What Drives You?

  • What do you see in yourself?
I see a fighter...always will

  • What truly drives you?
A need to prove everyone who ever doubted me wrong

  • What makes you interested to see another day?
With an eight year old...everything about a new day is exciting...Just one smile is enough!

  • How truly content are you to let injustice happen?
Not at all...Today I am in a temper...tomorrow my answer may be different...but Usually I cannot stand for it..

  • Is extreme guilt a virtue or a problem?
Guilt or virtue...a problem...maybe...I do hold guilt, you know that. Guilt that should not be mine so a problem could be...but virtue...I dont know

  • Without guilt, how do you learn from past mistakes?
its easy...you cannot
 
  • What do you see in yourself?
    • A fallen human being justly deserving of the wrath and indignation that I receive daily and have no hope of saving myself from.
  • What truly drives you?
    • That I am already being saved from that wrath and indignation in order to serve the purpose for which I was made.
  • What makes you interested to see another day?
    • That the next day could be the day salvation is completed.
  • How truly content are you to let injustice happen?
    • It does not happen. I am guilty, all are guilty, and are being served both justice and mercy because of it.
  • Is extreme guilt a virtue or a problem?
    • A problem. If you had no problems you'd have no guilt.
  • Without guilt, how do you learn from past mistakes?
    • You do not. You don't make mistakes anymore.
 
I got a new tattoo last night, and it really helped me to realize what my problem is, which is what many of you knew all along.

I got a tattoo of a work by Banksy. It involves children playing ring around the rosie around a nuclear blast. It is an oxymoron and a statement regarding our society. Now, I shouldn't be so sensitive, but one of the women walked by when I was putting lotion on it and she gave me a weird look.

I should be content to say that she has her opinions and they differ from mine, perhaps she understands the oxymoron behind it, but she simply disapproves. Anyway, it bothers me. I think that my views have been so different and I get so tired of explaining myself that I simply give up on trying in most instances.

Perhaps I give up because I simply know that there is no one around here (Where I live, that is) with similar ideas/perspectives. Maybe I should still speak up and make them known. I am really not an advocate of rocking the boat in most cases, though. The tattoo artist was stoked, he lives around the Des Moines area and has a bachelor's degree in Art, so I wasn't surprised. We also share similar ideas.

This is the root cause of Anxiety Disorder, I recognize that everyone has their own opinions, but I feel distraught that I am different or that I do not match expectations. I think my biggest goal is to overcome the necessity to meet the expectations of others simply because they have expectations of me.

I recognized this a long time ago and I fought it, but apparently I was unsuccessful.
 
What do you see in yourself?
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Nothing....?

What truly drives you?
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What makes one drive 'truer' than another?

What makes you interested to see another day?
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Survival of the most fit.

How truly content are you to let injustice happen?
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Well it depends on who sees something as unjust since injustice is subjective. If I saw something as unjust I'd do something but if someone else saw something as unjust and I didn't well, nothing would get done.
Is extreme guilt a virtue or a problem?
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Uhm. Extreme anything probably isn't good, that's why we have personality disorders like bipolar- to recognize that extreme ups and downs aren't good things.
Without guilt, how do you learn from past mistakes?
 
  • What do you see in yourself?
The main thing I see in myself is that I am like an onion. Many layers until you get tot he soft core of it all if you're lucky.

But all that aside, I see myself as a strong, intelligent and intuitive woman. I don't deny my skills and abilities and I revel in them. However, I am rough around the edges so it gets taking used to.


  • What truly drives you?
Love and accomplishment truly drives me. I always try to do my best in everything and I get depressed if I feel that I am not reaching my potential. Sometimes, material security drives me, but what i really want is love and happiness.

  • What makes you interested to see another day?
I like to see the slow tides of change that unfolds everyday in my life and noticing the minor details that help me grow and change. Sometimes it is very painful and uncomfortable.

  • How truly content are you to let injustice happen?
I am never content at injustice. However, I do feel powerless many times to help others and feel bad just watching the injustice happen.

  • Is extreme guilt a virtue or a problem?
For me it is a problem because it creates conflicting feelings. I feel guilty because I did something that goes against my true beliefs and intuition and I did not own up to my true feelings and motives. I let go of responsibility and became a coward.

  • Without guilt, how do you learn from past mistakes?
The only way is to live through it and feel the mistake envelope you into subordination and finally release the feelings and heal over time.
 
NeverAmI said:
So,

I look into this constant guilt that I feel, this nagging that I am never good enough, that I am never adequate for others. Sometimes it drives me to constantly evolve myself, sometimes it fills me with despair. Either way, I am never content to simply "be."

Some say this is inner torment, some say it is inner drive. It is not a passion of mine, I do not feel great pleasure in it, I feel like I must do it to overcome my flaws.
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That constant guilt and inner torment you talk of, is something I relate to very much. Most of the time it is an inner drive. I feel morally indignant about some things to pursue to a high degree. A high degree in that it requires lot's effort, skill, patience and practice to attain those goals. That inner drive has always constantly driven me to do the things I want. Those are the good (or hard) times. It's when I stop, when I lower my output or get into a slump that that inner drive turns into inner torment. It is a frequent fluctuation, mind you. It's always there but takes on a different (negative) form and I feel those feelings that you mention above. It is ALL driven by torment and guilt. I don't know if I could ever separate this from myself, I think it really is just me and that it won't ever go away because it is part of my personality, psychology or biology or whatever.

