QuickTwist
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When the event first happened, it was almost impossible to talk about. But at the same time, I knew I had to tell people. As time went on, it became easier to tell people about it. Now, I will openly talk about it with no emotional whiplash, and I can give very long or very short versions of the same story. Soon after it happened, I actually thought it could have been an encounter with the greater personality, if you are familiar with that at all. Now, I really have no way to categorize it. I just know what I experienced and it changed my life... forever. You will not find many conversion stories to Christianity as radical as mine was.
Read at your own risk because IDK how this will affect people here.
Without any more introduction, let's get into it...
Of course, I am ever in the pursuit of truth and do not believe I will ever arrive in this life, but this is what this pursuit of truth is really based on.
I was the prodigal son. I was raised in the church. Then I got into a very bad relationship. A year later, when I was smoking dope, I developed psychosis. It was at this time that I started questioning everything. I became an atheist because I was afraid that if I called myself a Christian, I would be persecuted for my faith due to paranoid delusions. I went on what I call a “Quest for Truth” when I considered myself an atheist. When I called myself an atheist, I got a thirst for knowledge. Since I have a mental illness and was on SSI, I had a lot of time on my hands, as I am on disability. I devoted myself to learning all sorts of things. From neuroscience to Cantor and theories of infinity to Godel, to computer science stuff, you name it. When I started reading “Personality Types” by Carl Jung, even though Jung himself was an atheist, reading that book turned me into a pantheist. I saw the mind’s complexities, so I developed a theory. My theory was that the universe itself was a god. I believe that the universe itself was conscious. I had to answer the question, “What is the purpose of beings with agency and complex minds?” The answer I came up with was that the universe, as a conscious entity, decided to create beings with agency so that the universe could “discover itself” through these beings with agency. That was my working theory at the time, and on some level, it makes sense.
But on a hot August day on the 24th, 2018, after I was at my PC, I went outside. I was very anxious for some reason. I was out on the porch. I got the sense that someone I knew earlier was out there and looking for me. He was a gang member. I should never have mixed up with that guy, which was a mistake. Anyways, after being very nervous for no reason, I returned to my PC because of this anxiety. I was only outside for a few minutes. When I returned outside a short time later, a heavy-set man with a dark complexion, wearing khakis, a white button-up shirt, and a bowtie, walked into my parents’ driveway, where I lived. He almost looked like a homeless person would dress up for a special occasion. The man’s name was Larry Emmanuel Morris. I later tried to find him in public records, but couldn’t find anyone with that name and age (as he said he was about 54 years old at the time).
He was trying to tell me something about this little booklet he had. He had a very mild personality - not forceful at all. When we were talking, he told me I looked like a skateboarder. It brought up memories of when I was about 12-14 years old and had a skateboard. But I never could do many tricks because I didn’t practice very often. Also, there was this video that I think I had just watched in between the time I was outside. It was the music video for the song “Alive” by POD. The music video features a skateboarder who got his car T-boned by a bus, and the car flipped, but the guy came out with no damage after the fact. In my 20s, I had a similar car accident where I flipped my father’s car. When I flipped the car, I went off the curb and hit a big light post. After the police arrived, and I was given a ticket for reckless driving and a fine later to pay for the damages, the police officer said, “It’s a miracle you are alive. If you don’t believe in God, you really should.” After my conversation with Larry, I saw POD play on August 30, 2018. Before the show, I ran into the lead singer (Sonny) and told him about this experience.
Anyways, after the guy introduced his booklet, I said, “Sorry, I don’t have money for you, but I have prayer for you.” I still don’t know why I said that at the time. I was a pantheist, not a Christian or really a part of any religion. He said, “Prayer is good too.” We shook hands, and he walked away.
