Tell me about INTJ...

[Nixie]

Thanks, sis. Don't worry about your charms. These things wax and wane then wax again. We just have to discover his vulnerability. Every intj has at least one.

Indeed. I trust that an effective strategy will be found.

 

[Wyote]

[MENTION=3866]splott[/MENTION]

If you want to communicate something more effectively to an intj, try to visualize whatever that thing is as if it were some type of device/rube goldberg machine.

It's helped me anyway, when I get caught up in my "Ni-thought cloud" I'll lose an intj's interest because I start to get all wordy and random(from an outside perspective), and holy hell do they hate that lmao. So, I just make my cluster of thoughts into a more linear contraption and try to follow the marble down it's path while communicating. Clearly verbalize cause and effect.

Really though, from what I've learned intjs don't put much stock in anything you say. It's all about what you do. Follow through means everything.

 

[splott]

[MENTION=3866]splott[/MENTION]

If you want to communicate something more effectively to an intj, try to visualize whatever that thing is as if it were some type of device/rube goldberg machine.

Heh, actually, that IS helpful, thank you!

It's helped me anyway, when I get caught up in my "Ni-thought cloud" I'll lose an intj's interest because I start to get all wordy and random(from an outside perspective)

Muahahaha wanna see something funny? Me and Chessie last night:

(10:02:30 PM) splott : bunnies.
(10:02:37 PM) splott : purple glitter.
(10:02:39 PM) splott : nachos.
(10:06:20 PM) splott : alien squirrel.
(10:06:22 PM) splott : *nods sagely*
(10:07:32 PM) Chessie: looks at you sideways for several seconds. "You sound like T last night..."
(10:07:48 PM) splott : goldfish? *cocks head quizzically*
(10:09:30 PM) Chessie: (12:56:16 AM) T: Tut
(12:56:39 AM) T: glitter cum
(10:09:32 PM) Chessie: (12:58:37 AM) T:Spock wrap.
(10:09:33 PM) splott : conflatulations.
(10:10:12 PM) splott : *sends T 6 lima beans and a goat*
(10:14:19 PM) splott : the goat may or may not be alive..she won't know til she opens the box.
(10:14:26 PM) splott : also, it may have eaten the lima beans.

 

[Wyote]

That is a perfect example of a conversation with a lot of subtext, which appears random but is not. INTJs are very adept at having conversations with lots of subtext, but I think they can only put up with it for short bursts whereas INFJs can pretty much have an entire conversation that is basically all subtext and really revel in it as well.

Exactly what I was talking about lol.

Edit -

Actually, scratch that. It's more akin to this:

INTJs can carry on conversations with lots of subtext. The difference is that the subtextual conversation only keeps their attention if it is linear, whereas an INFJs subtextual conversation can be, and often is somewhat random.

 

[Feelings]

I think it's fair to say most people need to feel safe...but it comes more easily to some.
Boyfriend is very tall, strong, former Marine with a hobby of Jiu Jutsu, so there's physically safe,

How about a short skinny guy with a can of bear spray? How do you feel about that?

 

[splott]

How about a short skinny guy with a can of bear spray? How do you feel about that?

um...*giggle* what's "bear spray"?
I do tend to like my men tall....INTJ-bf is 6'5", lover is 6'2"...
(er, you were the one who said if I break up with him, you were interested, right? sorry to confuse, that just stuck in my mind...)

 

[Feelings]

um...*giggle* what's "bear spray"?
I do tend to like my men tall....INTJ-bf is 6'5", lover is 6'2"...
(er, you were the one who said if I break up with him, you were interested, right? sorry to confuse, that just stuck in my mind...)

Bear spray that is pepper spray designed to spray at bears.

So not monogamous huh. You, magic-user, have found the magic key to repelling the Princess.

 

[INTJMom]

We INFJs are moody assholes, our damn selves.

