The Enneagram - How did you determine your type?

mintoots said:
The mentor-help-save-the-world narrative actually fits. I am this way with my favorite students too. Then I saw some videos. I actually resonate with several points like not wanting to be helped, hoping people would see and also help even though I don't like asking for help...
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I hear. Can that be a 2 wing though? You mentioned in the other thread that the 1 resonated with you more?
I just thought with Enneagram, once you "get" your type, it's like some kind of epiphany and suddenly everything makes sense :).

Anyway, @John K, thanks again for that book recommendation.
I read parts of that book, and I'm pretty sure I am a 1. I also think I know what prevented me from seeing it all this time. I think the people in life that I can't stand the most are hypocritical, unhealthy ones, so I had a really strong resistance to grouping myself together with them.
My husband read the book as well - he recognized himself in the 9 right away. Definitely was an epiphany kind of moment for him, which was nice to see.
 
hithere said:
I hear. Can that be a 2 wing though? You mentioned in the other thread that the 1 resonated with you more?
I just thought with Enneagram, once you "get" your type, it's like some kind of epiphany and suddenly everything makes sense :).

Anyway, @John K, thanks again for that book recommendation.
I read parts of that book, and I'm pretty sure I am a 1. I also think I know what prevented me from seeing it all this time. I think the people in life that I can't stand the most are hypocritical, unhealthy ones, so I had a really strong resistance to grouping myself together with them.
My husband read the book as well - he recognized himself in the 9 right away. Definitely was an epiphany kind of moment for him, which was nice to see.
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I could be. I haven't ruled it out too. This enneagram is really hard because it's easy to relate with many of the descriptions.
 
hithere said:
Anyway, @John K, thanks again for that book recommendation.
I read parts of that book, and I'm pretty sure I am a 1. I also think I know what prevented me from seeing it all this time. I think the people in life that I can't stand the most are hypocritical, unhealthy ones, so I had a really strong resistance to grouping myself together with them.
My husband read the book as well - he recognized himself in the 9 right away. Definitely was an epiphany kind of moment for him, which was nice to see.
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I'm glad the book was a help. It really did the trick for me because I couldn't identify completely with any of the E types until I had this more in depth explanation to explore.

mintoots said:
I could be. I haven't ruled it out too. This enneagram is really hard because it's easy to relate with many of the descriptions.
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In the end you are the only one who can finally decide. The forum can be misleading because I think many of us behave a little differently here than we do with people we meet face to face. My gut feeling is that you are more 1 than 2 - think about where you would place yourself on a spectrum between Hos and BritNi for example. You might find these passages helpful - they are from the book I recommended earlier that hithere is mentioning. They describe the specific characteristics of E1W2, then E2W1 - it's just possible you can relate to one of these with more of a 'click' than to either of the two base types.
 

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John K said:
I'm glad the book was a help. It really did the trick for me because I couldn't identify completely with any of the E types until I had this more in depth explanation to explore.


In the end you are the only one who can finally decide. The forum can be misleading because I think many of us behave a little differently here than we do with people we meet face to face. My gut feeling is that you are more 1 than 2 - think about where you would place yourself on a spectrum between Hos and BritNi for example. You might find these passages helpful - they are from the book I recommended earlier that hithere is mentioning. They describe the specific characteristics of E1W2, then E2W1 - it's just possible you can relate to one of these with more of a 'click' than to either of the two base types.
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Wow. I laughed at the thought of a half Hos, half Britni combo ---like a mermaid!

It's getting harder to know for sure that somehow I feel like I have multiple personas. It's also possible I'm a one. The altruism is something that I am too. I've always had a voice ever since I was a kid. My mom's friends used to quip that i was quite the passionate advocate even when I was 10.

Is there a consequence to living a life not fit to one's enneatype?
 
mintoots said:
Wow. I laughed at the thought of a half Hos, half Britni combo ---like a mermaid!
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LOL yes

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mintoots said:
Omg that's so cute!
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A baby chimera :D

All the same E1 and 2 are side by side in the chart and there is a realistic spectrum between them. I must say that the two descriptions I posted from the book of 1W2 and 2W1 do sound like they might fit you well from the way you come across.
 
I mistyped myself, because whenever I took the test, I scored high in 4, 2, and 7, usually within 1 point or tied with each other, those three, so I thought I was 7 with 6 wing. But it never felt entirely accurate until I spent more time researching on common mistypes. Reading this convinced me that 4w3 was the one. And indeed when I went back to check the results again, 4 was almost always at the top, though it would be tied or close with the others. I dunno I think I was just pretty set on ENFP and 7w6 that it took until reading this to see the distinction: http://theenneagram.blogspot.com/20...problem with the way,a 4's, which is identity.
 
