[INFJ] Weird situation with new friend who asked me for money

[sapphiresky]

This park is quite the nexus of intrigue.

HAHAHAH this made me laugh so much... Yep sadly that park is like 5 minutes from my home at a walking distance. I decided to take my child to a different park every week and take a break from that one for now.....lol

 

[sapphiresky]

Suburbia was made for that. True story.

I agree

 

[Asa]

Are you posting to ask us what we think because you feel guilty cutting her off and want justification, or do you just want to vent?

Your threads here seem to focus on issues with boundaries with friends and family. Think about what you want your boundaries to be and stick to them.

Ditch this friend. She sounds like a grifter.

 

[sapphiresky]

Are you posting to ask us what we think because you feel guilty cutting her off and want justification, or do you just want to vent?

Your threads here seem to focus on issues with boundaries with friends and family. Think about what you want your boundaries to be and stick to them.

Ditch this friend. She sounds like a grifter.

Is there a category in this forum where I am supposed to post these kinds of relationship threads? I am new to this forum so I am not aware of the rules of this forum. It seems that some people get bothered with what I post here even though I post here on rare ocassions. Are people allowed to vent here? Just trying to get a "feel" of this community because it seems that I am not supposed to be here.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

Is there a category in this forum where I am supposed to post these kinds of relationship threads? I am new to this forum so I am not aware of the rules of this forum. It seems that some people get bothered with what I post here even though I post here on rare ocassions. Are people allowed to vent here? Just trying to get a "feel" of this community because it seems that I am not supposed to be here.

Your threads and posts are fine. You're not breaking any rules.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

Oh and ffs people, quit railroading this person towards personal enlightenment before we can solve the mystery of the sketchy ass paypal lady. I have children. I live in walking distance of a park. Did any of you stop to think that if we don't find out what's going on, I or other innocent parents like me could end up in jail for furnishing curtains to an international criminal? Check yourselves.

 

[Matty]

Hello. I am in a weird situation with this "mommy friend" who I meet in May of this year. I met her and another lady at a local park. We have been planning playdates for our children almost weekly.

I always thought she was a little bit strange but I just thought that she was probably adjusting because she hasn't been living in the country for too long. Since I don't have any female friends I overlooked her behavior. I can't expect perfection from people. I also confess I have been getting tired of meeting her 1 to 3 times a week but I kept meeting her for the sake of socializing my child with her children.

Last week she sent me a strange text message where she was requesting me to purchase her a "home decor item" and that she could pay me later via Paypal.

This home decor item ain't cheap. I was confused by her message and my husband said it was suspicious.
I explained to her that since I am a stay-at-home mom who doesn't work and have a strict budget with my husband I cannot purchase that for her.

She said it was ok but then keep texting me on the following days inviting me for more playdates. I ignored her messages and on Monday I told her I was going to be busy in the next couple of weeks and that I was also sick which was true.

I need to take a break from her....and I feel like I should stop talking to her.

I also suspect she did the same thing to our mutual friend because she has not been responding to her group texts either. She would always respond to invitations.

Should I cut her off? There are other things that are pretty weird about her. She changes countries, states, and cities a lot and sometimes I wonder if she is running away from fraudulent activity. Her excuse is that she and her husband love to travel and that her husband is looking for better-paying jobs.

I just feel sad because like I said I have no friends....and just went I thought I finally found people this happens. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore.

Seems weird, but perhaps she just doesn't understand boundaries too well.

I can't tell whether it would be too awkward, but I think it's possible to be friends with odd people. You just have to be clear and unapologetic about your boundaries.

 

[MoonFlier]

Over 50 years I've run into more than my share of oddballs. I swear they smell the INFJs and attack. This lady is up to something.
She may be living out a fantasy friendship in her head, thinking you all are much closer than in reality. You mentioned she's not present in the moment when you're with her.

I'm not saying zap her from your life, but I would just because these type are so hard to maintain a relationship based in reality with. They drain one person and move on to the next. I'm also biased against anyone who assumes they're owed gifts, money and friendship. Sorry, nope. It takes a ton of work and dedication from both of us for a person to level up to that with me. Probably why I also have only a few friends.

 

[Asa]

Is there a category in this forum where I am supposed to post these kinds of relationship threads? I am new to this forum so I am not aware of the rules of this forum. It seems that some people get bothered with what I post here even though I post here on rare ocassions. Are people allowed to vent here? Just trying to get a "feel" of this community because it seems that I am not supposed to be here.

I'm just commenting on the themes of your posts here and how you could avoid these problems in the future.
It sounds like you've already decided what to do about curtains lady.

 

[sapphiresky]

Oh and ffs people, quit railroading this person towards personal enlightenment before we can solve the mystery of the sketchy ass paypal lady. I have children. I live in walking distance of a park. Did any of you stop to think that if we don't find out what's going on, I or other innocent parents like me could end up in jail for furnishing curtains to an international criminal? Check yourselves.

hahaha nah dude....I think I am done with this crap lol. I do wonder about the life story of this lady but I don't have the energy to put up with it. She can take advantage of her other mommy friends lol.

 

[sapphiresky]

Over 50 years I've run into more than my share of oddballs. I swear they smell the INFJs and attack. This lady is up to something.
She may be living out a fantasy friendship in her head, thinking you all are much closer than in reality. You mentioned she's not present in the moment when you're with her.

