Toxic People type? Have you already met one?

[SpoofyMcPoof]

You're probably right. Looking for conflict is probably more of a TP thing in general.

I have an INTP friend who just loves conflict - but in the form of debate so I wouldn't consider it toxic. He's so cute when he gets passionate about when he thinks he's right :mno:

My dad has a very toxic personality...but I don't know his type. He tends more to the verbal abuse and manipulation game...

 

[IndigoSensor]

I have met a toxic INFP.

I can not stand him at all. He is THE MOST passive agressive person I have EVER met. He has used me so much and I will not take it one more time. He does it to everyone, acts nice on the surface. For example, he is moving off campus with a friend of mine right now and they agreed that Moose (the guy who found the house, and did pretty much all the work), would get the upstairs master room, cause he needs the space anyway. He is an arcitecture major, so he needs the space to spread out, and he has a girlfriend so they will be sleeping together alot. Well Will (the P.A. guy) says he still wants the room; Moose said no. Then Will proceeds to move as much stuff as he can into the room before Moose could. Moose got mad (naturally) and gave him a point by point breakdown of why he should have it. Will says "well I think I have just as many reasons as you", moose asks him to tell what they are, his response? "I dont think that I should have to tell you them..." and walked away...

I FREAKING CAN NOT STAND HIM!!!!!

 

[ZenCat]

I can't type people, so I don't know their types, but I would have to single out two people (both males) as among the most toxic individuals I have ever known. I've known several more, but these two actually poisoned me (emotionally) long term with their toxicity.

One I was able to separate my life from many years ago, though memories of his cruelty and insanity linger on and I still think about him far more than I should. He's dead now, but still haunts me.

The second was a co-worker who - despite EVERYONE knowing how much I despised him and how intense was his desire to "break" me, was made my boss when I returned to work from maternity leave. This guy poisoned everyone and everything around him, and while nobody liked him, most everyone else could tolerate him. I could not. He made my life a living hell.

 

[Roddy]

Wow, this forum is definately for me! I can relate to so much of what you all have said.

I also can't 'type' people, but I have met a few people who I would consider toxic. I'd say they still affect me even though I haven't seen them in years. Energy vampires would definately describe them well! They had an effect on the entire group I was with at the time, and even though they had the least passion, compassion and personality everybody around them felt they had to hide their own good traits. They definately had a poisonous effect on everybody they came into contact with.

I eventually left that group as I realised It was doing me a lot of harm.

 

[rdeaf]

My ex is an ISTP. We are still best friends, but I cannot live with him. He is so toxic that my lips turn blue and my bones ache when we live together.
He is brilliant and sees the world with so much more clarity, but he does not care about people. And he doesn't think emotional people are healthy--damaged goods is how he refers to someone who cries easily.

Hello, that's me!

When we first met, I loved the way he made me laugh. Then I noticed a few things that I didn't like, but I chose to overlook them. Next I was trapped with two kids and a sense of obligation to keep the family together. I finally realized he was toxic after 14 years! He used the "It's all in your head" thing a lot.
As soon as I decided to leave it literally felt like the air around me cleared-- like on a Fall morning full of potential (do you know that feeling? it's the best). As an INFJ, I think that I was slow to comprehend that he was toxic--to me.
He was also toxic to our children (who are both NF's). All four of us are happier now. So I guess the toxicity can go both ways?
The term energy vampire is so appropriate!

This is somewhat off topic maybe, but it's important incase anyone else is married to a toxic spouse.

 

[Shaz]

speaking about couple things, I (extremely briefly) dated a toxic ESTP when I was 16. He was 15. Being an ESTP he was great at being loved by everybody, always friendly even though pretty openly narcissistic... Being 16 with very active hormones I fell in love with his appearance and what I projected on him... Turned out he was just very manipulative and loved the thrill he got out of it... Did things like contests with a friend about who would fuck such and such first (that wasn't me thank god but it's a good example)... At the time I was pretty naive and thought people like that only existed in stories.

Took me two years to get over it. Stupid fuckwit. (sorry)

 

[TK*]

Wouldn't INFPs be even more prone to be targets?

I would certainly think so. INFPs seem to paint the target mark on their foreheads.

From my experience, I've had several toxic people in my life. My parents, both mentally disturbed people, were extremely toxic.

My INTJ father is narcissistic and sociopathic. He thinks he is a god, literally, and expected all of us to worship him. He told my stepmother to address him as "King" and so she does. Mental and physical abuse came with his "entitlement" issues. If we displeased him in any way, even something so small as spilling a drink or forming an opinion different from his, we were sure to get 1. beaten or 2. verbally assaulted. My father once flew into a rage and actually BIT my brother's finger because him sucking on it (at 1yrs old) infuriated him.