Impact Character said:
@mintoots How do you feel about E9 and E3 strategies? (since they are the other wings of E1 and E2) Apologies if you have mentioned this already somewhere!
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What i relate with about the 9 aspect is the sloth like living. I become almost invalid when stressed. I literally slow down then freeze. With threes, i relate to fears of worthlessness which is also something with twos. I am not really charming though. I mean i had my moments of inevitable leadership...

It's almost like when I was a kid, i'm more 2w3 and now as an adult, i'm more 2w1 although given the work I have committed my self to this past few years, I'm really stepping it on being 1w2.
 
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mintoots said:
What i relate with about the 9 aspect is the sloth like living. I become almost invalid when stressed. I literally slow down then freeze. With threes, i relate to fears of worthlessness which is also something with twos.
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Hmh, that sounds like more negative-ish traits. What about the positive aspects of 3 and 9 wings?
What is the emotional context or nuance of the worthlessness feeling? How, with whom and when does it kick in? (No need to answer here if it is uncomfortable..)

mintoots said:
I am not really charming though. I mean i had my moments of inevitable leadership...
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What motivates you to step up and lead for a while?

mintoots said:
It's almost like when I was a kid, i'm more 2w3 and now as an adult, i'm more 2w1 although given the work I have committed my self to this past few years, I'm really stepping it on being 1w2.
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Aww Does that mean you were more like a cute little doer as a child? Or do you mean w3 in another way? <3 :)

What are your thoughts on being told what your role was in family and the country you were raised? Same goes for your thoughts on a work persona and being a woman in society..? How might these things correlate to Enneagram in your personal case?
 
Impact Character said:
positive aspects of 3 and 9 wings?
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I am creative and independent, which is a positive trait for 9s. Even then, I recognize that I fall in love when I am needed and that is a 2 trait.

I don't correlate with the need for attention exhibited by threes. I only need attention from my mom and that's about it but that would be very seasonal. I'm mostly independent even as a kid. I suspect that when I'm in a relationship, I will also be like this.

Like threes though, I am okay with self defacing humor. When I was a kid this was hurtful but I overcame it and learned that the truth is as funny as it is hurtful and the former is an easier way to live.

Worthlessness kicks in each time I fail. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, which is a 1 trait. Whenever I fail, I take it very seriously as if it's an attack to my integrity. I'm only recently learning to live with it.

Impact Character said:
What motivates you to step up and lead for a while
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Chaos. If something is chaotic and nobody is doing the job, I often find myself stepping up. With friends, I am generally in control. Like travel plans are often initiated by me. When we eat out, a certain group of friends look to me to sort out the bill while my other friends, my students specifically are quite adept at it so I don't have to do it. I always let my friends decide where to eat and my family too but if I do want something, I'll get it on my own. I used to go shopping by myself for myself to make sure that when I shop with other people, all of my attention will be on their needs. When I was (sort-of) "dating" someone, he relied on me for these sorts of things so I tended to give them my undivided attention. I also have the tendency to remind the other of their needs but when I am stressed and tired, i completely shut down and not care. It stresses the other out but often they figure out that I need to be taken cared of for the time being and I have friends and sort of relationships that step up too. Even my family recognizes this about me.

Impact Character said:
as a child?
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Lol not a doer. I was a dreamer as a child and I constantly neglected my self if it meant spending more time gazing and exploring. I would bury myself in books and movies excessively. At three, my mum said that I doted on the Sound of Music for months on end. I would repeat the three hour movie three times daily for weeks on end and if she didn't have time for me, she would find me fiddling with the betamax as a toddler and succeeding at it -- including the use of the rewinder. I actually have vague memories of this. When I was almost three, I remember being very hungry and I wanted milk but my mom was so busy that I tried to make my own and scalded my hands in the process. I remember my mum scolding me because she said I should have been patient so that I wouldn't hurt my self. I mainly get what I want as a child. I once wanted chips hung way up a pantry which I climbed effortlessly. My milk bottle was also in a high up cabinet but I always managed to find my way.

But also I was a needy child. I needed my mom and my cousin. I hated new environments and I didn't always make friends easily but when I have settled in, I end up surrounded by plenty of friends. Way too many.

When I was seven, I remember being scolded by my nanny because it took me more than an hour to walk home from school. It turned out I walked all of my classmates -- eleven of them to be exact to each of their homes before I went home by myself. I don't remember why I did that but I do remember that we followed some sort of order as kids. Some of us were afraid of dogs so they needed to be walked home with. I was a popular kid, I guess. I always had friends in the neighborhood and christmas carols couldn't be done with without me. My family got used to this about me. I went home later than expected because I was either at the library, the book store, at some obscure specialty shop in the city, or even parks. I always got scolded but I never really stopped. I was an adventurous kid.