For some reason, I wanted to go on a walk to the place I would normally walk. I drove there in my van. The place I walk is a pond that has a path around it. It’s more like a figure 8 or an infinity symbol. One of the bodies of water split up by a bridge in the middle is a lot bigger than the other. It takes about 6-7 minutes to walk around the smaller loop around the body of water. If you walk around both bodies of water, it’s about a mile or so. So as I started walking around the smaller body of water, I recalled the handshake the guy gave me. I reflected on it, and I just started crying. His handshake was the most humble, honest, and authentic I have ever gotten from someone. I recall now that when I shook his hand, he said, “It’s nice to meet you, Jesse” (my name). I was hysterical when I was crying, and I was hoping I didn’t see anyone else on the path because that would have been really awkward to see someone weeping like I was. When I got to the first juncture on which way to go, whether to walk around the whole path or take the short path back to my car, I stood there for what seemed like forever, but was actually probably no longer than a minute. I felt like the Holy Spirit was convicting me at that moment. I could either continue my walk or go the short way back home. I decided to take the shortcut home.
When I got in my van and drove home, I thought I had to see that man again. As I got close to my home again, I started to get anxious that I wouldn’t see him. After all, it had probably been about half an hour since he walked in my driveway, and it was unlikely that he would have stayed in the same place because he was on foot. My parents live on the opposite end of a busier street where there is basically a square of road, and we are opposite the main road. It’s a closed-loop block. I drive down the first street perpendicular to the main road and the road on which my parents’ house is. I turn the corner and pull into the driveway when I remember saying, “Where is he? He isn’t here.” I backed up and went back the way I came. I drive down the main road and down the second perpendicular street to the loop where my parents live. I drive down the road and don’t know what I am doing, but I hope I see him somewhere. I see him coming out of one of the houses on that street. He was limping when walking down the steps. I actually found him! I ask myself where I should park, and I drive down a bit and park on the side of the road. When I saw him, I said, “I had to see you again.” I can’t remember his response to that. We start talking. He starts telling me about his life. He had many physical ailments, and he was telling me about them. My heart broke for him as he told me that, and I started sobbing. I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “You’re a good man.” I am sure my speech was unintelligible because I was crying so much. I remember when I did that, he said in a very peaceful, gentle way, “This is good.”
So we are standing in the street, and he starts telling me all these amazing things. For example, he recalls these two guys I used to hang out with, one of whom I already mentioned. And he says, “One of them likes you, and one of them doesn’t.” The one who didn’t like me I was afraid of. None of my family members knew what I did with these guys. I was just afraid of this guy. I don’t know the details of that conversation about what he said about those two guys, but it was like he was prophesying about my innermost thoughts. He starts talking about the kingdom of heaven. He gives an example. He says something like, “Maybe you are driving down the road, and someone you don’t know sees the condition your vehicle is in, and they decide to give you a new vehicle. That’s how the kingdom of heaven works.” I didn’t plan this, but it dawns on me now that up until November 27, 2022, I was without a vehicle for over six months. It just so happens that someone I know gave me his old van after getting another one at no cost.
He also starts talking about Bible passages I had never heard before. He spoke of Ezekiel and the valley of dry bones, and I couldn’t really make out what he was saying, but I remember him asking me, “Are those your bones?” talking about the Valley of Dry Bones... Even though I am always learning, I was still lost in knowing much of theology until the latter portion of 2019. On April 12, 2019, one of my favorite albums of all time was released. The album cover of that album is a painting of the Valley of Dry Bones, seen here:
He said other remarkable things. As he spoke to me, I sat on the curb and listened to him talk. I recall seeing him speak and this beautiful blue sky in the background. I recall it was as if my spirit was being overflowed with glory. It was spiritually overwhelming. And so because of that, I was sitting down. Meanwhile, this man wasn’t under this spiritual heaviness and wasn’t sitting down despite the injury to his knee. He probably would have felt better sitting down, but it was like he had this duty to speak truthfully to me, so he stood up instead of sitting.
Remember what I said about that guy I was afraid of? There’s more to say about it. The man, Larry, said he had pus coming out of his knee. I couldn’t help but think that the guy I was afraid of had an encounter with Larry and hurt Larry’s knee. That’s just speculation, but it feels true to me for some reason. There’s another reason I think this, but I’ll say that later.
After talking for a while, Larry told me, “If you call yourself a Christian, you could be persecuted for your faith. Is it worth it?” And I said, “Yes, it’s worth it.” You see, I had called myself an atheist because I was afraid I would be persecuted for my faith if I said I was a Christian. So my unbelief in God was based on fear of persecution. At that moment, I realized I might have to suffer for my faith, but it would all be worth it in the end.
