The games men play

[aeon]

I have had two experiences where being clear and straightforward about wanting to get to know someone,
and that I was not interested in having sex in the short term, resulted in:

the woman thinking I was playing some game she could not figure out, and that I was (in denial) gay, and,

the woman thinking I had to have some ulterior motive, as well as becoming self-conscious because
my not wanting to have sex right away meant something was wrong with her appearance.

What I learned from those experiences is deviating too far from the usually-encountered
approaches will sometimes result in confusion, disbelief, and/or judgement.


Cheers,
Ian

 

[dang]

I can't get a date.

Can I take you out for dinner and a movie? Pick you up at 7. Don't be late.

 

[Night Owl]

I have had two experiences where being clear and straightforward about wanting to get to know someone,
and that I was not interested in having sex in the short term, resulted in:

the woman thinking I was playing some game she could not figure out, and that I was (in denial) gay, and,

the woman thinking I had to have some ulterior motive, as well as becoming self-conscious because
my not wanting to have sex right away meant something was wrong with her appearance.

What I learned from those experiences is deviating too far from the usually-encountered
approaches will sometimes result in confusion, disbelief, and/or judgement.


Cheers,
Ian

What a sad world we live in when one cannot even be somewhat honest and direct in expressing what is contrary to the status quo (jumping in the ring on day one) without having oneself viewed with suspicion.

...and even more future fakers. I have a male cousin who is this type.....he is 40 years old, unmarried, and asked me to introduce him to women I know for one or two night stands. He is also the type who thinks he is amazing even though he is overweight and doesn't have any hobbies. Oh and he wants a younger, skinny woman who is beautiful and doesn't have children. My own cousin disgusts me but there are tons of men like him out there.

Mhmm, yes, there's plenty of men I know, from 25 to 45 who despite not being the best of catches (that's an overstatement!) like to box above their weight, and are satisfied with naught else but a woman from out of the catalog of Victoria's Secret. They'll even think it's a right of theirs and are truly deluded as to their own magnificence as if they were the bees knees whom every woman should be fawning over. They'll often spend their days complaining about being single when most aren't even willing to commit on any level, and won't even consider a relationship (sex they'll go for anything that moves more often than not) with any woman who doesn't fit the magazine glitz model. Some women I know are quite similar, in their excessive fussiness over physical looks and/or a man's wealth. It's a hard truth, but not every beast can have a beauty, some beasts just have to find a beauty in a beast. Lol.

 

[Artemisia]

Mhmm, yes, there's plenty of men I know, from 25 to 45 who despite not being the best of catches (that's an overstatement!) like to box above their weight, and are satisfied with naught else but a woman from out of the catalog of Victoria's Secret. They'll even think it's a right of theirs and are truly deluded as to their own magnificence as if they were the bees knees whom every woman should be fawning over. They'll often spend their days complaining about being single when most aren't even willing to commit on any level, and won't even consider a relationship (sex they'll go for anything that moves more often than not) with any woman who doesn't fit the magazine glitz model. Some women I know are quite similar, in their excessive fussiness over physical looks and/or a man's wealth. It's a hard truth, but not every beast can have a beauty, some beasts just have to find a beauty in a beast. Lol.

Yes, these types literally make me feel sick.....if this guy was not my cousin I would have told him off big time. Even his mom tells him that he has to lower his standards. I mean not only is he addicted to porn and is avoidant as hell but he seeks perfection in women like he is some gift to them. He also brags about his sexual prowess and I've learned from experience that men who act like that are crap in bed. Did I mention that he is 40 and still lives with his widowed mom?

 

[Artemisia]

And by the way, there are plenty of spoiled princesses out there too. I know women who wouldn't go out with a guy if he did not pay the bill on the first date (dating is different in Europe) and even one woman who broke up with a good guy because he didn't get a Mercedes.

So it can go both ways. I mean there is a minimum threshhold in terms of looks and attraction. I am an attractive woman who is generally attracted to tall, blonde men (I am brunette). Does that mean that I will reject someone who is dark-haired or ginger? Well, not really. It's just a physical preference.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Could have something to so with society in general telling you what you want. Romance stories and movies giving you an unrealistic portrayal of real life then expecting that type of life and when you dont get it thinking there's something wrong.
In the end I think the only important thing is that the so comes home at night without having spent their free time with someone else during the day. I think thats realistic.