My ESTJ mother, also very toxic and mentally disturbed, was actually put into a mental institution when she was 16. She hasn't grown up past the age of 16 and is incapable of thinking of anyone outside of herself. She wants approval from anyone who will give it to her, and manipulates those around her to get that approval/attention. I feel sorry for my mother.

I find that toxic people attract more toxic. During those years I was toxic, I knew a whole lot of messed up individuals. Girls who were raped or tried to commit suicide were my friends, boys who were abused or abandoned were my favorite pals to hang out with. I was attracted to toxic people because toxic people was what I was familiar with.

So, if an INFJ only knows toxic, I think they will be a "target" for toxic people. But then, I think that holds true for ANY type. I still think INFPs are more prone to being "preyed on" because INFPs are such selfless healers.

 

[HolySmoke]

...sorry to hear all of this TK. This is all tragic. I think perhaps INFP as targets just makes it more justifiable to avoid people all together.

 

[earthtocarrie]

*TK > I'm really sorry to hear that... You must be really strong. Respect.

I've went out with a toxic INTJ once. He was from a very well to do family, and refused to allow me to mix with anyone he considered from the lower echelon of society. A complete control freak with a very scary superiority complex unfortunately ):

As for the INFPs attracting toxic people, I think there is some truth in that. I make friends easily, but only to realize most of them take me for granted or make use of me. I'm trying very hard to learn to be more guarded.

But on the other hand, (I think I'm quite foolish and naive somehow) there have been several times where I go finding trouble by wanting to help others/befriend people who everyone tells me has a track record of being a complete asswipe, believing that they have a nice side - only to get disappointed by their actions/outcome. So, that's really my fault.

 

[arbygil]

TK, I'm so sorry those things occurred in your life - but you are a far stronger person now, and you have so many wise things to teach others about your life. You really do.

As for toxic people, I usually try to stay away from them as much as I can, but it doesn't always work. Anyone who is an unhealthy example of their type will end up being a drain on us, and it won't matter if they're sensors, intuitives, introverts, extroverts, perceivers, judgers, thinkers, or feelers. Toxic is *toxic.*

On that note, the toxic people I enjoy the least are usually in the Extroverted Sensor category for females. I either get too annoyed with the games or I feel like a bug on a microscope slide.

 

[Poetic Justice]

I have met two people in my life who have extreme Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) they are the most manipulative and dishonest people in the world and they both had it in for me specifically above all others. I think is because Narcissists fear people who see who they really are, and of course being an INFJ I could see right through them.

I think you will find that most of the people that are being discussed on this thread are in fact narcissists. Not many people have heard of it so this lets them get away with most of their behaviour as they tend to suck up to the people who could stop them and terrorise everyone else. They are cowards in the truest sense of the word. they fear anything positive that isn't happening to them, and seek to eliminate it. consumed by jealousy, they bully anyone they can in order to make themselves look powerful.

If there is one thing I despise above all else, it's people who victimise the defensless. This is a Narcissists favourite hobby.

 

[MyPetZombie]

Narcissists tend to be the most toxic people to me. I'm not sure of the personality types, however I do believe most would have to be E to a certain extent, because they feed on the adoration of others. I find they especially are attracted to me because I am sympathetic, but I've become really good at spotting them, and once I do, I shut off all emotion and basically starve their narcissistic supply.

A link, in case you're curious:

http://www.mattbillman.com/default.asp?p=c&t=6&i=1&cp=0

 

[AntoniaDodge]

In Anna Karenina Tolstoy said, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." I think this principle works in general when talking about unhealthy behaviors. My observation is that ALL healthy people are able to establish reasonable personal boundaries and maintain them regardless of their type. And no healthy person is going to deliberately seek to walk over another's boundary. While I do believe there are temperaments better suited to each other - complements and abilities for understanding - I don't think any one type should be toxic to any other type as long as the people involved are healthy.

As with the family principle mentioned, when you add the element of unhealthiness then you see the nuances of the temperaments betray themselves and create a rainbow of fruity behaviors. But that doesn't mean the person is a poster child for their type. It means they have some growing to do. And if they're bullies, then probably some therapy to seek.

 

[Obstinate]

I'm surrounded by them at school.

 

[jade]

My old roommate was a "toxic" person indeed and I am a somewhat easy target for people like that because I'd rather not complain about their actions to them and hope they'll change eventually. (Yeah right, I need to work on that.)
She knew she was making me miserable and I could feel her taking delight in it, and even prompted me to tell her that she was bothering me. If she knew she was doing everything I disliked, why wait for me to say something? I guess I was too concerned with being as respectful as possible to avoid any disagreements.
However she was very well-liked by everyone. It was only after I moved out that the other two roommates began to feel her effect and complained to me. :yuck:
I can't stand these kinds of people and try to stay far away when I notice them. Yuck