopefully the species will die out soon.

*moar snuggles*

 

[slant]

Moar isn't a word, Shai. And even if it was, it still wouldn't make sense in the context of that sentence.

 

[Shai Gar]

it's a /b/ism.

 

[slant]

Ah, I see. Regardless, I enjoy pointing out inconsistencies.

 

[Julia]

I'm not able to prove this, but i tend to think that the stereotype exaggerate the behaviors and become self-fulfilling prophecies. The stereotypes presented in the OP might have a sound biological basis, but they might also be influenced by cultural expectations (as has also been discussed)

There are a thousand different ways I could frame my sexuality and talk about it. Just knowing how i externally fit stereotypes but internally always felt quite a conflict, it just make me wonder how much is externally imposed. Of course we are talking about a specific age range, but I personally don't believe that the male gender has a stronger sex drive. Maybe they do, but they are culturally conditioned to behave and talk as though they do. Women are conditioned to be quiet about it if they do. Some push back on those expectations, but those same women often pay a price for doing that. Maybe during this age range the differences are more prevalent.

Edit: I realize experience isn't that useful statistically, but there have certainly been a number of guys I've known that are quite uncomfortable with those male stereotypes. Some get fed up and consider themselves asexual. I think in some cases internalizing the stereotype makes them reject their sexuality. I've known at least half a dozen guys like that and never have known a woman like that to my knowledge. It's possible my experience is not representative for some reason, but it isn't like it happened once as a freak occurrence. It is a repeat pattern, albeit relatively small compared to the whole.

 

[Tamagochi]

Romance is sexual. That's the point.

Girls don't seem to understand it during said age range.
Boys do.

The solution is simple. Give girls play options all their life as well as boys, and then teach them both to use condoms.

I disagree that girls simply "do not understand" any of this. The true reasons of such behaviour must be deeper. To illustrate, answer this question: if an attractive stranger of the opposite sex walks up to you and offers to have free sex right away with no emotional strings attached - would you accept the offer?

I believe that 9 out of 10 women would refuse, while 9 out of 10 men would accept (I remember seeing somewhere an actual statistical survey carried on that and the results were similar). Even Solstice would probably accept. And it's very hard to even imagine an attractive girl walking up to the guy and offering free sex, then afterwards just leaving. Why do you think there is such a difference in attitude? Is it because men are hornier or smarter?

 

[Shai Gar]

Smarter definitely.

What kind of retard knocks back sex?

 

[youngster]

sorry but i disagree with how you have genralised all girls and all boy to be this way
lets take my high school for example
sure there are people who i can't stand who do really do only care about getting their kicks, and sometimes their partners are silly enough to belive they 'love' them
but there are also some beautiful relationships within the group which have lasted many years, and you can see they trully love eachother
im sorry you cant realate to love but these people genuinly care for eachother.
but i suppose what you don't know can't hurt ya-or can it?

 

[Shai Gar]

It's not a generalisation of all people. It's a generalisation of people. We recognise that there are outliers and other inconsistencies.

 

[Tamagochi]

Smarter definitely.

What kind of retard knocks back sex?

exactly - for men it's like a dream come through. The refusal would come only if the man is not feeling well, is in a very satisfying relationship, practices celibate or is gay. So accepting is considered a smart choice.

Women's definition of "smart" is quite different however. Sex with strangers can lead to unplanned pregnancy and a depreciation of social status (being called a whore). So common sense tells them to reject the offer. And that is despite that we have contraceptics nowadays.

So that is why I disagre that women make "dumber" choices - they simply have different motivation in general.

sorry but i disagree with how you have genralised all girls and all boy to be this way

All healthy people have both sexual and social needs. The intensity of them varies depending on age, gender and other individual characteristics. It's in the genes. So of course it is not fair to generalize, that boys do not have any emotions at all and girls do not ever think of sex.

 

[Eniko]

It's not a generalisation of all people. It's a generalisation of people. We recognise that there are outliers and other inconsistencies.

[devilsadvocate] It's mighty convenient to say you're talking in generalities and writing off any opposition to your viewpoints as statistically insignificant outliers. [/devilsadvocate]

 

[slant]

[devilsadvocate] It's mighty convenient to say you're talking in generalities and writing off any opposition to your viewpoints as statistically insignificant outliers. [/devilsadvocate]

I mentioned this in the first post.

I also mentioned that the models for 'male' and 'female' are stereotypical and generalized because some females act in the way of a male and some males act in the way of a female.

 

[Lucifer]

Meh I get angry every time I here that because I have a hard time relating to the female stereotype.

When I was a teenager I didn't really know anyone who acted like that either.

I mean everyone just wanted to do it.

Then again I went to a highschool that was 95% male. LOL