But in high school, I became more reclused. I was ten when I started declining spending time with my friends and that was because my mum bought me full sets of encyclopedia and I couldn't catch up with all of them if I spent time out. That was also the same time I discovered Archie Comics and that was also the same time I started writing. My teachers sent me to spelling bees and poetry contests because I was supposed to have talent but I always froze in front of a crowd so I never get pass the qualifying rounds. Lol. I remember I never cared though. I didn't study much as a kid because I always went out to play but somehow I kept finding myself in these interschool activities.

It's fun to recall these things.

I think that women aren't as disadvantaged in my country but I recognize that I need to step up for my mother's legacy. She was a big feminist and a mover and I somehow embodied her ideals. When I was a teen though, my greatest dream was to be a parent event though I also wanted to study architecture. I remember vowing to be a better parent than my absentee parents but when I recognized the good my mom was trying to sow in the world, I started following into her footsteps. My family sees me as her shadow and while I am gently stepping out of it, they also really see me as the domestic type. To my family, the kitchen is mine and so is the garden and they settle in with these roles i have. There are many big personalities in my family though so I let them do all the planning and heavy lifting. I just do my fair share quietly unless i am called for, which also always happens since I am the youngest (cousin). Career wise, I am the most ambitious and also the most quiet about my career ventures. I am also the one most advocate. My family is simple but I am clear with my advocacies since college. I don't impose on them -- they have their own views but I follow my own path.
 
@mintoots

Don't know if this is helpful.. I often got the impression of you that when you speak of your architectual design you do that with a lot of inner serenity and warmth. That stroke me a bit like E4 Growth Path for an E2. Since you deal with the aesthetics of things, but yet they are still in a people oriented way: visualizing nurturting places for people to live in with a touch of futuristic yet close-to-nature aspects (almost like the Sound of Music was playing in the background ;) ).

And then I met this mintoots that steps up and leads, organizes people but can get very angry in the process and drained out from the power system struggles (which strikes me alot like E8 with a touch of people-organizational E3 topics), also maybe not even getting anything in return in the process. I was wondering that maybe as a "nurturing mother spirit" within on the one hand but with a feminist mother ("shadow mother") as a role model on the other hand, that you might switch into E3 and then E8 patterns at times..? (E8 being the stress/disintergration path of E2)


I also have this picture of you in my mind, where you are on your vacations, happy and one with the world (maybe E7 growth path of a E1), and the aspect of chaos being a great motivator.. but this might come perhaps from your cognition framework as an INFJ ..?


This is of course all very raw scope since I know you only from here. So, please don't take my wondering too serious!
Also thank you for writing about you, it's very sweet to get to know you more. <3
 
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Impact Character said:
also maybe not even getting anything in return in the process.
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Hahaha this is correct.

Impact Character said:
might switch into E3 and then E8 patterns at times..?
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This is not impossible. I really do go into E8 more often at work but the very rare times this happens at home is when I see family members making decisions that will hurt them and affect their integrity. I really do gather up the guts and step my foot down when I recognize the ill of something. It always surprises my family when I do this (i have only ever done it once) with them. My friends are the same. They say I have an air authority about me which, when I invoke, basically silences them. It scares even my male friends. (I think this is also why I don't get asked out much hahaha). Several of my colleagues tiptoe around me though not all of them. Others even bully me playfully so it must not be my personality.

Impact Character said:
Also thank you for writing about you, it's very sweet to get to know you more. <3
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Huhu thank you for investing your time and interest. :sob:


I really don't know what my enneatype is anymore. I think it's the InFJ chameleonesse for sure.
 
PapillonT said:
Do you have any recommendation for sources you used to explore your tritype @John K ?
I am also 'the contemplative' and I'd like to learn a bit more about it, beyond the basic information available online in some blogs.
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I'm afraid I don't have a lot of information about the tritype. I'm a little suspicious of it myself because it isn't clear to me how it relates to the dynamics of the primary Enneagram model - I don't mean it's not useful, but that it seems to be bolted onto rather than integrated into the main theory so it leaves me a little confused about how these things relate together. It does seem natural, though, to assume we have a preference in each of the head, heart and gut sections.

Have you got these links? The Fauvres developed this aspect of the Enneagram.

https://www.katherinefauvre.com/tritype
https://enneagramtritypetest.com/

@Misty you are a big tritype enthusiast - do you have any recommendations on literature or other web sites?
 
mintoots said:
I really don't know what my enneatype is anymore. I think it's the InFJ chameleonesse for sure.
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I think this diagram that Hos found a while back is very useful to help validate our MBTI v our Enneagram types - for example, it's very unlikely that an INFJ would be a primary E3, 7 or 8, or an INTJ an E2, E3 or E7

MBTI v Enneagram.webp
 
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