Tell me about INTJ...

[grt$5vb]

I don't know about any other intjs but I have a very big need to feel safe. Practically, everything I learn or do is used to map out an understanding of this world with the idea that if I know it then I can conquer it. (Of course, a major element is also enjoying knowledge for its own sake.) It's difficult to let anyone close to me and maintain it because I'm always watching for inconsistency. The important thing is if you wish to get close be honest, consistent and considerate of my feelings. Though it may not seem like I'm very sensitive, I can assure you that I am easily hurt but I swallow it. I will be patient. However, there comes a point when I can't take anymore and quite suddenly (and probably without warning from the other person's perspective) I become indifferent. There is no coming back from indifference.

I wonder if I'm the only one with this view.

[MENTION=3174]Stella[/MENTION], I speak in the same manner that I write. Sometimes, I'll speak in staccato phrases and I am tempted to write like that but I strongly dislike ambiguity therefore, I avoid it.

This for me, exactly. I need people to make sense. I need consistency to feel safe. NO ONE will give that to me.

 

[not sure]

[MENTION=3174]Stella[/MENTION] They can be animated irl,

This is true. It happens when I'm very happy and in comfortable company, a social butterfly emerges. It shocks people a bit. It's not an act but it is not a natural mode for me. Eventually, I grow tired and need to retreat. I've been retreating for twelve years now. LOL

Here is an interesting bit of personal trivia. I can't wiggle or raise my eyebrows like other people. I can knit them together but my forehead feels frozen, naturally "botoxed". The good news is I won't have any wrinkles on my forehead. The bad news is that I look annoyed or bored all the time unless I smile.

 

[splott]

I think it's fair to say most people need to feel safe...but it comes more easily to some.
Boyfriend is very tall, strong, former Marine with a hobby of Jiu Jutsu, so there's physically safe, and he knows I adore him and he can tell me anything (and has), so there's emotionally safe.

I had to think a bit on the whole "what exactly are you looking for here?" from [MENTION=3710]kiu[/MENTION].
I guess what I want is how to describe his intj traits specifically to him in a way that he'll understand? My ways of describing things tends to a ton of imagery and analogies, doesn't work so well for him.

Also, glad to see someone obviously has good relationships with the intj's in their world, [MENTION=4015]purplecrayons[/MENTION].

 

[not sure]

I had to think a bit on the whole "what exactly are you looking for here?" from [MENTION=3710]kiu[/MENTION].
I guess what I want is how to describe his intj traits specifically to him in a way that he'll understand? My ways of describing things tends to a ton of imagery and analogies, doesn't work so well for him.

What traits in particular do you think he's having difficulty understanding? Also, is the difficulty in understanding the traits or in understanding how they affect you?

 

[Feelings]

lol
it depends on
what kind of mood
or state of mind
i am trying to communicate!
i can and do type like this!
but it's deliberate!
to communicate!!
how i feel!!

 

[Macka]

We INFJs are moody assholes, our damn selves.

Things I have learned about relating to the male INTJs in my life:

-They value independence in others, as they are very independent themselves.
-They are non-judgemental & objective. You can feel safe telling them ANYTHING
-someone could pull their toenails off, and they STILL wouldn't tell your secrets. (SO awesome)
-They really do know best... they have thought it all the way through... just go with it. Seriously.
-They will never try to control you. DO NOT try to control them. Let them be. They are trustworthy.
-They don't remember details, or birthdays. Get over it. They do love you.
-They can't read your mind, and they don't get hints. They will LOVE it if you will just tell them you are upset, so they can clear up miscommunication & apologize.
-They love sex. Do not withhold.
-They appreciate affirmations, interest, and affection.
-You will get what you put into the relationship, especially if you respect their need for space.
-DO NOT ask them any question to which an honest answer will crush your tender little INFJ heart! If you do, please know that they did not intend to hurt you.
-Tell them when you need time to lick your wounds. They will give it to you.
-They like acts of service, and will appreciate them very much.
-If they tell you to call or ask when you need anything they deeply care about you. They want you to check in with them. They want you to be okay.
-They are the most loving, thoughtful, intelligent, gentle creatures on the face of the earth.

Amen. That's me, except for acts of service; I prefer quality time with someone because I don't need others to do things for me.

Now if you could just educate the rest of the female population, that would be appreciated.

 

[grt$5vb]

[MENTION=1288]Macka[/MENTION] You mean I can't bake for you, and wash your dirty dishes...??