NeverAmI said:
When I think about it, I really don't know if I have passions, I have desires to be close with people, but I don't know if I truly have a passion.

It seems like my whole life is built around gaining acceptance and assisting others, and when I try to look at myself, there is nothing there. When I try to focus on doing something for myself, I either lose interest or it is a way of escaping reality.
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You have a desire to be close to people... I think I had very similar desires in my life but what I did was convert those desires into passions and the development of those passions seem to encompass everything that I want to learn in life. The skills and attributes needed to feel content or to give me the capacity to give and receive acceptance from people is eternally fused into these passions, these goals, these lifelong errands that I am constantly on.
 
NeverAmI said:
People tell me to be myself, I AM being myself. Being a pushover and too nice is who I am. Being that awkward, quiet person that no one has a freaking clue about is who I am. It is how life has shaped me. So do I "fix" it by going to a therapist, or do I stay true to "who I am?" Just because my interests and preferences are different from others, does that make me broken? I suppose to the objective viewer, it is no different from a serial killer in that I just have a different outlook from most people, however, I do not bring harm to others.
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I think what crow says here is really fitting:

Crow said:
That does not mean be "nice".
It means decide what you feel is acceptable to you and be that.
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The terms "nice", "pushover", "awkward" and "quiet" are superficial terms to define behaviour in the context of a set of standards. Since most social standards are set from an Extraverted- SJ point of view, you really have to wonder what weight those words hold to you. Like Crow says, you need to react to things the way that you feel should be acceptable. But if what you feel acceptable is tied to what others think are acceptable, it's not really you.

I am an INFJ and I realise that most of the ways of think, feel and the ideals and concepts that I subscribe to are far removed from the norm. I know INFJs who are quiet and unassuming with their attitudes because they know that what ever they think will be frowned upon. It takes energy to assert yourself and get your views understood. I personally am quite aggressive in my ideals. I fight, socially, for what I feel should be right. This means I come across as aggressive, confrontational, that I have a chip on my shoulder. I'd rather be socially un-liked and adhere to my own integrity then be liked but have all sense of myself shattered. That probably doesn't help you, but it may give you insight into how I deal with it. But it doesn't mean that I don't get upset by it, that I don't feel like I'm constantly fighting and that I don't feel alone all the time. But even if I didn't fight, I know I would still feel the same, so I might as well stir shit while I'm here. I can come across as self righteous to others but it's a fair trade in my opinion.
 
I am starting to see now that my mindset was misdirected. I think it relies more on simply losing my fear of what others think, purely and simply.

I spend so much time and energy analyzing situations that I end up coming off even more strange/crazy to observers then I start dwelling on that and I start my downward spiral.

I think when I honestly do not care what other think, I am content, not necessarily content to let the world pass me by, but content with myself.

This makes sense to me. I can still have guilt, but if I am not constantly preoccupied with analyzing everything I can put myself to better use.

Yet, I know it isn't as simple as flicking a switch to turn that off.
 
NeverAmI said:
I think when I honestly do not care what other think, I am content, not necessarily content to let the world pass me by, but content with myself.
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Yep, that's it! I find that when i don't care as much about what others thing, i am usually more relaxed and do a better job. I tend to screw up more if i care too much about what others think.
 
Not caring what others think of you is a vast and complex subject.
Superficially: when you hear someone say they don't care, it is an indicator that they do.

I have been working away at this for years.
Only just the other day, I realized, with a jolt, that I had finally arrived.

And that - in my view - is mental health condensed.
 
Crow said:
Not caring what others think of you is a vast and complex subject.
Superficially: when you hear someone say they don't care, it is an indicator that they do.

I have been working away at this for years.
Only just the other day, I realized, with a jolt, that I had finally arrived.

And that - in my view - is mental health condensed.
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:mfly: Uh huh....
 
One might imagine, among such kind and caring people, that when a member actually achieved success at a lifelong quest, that congratulation might be in order.
Or at least supportiveness.
Or at least a smile.
Or at least the goodwill to not ridicule it.

One would be wrong.
 
Perhaps one might be startled to find, that other ones might find that the manifestion of the quest does not line up with the belief of one's achievement of the quest..
 
Well you did tell me that you didn't care that I was projecting my own shortcomings onto you. Think I'd forgotten?? And your passive aggressive venom is a pretty strong indicator you haven't "arrived" at such aforementioned place. Squawk.
 
pierce said:
Well you did tell me that you didn't care that I was projecting my own shortcomings onto you. Think I'd forgotten?? And your passive aggressive venom is a pretty strong indicator you haven't "arrived" at such aforementioned place. Squawk.
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Whatever you say Jack.
Would you rather I got all wound up and emotionally attached to somebody else's tantrums?
I said I didn't care.
And although that may be beyond the ability of some to comprehend,
it happens to be the case.

I simply don't inhabit an illusory reality.
 
You have a way with words, crow.. that makes it appear as if you are making sense..
 
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