The "it" factor

[Curiosilla]

So do you think "it" is something that can be developed? @Curiosilla

What do you mean by that? As in, do I think the ingredients in the pot can be modified after they have been tossed in there and brewed?

 

[This]

What do you mean by that? As in, do I think the ingredients in the pot can be modified after they have been tossed in there and brewed?

Exactly, don't you think people can develop different parts of their character until they reach that "it" factor?

 

[Curiosilla]

Exactly, don't you think people can develop different parts of their character until they reach that "it" factor?

Yes, I do--the ingredients start cooking after they go in the pot.

 

[Agapooka]

Evil can also make someone stand out more apparently to many people too.

That is true. Many "evil people" also have "something about them", too, which is what the OP is asking about.

Also, many "evil people" can get the admiration of the population, even if, at the same time, they're hated. They can become like a celebrity. A despised but admired celebrity. I think it takes a kind of charisma to be perceived this way.


Agapooka

 

[Curiosilla]

That is true. Many "evil people" also have "something about them", too, which is what the OP is asking about.

Also, many "evil people" can get the admiration of the population, even if, at the same time, they're hated. They can become like a celebrity. A despised but admired celebrity. I think it takes a kind of charisma to be perceived this way.


Agapooka

Exactly--it's in the pot!!

 

[Agapooka]

Tetrahydrocannabinol?

 

[not sure]

I think it's nice what people are saying about everyone having their own "it," defining your own "it," etc., but I also think they're missing the point of what "it" is. By definition, "it" draws other people to you, makes almost everyone either envy you or admire you or both. And many people who have "it" are not very unique, but the sort of people who follow shallow trends. Yes, a lot of people have admirable qualities that go unnoticed by others, but "it" is a particular quality and is, by definition, *very* noticed.

It's not something you define yourself. I can say this from experience. I have a bit of an obsession with trying to define "it" because I grew up with an older sister who had it, while I did/do not. Eventually I did learn to love myself despite what others thought and to become very individualistic. No amount of overt uniqueness has ever given me "it." Uniqueness is not what makes it.

"It" is an..... essence. I don't know how else to explain it. You can add up good looks, charm, self confidence, and a bunch of other appealing traits that the "it" person possesses; you can even add less appealing ones, like arrogance; but the sum is always greater than the parts. It's impossible to point at what exactly "it" is. It must be some sublime combination of different factors of appearance, personality, etc. in just the right amounts to produce a certain effect. It can never be learned. You have it, or you don't.

Here's an example. Tell me, when you look at this picture, which girl do your eyes go straight to? Who do you focus on?



Most likely, you focus on the second girl (my sister when she was around 15 years old). She has a commanding presence. You could just write it off on the fact that she's gorgeous, has a perfect smile and a killer figure. But it's more than that. You probably can't get the full experience from just one picture, but at least notice the sort of.... aura she projects. Good looks and charm are part of it, but that's not all.

See the two girls on either side of her? How they look like timid little girls in comparison? It's interesting to note that they're both wearing her clothes in the picture. It's as if they borrowed her clothes hoping some of "it" would rub off on them. My sister is the kind of girl who can make you feel inadequate and borderline insane with envy. The girl in the center of the picture (her best friend at the time) used to lie to people, saying she was my sister. They're not friends anymore. My sister figured it out when people she had never met kept expecting her to recognize them. That's what I mean by "crazy with envy," desperately wanting to be someone you're not to the point of lying about who you are.

"It" does not necessarily correlate with niceness (my sister was somewhat snobbish and disdained a lot of her admirers) or uniqueness (she followed trends, had to have the most expensive name brand shoes, called me "weird" for dressing creatively, etc.). It's an undefinable quality that some people just have.

Yup. "It" is undefinable and you either have it or you don't. I agree.

 

[This]

Yup. "It" is undefinable and you either have it or you don't. I agree.

I disagree, I think your eyes are somewhat drawn to your sister in that picture because she's slightly taller than everyone else in that picture, and interestingly enough my eyes where first drawn to the shy looking blonde girl with glasses on the far left.