 

[InvisibleJim]

I...am not by any stretch of the imagination an expert on MBTI, but I know more than HE does, so I find myself answering questions about what it means to be an INTJ, from him. It's a little weird and awkward, to say the least! As an INFJ, I have a better-than-average insight, but I still find myself struggling to disentangle his personality-type from things that are uniquely-HIM.

I end up saying things like "No honey, being INTJ doesn't mean you're an emotional cripple incapable of love", or "No, it doesn't mean you're just an asshole, it means you're a NATURAL asshole. " (and yes, that was a joke, he called himself an asshole and I was teasing him.)

Important things to learn about INTJs.

INTJs are not especially social and tend to have issues when dealing with groups of people because like NFPs they prefer absolute ethics which they heavily relate to.

INTJs are not vocally caring, but they show their love through actions and it can be very indirect.

INTJs have real difficulties with questions that require white lies. This is a major moral conundrum which we live with daily and sometimes we know a response is required quickly so we hesitate and panic. Please don't hate us.

INTJs value space and self sufficiency, if they feel there is a lot of collusion on these we will start to recreate these boundaries. This isn't intended to offend people or to show a lack of care, merely we need it to stay sane.

INTJs are highly compartmentalised in thinking style; at the same time we can be extremely angry with what you just did in our left hand and act accordingly one instant. On the right hand we can love you to our dying breath with the other, so we can seem very contradictory in terms of how we are setting those boundaries instantaneously.

Do be careful not to abuse this, we know very well if you are playing the different card because you are scared of the other; we always follow through eventually.

Thats it.

 

[grt$5vb]

Thank you [MENTION=3473]InvisibleJim[/MENTION]!!! I learned even more!

 

[Arsal]

I guess what I want is how to describe his intj traits specifically to him in a way that he'll understand? My ways of describing things tends to a ton of imagery and analogies, doesn't work so well for him.

I just want to say: if imagery and analogies seem alien to the INTJ in question, he/she is possibly ISTJ. Not because ISTJs cannot comprehend analogies, but because Si-dominants tend to have a very specific way of understanding new concepts and the Ni-dominant way usually only confuses them (and vice versa.) They are both exceedingly similar in terms of outward behavior; particularly scientific-minded ISTJs who can seem "N" at first.

That is all. *poof*

 

[VH]

Thnigs I've learned about INTJs:

- INTJs actually do have very deep feelings. I suspect that the Vulcan personality was patterned after INTJs when it added the "No really, we have deeper feelings than you. We just don't show them" aspect as well as the once in a blue moon they flip out and go all instinctive.

- INTJs are amazingly deep people emotionally, but unfortunately will attempt to refine their emotions the way INTPs try to clarify their thoughts. This leaves INTJs often paralyzed emotionally until they can sort through everything to a satisfactory degree. I've seen my female INTJ friend lay on a couch for 3 days at a time while she does this.

- INTJs really don't like it when you tell them that they know how they feel, or more importantly try to tell them how they feel, or should feel. Emotional autonomy is extremely important to them.

- INTJs are in fact assholes. It's an unavoidable side effect of their reflexive bluntness. However, they don't intend to be, nor mean anything by it. Most importantly, they're self conscious about the fact that this happens and is beyond their control. From what I can tell, they're the most upset by the fact that others can't seem to see their good intentions, or accept them for who they are. If you can learn to accept their manner, INTJs are actually amazing people who make amazing friends.

 

[not sure]

I think it's fair to say most people need to feel safe...but it comes more easily to some.

Yes but I mentioned this in relation to knowledge seeking.

 

[~jet]

We INFJs are moody assholes, our damn selves.

Things I have learned about relating to the male INTJs in my life:

-They value independence in others, as they are very independent themselves.
-They are non-judgemental & objective. You can feel safe telling them ANYTHING
-someone could pull their toenails off, and they STILL wouldn't tell your secrets. (SO awesome)
-They really do know best... they have thought it all the way through... just go with it. Seriously.
-They will never try to control you. DO NOT try to control them. Let them be. They are trustworthy.
-They don't remember details, or birthdays. Get over it. They do love you.
-They can't read your mind, and they don't get hints. They will LOVE it if you will just tell them you are upset, so they can clear up miscommunication & apologize.
-They love sex. Do not withhold.
-They appreciate affirmations, interest, and affection.
-You will get what you put into the relationship, especially if you respect their need for space.
-DO NOT ask them any question to which an honest answer will crush your tender little INFJ heart! If you do, please know that they did not intend to hurt you.
-Tell them when you need time to lick your wounds. They will give it to you.
-They like acts of service, and will appreciate them very much.
-If they tell you to call or ask when you need anything they deeply care about you. They want you to check in with them. They want you to be okay.
-They are the most loving, thoughtful, intelligent, gentle creatures on the face of the earth.

