Yes. I think it helps me adress every person in a congenial way, finding the words that they will more easily understand when explaining something they don't usually consider, avoiding what may cause unnecessary conflicts and so on. It also helps understanding what the others are saying even if it is not said in a way that is congenial to me. The downside (which you already mention and which is, I think, a downside only because it makes you realise, very soon, how very little interaction is really meaningful which leaves a sense of bitterness, but eventually makes life lighter and leaves more space for meaning, I think) is that of dismissing most conversations because "hm, pointless, boring", and then staying all alone in a corner(not too bad, I usually carry a book or a notebook). Or, also, getting strange looks when I express myself freely without bothering being congenial= same outcome as before.
Considering the intuitive/sensor aspect, I would say, in a super condensed summary, this would be an interaction where one side sees the other as "talking about things that don't exist vs talking about things that don't matter/have any meaning" (future, possibilities, "invisible" "truths" vs present, details, "real" "things"). And both sides would be wrong to see it this way, if said sides were both mature. Because I suppose they would both be saying something consistent, and not just strange absurd things/small talk, banalities. But in this case I'm sure they would both recognise it.
Intuitive-intuitive interactions are more immediate. Little to no need to paraphrase, similar concerns and interests.
My closest friends are intj,
????,
isfj and infj. (Sensors in bold)
I suspect
???? might be a sensor.
???? is the person I find easier to open up and talk with, because good listener, thoughtful but also frank and open, does not provide unrequested advice; immediately detects and cuts it short when I start spinning my Ni-Ti crazy wheel= helps me stay grounded. Doesn't fully understand my life choices(and is not supposed to, after all), but pacifically accepts them.(might as well be undercover infj). Is an achiever, gets things done(the things
???? wants to do), but graciously, no big fuss about it. This is inspiring. Asks for advice, likes to discuss subtle/finer aspects of life, but doesn't explore the whole depths. Stops kind of where I feel thing are really beginning to be deep(funny lapsus, I wrote begging instead of beginning lololol).
Intj is probably my favourite person on earth. But...intj. On some quest I'm trying to use my superior Ni to show it is derailing. It gets noted but rejected because "personal non discussable values/choices, Intj will rather go down with the ship". So, surprisingly, there is kind of a serious issue of "close-mindedness": hard to make plans with a sinking ship that could save itself without giving up values if it just adjusted its course a little. But maybe sinking is itself a value. Other than this, it's the only person allowed to give me advice because it's always really good advice, that comes from a place of real care. Most understanding person I met. Allows me to follow my train of thoughts almost to the end. Then points what doesn't work. Super thoughtful. Great gifts. Cooks. Fixes stuff. Great to travel with. Almost psychic connection. It's magic. And, when intj gets mad, scary.
D: I just realised you were only asking about the sensors...but I'll finish the list, it might give some cues on why and how intuitives are becoming less common if this is really happening (=autodestructive tendencies, isolation, abstention from reproduction because "ewh". And I mean this seriously, most intuitives I know say they choose to not have children because they don't want to inflict life on someone).
So...Infj. Infj is crazy. Instant understanding. Don't even need to speak with this person to connect. When we do speak, other people might not get a single thing we say or do (also happens with intj, buth with intj we get what we mean, while with infj it is completely off the rails, we get our nonsense). But as I said, infj is crazy. Extremely dependable, difficult to manage. Great person but still immature=impossible to plan something consistent. Same chances of someday taking control of own life and do something great or being submerged by own madness. May the odds be with Infj. Also, aggressively cares about me when sees me, then disappears for months(I am more detached, and I tend to disappear too, but I'm also the one who reaches out after a while). Can be counted on for open onest insightful feedback, especially on Infjs fields of interest, wouldn't ask for advice with people because weak on that area(strangely, but there are reasons for this).
Isfj is a very nice person. It took me some time to adjust to how
Isfj goes about things, and sometimes it still feels a bit odd to interact, but it works well!
