Thoughts From A Tired Soul
- Thread starter Sandie33
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Often sad news is cloaked in good news. The melanoma removed on my upper arm came back with clear margins. yay! Still some more follow up but not in that spot for a year.
I haven't posted since Saturday because I've been taking care of Dad things.
We had to visit ED on Monday. Dad had a bladder infection found on Friday at ED. No one notified us, but that's not unusual. The ER doc admitted him.
It didn't take long for them to determine what I had been telling the other docs for a while. After the Palative Care team met with me it was determined he won't make it past December. We have him back home. The hospice nurse is coming tomorrow morning.
Now it's going to be a focus on keeping him comfortable until he passes. After the indepth meeting with his care team it could be 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months.....any time.
I haven't posted since Saturday because I've been taking care of Dad things.
We had to visit ED on Monday. Dad had a bladder infection found on Friday at ED. No one notified us, but that's not unusual. The ER doc admitted him.
It didn't take long for them to determine what I had been telling the other docs for a while. After the Palative Care team met with me it was determined he won't make it past December. We have him back home. The hospice nurse is coming tomorrow morning.
Now it's going to be a focus on keeping him comfortable until he passes. After the indepth meeting with his care team it could be 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months.....any time.
John K
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Really pleased to hear they did a good job of getting a clean removal Sandie. Hope that's the end of that particular worry now.
Thinking of you and your dad - God Bless! <333
I had seriously forgotten how hard this can be. It shouldn't be long now for Dad. He can't drink from a straw so I've been using a syringe to deliver the calming cocktail in Comfirt Care bag #2. I thought it bizarre that I had to drive 120 miles round trip to get the Confort care bag. It would have been just as easy for the nurse to bring it to me.
Watching the strong spirit struggle as the physical body travels through it's shutting down stages is painful to me.
I have been taking every measure to provide ease of comfort to Dad. I put the TV on the classic country cable station playing softly in the background...as songs play that I recall from childhood I've been singing to him. He smiles and squeezes my hand when I tease him and ask if he wants me to stop, lol.
Later today I have to have the hard conversation with the funeral director to coordinate Dad's services.
The mean sister changed her own song a bit after I calmy shut her rantings down. Self-serving. She hung up on me when I declared that this experience isn't about her...and just like the Highchair Tyrant she is she screamed in the phone how it wasn't about me either. She hung up when I said this is Dad's time and I'm the director of the exit scene. When I let my neice know I had the new tablet all set up to video chat/face time with Dad she went to the nursing home and my mean sister got to talk with Dad.
Ten minutes or so of her babbling on about this or that she rolled over, which BTW she tells the med staff in the nursing home she can't, well, she rolled over and started at the TV. Her daughter asked her if she was done talking with Gramps repeatedly and my sister flat out ignored her...now He can't and that's my fault too.
She says I'm killing him.
Thankfully I put on all my armor against those types of words. I knew when I agreed to help dad in 2014 that in the end I'd hear all sort of accusations from the lake...and right on cue here they come.
Watching the strong spirit struggle as the physical body travels through it's shutting down stages is painful to me.
I have been taking every measure to provide ease of comfort to Dad. I put the TV on the classic country cable station playing softly in the background...as songs play that I recall from childhood I've been singing to him. He smiles and squeezes my hand when I tease him and ask if he wants me to stop, lol.
Later today I have to have the hard conversation with the funeral director to coordinate Dad's services.
The mean sister changed her own song a bit after I calmy shut her rantings down. Self-serving. She hung up on me when I declared that this experience isn't about her...and just like the Highchair Tyrant she is she screamed in the phone how it wasn't about me either. She hung up when I said this is Dad's time and I'm the director of the exit scene. When I let my neice know I had the new tablet all set up to video chat/face time with Dad she went to the nursing home and my mean sister got to talk with Dad.
Ten minutes or so of her babbling on about this or that she rolled over, which BTW she tells the med staff in the nursing home she can't, well, she rolled over and started at the TV. Her daughter asked her if she was done talking with Gramps repeatedly and my sister flat out ignored her...now He can't and that's my fault too.
She says I'm killing him.
Thankfully I put on all my armor against those types of words. I knew when I agreed to help dad in 2014 that in the end I'd hear all sort of accusations from the lake...and right on cue here they come.
MoonFlier
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Sending love and support. You are an amazing daughter.
Please keep looking to the sunshine that comes after the storm, and don't bother yourself over that one bucket of water you could have bailed... it wouldn't have made a difference.
Please keep looking to the sunshine that comes after the storm, and don't bother yourself over that one bucket of water you could have bailed... it wouldn't have made a difference.
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Quiet in the house this morning. Even the haunting raspy death rattle Dad has been having has quieted.
