Trying to date an INFJ

Me44 said:
Hey there. First post of a confused INFP.

I’m interested in a INFJ coworker. I know her since 8 month. To keep it short: We had lunch break together - then I invited her to hang out after work and been rejected, so I backed off.

Few weeks later she initiated to hang out together, which failed due to the sudden Covid-19 lockdown.

After the situation improved here, I tried to initiate to hang out and got rejected again. :disappointed: I backed off again, but we still kept friendly contact. Few weeks later, she finally agreed to go swimming together. But she canceled a few hours before, because she was feeling unwell. (Sounds true, met her at work same day)

The following day my vacation began. I texted her and asked her to let me know when she wanted to hang out, but got no reply at all since then. I don’t want to be too clingy, but I don’t want to give up too fast either. Since I am still on vacation, I want to use the time to rethink the situation.

So I appreciate your (INFJ) feedback – should I back off or try to initiate contact again ?
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Yeah I would back off for sure. I think you're doing the right thing by showing initiative, but she doesn't seem to be as interested as you are, so I'd leave her be for now. The only reasons I can think of why she might be flaky are:

1) She's super shy
2) She has a hectic life and things keep getting in the way
3) She's not that interested

I'd be friendly as always, but maybe start looking elsewhere for a date.
 
Pin said:
I remember the last person I was infatuated with, I think I conducted myself well largely by focusing on my work and by being as honest as I sincerely could have.

She was vulnerable with me but she fell apart so easily.
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Yeah I totally agree, I've found out that for whatever reason people seem to want you more if you're out there having a life, and maybe even dating other people. I guess you look more appealing when your life doesn't revolve around chasing that one person ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
Ace17 said:
Yeah I totally agree, I've found out that for whatever reason people seem to want you more if you're out there having a life, and maybe even dating other people. I guess you look more appealing when your life doesn't revolve around chasing that one person ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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:sob:

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Ace17 said:
Yeah I totally agree, I've found out that for whatever reason people seem to want you more if you're out there having a life, and maybe even dating other people. I guess you look more appealing when your life doesn't revolve around chasing that one person ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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But seriously, I don't mean to sound like an asshole but most women are pretty overrated even the hot ones. You're better off being straightforward and honest with women and telling them that your goal is marriage and a family.

If she's not operating at that level, she's wasting your time and basically sees you as a sex-object, a source of attention, or free food. If she doesn't take you seriously, brush her off without feeling too bad.

Hook-ups are for losers. If your goal is just sex you're better off just visiting prostitutes. You're not paying prostitutes for sex. You're paying them to leave, ergo not waste your time because you have a purpose to fulfill.
 
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Ace17 said:
The only reasons I can think of why she might be flaky are:

1) She's super shy
2) She has a hectic life and things keep getting in the way
3) She's not that interested

I'd be friendly as always, but maybe start looking elsewhere for a date.
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Yes, must be one of the 3 mentioned reasons. Thanks for you input. Guess I have just to move on.
 
Pin said:
But seriously, I don't mean to sound like an asshole but most women are pretty overrated even the hot ones. You're better off being straightforward and honest with women and telling them that your goal is marriage and a family.

If she's not operating at that level, she's wasting your time and basically sees you as a sex-object, a source of attention, or free food. If she doesn't take you seriously, brush her off without feeling too bad.

Hook-ups are for losers. If your goal is just sex you're better off just visiting prostitutes. You're not paying prostitutes for sex. You're paying them to leave, ergo not waste your time because you have a purpose to fulfill.
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No my goal is not sex. I love being straightforward, but if I can't manage it to even get her on a date, well....what for ? The office is just not the right place for this kind of straightforwardnesss.
Thanks for your feedback.
 
Me44 said:
No my goal is not sex. I love being straightforward, but if I can't manage it to even get her on a date, well....what for ? The office is just not the right place for this kind of straightforwardnesss.
Thanks for your feedback.
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Fair enough, I think you're better off just not dating a co-worker.
 
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