We have a different approach to life, I feel it strongly when we meet, but it affects small trivial aspects of our friendship more than the quality of our conversations/personal exchanges, I think. There are similarities with my interactions with
????(thoughtful but more matter of fact, keeps me with feet on the ground) This is the person I get to talk more about...uhm...universal aspects of human condition. Because I think we share the same open genuine curiosity, the wonder, deep within, the desire to see how this thing(life) is, and to describe it through our very own eyes(we both write and exchange poetry). And the difference in our visions, in our perception, is evident, and probably sensing/intuition is exactly what makes the difference, but, because we're both using these to grasp what is universal within personal and therefore unique experiences(?...yeah) somehow I feel we're very well aligned. This person is also an achiever, also inspiring, but is not as laid back as
???? and followed a field of study that, however very reasonable/practical, doesn't really make sense to me, both generally and considering the person.
(Sorry for the lack of pronouns, I hope what I wrote is still clear enough D
I feel connected to and love all of these people, even though I see most of them rarely. I questioned and tested my connection and friendship to all of them, but only to find it was after all genuine, real and reliable.
I wonder if this might somehow be linked to Fi. I'll try to explain how I see it.
Fi is INFJs' shadow function sometimes called "The Critical Parent". From
www.psychologyjunkie.com :
"Introverted Feeling manifests itself in the INFJ as an internal criticizing voice. "Why can't you make up your mind? Don't you stand for anything? You are such a fake. You have failed to uphold your own standards". It can also express itself in judgements the INFJ makes upon others; "that person is being fake, that person is a phony, that person has no real values or morals, they are a failure and an embarassement". Normally the Critical Parent function will only show itself in times of extreme stress where something important is at risk. When it is engaged, it can overpower us and cause major damage to ourselves and our relationships."
To give you an idea of what I mean I'm adding some possible question to the list provided above:
Are you even sure you like these people(your friends)?
Can you really trust/be friends with/relato to someone who did x and y?
They just had no reaction to your favourite movie. They didn't get it. How could you think there was a connection between you? It's clearly impossible.
They put ketchup all over the fries...how can you not be sure now that you are alone in the universe surrounded by monsters?
Thus follow my considerations:
INFJs are known to have a hard time tuning in their own feelings(and I think this is where one would look for the "feeling" of connection). When they try to, they engage a shadow function that works as a critic, whose main mode is "questioning". This is a bit unsettling. If one is not confident about what this "Critical Parent" is questioning, then it might get lost in its game and dismiss what is under scrutiny. There is another possible outcome, a positive one, where this shadow function finds the INFJ "en garde" and by "duelling" with it, the INFJ "defends the honour" of what he recognises as valuable/meaningful/important etc. When the INFJ is in distress though, and that's when the "Critical Parent" is more likely to hit, the INFJ will hardly have the energy and will to defend anything.
With this situation set, it's hard to feel connected to anyone, because, even when you find someone with whom everything seems to "click", there will still be this huge question mark in the background. Just to be a little more lengthy, here is how I picture the(unconscious) process:
INFJ: I think I succesfully made conctact with this person. So, for once, I will let myself be overjoyed by a feeling of unity and oneness with my fellow human bei.......
Fi: Uh, hello?
INFJ: Yes Fi?
Fi: So you and this guy have some similar thoughts.
INFJ: ...yes!(?)
Fi: Does it even mean anything?
INFJ: ...that...some people do understand me?
Fi: Pff, please. Someone just understood a couple of your thoughts, not you.
INFJ: I know and that's not what I meant, you know what I mean
Fi: Are you sure YOU know what you mean?
INFJ: oh, c'mon have mercy on me, it was a nice conversation can't you jus..
Fi: You're pathetic.
If my understanding of this is correct, then I think it is the main reason for INFJs' loneliness.
Of course being loners by nature doesn't help. It means less chances to "validate" the connection. Less chances to meet people.
People being generally superficial small-talkers filled with nothing but air is also a big one. But these are, I think, more superficial reasons. I think it is possible to overcome these problems and feel connected to virtually anyone and anything, I believe many of these sort of wonders happen when mastering a positive relationship with the "shadow self" (it might seem like I'm saying it lightly, but I am aware it is not easy).
The other main reason for loneliness is that we are really, all of us, as individuals, alone. If one experiences the depths of existence(some types/people do more than others), he/she will eventually experience this fundamental alone-ness. I think this is true for everyone. And it's not easy to experience it without discomfort. That is called loneliness. The opposite, being alone but not lonely, might just be freedom.
