Turning Men Down

People have said that when all other barriers break down in society men and women will still be at odds. A barrier never to be broken.
Its interesting how people can live in the same world and percieve it in a completely different fasion.
 
One thing that's really annoying is turning someone down as if you're doing them a huge favor. It's one thing if you are not interested, but the person is not inferior because you're not interested. Turning someone down with impression that they're not deserving of you or being rude because you think they're not your type, is one of the most odd things I've ever experienced. The only time to be rude or demeaning in tone and/or word is if they don't get the point and become pushy.
 
I can usually guess if someone is interested if I'm paying attention. A lot of times I'm rather indifferent to other's emotional states and I'm also very flirty. It's rather obnoxious of me but I really don't feel the need to intrude on other people's emotions or make myself responsible for what they feel. I tend to ignore the underpinnings of sexual attraction in men until they actually say something. A lot of times the fun energy of being flirty and whatnot is just that, fun. I'm not all about "finding out" stuff and "bringing things to a head (pardon the pun)", I guess that is that Pness in me (lol). Why cause drama or whatnot if you don't have to?

I had a female supervisor who was a lesbian who really had a crush on me and was very obvious about it. It was difficult because she was my supervisor! She would say stuff like, we should go away for the weekend and do this or that...I would just decline. I could see it in her face a couple of times that she was on the verge of making her intentions known and would work hard to stop that from happening. She wasn't what you would call stable...a drunk...with lots of rejection issues. So I had to play this fine line of not letting her close and keeping her intentions inside her head just so I could continue working without added drama.

I had one guy who I knew in college who looked me up and came around quite a bit. I wasn't interested in him and thought he was just looking for friends since he was new to the area. When he asked me out, I was kinda taken by surprise but declined as politely as I could. He got really angry and said I had to be a lesbian. I told him that if every woman who said no to him was a lesbian that he had to have met an awful lot of lesbians. It got ugly. He told me I would die alone and bitter. LOL. Uh, then he asked my sister out. I didn't tell her the stuff he had said and they dated for a brief time until he moved to another town an hour or so away.
 
Yo, I'm just not that into you... but let's have a beer and find you a nice honey to mack on.
 
There was this bartender who when I first met her told me about her boyfriend. I thought hey great, I can relax around her now. She was attractive, actually very but I did not think there was much there intellectually. Anyway all I wanted to do was go there for a few beers listen to the noise and play the game they had. This was during the time I felt like I was dying. Being alone was intolerable so I went out. Anyway over time I swear she started hitting on me. I would text one of my friends I had just found on facebook again and occasionally she would grab my phone out of my hands look at what I was typing and then set it down and just walk away for a bit.

What do you make of that?
 
There was this bartender who when I first met her told me about her boyfriend. I thought hey great, I can relax around her now. She was attractive, actually very but I did not think there was much there intellectually. Anyway all I wanted to do was go there for a few beers listen to the noise and play the game they had. This was during the time I felt like I was dying. Being alone was intolerable so I went out. Anyway over time I swear she started hitting on me. I would text one of my friends I had just found on facebook again and occasionally she would grab my phone out of my hands look at what I was typing and then set it down and just walk away for a bit.

Remember I did not talk to her much at all. I did not know her outside of the bar... who grabs someone's phone out of their hands?

What do you make of that?
 
I already posted about this on the other thread, where I was asking about flirtation and leading people on- and it's interesting, I am a very warm and curious person, and often times people might misinterpret that, fortunately for me, I can tell when people are attracted to me, but they don't usually act on it and respect me and my relationship.

I did have one friend who called me all the time for awhile, when we were both seeing people, and he would bring up how he knew stuff about me that my boyfriend didn't and that he would bring it up and my boyfriend would get uncomfortable, and that his girlfriend was getting jealous of me, and kind of asked what we should do about it. At that point I recognized he must have feelings for me, and I told him I'm not attracted to him at all, and that I want to be with my boyfriend. He called me a bunch after that, and I just stopped answering.

I'm really good at the avoidance thing if I feel like people are going to cross boundaries. It's a bummer, I'm always one of those people who just wishes people didn't have to deal with the issue of attraction, etc. because I do enjoy conversations with both sexes, but it's so subjective as to whether men and women can really just be friends and depends so much on the situation.
 
Eventhorizon said:
. I would text one of my friends I had just found on facebook again and occasionally she would grab my phone out of my hands look at what I was typing and then set it down and just walk away for a bit.

What do you make of that?
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She thought you were texting about her.
 
Stu said:
She thought you were texting about her.
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Yes I got that. But why would she think that or care. And again, who does that?
 
I think I am pretty bad at turning people down. I seem to attract guys that I think are my friends and then a year later they begin to drop hints and I decide to break off contact. They get the hint, but it hurts me to give up a friend just because they didn't let me know that they were interested in dating, not friendship. I also had a really forward guy when I was younger (16) ask for my number and kept telling me to text him. I made up some excuses and he always had a why to shoot at me. After a little of this I was like I'm 16 dude, too young for you! The guy was in his twenties but boy was he persistent. Nowadays I am attracting some genuinely nice guys that are always too old for me...I also have no idea how to get the point across.