There was also some talk about certain things he was saying that deeply resonated with me. I recall telling him, “These suburban people don’t care about the truth. All they care about is their 401 Ks and living a comfortable life. They don’t know what true faith is.” I remember telling him he was prophesying after I said that, and he said, “Well, look at what you are saying.”
At this time, I wanted to know about his booklet. I tried looking through it, but it didn’t make sense to me. It seemed to be a thing to get him to sell magazines or books or something like that. On the front, it said, “No donation required.” There were these packages you could pick for him to sell or something. He wanted to sell 200 or something, but I am unsure. All you had to do was sign your name to support him. Since I didn’t get the whole number system, I wrote my name to support him. But I wrote down a number too, which no one else did from the other names that had been written down. As I was going to cross out my name, he said, “Don’t do that.” But it was too late, I had already made the decision to cross off the numbers. I still feel bad about that and don’t know what it means. There were packages you could choose that would cater to certain people, like magazines for fathers and sons, or something like that.
At this point, I was sitting on the curb where this big white guy with a ponytail parks right next to the house, Larry comes out of, and drops off a big cardboard box in the house. At the time, I thought the big white guy was an angel dropping some spiritual thing off at the house. As the big white guy walks back, Larry starts conversing with the big guy, and they are talking super casually. I never caught what they said at all, though. Anyways, as I am witnessing this and seeing their exchange, out of nowhere, Larry answers a question I had but hadn’t verbalized at all whatsoever, and he says, “I’m not an angel.” I was about to ask him if he was an angel since I thought the big white guy was an angel, and he answered my question before I could ask it, like he was reading my mind.
After we talked for quite some time, probably a number of hours, I was spiritually exhausted, and Larry said, “Can we go in your van? My knee is bothering me. My knee has some pus coming out of it and is injured.” So I said, sure. When we were talking by my van, I said, “You are a prophet.” And he seems disappointed and says, “I'm a prophet.” Then he asks with a bit of excitement, “Big 'P' or small 'p'?" And I say, "The biggest." I didn't know what I was saying then, but there is a bible verse that basically says Jesus was the "big P prophet" that Israel was looking forward to. It says this in Deuteronomy 18:15, corresponding with John 6:14, among other verses.
At this point, he tells me that I am like King David. So we got in my van and drove down the road, and I started smoking a cigar. At that point, Larry takes a pack of Newport cigarettes out of his pocket and aggressively puts it on the central part between the seats. (That's the same brand of cigarettes that the guy I said I was afraid of smokes, and the other reason I think that guy hurt Larry, and Larry took his cigarettes.)
I offer him some food, and he says, "I don't need to eat, but if you make me food, I will eat it." I give him two choices of what to eat. They are both almost the same. I secretly want him to pick a certain one. After he analyzes the boxes for a moment, he points to the one I wanted him to pick. I didn't do anything different with the food, he just happened to pick the right one. When we got in the house, my father had his Bible on the counter, which I can’t remember seeing before, and the Bible was open to a passage about King David in the Psalms about David’s genealogy. So it seems that this was a sign of the prophecy he spoke about me being like David.
The experience is what gave me the faith I have today. Of that, I am sure. But I have questioned the experience or how I interpret it.
I have pondered what it means for my faith if the experience I had with this man is built on a faulty premise. I cannot deny what it was like to talk to this man. That is beyond doubt for me. But what if the origin of what gave me my faith is false in another way? Well, the thing that this experience led to is my studying apologetics. I am not a huge bookworm, but I come across enough Christian apologetics content to be dangerous. I have more resources than I have read. So if I ever find myself in a state of doubt, those books will be the first place I will go. Not only that, but I find that one argument in particular by Gary Habermas is especially powerful, which is the six minimal facts for the resurrection. In other words, I have no reason to doubt my faith. Having said that, if I did find myself giving up the Christian faith, I would not be an atheist. I would probably go to some spiritual beliefs like New Age or something. Why? Because I have had experiences, I cannot deny that it was supernatural. So, in that way, I have even more confidence that the supernatural is real than I do that Christianity is true. Of course, my faith is very strong at this point. I could do more, of course, as we all could. I could study more. I could read the Bible more. I could go to church more often. Etc.
