Trusting your feelings

Forensic1104

Forensic1104

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So I am having this reoccurring feeling when I am in the presence of my X-wife, usually when I drop my off kids. Backstory
 
It depends on what your intentions are, i.e. I'm assuming you want to reconnect with your ex-wife.
 
Forensic1104 said:
So I am having this reoccurring feeling when I am in the presence of my X-wife, usually when I drop my off kids. Backstory… After she left me , in less than a week she began dating this guy….His name is THOR…..and he is a construction worker….(Insert joke)…..Now I believe that due to the timing she was cheating on me with this man, and now this man and his three daughter have moved in with her. I see the look on her face when I am around her and she is unhappy….I think it is because she did not spend any time alone, she moved from one relationship directly into another and now this guy is using her and she is beginning to see that. She looks at me like she need advice but I do not know if I should attempt to console her or not. She says she’s happy but I can see differently, anyone with any strong words of wisdom here?
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She might be hiding her unhappiness. Often times, cheaters leave for a world of fantasy and obsession for another person that quickly wears off.

I would advise against taking her back though, even if she ever reveals her regret...
 
this is one you will have to look to your own heart. . it will tell you the answer to your question. . I guess I would ask. . what do you have to lose by talking to her? just your pride. . sounds like you care about her, if you had concerns for another friend would you voice them?
I think you already know the answer. .
 
Just do it... Do it just to find out if you should have done it in the first place.
 
I could not ever be with her agian, not in that fashion, but she is the mother of my children and I still care for her, even if she left me. My kids tell me that they fight, and yell at each other, which is something her and I never did, well because i avoid conflict.Big suprise!. I guess i don't know if it is any of my buisness any more.......why should I care, or rather why do i care? She didnt care about me when she was screwing the guy...... guess i am more concerned with the wellfare of my children. They say hes nice and stuff, but if he is yelling at their mother how far will it progess? At what point should I step in and say "knock it the fuck off!" when he yells at her, or when he yells at my kids....
 
A guy named Thor, an ex wife in fantasy land, a concerned ex husband... sounds like something out a marvel comics script.
 
I don't know... if you are prepared to be her confidant for life, because it gets tricky. You'll need to set boundries if you still have feelings for her. I wish you well, because I have tried this, and I can't do it. I think it's good that you want to, but don't let her use you for this long term. I agree, she needs someone to talk to... just not sure it should be you. It will be harder for both of you to move on.
 
I guess what it comes down to is this. . do youi love enought to help her workd through issues that might not end up where you want to go. . if so proceed. . if not. . then I would stay away. . I have been in similiar shoes my friend. .her name was Debbie. .

I loved her like no other. but she chose another. . . and yet I was there for her when that relationship began to fail. . helping her process her way through it. .I did it because I loved enough to want the best for her. . even if it meant I didnt get what I wanted. . but it was hard. . so walk softly. .
 
purplecrayons said:
I don't know... if you are prepared to be her confidant for life, because it gets tricky. You'll need to set boundries if you still have feelings for her. I wish you well, because I have tried this, and I can't do it. I think it's good that you want to, but don't let her use you for this long term. I agree, she needs someone to talk to... just not sure it should be you. It will be harder for both of you to move on.
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Spailpin said:
I guess what it comes down to is this. . do youi love enought to help her workd through issues that might not end up where you want to go. . if so proceed. . if not. . then I would stay away. . I have been in similiar shoes my friend. .her name was Debbie. .
I loved her like no other. but she chose another. . . and yet I was there for her when that relationship began to fail. . helping her process her way through it. .I did it because I loved enough to want the best for her. . even if it meant I didnt get what I wanted. . but it was hard. . so walk softly. .
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Thanks, You guy make a alot of sense, I'll back away.
 
Matariki said:
A guy named Thor, an ex wife in fantasy land, a concerned ex husband... sounds like something out a marvel comics script.
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I dont know for some reason every time I hear the name and job "thor the construction worker" I always think of the YMCA song. Every time I see him I am always looking for an Indian or a cop somewhere near by......
 
. . .hahahaha
I believe yo are healing my friend. .
 
I would suggest you leave it alone. You should be defining your relationship with your ex in terms of what is best for managing your interactions with your children. Getting involved in her personal life isn't part of that equation. You stopped having a voice (concerned or otherwise) when the two of you broke up. You need to stay away from her love life out of respect for yourself, your kids and her.
 
On a related note, I'd say you might want to prepare your reactions in case she comes to you for advice and a veiled attempt at reconnecting. That's up to you.
 
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