I am being accused to being an honorary INTJ on this forum (in a nice way), but I still identify strongly with and have INFJ traits... though, to be fair, most tests put me near the middle between T/F. I mention that because some of the above applies to me, so I can't help but wonder if there's a way to describe someone who is halfway between.

 

[not sure]

I just want to say: if imagery and analogies seem alien to the INTJ in question, he/she is possibly ISTJ.

The assumption is that the imagery and analogies are appropriately chosen and clearly articulated.

 

[the]

They all have the same style of writing (no offence, INTJs). It's eerie. o.o Read stuff written by all/most of the INTJs here and you'll see it. All very technical and making sense. Very few !'s, for example. Proper sentences, with like subjects and predicates and all that stuff that you're supposed to have. They make sense and don't have to put words like stuff or like. Big words. They can pinpoint what they are trying to say, compared to me mentally flailing in my writing. I mean, compare how I'm writing to kiu and Princess Anastasia, for example. There's a difference... Dunno if that really carries over to speaking. I only know one INTJ irl.

Other than that, I dunno. I'm not too helpful, I know. Lol

Well not true, read Princess Anastasias blog.

 

[InvisibleJim]

The assumption is that the imagery and analogies are appropriately chosen and clearly articulated.

Indeed, watch out for the implicit Ne-Si ism... compartmentalisation doesn't work well on the Ni-Se mind, because it is all about functional definition, not conceptual definition. Sometimes when we describe things in terms of what they do it's fascinating to see Ne users 'panic' because we've 'went off the grid' and we've jumped from describing a car as transport to car as a philosophy of movement.

Sometimes the analogy fits the function.. other times it doesn't.

It is very Ne-Si to believe there is only 1 singular contextual way to interpret an analogy, image or idea.

 

[Nixie]

I don't know about any other intjs but I have a very big need to feel safe. Practically, everything I learn or do is used to map out an understanding of this world with the idea that if I know it then I can conquer it. (Of course, a major element is also enjoying knowledge for its own sake.) It's difficult to let anyone close to me and maintain it because I'm always watching for inconsistency. The important thing is if you wish to get close be honest, consistent and considerate of my feelings. Though it may not seem like I'm very sensitive, I can assure you that I am easily hurt but I swallow it. I will be patient. However, there comes a point when I can't take anymore and quite suddenly (and probably without warning from the other person's perspective) I become indifferent. There is no coming back from indifference.

I wonder if I'm the only one with this view.

Stella, I speak in the same manner that I write. Sometimes, I'll speak in staccato phrases and I am tempted to write like that but I strongly dislike ambiguity therefore, I avoid it.

This is why @kiu; and I are sistas!

I will turn my back on you in a heartbeat if I don't feel safe.

 

[not sure]

It is very Ne-Si to believe there is only 1 singular contextual way to interpret an analogy, image or idea.

Shout it from the rooftops.

If you are going to just drop a vague analogy on me with no context then don't be surprised if I misunderstand you. There are a myriad of ways to interpret and I don't automatically know which one you prefer unless you make it clear. In high school, this was the very reason that I dropped English Literature as a subject. In one of my MacBeth classes the teacher started asking random students to interpret some of the imagery in the text. Of course, I hadn't read it. It didn't interest me so why should I? In a few minutes I scanned the text before she came to me then I pulled some random interpretation out of the air. There was silence for a few minutes after I finished speaking. Then the teacher said, "I've never considered it from that point of view before but that is a very interesting and valid interpretation. Let's explore it." At that point, I thought to myself, "This is BS. Next year I'm signing up for Physics instead."


[MENTION=3096]NDN NT[/MENTION] Sista! Don't think I haven't noticed you avoiding my touchy feely thread. You too [MENTION=3473]InvisibleJim[/MENTION]. It's a matter of time before I wear you down with my charms and you'll be longing for my hugs.

 

[Nixie]

I have given up on [MENTION=3473]InvisibleJim[/MENTION]; He seems immune to my charms...perhaps I have none
I wish you luck with him @kiu;

 

[not sure]

Thanks, sis. Don't worry about your charms. These things wax and wane then wax again. We just have to discover his vulnerability. Every intj has at least one.

[MENTION=3096]NDN NT[/MENTION]