Now, why am I even questioning the source of this experience? It is because this man claimed to be Christ that I can only assume three or four options. Those options are: He was Christ Himself. Why he would visit me, I have no idea. The next extreme option is that it was Satan or a demon. That doesn't really make sense since I spoke and engaged with him in the flesh. It could have been meant to deceive me, but the Lord prevailed. The third option would be that it was some sort of anti-Christ. Either an anti-Christ or a false prophet. The fourth option would be that it was a holy prophet who was gravely mistaken or fell into a grave sin at just the wrong time, but God still used him to speak into my life. Finally, it could have been a crazy person, but that does not explain how the guy could be so prophetic, his knowledge of the Word, and understanding of the Kingdom of Heaven, more than anyone else I have ever met.
Whoever the man was, it gave me the experience I needed to draw near to Christ. From there, I have developed tools to be sure of my faith. Honestly, as much as I am undecided about this experience, it strangely does not feel like a dilemma as it used to. I used to be perplexed about it, considering the idea that I could be an Apostle or one of the Two Witnesses. But at this point, until I know more, I am content to just be a faithful Christian. I am nothing special. Really. Honestly. I have had my difficulties, but I also have my sins. I am not a holy man, and I hope no one ever gets that idea in their head that I am better than anyone else. I would not put myself at the top of the list when it comes to morality. I have some rather bad habits, and Satan has some footholds in my life. But I love Jesus. I find I love Jesus more every year. I look back over the last six years from the time of this experience and find my capacity to love other people has skyrocketed since I was first called by God to be a Christian. I was not a nice person before. I was also VERY reactionary. I would often really overreact to things. So, it is only due to the grace of God that I have some composure. Not only is my capacity to love others greatly increased, but my mental health is worlds different from what it used to be. I can attribute some of this to medication, but that is not the whole story. God has certainly been healing my mind.
In the end, it is not the experience itself that I know Christianity is true, but I know it is true for many reasons, including apologetics and other personal experiences involving miracles, visions, dreams, prophecies, and the like.
Also, know that I do not consider myself worthy to be blessed by the grace of God. He is truly merciful. I am nothing without my King, Savior, Master, and Lord.
Read at your own risk because IDK how this will affect people here.
Without any more introduction, let's get into it...
Of course, I am ever in the pursuit of truth and do not believe I will ever arrive in this life, but this is what this pursuit of truth is really based on.
I was the prodigal son. I was raised in the church. Then I got into a very bad relationship. A year later, when I was smoking dope, I developed psychosis. It was at this time that I started questioning everything. I became an atheist because I was afraid that if I called myself a Christian, I would be persecuted for my faith due to paranoid delusions. I went on what I call a “Quest for Truth” when I considered myself an atheist. When I called myself an atheist, I got a thirst for knowledge. Since I have a mental illness and was on SSI, I had a lot of time on my hands, as I am on disability. I devoted myself to learning all sorts of things. From neuroscience to Cantor and theories of infinity to Godel, to computer science stuff, you name it. When I started reading “Personality Types” by Carl Jung, even though Jung himself was an atheist, reading that book turned me into a pantheist. I saw the mind’s complexities, so I developed a theory. My theory was that the universe itself was a god. I believe that the universe itself was conscious. I had to answer the question, “What is the purpose of beings with agency and complex minds?” The answer I came up with was that the universe, as a conscious entity, decided to create beings with agency so that the universe could “discover itself” through these beings with agency. That was my working theory at the time, and on some level, it makes sense.
But on a hot August day on the 24th, 2018, after I was at my PC, I went outside. I was very anxious for some reason. I was out on the porch. I got the sense that someone I knew earlier was out there and looking for me. He was a gang member. I should never have mixed up with that guy, which was a mistake. Anyways, after being very nervous for no reason, I returned to my PC because of this anxiety. I was only outside for a few minutes. When I returned outside a short time later, a heavy-set man with a dark complexion, wearing khakis, a white button-up shirt, and a bowtie, walked into my parents’ driveway, where I lived. He almost looked like a homeless person would dress up for a special occasion. The man’s name was Larry Emmanuel Morris. I later tried to find him in public records, but couldn’t find anyone with that name and age (as he said he was about 54 years old at the time).