Things I have learned about relating to the male INTJs in my life:

-They value independence in others, as they are very independent themselves.
-They are non-judgemental & objective. You can feel safe telling them ANYTHING
-someone could pull their toenails off, and they STILL wouldn't tell your secrets. (SO awesome)
-They really do know best... they have thought it all the way through... just go with it. Seriously.
-They will never try to control you. DO NOT try to control them. Let them be. They are trustworthy.
-They don't remember details, or birthdays. Get over it. They do love you.
-They can't read your mind, and they don't get hints. They will LOVE it if you will just tell them you are upset, so they can clear up miscommunication & apologize.
-They love sex. Do not withhold.
-They appreciate affirmations, interest, and affection.
-You will get what you put into the relationship, especially if you respect their need for space.
-DO NOT ask them any question to which an honest answer will crush your tender little INFJ heart! If you do, please know that they did not intend to hurt you.
-Tell them when you need time to lick your wounds. They will give it to you.
-They like acts of service, and will appreciate them very much.
-If they tell you to call or ask when you need anything they deeply care about you. They want you to check in with them. They want you to be okay.
-They are the most loving, thoughtful, intelligent, gentle creatures on the face of the earth.

This is the first time I've ever been glad to be an INTJ... even if I am a woman.

You have an excellent understanding of INTJ's.

 

[INTJMom]

Amen. That's me, except for acts of service; I prefer quality time with someone because I don't need others to do things for me....

Ditto.

 

[gps]

... push aside any ... be a <fill in the blank> when he feels it necessary.

Welcome the world of J-ness.
Compartmentalization on an `when necessary' ... to GOALS, objectives, targets, the ENDS, which will all too often will be rationalized with post_hoc `had to's.

jekyll ... then hide/Hyde.
From one compartmentalized executive function to another in a quantum leap.
Sorry, but I just don't see INxJ types as all that different as they both seem prone to this compartmentalization and quantum leaping between alter egos.

 

[splott]

so..how 'bout passive-aggressive.."goals"?
tonight he told me he was busy 6-10, and he'd come over afterwards...at 11 i texted, he was in the middle of a game..can't come, in the middle of a game. no eta. no message at 10 when he was supposed to come...apparently the game he was in the middle of? started at 9:30, half hour before he knew I was expecting him...

starting to wonder if it's all some sorta passive-aggressive game to get me to break up with him.

 

[Feelings]

so..how 'bout passive-aggressive.."goals"?
tonight he told me he was busy 6-10, and he'd come over afterwards...at 11 i texted, he was in the middle of a game..can't come, in the middle of a game. no eta. no message at 10 when he was supposed to come...apparently the game he was in the middle of? started at 9:30, half hour before he knew I was expecting him...

starting to wonder if it's all some sorta passive-aggressive game to get me to break up with him.

Very strange. I don't think he's cheating on you, because when INTJs are up to no good, they organize well to put up a believable facade.

I find it strange that he would do what u described. I'd only do that if I was really mad.

 

[Reon]

We INFJs are moody assholes, our damn selves.

Things I have learned about relating to the male INTJs in my life:

-They value independence in others, as they are very independent themselves.
-They are non-judgemental & objective. You can feel safe telling them ANYTHING
-someone could pull their toenails off, and they STILL wouldn't tell your secrets. (SO awesome)
-They really do know best... they have thought it all the way through... just go with it. Seriously.
-They will never try to control you. DO NOT try to control them. Let them be. They are trustworthy.
-They don't remember details, or birthdays. Get over it. They do love you.
-They can't read your mind, and they don't get hints. They will LOVE it if you will just tell them you are upset, so they can clear up miscommunication & apologize.
-They love sex. Do not withhold.
-They appreciate affirmations, interest, and affection.
-You will get what you put into the relationship, especially if you respect their need for space.
-DO NOT ask them any question to which an honest answer will crush your tender little INFJ heart! If you do, please know that they did not intend to hurt you.
-Tell them when you need time to lick your wounds. They will give it to you.
-They like acts of service, and will appreciate them very much.
-If they tell you to call or ask when you need anything they deeply care about you. They want you to check in with them. They want you to be okay.
-They are the most loving, thoughtful, intelligent, gentle creatures on the face of the earth.