I don't think you can really say "it" can't be developed I think it has a lot to do with how you dress and carry yourself. your sister is the only one in that picture not slumping.

 

[Agapooka]

Is it because you read from left to right and were treating the people like words?

She is slightly taller, but I think she would have stood out either way. Part of the reason she stands out is because everyone is leaning towards her. One needs to ask themselves why.


Agapooka

 

[Saru Inc]

I think it's nice what people are saying about everyone having their own "it," defining your own "it," etc., but I also think they're missing the point of what "it" is. By definition, "it" draws other people to you, makes almost everyone either envy you or admire you or both. And many people who have "it" are not very unique, but the sort of people who follow shallow trends. Yes, a lot of people have admirable qualities that go unnoticed by others, but "it" is a particular quality and is, by definition, *very* noticed.

It's not something you define yourself. I can say this from experience. I have a bit of an obsession with trying to define "it" because I grew up with an older sister who had it, while I did/do not. Eventually I did learn to love myself despite what others thought and to become very individualistic. No amount of overt uniqueness has ever given me "it." Uniqueness is not what makes it.

"It" is an..... essence. I don't know how else to explain it. You can add up good looks, charm, self confidence, and a bunch of other appealing traits that the "it" person possesses; you can even add less appealing ones, like arrogance; but the sum is always greater than the parts. It's impossible to point at what exactly "it" is. It must be some sublime combination of different factors of appearance, personality, etc. in just the right amounts to produce a certain effect. It can never be learned. You have it, or you don't.

Here's an example. Tell me, when you look at this picture, which girl do your eyes go straight to? Who do you focus on?

not to be a troll, but i focused on the one on the far left because she looked like this guy i know. and the other one because she looks like this autistic kid i once knew. oh god. Si. I'm doomed.


I think everyone has an it factor, before getting into the 'omg hippie,' post: I think some of the it factors are utterly worthless.

 

[This]

not to be a troll, but i focused on the one on the far left because she looked like this guy i know. and the other one because she looks like this autistic kid i once knew. oh god. Si. I'm doomed.


I think everyone has an it factor, before getting into the 'omg hippie,' post: I think some of the it factors are utterly worthless.

It's interesting you say that, the reason I noticed the one on the far left is because she looks just like a friend of mine looked back in jr. high before she came out of her shell, she's actually ravishing now and defiantly has an "it" factor she's one of the reasons I think that an "it" factor can be developed.

I think Larry david is a good example of this development, he's certainly feels "bigger" now than he did before, more presence;

 

[Gaze]

I disagree, I think your eyes are somewhat drawn to your sister in that picture because she's slightly taller than everyone else in that picture, and interestingly enough my eyes where first drawn to the shy looking blonde girl with glasses on the far left.

I don't think you can really say "it" can't be developed I think it has a lot to do with how you dress and carry yourself. your sister is the only one in that picture not slumping.

agree, i noticed the girl to the far left. what's her story? [MENTION=933]Seraphim[/MENTION]

 

[Gaze]

She always had low self esteem. She ended up getting pregnant, I think while she was still a teen, by a jerk boyfriend. They lived together for a while (can't remember if they were married or not) and then he left her. The last my sister heard from her, she was depressed and struggling to make ends meet as a single mom. :-/

[MENTION=933]Seraphim[/MENTION]

Maybe she doesn't realize that she has "it" because she has been treated as if she was not as comparable to the girls in the pic. It's funny that in our world, we want people to feel good about themselves but yet we don't think about how we treat them as having any effect on how they feel about themselves. It's difficult to feel confident if you've been dismissed, neglected, or treated with indifference. There is something about her, but i'm not sure if it's ever been allowed to shine. It's really a matter of perspective whether someone has "it".

