The "friend zone"

i came to this thread thinking it was going to be a magical place where we could all be friends, but its just about trying to get sex.
 
JGirl said:
no, i use the 'unfriend' term loosely i guess. i really meant i told him to fuck off.
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And I was really hoping for a story involving a kick in the pants or something else...:m179:


But seriously...that's kind of messed for a guy to act that way. And for it to happen for that long is just wrong. It sort of makes me wonder what goes through a person's mind when they do shit like that, but then again it's probably better that I don't understand. I probably wouldn't like what I'd find out...
 
Skarekrow said:
Do you think it is more the men who are falling all over themselves to have a significant other or do you think that some women use "the friend zone" as a safety net....to size up the person before jumping in headfirst....or is it a power play for some women?
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I think both happen. A lot of women that I have seen like a safety net. They like to have a guy there for her while she goes through whatever she goes through but want to keep their options open in case someone better comes alone. Some guys hang around because they think they can land that particular girl and can't see it any other way. They're desperate for a girlfriends. But girls get desperate too. Sometimes it's also a power play. It depends on the woman.
 
MisterNi said:
Who indeed?
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well...

uberrogo said:
royalty I guess.
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Yes, that is true, I forgot! You are funny & awesome.

invisible said:
i came to this thread thinking it was going to be a magical place where we could all be friends, but its just about trying to get sex.
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Yeah, screw this thread, I don't like it anymore. (note the irony. note it.)
Where is that magical place?
 
sandra_b said:
I think both happen. A lot of women that I have seen like a safety net. They like to have a guy there for her while she goes through whatever she goes through but want to keep their options open in case someone better comes alone. Some guys hang around because they think they can land that particular girl and can't see it any other way. They're desperate for a girlfriends. But girls get desperate too. Sometimes it's also a power play. It depends on the woman.
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The reality is sandra_b can have any man she wants but she is so picky and prudish it is unreal.
 
uberrogo said:
The reality is sandra_b can have any man she wants but she is so picky and prudish it is unreal.
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Really....hmmm...thanks for the heads up....I'll watch out....lol
 
[MENTION=731]uberrogo[/MENTION]
Oh, I don't think I can have any man I want. At least not in my experience.

[MENTION=5045]Skarekrow[/MENTION] it is always good to take advice about other people from third parties. ;)
 
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Peppermint said:
That said, it's a myth that women don't struggle with rejection, just ask the chubby, quiet, or/and outright fat and ugly women about it.
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Uh.... beautiful, hardworking, strong minded women or ditzy, blondes, etc can be outwardly rejected as well. It's not all about the look of the female or how outgoing she is. Most people have been outwardly rejected and the reasons weren't always about looks or gregariousness. Sometimes personalities just clash.
 
I believe the friend-zone was created as an excuse by ignorant types to uphold their personality and pin the blame on the one who friend-zoned them because I see a lot of complaining when people get friend-zoned.

Two factors come into play here: the personality and the physicality. Physicality is the physical urge we feel, for now I'm using it interchangeably with lust, even if that is not correct.

Personalities clash too often because the people are too close-minded and think they know what type of people is best for them. In reality, I don't believe there is any perfect type but that we are supposed to work together to develop each other's personalities. Because of this, I believe anyone is capable of loving anyone.

But my belief is contradicted by the physicality. We are just too shallow...and that is hard to overcome. Take me for example, and I apologize if I offend anyone: I do not care for and am disgusted by obese people or abnormal physical features (people call this "ugly"). I believe this was conditioned by the media's influence and I feel as I have lowered my standards since I've come to believe this and as such, I find my standards lower (not by too much) than other people's.

This is a shame, because in a world of equal attractiveness, people would focus on the personality and realize that they can build upon each other if they're mature enough...or it might cause one massive orgy! :m063:

Now..I'm disagreeing with my last sentence. Perhaps it is the personality that is influenced by physicality and in a world of equal attractiveness, everyone would have the same personality...? I need to think about this more.

Edit: I believe the physicality and personality influence each other so it is a circle...so the question in my mind right now is...which came first?
 
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sandra_b said:
I think both happen. A lot of women that I have seen like a safety net. They like to have a guy there for her while she goes through whatever she goes through but want to keep their options open in case someone better comes alone. Some guys hang around because they think they can land that particular girl and can't see it any other way. They're desperate for a girlfriends. But girls get desperate too. Sometimes it's also a power play. It depends on the woman.
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That behaviour is revolting.
 
