"weird" INFJ

Roobarb&Custard said:
I did real dancing
raw
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Icedream said:
First off, I've been on the forum for a while, I just don't post very often, so this isn't an introduction for me. I only say what I feel needs to be said and when. Yes, I've come to a surety of my type through about three years of studying.

My apologies. What would you like to know about me?
It's not so much being "weird" that bothers me, it's being shunned.
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Well you're looking at it in reverse I think...although your right about weird, no worries everyone is. BUT shunning now that is a GREAT thing and it shouldn't bother you at all. It's a gift really. The people that shun you don't know you and then judge, duh! I like it when people shun me, it automatically sorts out the people I don't want to know! With absolutely no effort on my part.
 
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Gyan said:
Well you're looking at it in reverse I think...although your right about weird, no worries everyone is. BUT shunning now that is a GREAT thing and it shouldn't bother you at all. It's a gift really. The people that shun you don't know you and then judge, duh! I like it when people shun me, it automatically sorts out the people I don't want to know!
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I guess we still have to learn to be ourselves and like it. We still care too much about what others think of us.
 
Icedream said:
Now, onto the subject intended.

What are traits that technically fall under INFJ, but are still "unusual" for the type?
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Hi Icedream! If that's any help, I also consider myself to be a slightly "weird" INFJ. Just like you, I know deep down that I am one because I am a Ni-dom and an Fe user, but it's happened to me to be called egotistical by my friends, which I suppose is not a trait that fits the INFJ (stereo)type.

When you say that you put up these barriers, such as rudeness, do you think you might be unconsciously doing it out of a desire to protect yourself from hurt? I think INFJs can be afraid of rejection, and from this perspective, appearing rude might be a defensive mechanism.

Happy to discuss this further with you if you give me more details about your interactions with other INFJs and how you feel like you're different from them.
 
Some would disagree with that, saying it's more of a hidden, closeted trait.

I definitely think it's a defense mechanism, but it's more than just weeding out the bad people. At the time, I felt it necessary for "survival."
I will tell you this: It seems I drew from traits I saw in some of the worst people I know in order to put up this front. There are also people I’ve met who use the same defense mechanism, but to a greater extreme.
 
Ren said:
INFJs can be afraid of rejection, and from this perspective, appearing rude might be a defensive mechanism.
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I think empaths can also be rude, prickly or aloof in an attempt to create some sort of boundary or distance between themselves and others. It can act as a counter balance to being empathic.
 
Roobarb&Custard said:
I think empaths can also be rude, prickly or aloof in an attempt to create some sort of boundary or distance between themselves and others. It can act as a counter balance to being empathic.
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Would you then draw a difference between creating a counterbalance and the idea of a defensive mechanism? That's very interesting. It almost sounds like the former option would be healthier, in a way.
 
Ren said:
Would you then draw a difference between creating a counterbalance and the idea of a defensive mechanism? That's very interesting. It almost sounds like the former option would be healthier, in a way.
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Yes I see what you mean. I guess it does sound healthier although it turns out it's almost the same thing. I think that people have deep contradictions in their character and behaviour and that in a way these are perhaps an unconscious expression of some imbalance - or an attempt to counteract an imbalance. If you get to know people you almost always notice aspects of their personality or behaviour that seem surprising because they contrast with other traits of the person you think you know, and seem to contradict your idea of who they are.

Then again perhaps my explanation doesn't explain the phenomena at all. We behave unconsciously in reaction to so many things, with little or no knowledge that were even doing it, or let alone why. I think it's fascinating that the vast majority of our 'awareness' is on an unconscious level and is not even registered. If we know so little about ourselves, how can we begin to explain the behaviour of others?
 
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(Strange thought: this discussion thread reminds me of the first encounter between Alyosha and Ilyusha Snegiryov in The Brothers Karamazov.

Ah, Ni.)
 
I'm not sure if that was meant for me @Icedream?

...I think it's a really interesting when you notice this. Maybe it's to do with the shadow side of some trait expressing itself??
These are probably not good examples, but off the top of my head...
e.g. easy going and relaxed freedom loving people showing areas in their attitudes or life in which they are uptight.
loving and tolerant people having bind spots in their attitudes towards others.
generous hearted people behaving mean in certain specific ways..
etc. etc.
 
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