I gave him a bit of coffee on a soaked 4x4 guaze. He raised his eyebrows and gave me a half smile. He can no longer open his eyes. I've been soaking guaze in a bit of month wash mixed in water. He doesn't like those sponge on a stick the nurse left...so old school it is. The nurse was awed when I told her we did similar with my mom and grandma back in the day when they were sick.
The chaos in the house yesterday really disturbed Dad so I shooed them all away. My neice stayed the night. She's the daughter of the mean sister...who, get this, had an ambulance ride to the local hospital who promptly found nothing wrong yet the sister has been stuck at the hospital on a bed in the hall of the ER waiting fir an ambulance ride home while her daughter drove here to say her goodbyes to her grandpa. Reckon her trying to drop into the spotlight this time didn't work. *rer
Had a cousin call wanting to set up a video chat between her dad and mine but only if I could get another uncle here too. WTF? No, I have my hands full wiping gobs of goo from Dad's mouth so he doesn't choke.
The saving grace for me is knowing they are all hurting because my daddy is dying. That's on me. My responding calmly to their emotional rollercoaster is beneficial for Dad and curative for me.
The cable guy got it tho.
Calling right in the middle of the family chaos to sell me a holiday package with broadband for $14. lol. I told him call back in 6 months.
The kicker that got me was my younger sister telling me...jot asking, but demanding...that I order a sheet pizza for dinner for everyone. It's Monday, the pizza shops are closed. Get dijorno and cook them lol. She expected me to cook them while I'm attending Dad, fielding calls, and trying to have 10 minutes to put my feet up.
I won. Heads rolled and I didn't have to raise my voice. She cooked the pizza and 15 minutes later they all left.
My only thought.......ah, silence is elixir to my soul. Dad calmed down too.
They don't get it, however, when their time comes maybe they will. ♡
I gave him a bit of coffee on a soaked 4x4 guaze. He raised his eyebrows and gave me a half smile. He can no longer open his eyes. I've been soaking guaze in a bit of month wash mixed in water. He doesn't like those sponge on a stick the nurse left...so old school it is. The nurse was awed when I told her we did similar with my mom and grandma back in the day when they were sick.
The chaos in the house yesterday really disturbed Dad so I shooed them all away. My neice stayed the night. She's the daughter of the mean sister...who, get this, had an ambulance ride to the local hospital who promptly found nothing wrong yet the sister has been stuck at the hospital on a bed in the hall of the ER waiting fir an ambulance ride home while her daughter drove here to say her goodbyes to her grandpa. Reckon her trying to drop into the spotlight this time didn't work. *rer
Had a cousin call wanting to set up a video chat between her dad and mine but only if I could get another uncle here too. WTF? No, I have my hands full wiping gobs of goo from Dad's mouth so he doesn't choke.
The saving grace for me is knowing they are all hurting because my daddy is dying. That's on me. My responding calmly to their emotional rollercoaster is beneficial for Dad and curative for me.
The cable guy got it tho.
Calling right in the middle of the family chaos to sell me a holiday package with broadband for $14. lol. I told him call back in 6 months.The kicker that got me was my younger sister telling me...jot asking, but demanding...that I order a sheet pizza for dinner for everyone. It's Monday, the pizza shops are closed. Get dijorno and cook them lol. She expected me to cook them while I'm attending Dad, fielding calls, and trying to have 10 minutes to put my feet up.
I won. Heads rolled and I didn't have to raise my voice. She cooked the pizza and 15 minutes later they all left.
My only thought.......ah, silence is elixir to my soul. Dad calmed down too.
They don't get it, however, when their time comes maybe they will. ♡
He's gone. Dad transitioned at 10:23 pm, however, we waited until after midnight for the officiator and the undertaker was delayed more than two hours to pick him up.
It was difficult to watch him carried away in that black body bag.
Now I'm trying to envision a world without Dad in it.
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I'm very sorry for your loss, Sandie..
You two have gone through so much together, he will surely be missed.
You two have gone through so much together, he will surely be missed.
Thank you
John K
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My very deepest sympathies Sandie. He went very quickly after you brought him home. I can't express how much you did him proud and made his last few years as good as they possibly could be - you were his guardian angel. All my thoughts are with you as he goes to his rest, and as you and your family come to terms with things.
Do take really good care of yourself in the weeks to come and try to keep on top of your own health.
God bless
Do take really good care of yourself in the weeks to come and try to keep on top of your own health.
God bless
Thank you Ian ♡
Thank you John ♡My very deepest sympathies Sandie. He went very quickly after you brought him home. I can't express how much you did him proud and made his last few years as good as they possibly could be - you were his guardian angel. All my thoughts are with you as he goes to his rest, and as you and your family come to terms with things.
Do take really good care of yourself in the weeks to come and try to keep on top of your own health.
God bless