I typed a longer post with various responses but apparently it didn't want to post. Outside of remembering important dates and details, I'd agree with this whole list to an extent.

I don't know you or him well enough to ascertain a guess but I'd look into other areas of your relationship for abnormalities. It seems genuinely odd that he would do that if he cares for you unless he's wanting you to see the glaring lack of care he's showing for some reason.

 

[grt$5vb]

Could he be trying to set boundries? Wanting more space?

 

[InvisibleJim]

so..how 'bout passive-aggressive.."goals"?
tonight he told me he was busy 6-10, and he'd come over afterwards...at 11 i texted, he was in the middle of a game..can't come, in the middle of a game. no eta. no message at 10 when he was supposed to come...apparently the game he was in the middle of? started at 9:30, half hour before he knew I was expecting him...

starting to wonder if it's all some sorta passive-aggressive game to get me to break up with him.

Generally the solution is to tell him how that made you feel and to see if he agrees not to do it again... INTJs can lose track of reality frequently when we get involved in things.

 

[INTJMom]

so..how 'bout passive-aggressive.."goals"?
tonight he told me he was busy 6-10, and he'd come over afterwards...at 11 i texted, he was in the middle of a game..can't come, in the middle of a game. no eta. no message at 10 when he was supposed to come...apparently the game he was in the middle of? started at 9:30, half hour before he knew I was expecting him...

starting to wonder if it's all some sorta passive-aggressive game to get me to break up with him.

INTJs can be selfish and self-centered.

 

[not sure]

Which type is the exception?

 

[VH]

We INFJs are moody assholes, our damn selves.

Amen.

I can't count the number of times I've been accused of this, been called a 'stone faced prick' because I wasn't appropriately warm enough, etc. etc.

Sure, I want to be a kind glowing helpful benevolent person. That's the goal. But it doesn't always happen like that. I'm pensive, lost in thought, distracted, and most importantly often emotional about this or that not going the way I felt it should. I try to be sensitive to people, and feel really bad when I fail, but I'm human and my moodiness slips out (as I really do try to shelter people from it) frequently.

And when I'm in a bad mood... man... it's best to just not be around me. Apparently I project my feelings without having to say a word...

I think the difference between INFJ and INTJ (with repsect to this) is that the INFJs are more prone to feel like they shouldn't be moody assholes, while INTJs are more prone to accept that is just how they felt at the moment. I've always admired the INTJ ability to live by "It is what it is".

 

[grt$5vb]

Right. INFJs can easily be this way, as well, as can other types I have observed. Maybe just being an INFJ has me thinking there is a "why" he is behaving insensitively, but, he seems to be acting out, and perhaps resentful. He would prefer you directly bringing your concerns to his attention in a gentle way, I suspect. I am wondering if he did move back in, and is setting boundries for space.

 

[Nixie]

LOL but it is what it is....

Perhaps he didn't realize that he was supposed to call and such and felt the plans were "fluid" rather than set in stone. I also echo the sentiment that he may have become overly involved and lost track of time. Natives in particular have a highly fluid sense of time--"a little while" could mean in an hour or two days. Also, if I remember he is a marine?

Edit:
Perhaps being more fluid about time is a way to de-stress or something. I know I become less willing to follow orders and demands at times and just say "f**k it(don't swear...) --I need to do what I want".

Bah! Sometimes I speak in shorthand and forget I do it. Hey, there is a lot of stuff (see I can use that word) rattling around up there. Anywho. To clarify. If I am feeling stressed, sometimes I will immerse myself in some mindless activity. I know I have other things to do or people to see but I push it aside. The mindless activity helps me to feel more balanced and reduces the stress I feel. I also realize that when I am in this state, it is probably best to avoid other people anyway. So yea, the sentence underlined above sounds bad and it is actually what I am doing, but like all things, there is a logical reason behind why I do it.