 

[Artemisia]

In the end I think the only important thing is that the so comes home at night without having spent their free time with someone else during the day. I think thats realistic.

Sure, but that should be the essence of being in a relationship/married. If you get anxiety from worrying that your SO if with someone else then that person is clearly not for you.

Media is also to blame I find. I am going to get a bit personal here but a few of my friends and I have had men tell us that we should get Brazilian waxes and that normal women do that. I blame it on pornography and the capitalist system for skewing men's perceptions of what a real woman should look like down there. It's like telling a man his penis should be bigger....but unless it is not tiny it does not make much of a difference tbh.

Expectations are partly personal and partly cultural but I feel like overexposure to pornography and ads has disensitized men especially.

 

[Night Owl]

Yes, these types literally make me feel sick.....if this guy was not my cousin I would have told him off big time. Even his mom tells him that he has to lower his standards. I mean not only is he addicted to porn and is avoidant as hell but he seeks perfection in women like he is some gift to them. He also brags about his sexual prowess and I've learned from experience that men who act like that are crap in bed. Did I mention that he is 40 and still lives with his widowed mom?

Pornography is indeed a scourge, especially for men. It's part of a plethora of the problems mentioned on this thread. Okay, yes I am a Christian, but even for non-religious and non-spiritual reasons I'm against it, as are many secular individuals. Not that I look down on anyone who uses it, or those who make the videos. I could go on about this, and it would serve as an interesting topic for discussion. There has been a lot of research done of late into its negative physiological, psychological and relational effects. But such a topic would need its own thread!

 

[Eventhorizon]

Sure, but that should be the essence of being in a relationship/married. If you get anxiety from worrying that your SO if with someone else then that person is clearly not for you.

Media is also to blame I find. I am going to get a bit personal here but a few of my friends and I have had men tell us that we should get Brazilian waxes and that normal women do that. I blame it on pornography and the capitalist system for skewing men's perceptions of what a real woman should look like down there. It's like telling a man his penis should be bigger....but unless it is not tiny it does not make much of a difference tbh.

Expectations are partly personal and partly cultural but I feel like overexposure to pornography and ads has disensitized men especially.

"Should" and "suggesting" are two different things. And whether anything at all happens should ultimately be a mutual agreeable thing. No party should feel like they are doing something they do not want and if they do theres clearly miscommunication going on.
However I also understand that unfortunately in the real world some people do not feel as if they have a choice and ultimately convince themselves they do not. For fear of disappointing the so and leading them to look elsewhere for what they are apparently looking for. Never realizing that if that happens, they are actually being done a favor in the long run.

 

[Sinny]

Can I take you out for dinner and a movie? Pick you up at 7. Don't be late.

Can you bring pot?

If so, sold.

 

[Skarekrow]

I never have played games when it comes to relationships...not all men are insincere about their intentions or actions.

 

[dang]

Can you bring pot?

If so, sold.

Where I live finding weed is like finding food. You can get high on my rooftop with a sea view, and then we can eat, drink, and be merry. Then we can watch a good thriller (like the Conversation) and then hit up some local bars and clubs. We will end up at a party filled with beautiful models. I will go home with a sexy woman, you will return to your hotel room with at least one sexy male model. We will both fall asleep very satisfied and relaxed if you know what I mean (and I know you do). After sleeping in late we can join up the next day for a late brunch and then do it all again. How does that sound? Great food, alcohlol, pot, film, conversation, music, sex, and views. Are you down? Like I said, pick you up at 7. Don't be late. There are some very pretty American boys who are just dying to meet you. Don't disappoint them. All they want to do is get high and then get naked. And they love English accents. I feel like I am trying to convince everyone on this forum to come and visit me. I am lonely.

 

[the]

I just started playing games, it's going pretty well.

