What does the tendency to "hold back" really mean?

jupiterswoon

jupiterswoon

Permanent Fixture
MBTI
ISFP
Enneagram
3
INFJ Weaknesses

Tendency to hold back part of themselves
Not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities
Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INFJ_rel.html
 
It means being reluctant to make a large portion of your true thoughts and feelings, and perhaps the extent of your personal investment in things, known to others. Or generally a tendency to not get so involved.
 
niffer said:
It means being reluctant to make a large portion of your true thoughts and feelings, and perhaps the extent of your personal investment in things, known to others. Or generally a tendency to not get so involved.
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+1

the lights are on but no ones home.
 
Fear of being judged or misunderstood, or else not wanting to bother people with stuff they probably don't care about.
 
I think holding back is not showing your true self, being guarded, or unwilling to fully express your thoughts/feelings/desires. I often wonder why we choose to hold back, as @La Sanga mentioned, it might be that we fear of being judged or misunderstood. I think that's true, or being scared that someone will hurt us...I also wonder if it's also maybe not wanting to feel a loss of independence or freedom. Knowing that there will always be a part of me that no one knows is kind of comforting- it's my own little world.
 
a form of self protection, also a way of keeping a part of yourself just for you, a part no one can intrude. I've done the opposite of holding back and honestly, it did more harm than good, so I think how we think of holding back has more to do with how people perceive it. If I decide not to reveal or share how I feel, that maybe a positive for me, but may be seen by someone else as a negative aka holding back because they want to see and know more or think I should share more, which is really just an opinion. And it also depends on the relationship you have with someone. I don't think everyone needs or deserves to know every feeling or thought I have. Some people are not going to be able to appreciate aspects of a person's personality, so I think it's fine to "hold back" in some sense.
 
I don't necessarily feel the need to have my own private little world in my head as [MENTION=10252]say what[/MENTION] explained. I think for me it's more that even if I ever found a person that I trusted enough to share everything with, there would never be enough time or opportunity to share what's really going on in there. I don't think it would be possible for me to verbalize all my thoughts and feelings about everything, it would be way too difficult.

I definitely share a lot more of my inner thoughts with people now than I ever have before, even though I don't really trust most people to understand. I decided to throw away the fear of exposing myself and even though sometimes I think 'Did I reveal too much?', I always release that thought and somehow the sky hasn't fallen yet because of sharing too much.
 
I tink its a strenght, not a weakness.
Probably is meaning in their interpretation a fear of exposing all self to others. A tendency to hide a part of one, to make it a secret sanctuar.
I think this part is the heart of self, the very essence of an individual.
And I think by its very nature, this heart of self can not be unhold or released, and is not a weakness.
That.s why when I see a Infj who "holds" this part of him naturally, I see strenght.
 
There are two types knee jerk reactions to stimuli to prevent third party disclosure. Then there are personal ramblings to prevent self disclosure. If you parse through the threads on the forum look for posts very small or excessively large there you will find the logical constants you seek. I hate closure, I'm always still thinking about something so I run into a lot of fools trying to club me over the head so to speak.

ESFP and INFJ run into a similar problem as each other. I think its because they are spread so thin. Most of what they pick up on is a bit too abstract to be applied. I like refining the information to help them cross this gap, it has helped me develop my own personality.

Perhaps the problem could be the lacking of a cohesive narrative? Try asking yourself Who, What, Where, When, Why, and if there is a How left over then you are clearly Double thinking yourself patching your own thoughts mid sentence because a How is rendered obsolete by the preceding that seek to answer the How.
 
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It means allowing people to enjoy only a part if the spectrum of your personality. Or it could mean holding back various thoughts and/or feelings for reasons either good or bad.
 
I think that the inside of me is so tender, I can't let other people see it in case they mock me or hurt me.
 
To not act on impulses, generally. But in the case of NF types, probably not acting on social impulses that lead to positive outcomes, such as shouting "hello!" to someone you recognize in public, telling someone you like them, laughing out loud at something funny... anything that brings attention.
 
Ghoulia Yelps said:
I think that the inside of me is so tender, I can't let other people see it in case they mock me or hurt me.
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I used to feel the same. It's normal to hold back to protect ourselves for fear that some will misunderstand or misconstrue what they see. On the other hand, when you protect yourself out of fear, you leave yourself more weak and vulnerable if you are eventually revealed so to speak. Doing things out of fear tends to lead to feeling out of control. I think this is where I've found strength. I've come to realize I have control over information about myself.
 
Lacking in boldness and confidence in the outer self expression area...at least in the beginning until we feel comfortable to let our guard down. Once the guard is down; INFJs are nutcases with rich inner life.
 
Been dealing with this issue lately, here's my take. Its about letting yourself be you, even when you don't know the people you're engaging with. Its about not needing approval to feel comfortable, but taking that initiative into your own hands to take up some space for yourself and not waiting for someone to offer it. Its about owning your anger and quickly saying no to what you don't want, without hesitation or guilt. Its about owning how you feel, and letting others deal with how they feel without trying to change it. I am who I am, and you like that or you don't, and that's not the end of the world if you don't, its honesty.

I'm still new to this whole honesty with others thing, but I'm learning the fear of rejection that kept me walled off usually isn't the case, people are actually pretty accepting of eachother, probably because they're so terrified of being alone haha.. yeah well that's another topic I guess.
 
Some people resent INFJ's for how they are different

INFJ's soon learn to be cautious because of these haters
 
bagelriffic said:
Been dealing with this issue lately, here's my take. Its about letting yourself be you, even when you don't know the people you're engaging with. Its about not needing approval to feel comfortable, but taking that initiative into your own hands to take up some space for yourself and not waiting for someone to offer it. Its about owning your anger and quickly saying no to what you don't want, without hesitation or guilt. Its about owning how you feel, and letting others deal with how they feel without trying to change it. I am who I am, and you like that or you don't, and that's not the end of the world if you don't, its honesty.

I'm still new to this whole honesty with others thing, but I'm learning the fear of rejection that kept me walled off usually isn't the case, people are actually pretty accepting of eachother, probably because they're so terrified of being alone haha.. yeah well that's another topic I guess.
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Yeah the reality is that it is impossible to please everyone and in trying we bend ourselves to suit others and begin to lose sight of what we are actually about

We have seen this happen in politics in recent years. Instead of having political parties who stood for something which the people could then align with the political parties have started doing focus groups to find out what the public say they want and then the political parties say to the public that they will deliver that (they never do though)

Politics of principle have been squeezed out of the system.....the political parties have been said to have 'moved to the centre' (ie they don't stand for anything anymore they just conform to the will of the monied class)

If a person is always trying to conform to how they think others will want them to be then they whitle themselves away until there is little left of themselves

of course there are some situations in life where compromises can be made for the general good but to what extent a person does this, in what context and when and how is down to their judgement

But if a person is not able to stand up for what they believe in then they will be leaf blown about in the winds of change

When a person does stand they will often find that some people hate them for it (as if they resent them for being free when they themselves fail to be) but they will also find that some people respect them for it....so it comes down to whether or not an individual can live with that and also it is down to their judgment to decide which battles are worth fighting

...also the cosmos has a habit of moving with those that take initiative
 
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It means to not fully express how you feel/think to others. Some people do it out of self-preservation, some do it because they are shy, and some do it because they are afraid of being assertive if they want something badly.
 
I have had to get used to withholding myself because I was bullied so much add a kid.
I think if people really knew what Iwas thinking of feeling they would laugh and hurt me.
 
I have hangovers from being too open.
I can be with friends, I can laugh and talk all that cross my mind.
But, next day I feel hangover and I feel to expoused.
 
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