Let's have some more dark and personal shit. Validate my need to vent and whine.
This woman I started talking to through Okcupid and I went to Pride. Now to give you a bit of context, this is how we started talking: I emailed her telling her she was an idiot of liking the show Weeds. She emailed me back, seemingly taking my abuse with a smile, asked me why I thought she was an idiot. I had just finished watching the 7th season, or rather tried to begin it, and just couldn't take how psychopathic Nancy had become and how the writer had made her this sweet fun idiot in the first three seasons then flipped a switch in the next and somehow tried to explain that Nancy was always this way. I told this woman, Sophia, that liking Weeds was like telling every idiot watching that being a horrible person is fun and entertaining so lets all do it. And I tied in Weeds to somehow making people ok with being shitty to each other. She took my abuse with an internet smile and I thanked her for it. She called me opinionated and we went on our way till we started talking more.
Fast forward to Pride, she had told me she was volunteering and that it'd be the best way to meet chicks and I agreed so we did that together. Now this bitch, aside from email she has a real communication problem in that she will not shut the fuck up, not at any given time for more than less than a minute. For the life of me I cannot figure out why she can't just stop talking. It's noise, constantly, in my ear through a megaphone and I'm an introvert, and I will not talk unless I know I can safely complete a thought in speech. To say the least I don't talk when she's around at all; I never get a chance to.
We do pride festival and that whole thing, then we walk back to her neighbors house because I am exhausted and mentally drained, she of course does not understand this because she doesn't give me one second to answer her question, "Are you ok?" in fact she answers it away for me. Have you ever had someone talk at you, then ask you a question and answer it for you? This was that. I literally didn't have to do anything but be there, maybe look up every ten minutes. She pretty well had 'our' conversation by herself. We get back to her neighbors and my new favorite gay boy is there who truly has a beautiful soul and made my time there a lot less horrendous. He sensed I was tired, laid me on his bed, rubbed my feet(!!!), and told me to rest. All the while Sophia is yapping away asking me about whoever the fuck at the festival and if I remembered them. At the same time the other neighbor who talks almost as much as Sophia goes about repeating, "Shut the fuck up Sophia! Let her rest!" This went on for about thirty minutes -_- So she's yapping, the neighbors yelling REPEATEDLY the exact same thing and I'm getting my feet rubbed. Soo in love with gay boy right now :3
Then I get a bunch of texts, none of which make me look at my phone so Sophia -who is sending the texts- says, "Damn girl, someone be blowing you up!" And I know it's this idiot so I look at my phone, still mentally dead, and read something like, "I'm sorry I never told you how much I appreciate you and how beautiful you are-" blah blah blah. And granted, there were hints throughout the day, like her trying to coax me into making out with her while there was a group of people yelling we were all going to hell and genuinely being pissed when I declined, but by now I had really just hoped it into nothingness and brushed all dreaded signs away.
So I'm laying on the bed consoling gay boy because he was planning this party for Pride. He had all these big ideas but no drive to make them happen. He was laying on my stomach and I was rubbing his ear lobe because his face was itchy; wondering to myself how it feels to get your ear lobe rubbed *ponders* I'd think it'd feel weird
and I would ask him questions which of course he couldn't answer because Sophia was asking us in the loudest tone, "What are you all talking about?! Do you remember this girl!?" By this time the other neighbor had left the room to take a shower so no one was there to constantly tell Sophia to SHUT THE FUCK UP which is when I did. Got no where in doing it, just like the neighbor -_- Then she gets cranky, throws a little tantrum, starts crying and the female neighbor, done with her shower, takes her out of the room to calm her shit. But before she gets out of the room and leaves me in bliss with gay boy she asks me, "Can we talk later?" guh -_-
Pass an hour or so, I have to leave gay boys room because it is fucking freezing and my shoes are off and my toes are frozen so on my way out Sophia and the female woman neighbor are out in the TV room by the front door and Sophia says something snarky like, "Guess we're not talking." To which I reply in the bitchiest of tones, "Do you wanna talk?!" I tell her I will talk with her, she says she needs to get beer or something and there is no time to adjust her thinking, tells me she's going to buy me a Guro which quickly turns into a hamburger, the neighbor saying that Guro's cost ten bucks, Sophia saying, "She's worth it" in a dreamy way like she's professing her love for me by buying me food, and me saying, "Just get me the fucking hamburger." Can't buy my love, bitch.