 

[Sinny]

Where I live finding weed is like finding food. You can get high on my rooftop with a sea view, and then we can eat, drink, and be merry. Then we can watch a good thriller (like the Conversation) and then hit up some local bars and clubs. We will end up at a party filled with beautiful models. I will go home with a sexy woman, you will return to your hotel room with at least one sexy male model. We will both fall asleep very satisfied and relaxed if you know what I mean (and I know you do). After sleeping in late we can join up the next day for a late brunch and then do it all again. How does that sound? Great food, alcohlol, pot, film, conversation, music, sex, and views. Are you down? Like I said, pick you up at 7. Don't be late. There are some very pretty American boys who are just dying to meet you. Don't disappoint them. All they want to do is get high and then get naked. And they love English accents. I feel like I am trying to convince everyone on this forum to come and visit me. I am lonely.

Best. Date. Ever.

 

[Gaze]

I just started playing games, it's going pretty well.

 

[Artemisia]

In the past month, three of my married guy friends propositioned me for sex. The one who wanted to go to the Greek islands with me has done so again today and I had to tell him off.
Do these guys think that they are that hot? I mean one of them is very nice looking but do they ever thing that a) they are ruining their relationships with their wives (hey, I COULD tell wifey) b) they will probably ruin their friendship with me and c) what's in it for me?

One of them even told me to please not tell anyone he propositioned me after I turned him down as we have several friends in common.

Sorry I keep ranting about this issue. I just feel disgusted.

 

[Wyote]

In the past month, three of my married guy friends propositioned me for sex. The one who wanted to go to the Greek islands with me has done so again today and I had to tell him off.
Do these guys think that they are that hot? I mean one of them is very nice looking but do they ever thing that a) they are ruining their relationships with their wives (hey, I COULD tell wifey) b) they will probably ruin their friendship with me and c) what's in it for me?

One of them even told me to please not tell anyone he propositioned me after I turned him down as we have several friends in common.

Sorry I keep ranting about this issue. I just feel disgusted.

Sounds to me like you make poor decisions with friends. These are not people with monogamous scruples which you seem to value. Men are traditionally the propositioners so you will find them on that side of things more frequently, but women are just as guilty of similar activity in going along with a proposition that interests them. It's a mix of a lot of things, desperation, depravity, depression. People make poor choices all the time because they are weak, and justify their actions with what they perceive as logical reasoning, but is in fact simply poor judgement on their part due to a void of integrity. Humans have always had this problem. The problem is a breakdown in integrity when a person is consumed by a false sense of power. This is a psychological cancer that is incredibly pervasive all throughout humanity both large scale and small. Your friends feel powerful in some way over their spouses, over you. You should probably really hate them for it and tell them to fuck off but that's not my business.

 

[Lycid]

Frankly I think the elephant in the room is simply put a large amount of people have ridiculous relationship expectations, and maintain them for far longer than you'd reasonably expect an adult to. Playing games just happens to be the way a lot of more socially peppy, casually manipulative, or generally extroverted people express these expectations.

By this I mean, playing games is their way of judging someone and "testing" them to make sure they are the fairytale love they are looking for. When the test (almost inevitably) fails, they move onto the next honeymoon phase and get excited at the next emotional high all over again. If it wasn't easy for these people to cut ties and "try again" then they'd probably end up a lot more like us where we just don't date and stay single forever, hoping prince charming will come and rescue us.

What they want to happen when they play games is for that movie-like, fantasy driven romantic action from you. Where you know just exactly what to say to "rescue them", you take them on a fanciful ride out of state and live happily ever after in their exciting new spontaneous life. It's completely silly and am willing to bet if this situation would actually happen their anxiety over it would be crushing enough for them to want to cut ties anyways. But it is what it is.

My last fling was with a guy who played around a lot and was good at "playing the game". After cutting ties, I learned a bunch about his history and past flings enough to know that he was constantly searching for someone perfect to rescue him. The first couple of months getting to know someone were the only safe periods in his emotional psyche. New love has a certain innocence to it that is easy to trust. When you are someone like him, it gets easier to trust new love than it does to trust a lasting relationship.

 

[the]

Part of me wonders if this thread is one big humble brag by [MENTION=11526]Artemisia[/MENTION]

 

[Artemisia]

Part of me wonders if this thread is one big humble brag by [MENTION=11526]Artemisia[/MENTION]

Brag? What am I bragging about? I am disparaging the fact that most men play games and can't be trusted. Just because I said that I am attractive and a lot of men have propositioned me does not mean that I am bragging. I am sure that these guys have propositioned lots of other women at the same time. Once a cheater, always a cheater.....