Thing is, I've never been let down. I have never liked anyone enough to do the pursuing.
 
I get through these situations by avoiding people entirely. You cannot turn down what isn't there!

bionic said:
Yo, I'm just not that into you... but let's have a beer and find you a nice honey to mack on.
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pooh.gif


Mack dat honey. #letsgetit
 
You could also become unapproachable. It's worked for me, so stop being so nice and you won't have to worry about it!:D
 
I'm gonna have to turn this dude down at work soon, I can feel it! And in turn I'm gonna have to out myself... We'll see what happens *grabs popcorn*
 
DonTaushMe said:
I'm gonna have to turn this dude down at work soon, I can feel it! And in turn I'm gonna have to out myself... We'll see what happens *grabs popcorn*
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Why does your not being interested have to involve you admitting to being a lesbian?
 
Eventhorizon said:
There was this bartender who when I first met her told me about her boyfriend. I thought hey great, I can relax around her now. She was attractive, actually very but I did not think there was much there intellectually. Anyway all I wanted to do was go there for a few beers listen to the noise and play the game they had. This was during the time I felt like I was dying. Being alone was intolerable so I went out. Anyway over time I swear she started hitting on me. I would text one of my friends I had just found on facebook again and occasionally she would grab my phone out of my hands look at what I was typing and then set it down and just walk away for a bit.

Remember I did not talk to her much at all. I did not know her outside of the bar... who grabs someone's phone out of their hands?

What do you make of that?
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Thats rude.
 
the said:
Why does your not being interested have to involve you admitting to being a lesbian?
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I like part of the sentiment here, [MENTION=10166]DonTaushMe[/MENTION] 's sexual orientation is not at issue even if it a basis for her having to turn a man down, but the phraseology of "admitting to" lends a air of wrongness to her lesbosity.

In turning someone aside, less information is better. Let's face it our attractions are only rational to the extent that we drape reason on them. The man who insists on a reason for being excused from possible engagement really needs a swift, non lethal blow to the head.
 
Eventhorizon said:
There was this bartender who when I first met her told me about her boyfriend. I thought hey great, I can relax around her now. She was attractive, actually very but I did not think there was much there intellectually. Anyway all I wanted to do was go there for a few beers listen to the noise and play the game they had. This was during the time I felt like I was dying. Being alone was intolerable so I went out. Anyway over time I swear she started hitting on me. I would text one of my friends I had just found on facebook again and occasionally she would grab my phone out of my hands look at what I was typing and then set it down and just walk away for a bit.

What do you make of that?
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She wants to know what you're doing and is very blunt about it

Maybe her last fella cheated on her

''a person who burns their lips on hot soup, blows on cold yoghurt''- old egyptian saying
 
the said:
Why does your not being interested have to involve you admitting to being a lesbian?
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Because my sexual orientation is a part of who I am, who I am attracted to, and I have had to fight for the right to voice that I am a lesbian. Besides that he is not the only guy there that this will happen with and I don't enjoy just turning someone down and at the same time hiding who I am, because it's not that I'm hiding why I turn him down, I'm hiding me -this is a part of me.

And I agree [MENTION=1939]Stu[/MENTION] that men who feel they need a woman to excuse why she'd rather not be involved with him should get hit over the head however I am not telling him I'm a lesbian so he can have an excuse, I would be telling him I am a lesbian because I am a lesbian, his feelings play no factor in my reasoning for outting myself.
 
Probably more direct, i've seen tons of people saying this anyway, but still kept playing games with the ones who are interested, and that's just mean. Talking about big crushes here, not a one night stand. I was turned down that way in middle school, 5th grade and it was awful, since she wasn't interested at all in me, but acted like she was when she needed something and i just kept falling for her like an idiot. Ahh, middle school...

I try to turn women down by being a little bit considerate, and not as direct, but it doesn't always work. I acted like a jerk one time, there was a girl who had a big crush on me since 8th grade, and i didn't even noticed, since she was a friend of mine, and my ex's best friend, i didn't noticed that she had a crush on me after 5 years later over a common friend that we had, and then i recalled one time when she got extremely upset at me for something and i didn't knew what it was, and deleted me from facebook out of nothing and went to another highschool and i never knew of her again. It was never my intention to play games with her anyway, it never crossed my mind that she would be interested in me and i wasn't interested in her either, but i guess i felt alone and i gave the wrong signals.
 
Stu said:
I like part of the sentiment here, @DonTaushMe 's sexual orientation is not at issue even if it a basis for her having to turn a man down, but the phraseology of "admitting to" lends a air of wrongness to her lesbosity.

In turning someone aside, less information is better. Let's face it our attractions are only rational to the extent that we drape reason on them. The man who insists on a reason for being excused from possible engagement really needs a swift, non lethal blow to the head.
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I used the word admit just because she said she'd have to out herself, as if she's been keeping it a secret... And because I read her post and interpreted it as if there was going to be some judgement directed towards her because of it. No judgement from me this time.

i do agree with you sentiments on attraction. Why does everything need to be coupled with a logical explanation? "Because I said so" is a typical explaination that we probably all grew up with and it is one we should accept.
 
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