 

[This]

[MENTION=933]Seraphim[/MENTION]

Maybe she doesn't realize that she has "it" because she has been treated as if she was not as comparable to the girls in the pic. It's funny that in our world, we want people to feel good about themselves but yet we don't think about how we treat them as having any effect on how they feel about themselves. It's difficult to feel confident if you've been dismissed, neglected, or treated with indifference. There is something about her, but i'm not sure if it's ever been allowed to shine. It's really a matter of perspective whether someone has "it".

It also makes sense that a forum of INFJs would be drawn to the person with low self-esteem though, I don't think we are an unbiased jury, lol.

 

[not sure]

[MENTION=933]Seraphim[/MENTION]

Maybe she doesn't realize that she has "it" because she has been treated as if she was not as comparable to the girls in the pic. It's funny that in our world, we want people to feel good about themselves but yet we don't think about how we treat them as having any effect on how they feel about themselves. It's difficult to feel confident if you've been dismissed, neglected, or treated with indifference. There is something about her, but i'm not sure if it's ever been allowed to shine. It's really a matter of perspective whether someone has "it".

"It" is not charisma, sex appeal or any such thing. Sure everyone has something appealing about themselves but only a few people have "it", a magnetism that transcends. I guess you could call it je ne sais quoi. Therefore, though the girl may have admirable qualities she does not have "it".

 

[This]

"It" is not charisma, sex appeal or any such thing. Sure everyone has something appealing about themselves but only a few people have "it", a magnetism that transcends. I guess you could call it je ne sais quoi. Therefore, though the girl may have admirable qualities she does not have "it".

Isn't that subjective? maybe she doesn't have "it" to you but she does to me, and maybe the other girl has "it" to you but doesn't to me.

 

[not sure]

Isn't that subjective? maybe she doesn't have "it" to you but she does to me, and maybe the other girl has "it" to you but doesn't to me.

Yes, it is subjective. However, what you are describing is very ordinary. "It" is extraordinary. "It" has wide appeal. Perhaps, the confusion comes from how much people use the term "It" now. They've watered down the meaining to simple popularity or something of that ilk. The "it" girl, the currently popular girl. That's not the "It" that [MENTION=933]Seraphim[/MENTION] and I are speaking about. As I mentioned before, the term "je ne sai quoi" does a better job of capturing the idea. The person who has "It" has a certain undefinable quality about them. If you can define, you don't have it.

 

[This]

"It" in the way I define it means by definition that everyone, or almost everyone, notices this quality in the person. It entails widespread admiration, or at least recognition of the quality from those who are not personally attracted.

People who have it will have a constant stream of admirers; they can barely step out their front door without the opposite sex flocking to them; most people of the same sex will try to emulate them; their teachers, co-workers, friends, family, everyone will describe them in terms no less than "amazing" or "perfect." I know it sounds far-fetched, but there are people out there who have some sort of magnetism that causes people to react in that way. It takes a strong minded person not to be swayed by the glamour these people exude.

That seems more like just being good looking than anything else. I stand by what I said, I think anyone can develop "It".

I think saying someone has something that other people don't that can't be developed or defined is somewhat appalling as well but maybe that's just my emotions getting riled up a bit. sure there is universal attraction and what people think is attractive but it's not everyone and to suggest these people have some kind of advantage is a little bit out of my realm of reality.

 

[not sure]

That seems more like just being good looking than anything else. I stand by what I said, I think anyone can develop "It".

I think saying someone has something that other people don't that can't be developed or defined is somewhat appalling as well but maybe that's just my emotions getting riled up a bit. sure there is universal attraction and what people think is attractive but it's not everyone and to suggest these people have some kind of advantage is a little bit out of my realm of reality.

No.

Notice the word [MENTION=933]Seraphim[/MENTION] used, glamour. It is as if these people weave a spell. If you haven't experienced it then you just haven't.

 

[This]

No.

Notice the word [MENTION=933]Seraphim[/MENTION] used, glamour. It is as if these people weave a spell. If you haven't experienced it then you just haven't.

I've experienced charismatic people, but I want to know why you think it can't be developed. I didn't notice anything special about her sister in that photo to be perfectly honest, she was very good looking by common standards but other than that I didn't see much.