VH
Variable Hybrid
- MBTI
- NFJedi
I normally steer clear of political topics, but I feel compelled to address this and see what sorts of reactions the INFJ community has to this. We tend to see outside and ahead of the box, especially with respect to social issues.
I'll start with this article from the Washington Post website that a friend of mine linked on his facebook.
Attraction, especially sexual attraction is arbitrary, irrational, and unique to each individual.
My friend who linked to this article was one of the 'horrified' people who found this woman's attraction 'morally repugnant'. When I told him that I disagreed entirely that Sacramento was racist, he accused me of not understanding racism.
I've about had it with this witch hunt that we call racism. We've gone so far with the idea that racism is a bad thing (which it is) that we've moved into a state where the assumptions of racism have become baseless. This is one of those instances. Don't agree with me? I'll prove it.
I asked my friend if he would date a man.
He said no.
I asked my friend if he would date someone who was everything they wanted in a partner, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, except that they were a man.
He said no.
I then said, "According to the logic presented above, you're sexist and bigoted against gays."
He said, "I've got nothing against gays or gays dating one another."
I responded, "And Sacramento doesn't have anything against black guys or anyone else dating black guys. She's not attracted to black guys just like you're not attracted to men."
He said, "No, it's different. I'm not gay. She's straight, but not willing to date black guys because they are black."
I said, "Would you date a midget?"
He said, "I don't like where this is going."
You see, my friend has mentioned more than once that the idea of midget porn freaks him out, so I followed up with, "You're not willing to date someone based on an arbitrary physical factor that was not chosen by the individual? But that doesn't make you bigoted against midgets?"
He said, "Of course it doesn't. I have nothing against midgets, I just don't want to have sex with them." And a moment later. "Oh. Crap. You're right. Attraction doesn't have anything to do with prejudice or discrimination. Dang, this is seriously messed up. I jumped on that band wagon without even thinking about it, because I'm so sensitive to the idea of racism. If I'm doing that, then a lot of people are doing that. This sucks."
Yes, it does.
And for the record, I don't have any racial exclusions with respect to who I'm attracted to, but I'm not sexually attracted to men, overweight women, midgets, children, red heads, people with contagious diseases, animals, or a whole host of other things. Does this mean I discriminate against any of these groups or people who are attracted to them? Of course not, though I do pity people who are attracted to children or animals as I believe that to be mental sickness.
I'm 'horrified' by people who view Sacramento's lack of attraction to any factor that she is not attracted to as racism, and find their viewpoint not only small minded, foolishly shortsighted, and irrationally conformist, but also morally repugnant.
Here is my response to the woman who was brave enough to stand up for herself:
Sacramento: You're right -- no one should have to date anyone s/he doesn't want to.
And your friends are wrong -- they have no right to assume who you should and should not be attracted to.
And you're right, interracial dating is more prevalent now, but its prevalence here is the cart; the issue here is the horse.
More people date interracially because more people realize that the only alternative to being racist is to judge each person as a person. Clearly, you judge people as individuals or you would have a problem with other people dating interracially.
Your decision not to date this man wasn't about his character or lack thereof, it wasn't about his sex appeal or lack thereof, it wasn't about his intellect or lack thereof, it wasn't about his sense of humor or lack thereof, it wasn't about his work ethic or lack thereof, it wasn't about shared history or lack thereof, it wasn't about his goals or lack thereof, it wasn't about his compatibility or lack thereof. However, those aren't the only factors in attraction, and if anyone isn't attractive to you for whatever reason, it is your right to feel the way that you feel.
To your credit, you're owning your opinion; all you had to say was that you didn't find him attractive, and this conversation doesn't happen. But, I am personally impressed with your bravery for addressing an issue that could invoke a lot of shortsighted hostility.
However: We're having this conversation because you didn't find his race attractive, but that is your right because every person has the right to be attracted to whomever they are attracted to for whatever reason.
I'll start with this article from the Washington Post website that a friend of mine linked on his facebook.
No really, it's not. Racism is discriminating against someone as a person based on race.
Attraction, especially sexual attraction is arbitrary, irrational, and unique to each individual.
My friend who linked to this article was one of the 'horrified' people who found this woman's attraction 'morally repugnant'. When I told him that I disagreed entirely that Sacramento was racist, he accused me of not understanding racism.
I've about had it with this witch hunt that we call racism. We've gone so far with the idea that racism is a bad thing (which it is) that we've moved into a state where the assumptions of racism have become baseless. This is one of those instances. Don't agree with me? I'll prove it.
I asked my friend if he would date a man.
He said no.
I asked my friend if he would date someone who was everything they wanted in a partner, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, except that they were a man.
He said no.
I then said, "According to the logic presented above, you're sexist and bigoted against gays."
He said, "I've got nothing against gays or gays dating one another."
I responded, "And Sacramento doesn't have anything against black guys or anyone else dating black guys. She's not attracted to black guys just like you're not attracted to men."
He said, "No, it's different. I'm not gay. She's straight, but not willing to date black guys because they are black."
I said, "Would you date a midget?"
He said, "I don't like where this is going."
You see, my friend has mentioned more than once that the idea of midget porn freaks him out, so I followed up with, "You're not willing to date someone based on an arbitrary physical factor that was not chosen by the individual? But that doesn't make you bigoted against midgets?"
He said, "Of course it doesn't. I have nothing against midgets, I just don't want to have sex with them." And a moment later. "Oh. Crap. You're right. Attraction doesn't have anything to do with prejudice or discrimination. Dang, this is seriously messed up. I jumped on that band wagon without even thinking about it, because I'm so sensitive to the idea of racism. If I'm doing that, then a lot of people are doing that. This sucks."
Yes, it does.
And for the record, I don't have any racial exclusions with respect to who I'm attracted to, but I'm not sexually attracted to men, overweight women, midgets, children, red heads, people with contagious diseases, animals, or a whole host of other things. Does this mean I discriminate against any of these groups or people who are attracted to them? Of course not, though I do pity people who are attracted to children or animals as I believe that to be mental sickness.
I'm 'horrified' by people who view Sacramento's lack of attraction to any factor that she is not attracted to as racism, and find their viewpoint not only small minded, foolishly shortsighted, and irrationally conformist, but also morally repugnant.
Here is my response to the woman who was brave enough to stand up for herself:
Sacramento: You're right -- no one should have to date anyone s/he doesn't want to.
And your friends are wrong -- they have no right to assume who you should and should not be attracted to.
And you're right, interracial dating is more prevalent now, but its prevalence here is the cart; the issue here is the horse.
More people date interracially because more people realize that the only alternative to being racist is to judge each person as a person. Clearly, you judge people as individuals or you would have a problem with other people dating interracially.
Your decision not to date this man wasn't about his character or lack thereof, it wasn't about his sex appeal or lack thereof, it wasn't about his intellect or lack thereof, it wasn't about his sense of humor or lack thereof, it wasn't about his work ethic or lack thereof, it wasn't about shared history or lack thereof, it wasn't about his goals or lack thereof, it wasn't about his compatibility or lack thereof. However, those aren't the only factors in attraction, and if anyone isn't attractive to you for whatever reason, it is your right to feel the way that you feel.
To your credit, you're owning your opinion; all you had to say was that you didn't find him attractive, and this conversation doesn't happen. But, I am personally impressed with your bravery for addressing an issue that could invoke a lot of shortsighted hostility.
However: We're having this conversation because you didn't find his race attractive, but that is your right because every person has the right to be attracted to whomever they are attracted to for whatever reason.
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