The "friend zone"

[FamineGT]

Note that 'friend zone' is not to be confused with friendship.

Good note. I kind of misinterpreted that when I first made my post. Most of my friends wouldn't think of me past the friend status though I've been told that a couple of them might have feelings deeper than that. But I agree that clairty is important on both sides so they know where the other person stands. If a person chooses to continue pursuing the other despite that knowledge then...

 

[Sriracha]

i feel very old.

Raises hand in agreement. I'm glad you asked.

 

[JGirl]

how about the guys who pretend to be just friends because they think they will eventually wear the woman down?
this has happened to me. a great friend for years until i left my husband then he was all over me and resented that i wouldn't 'give him a chance' seeing as he was such a good friend to me all those years.
he actually got pissy that i wouldn't fuck him just because i was now single. prior to that, there was never any suggestion of a physical attraction from him.
i unfriended him. never mind zones.

 

[MisterNi]

how about the guys who pretend to be just friends because they think they will eventually wear the woman down?

That sounds like bad news.

this has happened to me. a great friend for years until i left my husband then he was all over me and resented that i wouldn't 'give him a chance' seeing as he was such a good friend to me all those years.
he actually got pissy that i wouldn't fuck him just because i was now single. prior to that, there was never any suggestion of a physical attraction from him.
i unfriended him. never mind zones.

Wait, is this an online thing? Because by unfriending I'm assuming you meant un-Facebook friending him. Well, at any rate if all he was after was sex then that might've been the only reason he was friendly toward you in the first place and "unfriending" him was probably a wise choice.

 

[JGirl]

That sounds like bad news.



Wait, is this an online thing? Because by unfriending I'm assuming you meant un-Facebook friending him. Well, at any rate if all he was after was sex then that might've been the only reason he was friendly toward you and "unfriending" him was probably a wise choice.

no, i use the 'unfriend' term loosely i guess. i really meant i told him to fuck off.
this was a friend i had since i was 13 years old. i was 40 when this all happened.

 

[MisterNi]

no, i use the 'unfriend' term loosely i guess. i really meant i told him to fuck off.
this was a friend i had since i was 13 years old. i was 40 when this all happened.

Well, it was probably for the best that you were firm and direct with warding off his sexual advances, especially since you weren't attracted to him. That saved you a lot of trouble in the long run.

 

[the]

how about the guys who pretend to be just friends because they think they will eventually wear the woman down?
this has happened to me. a great friend for years until i left my husband then he was all over me and resented that i wouldn't 'give him a chance' seeing as he was such a good friend to me all those years.
he actually got pissy that i wouldn't fuck him just because i was now single. prior to that, there was never any suggestion of a physical attraction from him.
i unfriended him. never mind zones.

Whenever I see a girl on FB has just turned single I always ask them about a week later how many of her male friends come out of the wood work. The answer is always at least 3.

 

[this is only temporary]

^^^ that has happened to me in the past and has upset me horribly. Not discovering someone liked me in "that" way, but to find out what complete disregard they had for me in all other ways, was awful. Because when it has happened, the guys in question, who had been very friendly, proceeded to treat me very badly and behave like total jerks, which proved to me that what I thought was friendship was nothing of the kind. It was only being nice to someone in hopes of getting sex. That is not friendship and it never was and I agree with JGirl that it is fair grounds for unfriending.

I think friend zone is a misuse of the word "friend", at least as I understand it. It is really just the no-sex zone. Friends should be more or less permanent, whereas sex comes and goes. (shut up, you know what I mean!) And who sleeps with their enemies, anyway?

 

[joz]

My absolute favourite, by far, has got to be people who refuse
to be friendzoned. Such as you directly tell them you are uninterested
and you do so multiple times but for some unknown reason they
think that you're just playing hard to get or don't want to admit your
feelings or this is a great one, "you just don't know how attracted
to me you are yet". No. Women tell you we're disinterested when
we are actually disinterested. Do you think we want to willingly
deal with your hurt feelings/emotions? We hate that. We do not
want that. We are not denying our true inner feelings for whatever
reason you think we are. So please, listen.

/monologue

Might I ask your Type? I'm about to be friend-zoned by an ENFP and am pretty sure in giving a quiet similiar response for it feels right.

 

[MisterNi]

I think friend zone is a misuse of the word "friend", at least as I understand it. It is really just the no-sex zone. Friends should be more or less permanent, whereas sex comes and goes. (shut up, you know what I mean!)

Yes, I more or less agree! Friend-zone doesn't necessarily mean they're friends only. It means the best you can be is friends and nothing more. That's usually a signal to most guys with a clue to move on or just be happy to stay friends.

And who sleeps with their enemies, anyway?

Who indeed?

 

[JGirl]

^^^ that has happened to me in the past and has upset me horribly. Not discovering someone liked me in "that" way, but to find out what complete disregard they had for me in all other ways, was awful. Because when it has happened, the guys in question, who had been very friendly, proceeded to treat me very badly and behave like total jerks, which proved to me that what I thought was friendship was nothing of the kind. It was only being nice to someone in hopes of getting sex. That is not friendship and it never was and I agree with JGirl that it is fair grounds for unfriending.

