View attachment 31854
This book was sent to me by a friend...
A Child's First Book of TRUMP
By Michael Ian Black
Dear reader, I know that you might be confused
After spotting this creature that's been in the news.
What is this strange beast you keep hearing about?
Together I think we can figure it out...
The beasty is called an American Trump.
Its skin is bright orange, its figure is plump;
Its fur so complex, you might get enveloped.
Its hands are, sadly, underdeveloped.
Now, where does it live? On flat-screen TVs!
It rushes towards every camera it sees.
It thrives in the most contentious conditions
And excretes the most appalling emissions.
Its diet is cash, its friends all go-getters.
Its poop spells out "Trump" in ten-foot high letters!
Trump this and Trump that, and Trump buildings and steaks.
Trump airplanes and clothing and several Trump mates.
Trump crap everywhere in a Trumpy Trump land.
But don't call it crap. The Trump calls it a "brand."
Yes, it can speak! Are you impressed?
You should be, because a Trump's really the best!
It says so if asked, and even if not.
"I'm the best!" it declares in terms overwrought.
"I have all the best words and all the best things!
My water is bottled from all the best springs!
My wine is the best, and so is my brain.
You wanna know why? Too bad! I'll explain."
(Here's where a Trump will go on at some length
On the size of its manhood and physical strength.)
"I've won each and every game that I've played.
Won every opinion I've ever conveyed.
Won every debate, no matter the topic.
I once had a tie---I felt philanthropic."
Making a deal? It has no superior!
Building a wall? The rest are inferior.
"My wall will be numero uno primero.
I'll pay for it using another's dinero."
When finally done with its speech, it will grin
And say, "Now I hope that you're ready to WIN!"
For winning is what a Trump loves to do best.
"We'll be winning so much, you might get depressed!"
And there is the crux of the Americus Trumpus:
The swagger, the boasting, the oversized rumpus.
Its bluster's exceeded by total flamboyance.
It even makes claims of having clairvoyance:
"I KNEW this would happen!" It says aplenty.
Its hindsight is clocked at twenty twenty.
So what should you do with a Trump running wild?
The answer is all up to you, my dear child.
Run away screaming! Or maybe you fight it?
Reason and logic will only incite it.
You can cover your ears or run up a tree,
But the best thing to do is...
...turn off your TV.
For all of the Trump's astounding uniqueness,
It certainly has a curious weakness;
A Trump loves to dine on hatred and violence;
It cannot endure a moment of silence.
It's true! A Trump needs all of our noise to exist.
Without chaos, it shrinks to a sad, orange disk.
So, should you stumble upon one in the wood,
I'm not sure what you'll do; I know what you should:
Don't respond to its brags, its taunts, or its jeers;
Ignoring a Trump is a Trump's biggest fear.
But if that plan fails and it keeps coming forth,
I hear there's an absence of Trumps in the North.
Note: I took pictures of each page (they were very funny) but I was not able to put more than 10 pictures in a post.