So I go to her apartment to let her dog out and walk him so he can piss. Now this dog is the least loved dog ever. Like this chicks just not... human, really *look of disgust* she's like a robot whose speech programming is broken, forever set at 'Ramble' x.x So I give love to this dog and he's shaking and licking and climbing he loves me so much and then she comes back -_- Hands me my burger, goes on about nothing important and then says, again in a snarky teenager attitude -this bitch is 24 btw- "Guess we're never going to talk" So I ask her what the hell it is she wanted to talk about and she continues her stupidity in ways of communication and says, "What do you think Melissa?" In the breathiest not-on-purpose reenactment of Napoleon Dynamite. Gahd! And I'm eating, trying to relax, still kinda not mentally there and all together not wanting to say, "You want a relationship from me" so that when I do say it it takes me about five minutes to get the words out all in caution with a question mark at the end: "You... want a relationship, from me??" Though a lot less puppy dog than that sounded in my head. I'm tired during it so read that in a tired worn out voice. "You want a relationship from me?" -_- <--There we go!
So she goes on to ramble about how she has no one, her mother is dead -her mother who hates her btw- her other mother who is her aunt who actually cared for her is telling her -supposedly telling her- that she's going to hell for being gay. Now everything this bitch says I take with a grain of salt because she back-peddles five times in one sentence, run on sentence of course but sentence none the less. So she'll say one thing in the sternest of ways, her own personal opinion with is atrocious and unfounded, then she'll be told that her opinion is stupid and why it is stupid, and then she'll try her best to talk her way out of it claiming that whatever opinion was never hers. This is what I listened to the entire 8 hours I was there, her back-peddling. Bitch should be a politician. So she goes on telling me she has no one, that she spends Thanksgiving alone and she's so different from everyone else, bitch please! *rolls eyes* And she's pretty well pleading with me to stick around, all very pathetic. And to top it all off she goes on, repeating to herself mostly, that her telling me about her feelings was 'very brave' of her, the fuck? *smh* And sometime in the beginning, or middle, or end... it's all a delirious blur this ramble of hers, sometime she goes about telling me the exact time during that day when she knew she had feelings for me: "We were in front of the stage listening to that guy sing, and you know I'm an artist and I do all this *insert five minutes worth of completely irrelevant information about her artistry here* and it was raining, and your hair was wet and you shook her head and you ran your hands through your hair and I leaned in and I wanted to kiss you and I was like, holy fuck??" And she tells me this, and in my head I'm thinking, "Ok, so I reminded you of a porno and all of a sudden you and I need to be together? Uh uh chick." *shakes head* Nope.
I tell her that she can't like me because she doesn't know a thing about me because she wont shut the fuck up long enough to listen. This gets repeated once every five minutes. She again tells herself she is very brave for saying how she felt -_- and then asks me if I want to shower. By this time I've shut down; I truly am not there. I'm like a blow up doll she talks to *nods* it's horrible being a blow up doll
. I told her I was not going to take a shower in her bath room and this is where her sexual advances get more prominent. There are no doors in her apartment aside from the bathroom and closet and she tells me that she's going to take a shower of course trying to flaunt her body in front of me which is when I know this chick is delusional as she has a pretty unattractive body. Can't tell if she's high or just blind. So I'm laying there under a blanket thinking to myself, "This is not going to get better any time ever and I don't understand why I've stayed this long." So that is when I told her I'm going to go. No reason, just that I'm going to go on repeat. She tells me that she feels like if I leave she'll never hear from me again and I tell her that I'll text her when I get home, genuinely thinking that I would, that all of this was not a big deal. Then I drove home for an hour and thought about how pissed I was and got home and thought more about how atrocious that whole experience was and how this bitch could not SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Which was now on repeat in my head. I never called her, I never texted her, in fact I blocked her from my phone. I slammed that door without a word. She had had enough words for the both of us.
hwell: I've grown up... a little bit! 
Not even kidding! I'm not even sure if "pretend" is the right word. It's more like, I don't see the person standing at the door. This person has in an instant become invisible. How can I possibly feel bad if I'm slamming the door at empty space? But I do feel bad. There was once someone important in that empty space. The ghosts in my memories will always hunt me.