He was trying to tell me something about this little booklet he had. He had a very mild personality - not forceful at all. When we were talking, he told me I looked like a skateboarder. It brought up memories of when I was about 12-14 years old and had a skateboard. But I never could do many tricks because I didn’t practice very often. Also, there was this video that I think I had just watched in between the time I was outside. It was the music video for the song “Alive” by POD. The music video features a skateboarder who got his car T-boned by a bus, and the car flipped, but the guy came out with no damage after the fact. In my 20s, I had a similar car accident where I flipped my father’s car. When I flipped the car, I went off the curb and hit a big light post. After the police arrived, and I was given a ticket for reckless driving and a fine later to pay for the damages, the police officer said, “It’s a miracle you are alive. If you don’t believe in God, you really should.” After my conversation with Larry, I saw POD play on August 30, 2018. Before the show, I ran into the lead singer (Sonny) and told him about this experience.
Anyways, after the guy introduced his booklet, I said, “Sorry, I don’t have money for you, but I have prayer for you.” I still don’t know why I said that at the time. I was a pantheist, not a Christian or really a part of any religion. He said, “Prayer is good too.” We shook hands, and he walked away.
For some reason, I wanted to go on a walk to the place I would normally walk. I drove there in my van. The place I walk is a pond that has a path around it. It’s more like a figure 8 or an infinity symbol. One of the bodies of water split up by a bridge in the middle is a lot bigger than the other. It takes about 6-7 minutes to walk around the smaller loop around the body of water. If you walk around both bodies of water, it’s about a mile or so. So as I started walking around the smaller body of water, I recalled the handshake the guy gave me. I reflected on it, and I just started crying. His handshake was the most humble, honest, and authentic I have ever gotten from someone. I recall now that when I shook his hand, he said, “It’s nice to meet you, Jesse” (my name). I was hysterical when I was crying, and I was hoping I didn’t see anyone else on the path because that would have been really awkward to see someone weeping like I was. When I got to the first juncture on which way to go, whether to walk around the whole path or take the short path back to my car, I stood there for what seemed like forever, but was actually probably no longer than a minute. I felt like the Holy Spirit was convicting me at that moment. I could either continue my walk or go the short way back home. I decided to take the shortcut home.
When I got in my van and drove home, I thought I had to see that man again. As I got close to my home again, I started to get anxious that I wouldn’t see him. After all, it had probably been about half an hour since he walked in my driveway, and it was unlikely that he would have stayed in the same place because he was on foot. My parents live on the opposite end of a busier street where there is basically a square of road, and we are opposite the main road. It’s a closed-loop block. I drive down the first street perpendicular to the main road and the road on which my parents’ house is. I turn the corner and pull into the driveway when I remember saying, “Where is he? He isn’t here.” I backed up and went back the way I came. I drive down the main road and down the second perpendicular street to the loop where my parents live. I drive down the road and don’t know what I am doing, but I hope I see him somewhere. I see him coming out of one of the houses on that street. He was limping when walking down the steps. I actually found him! I ask myself where I should park, and I drive down a bit and park on the side of the road. When I saw him, I said, “I had to see you again.” I can’t remember his response to that. We start talking. He starts telling me about his life. He had many physical ailments, and he was telling me about them. My heart broke for him as he told me that, and I started sobbing. I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “You’re a good man.” I am sure my speech was unintelligible because I was crying so much. I remember when I did that, he said in a very peaceful, gentle way, “This is good.”
So we are standing in the street, and he starts telling me all these amazing things. For example, he recalls these two guys I used to hang out with, one of whom I already mentioned. And he says, “One of them likes you, and one of them doesn’t.” The one who didn’t like me I was afraid of. None of my family members knew what I did with these guys. I was just afraid of this guy. I don’t know the details of that conversation about what he said about those two guys, but it was like he was prophesying about my innermost thoughts. He starts talking about the kingdom of heaven. He gives an example. He says something like, “Maybe you are driving down the road, and someone you don’t know sees the condition your vehicle is in, and they decide to give you a new vehicle. That’s how the kingdom of heaven works.” I didn’t plan this, but it dawns on me now that up until November 27, 2022, I was without a vehicle for over six months. It just so happens that someone I know gave me his old van after getting another one at no cost.