The Jester said:
That behaviour is revolting.
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I have done all of these these things at one point or another. It's not always a deliberate thing. I think a lot of women aren't fully conscious of what they're doing. Of course some are conscious of it and it's a game for them. I think this tends to happen more when they're younger and still working through things and finding themselves.
 
sandra_b said:
[MENTION=731]uberrogo[/MENTION]
Oh, I don't think I can have any man I want. At least not in my experience.

[MENTION=5045]Skarekrow[/MENTION] it is always good to take advice about other people from third parties. ;)
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I try not to judge people too harshly Sandra...I have enough of my own faults to make that an unjust conclusion. lol
 
sandra_b said:
\

I judge everyone harshly!! Just kidding. I was just teasing.
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I do judge people harshly, but I have learned not to listen to that part of my brain as it has been wrong on a number of occasions.
The only time it gets the better of me is when I get road rage...so many bad drivers!!!
 
Skarekrow said:
I do judge people harshly, but I have learned not to listen to that part of my brain as it has been wrong on a number of occasions.
The only time it gets the better of me is when I get road rage...so many bad drivers!!!
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Oh I am sorry to hear that. I am always right. :)
 
Oh really....hmmmm....you are female so then I guess you are always right....lol.
 
sandra_b said:
I have done all of these these things at one point or another. It's not always a deliberate thing. I think a lot of women aren't fully conscious of what they're doing. Of course some are conscious of it and it's a game for them. I think this tends to happen more when they're younger and still working through things and finding themselves.
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Not conscious of making decisions regarding morality? That's funny.

It's even funnier to think that, going upon that statement, in order for them to find themselves, they have to make others lost in the process.
I don't mean to place scorn in you in any way though, I just honestly think it's hilariously ironic.
 
The Jester said:
Not conscious of making decisions regarding morality? That's funny.

It's even funnier to think that, going upon that statement, in order for them to find themselves, they have to make others lost in the process.
I don't mean to place scorn in you in any way though, I just honestly think it's hilariously ironic.
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So it goes! You can scorn away if you like. I just prefer to be real about myself than try to make it seem like something that it's not or pretending to be better than I am.

I think a lot of people do things that they're not always aware of. And if they are aware they may not even know how it's affecting other people they're dealing with. I don't think the intention is to make other people feel lost in order to find themselves. It's just a byproduct of an ugly situation that seems to occur frequently. I just have happened to experience it. Both sides of it, actually.
 
sandra_b said:
So it goes! You can scorn away if you like. I just prefer to be real about myself than try to make it seem like something that it's not or pretending to be better than I am.

I think a lot of people do things that they're not always aware of. And if they are aware they may not even know how it's affecting other people they're dealing with. I don't think the intention is to make other people feel lost in order to find themselves. It's just a byproduct of an ugly situation that seems to occur frequently. I just have happened to experience it. Both sides of it, actually.
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Heh. I just said I'm not trying to place scorn on you, nor do I have any intention to.
I was simply voicing out my disgust with that type of behaviour.

Nevertheless, if it's a byproduct of a situation that seems to occur frequently, no matter how ugly, then at some point in these successive acts, one became aware of what they're doing.
As well as the impact it has on other people. On hindsight, these acts may be rationalizable, but it's still really inexcusably despicable.
No offense to you. I sympathize with you experiencing it. Must've been rather unpleasant.
 
The Jester said:
Heh. I just said I'm not trying to place scorn on you, nor do I have any intention to.
I was simply voicing out my disgust with that type of behaviour.

Nevertheless, if it's a byproduct of a situation that seems to occur frequently, no matter how ugly, then at some point in these successive acts, one became aware of what they're doing.
As well as the impact it has on other people. On hindsight, these acts may be rationalizable, but it's still really inexcusably despicable.
No offense to you. I sympathize with you experiencing it. Must've been rather unpleasant.
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I don't mind it too much. Though what does tend to suck is when I become aware of what's happening and recognize the situation for what it is and try to bring an end to it. Somehow when I am direct and honest with people they get more upset and seem content to leave things the way they were, hoping for more. That always confuses me. I'd assume men would want to be with a woman who wants them, but apparently some of them don't. At that point I stop accepting responsibility for the situation if they choose to stay. At this point, it becomes a two way street and they are a willing participant. I will say that I never purposely lead people on or seek them out for my own selfish means. It tends to be something that develops slowly over time and it takes some kind of catalyst or situation to come up before I realize what's happening.

It's also unpleasant to be on the receiving end of that kind of behaviour. Except I am aware enough to understand it for what it is and also know what I'm doing. If I get hurt in the process because I'm waiting around for someone then that's my fault for not having the strength to cut things off and move on.
 
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