I think friend zone is a misuse of the word "friend", at least as I understand it. It is really just the no-sex zone. Friends should be more or less permanent, whereas sex comes and goes. (shut up, you know what I mean!) And who sleeps with their enemies, anyway?

good point

 

[JGirl]

Whenever I see a girl on FB has just turned single I always ask them about a week later how many of her male friends come out of the wood work. The answer is always at least 3.

i misused the term 'unfriend'. i was referring to a real life friendship, not facebook. sorry about the mix-up.

 

[JGirl]

Well, it was probably for the best that you were firm and direct with warding off his sexual advances, especially since you weren't attracted to him. That saved you a lot of trouble in the long run.

i have yet to figure out multi quotes, sorry for the repeat posts
yes it has turned out better, but it's also a bitter pill because that is a lifetime of lies to me now. when you have a close friendship, and i mean almost every day you see each other or talk on the phone etc, and suddenly all that has to be re examined in a different context.
did i cause this somehow? where there signs along the way i missed? did he ever give any indication he wanted more? etc.
after i went through all that, i realized that i will never really know. i can only know that i never intended to, nor did i ever put myself in a compromising position with him. it was always based on mutual interests as far as i knew.
surprise surprise.

 

[MisterNi]

i have yet to figure out multi quotes, sorry for the repeat posts

Sure thing. Just click on the little quote bubble with the + on the lower right hand side of each post you want to multi-quote then click on the blue "+Reply to Thread" when you're ready to reply. Easy peasy.

yes it has turned out better, but it's also a bitter pill because that is a lifetime of lies to me now. when you have a close friendship, and i mean almost every day you see each other or talk on the phone etc, and suddenly all that has to be re examined in a different context.

Yes, that would be a rather bitter pill to swallow, indeed!

did i cause this somehow? where there signs along the way i missed? did he ever give any indication he wanted more? etc.
after i went through all that, i realized that i will never really know.

At this point who knows. Forget about the past and just look to your future.

i can only know that i never intended to, nor did i ever put myself in a compromising position with him. it was always based on mutual interests as far as i knew.

Well, good!

surprise surprise.

lol!

 

[Whiskers]

he was all over me and resented that i wouldn't 'give him a chance' seeing as he was such a good friend to me all those years.

I've had a 'friend' attempt something similar, actually, using that same phrase, regarding 'giving him a chance', as if he were entitled to be with me on a trial basis or something lol.

 

[the]

^^^ that has happened to me in the past and has upset me horribly. Not discovering someone liked me in "that" way, but to find out what complete disregard they had for me in all other ways, was awful. Because when it has happened, the guys in question, who had been very friendly, proceeded to treat me very badly and behave like total jerks, which proved to me that what I thought was friendship was nothing of the kind. It was only being nice to someone in hopes of getting sex. That is not friendship and it never was and I agree with JGirl that it is fair grounds for unfriending.

I think friend zone is a misuse of the word "friend", at least as I understand it. It is really just the no-sex zone. Friends should be more or less permanent, whereas sex comes and goes. (shut up, you know what I mean!) And who sleeps with their enemies, anyway?

royalty I guess.

 

[Bird]

how about the guys who pretend to be just friends because they think they will eventually wear the woman down?
this has happened to me. a great friend for years until i left my husband then he was all over me and resented that i wouldn't 'give him a chance' seeing as he was such a good friend to me all those years.
he actually got pissy that i wouldn't fuck him just because i was now single. prior to that, there was never any suggestion of a physical attraction from him.
i unfriended him. never mind zones.

I think I tend to develop these kind of relationships with men.

I never wear down though I do grow to really dislike them.

 

[894tt3h9]

I friend zone men constantly. Most of the male friends I have now are as a result of them pursuing me and me not wanting to be involved with them sexually or romantically. I'm pretty up front about it but I think many men misconstrue my personality and think that because I am kind and genuine that it automatically means I am interested in them. I think most men are used to being shut down immediately and cast out that if I talk to them at length somehow that means something. It doesn't. Some of them stick around after I tell them "no." Some of them fade out of my life only to return and try again later lol. Only ONCE have I ever ended up getting involved with one of these guys because it felt right and the timing felt right, but it just didn't end up working out.

I have been friend zoned. I was just in love with my best friend in high school for years but he was never interested in me in that way. I was not very attractive in high school so I understand why

 

[Skarekrow]

I friend zone men constantly. Most of the male friends I have now are as a result of them pursuing me and me not wanting to be involved with them sexually or romantically. I'm pretty up front about it but I think many men misconstrue my personality and think that because I am kind and genuine that it automatically means I am interested in them. I think most men are used to being shut down immediately and cast out that if I talk to them at length somehow that means something. It doesn't. Some of them stick around after I tell them "no." Some of them fade out of my life only to return and try again later lol. Only ONCE have I ever ended up getting involved with one of these guys because it felt right and the timing felt right, but it just didn't end up working out.

I have been friend zoned. I was just in love with my best friend in high school for years but he was never interested in me in that way. I was not very attractive in high school so I understand why

Do you think it is more the men who are falling all over themselves to have a significant other or do you think that some women use "the friend zone" as a safety net....to size up the person before jumping in headfirst....or is it a power play for some women?

 

[Agnostic Monk]

Women get friend zoned all the time, but there usually is an unspoken agreement between the two that the girl is not good enough (looking) for the guy. With men, we're just much less likely to submit to being only a friend to an attractive woman. There's more at stake for a man because of society's differing treatment of male and female sexuality. A straight male who wants nothing more than friendship from an attractive woman is either going to be a good friend of her boyfriend or is going to already be in a (loving) relationship.