He also starts talking about Bible passages I had never heard before. He spoke of Ezekiel and the valley of dry bones, and I couldn’t really make out what he was saying, but I remember him asking me, “Are those your bones?” talking about the Valley of Dry Bones... Even though I am always learning, I was still lost in knowing much of theology until the latter portion of 2019. On April 12, 2019, one of my favorite albums of all time was released. The album cover of that album is a painting of the Valley of Dry Bones, seen here:
He said other remarkable things. As he spoke to me, I sat on the curb and listened to him talk. I recall seeing him speak and this beautiful blue sky in the background. I recall it was as if my spirit was being overflowed with glory. It was spiritually overwhelming. And so because of that, I was sitting down. Meanwhile, this man wasn’t under this spiritual heaviness and wasn’t sitting down despite the injury to his knee. He probably would have felt better sitting down, but it was like he had this duty to speak truthfully to me, so he stood up instead of sitting.
Remember what I said about that guy I was afraid of? There’s more to say about it. The man, Larry, said he had pus coming out of his knee. I couldn’t help but think that the guy I was afraid of had an encounter with Larry and hurt Larry’s knee. That’s just speculation, but it feels true to me for some reason. There’s another reason I think this, but I’ll say that later.
After talking for a while, Larry told me, “If you call yourself a Christian, you could be persecuted for your faith. Is it worth it?” And I said, “Yes, it’s worth it.” You see, I had called myself an atheist because I was afraid I would be persecuted for my faith if I said I was a Christian. So my unbelief in God was based on fear of persecution. At that moment, I realized I might have to suffer for my faith, but it would all be worth it in the end.
There was also some talk about certain things he was saying that deeply resonated with me. I recall telling him, “These suburban people don’t care about the truth. All they care about is their 401 Ks and living a comfortable life. They don’t know what true faith is.” I remember telling him he was prophesying after I said that, and he said, “Well, look at what you are saying.”
At this time, I wanted to know about his booklet. I tried looking through it, but it didn’t make sense to me. It seemed to be a thing to get him to sell magazines or books or something like that. On the front, it said, “No donation required.” There were these packages you could pick for him to sell or something. He wanted to sell 200 or something, but I am unsure. All you had to do was sign your name to support him. Since I didn’t get the whole number system, I wrote my name to support him. But I wrote down a number too, which no one else did from the other names that had been written down. As I was going to cross out my name, he said, “Don’t do that.” But it was too late, I had already made the decision to cross off the numbers. I still feel bad about that and don’t know what it means. There were packages you could choose that would cater to certain people, like magazines for fathers and sons, or something like that.
At this point, I was sitting on the curb where this big white guy with a ponytail parks right next to the house, Larry comes out of, and drops off a big cardboard box in the house. At the time, I thought the big white guy was an angel dropping some spiritual thing off at the house. As the big white guy walks back, Larry starts conversing with the big guy, and they are talking super casually. I never caught what they said at all, though. Anyways, as I am witnessing this and seeing their exchange, out of nowhere, Larry answers a question I had but hadn’t verbalized at all whatsoever, and he says, “I’m not an angel.” I was about to ask him if he was an angel since I thought the big white guy was an angel, and he answered my question before I could ask it, like he was reading my mind.
After we talked for quite some time, probably a number of hours, I was spiritually exhausted, and Larry said, “Can we go in your van? My knee is bothering me. My knee has some pus coming out of it and is injured.” So I said, sure. When we were talking by my van, I said, “You are a prophet.” And he seems disappointed and says, “I'm a prophet.” Then he asks with a bit of excitement, “Big 'P' or small 'p'?" And I say, "The biggest." I didn't know what I was saying then, but there is a bible verse that basically says Jesus was the "big P prophet" that Israel was looking forward to. It says this in Deuteronomy 18:15, corresponding with John 6:14, among other verses.