I'm not saying zap her from your life, but I would just because these type are so hard to maintain a relationship based in reality with. They drain one person and move on to the next. I'm also biased against anyone who assumes they're owed gifts, money and friendship. Sorry, nope. It takes a ton of work and dedication from both of us for a person to level up to that with me. Probably why I also have only a few friends.

Yeah. I was wondering about this the other day because she strikes me as a little bit narcissistic. Do INFJs tend to attract narcissists?

I do agree that I think she was idealizing the "mommy" relationship and having high expectations.

I didn't even mention that she has no car. Her husband is a full-time remote worker and he refused to let her use the car. In the beginning, it seems that she was expecting me to drive her places. She has 3 small kids that need car seats. She later got the hint and eventually started to drive her husband's car. So yeah for the short time I have known this woman she has a lot of expectations of things that I should be doing for her as a friend............and I had enough of it.

There is this meme that I have saved for years "The less social you are. The less bullshit you deal with". That is my sad reality. I do admit that I need human connections but I will rather be alone than have people draining my resources.

 

[sapphiresky]

I'm just commenting on the themes of your posts here and how you could avoid these problems in the future.
It sounds like you've already decided what to do about curtains lady.

Yes, sorry about my interpretation. I do admit that I have my own individual issues. I suffer from stress and anxiety. I have issues telling people "No" right off the bat. I internalize and overanalyze things to the point of exhaustion.

I am a good candidate for therapy but I don't know if I can afford it at the moment.

For many years I typed myself as an INFP, but it was during a time when I was an adult still living with my parents. After I moved out and became fully independent I started to learn more about myself. I later took the test several times and came out as INFJ.

When I read or watch content describing the INFJs it seems that they struggle with many issues that I deal with. If I am truly an INFJ all I can say is that it makes dealing with other humans challenging.

 

[Asa]

Yes, sorry about my interpretation. I do admit that I have my own individual issues. I suffer from stress and anxiety. I have issues telling people "No" right off the bat. I internalize and overanalyze things to the point of exhaustion.

I am a good candidate for therapy but I don't know if I can afford it at the moment.

For many years I typed myself as an INFP, but it was during a time when I was an adult still living with my parents. After I moved out and became fully independent I started to learn more about myself. I later took the test several times and came out as INFJ.

When I read or watch content describing the INFJs it seems that they struggle with many issues that I deal with. If I am truly an INFJ all I can say is that it makes dealing with other humans challenging.

You're allowed to have issues. We all have them.
Try to remember that it is kinder to say, "No," sometimes when something isn't a good fit and that you're allowed to say, "No," when others ask too much of you. I saw you struggling with this in other threads. Curtains lady probably saw your kind heart and tried to take advantage. You don't have to please everyone, and certainly not some rando from the park who feels entitled to ask you to decorate her home.

It is better to try to find healthy ways to release stress and anxiety. I know finding an outlet must be hard because you're a mom. Stress and anxiety can lead to chronic health issues, especially for women. (Well, now, I'm going to give you more anxiety about anxiety. Sorry about that.) Even a few minutes or a small ritual (like enjoying some tea) to unwind could be good for you. Perhaps starting a blog here would be good for you. Or yoga, a light workout, or listening to soothing music. Try to find a constructive way to release anger, too, instead of holding it in. That will help release your stress.

Everyone's a good candidate for therapy.

 

[slant]

Yeah. I was wondering about this the other day because she strikes me as a little bit narcissistic. Do INFJs tend to attract narcissists?

I do agree that I think she was idealizing the "mommy" relationship and having high expectations.

I didn't even mention that she has no car. Her husband is a full-time remote worker and he refused to let her use the car. In the beginning, it seems that she was expecting me to drive her places. She has 3 small kids that need car seats. She later got the hint and eventually started to drive her husband's car. So yeah for the short time I have known this woman she has a lot of expectations of things that I should be doing for her as a friend............and I had enough of it.

There is this meme that I have saved for years "The less social you are. The less bullshit you deal with". That is my sad reality. I do admit that I need human connections but I will rather be alone than have people draining my resources.

I just want to point out that you are not a direct communicator, you are hoping people pick up on "hints" and people who have difficulty with that such as people on the autism spectrum for example will not pick up on hints. You jump straight to wondering if this person is a narcissist instead of thinking about what your behavior is that might be encouraging this- which is your poor boundaries and inability to communicate directly with people because you do not like confrontation. That's fine, but don't blame the consequence of this behavior entirely on other people. Communication is a two way street and based on everything you've said, this other person is an excellent communicator. They directly tell you want they want and ask for it.

People have different preferences and cultures. You very much seem like a person who is adverse to relying on others too much and who doesn't trust easily. There's nothing wrong with that. However, not everybody is like that and that doesn't mean they are trying to use you or anything is wrong with them. When people ask you for things, all you have to do is say no. But because you have difficulty saying no, you are getting frustrated when people ask you for things. This is normal in relationships, and the only way to correct it is to let the person know when you feel uncomfortable doing something, maybe let them know you are more of a guarded person who doesn't believe in relying on others too much. Communicate! This lady can't read your mind! She doesn't know what your culture and preferences are! Maybe in her family, you give the shirt off your back if a stranger needs it. Some people are like that. It isn't better or worse it's just different.