At this point, he tells me that I am like King David. So we got in my van and drove down the road, and I started smoking a cigar. At that point, Larry takes a pack of Newport cigarettes out of his pocket and aggressively puts it on the central part between the seats. (That's the same brand of cigarettes that the guy I said I was afraid of smokes, and the other reason I think that guy hurt Larry, and Larry took his cigarettes.)
I offer him some food, and he says, "I don't need to eat, but if you make me food, I will eat it." I give him two choices of what to eat. They are both almost the same. I secretly want him to pick a certain one. After he analyzes the boxes for a moment, he points to the one I wanted him to pick. I didn't do anything different with the food, he just happened to pick the right one. When we got in the house, my father had his Bible on the counter, which I can’t remember seeing before, and the Bible was open to a passage about King David in the Psalms about David’s genealogy. So it seems that this was a sign of the prophecy he spoke about me being like David.
The experience is what gave me the faith I have today. Of that, I am sure. But I have questioned the experience or how I interpret it.
I have pondered what it means for my faith if the experience I had with this man is built on a faulty premise. I cannot deny what it was like to talk to this man. That is beyond doubt for me. But what if the origin of what gave me my faith is false in another way? Well, the thing that this experience led to is my studying apologetics. I am not a huge bookworm, but I come across enough Christian apologetics content to be dangerous. I have more resources than I have read. So if I ever find myself in a state of doubt, those books will be the first place I will go. Not only that, but I find that one argument in particular by Gary Habermas is especially powerful, which is the six minimal facts for the resurrection. In other words, I have no reason to doubt my faith. Having said that, if I did find myself giving up the Christian faith, I would not be an atheist. I would probably go to some spiritual beliefs like New Age or something. Why? Because I have had experiences, I cannot deny that it was supernatural. So, in that way, I have even more confidence that the supernatural is real than I do that Christianity is true. Of course, my faith is very strong at this point. I could do more, of course, as we all could. I could study more. I could read the Bible more. I could go to church more often. Etc.
Now, why am I even questioning the source of this experience? It is because this man claimed to be Christ that I can only assume three or four options. Those options are: He was Christ Himself. Why he would visit me, I have no idea. The next extreme option is that it was Satan or a demon. That doesn't really make sense since I spoke and engaged with him in the flesh. It could have been meant to deceive me, but the Lord prevailed. The third option would be that it was some sort of anti-Christ. Either an anti-Christ or a false prophet. The fourth option would be that it was a holy prophet who was gravely mistaken or fell into a grave sin at just the wrong time, but God still used him to speak into my life. Finally, it could have been a crazy person, but that does not explain how the guy could be so prophetic, his knowledge of the Word, and understanding of the Kingdom of Heaven, more than anyone else I have ever met.
Whoever the man was, it gave me the experience I needed to draw near to Christ. From there, I have developed tools to be sure of my faith. Honestly, as much as I am undecided about this experience, it strangely does not feel like a dilemma as it used to. I used to be perplexed about it, considering the idea that I could be an Apostle or one of the Two Witnesses. But at this point, until I know more, I am content to just be a faithful Christian. I am nothing special. Really. Honestly. I have had my difficulties, but I also have my sins. I am not a holy man, and I hope no one ever gets that idea in their head that I am better than anyone else. I would not put myself at the top of the list when it comes to morality. I have some rather bad habits, and Satan has some footholds in my life. But I love Jesus. I find I love Jesus more every year. I look back over the last six years from the time of this experience and find my capacity to love other people has skyrocketed since I was first called by God to be a Christian. I was not a nice person before. I was also VERY reactionary. I would often really overreact to things. So, it is only due to the grace of God that I have some composure. Not only is my capacity to love others greatly increased, but my mental health is worlds different from what it used to be. I can attribute some of this to medication, but that is not the whole story. God has certainly been healing my mind.
In the end, it is not the experience itself that I know Christianity is true, but I know it is true for many reasons, including apologetics and other personal experiences involving miracles, visions, dreams, prophecies, and the like.
Also, know that I do not consider myself worthy to be blessed by the grace of God. He is truly merciful. I am nothing without my King, Savior, Master, and Lord.
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