What, if anything, do you fear?

John K said:
It’s so very difficult when you have to do what’s right and best for love of them, but it’s going to hurt them. One of the hardest things I have had to do was stopping my father from driving when his dementia had progressed so far it was unsafe. There was no way he would stop of his own accord. I actually left it almost too late. He lost his independence then because he could no longer do his own shopping. It’s a fearful thing.
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A grey area, for certain. I feel that only makes it more tenuous.
 
Winterflowers said:
A grey area, for certain. I feel that only makes it more tenuous.
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It’s hard - the alternative would have been to let him carry on until he had an accident but that would have been a far greater regret.

It’s a very grey area - and so easy to get wrong. Even being right is full of regret even though it’s necessary. I guess this is just an extreme example of tough nurturing love, the kind you get from a parent, teacher or coach when needed. But when it goes wrong someone gets hurt for no good purpose.
 
John K said:
It’s hard - the alternative would have been to let him carry on until he had an accident but that would have been a far greater regret.

It’s a very grey area - and so easy to get wrong. Even being right is full of regret even though it’s necessary. I guess this is just an extreme example of tough nurturing love, the kind you get from a parent, teacher or coach when needed. But when it goes wrong someone gets hurt for no good purpose.
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And sometimes there are no good choices. Only bad, worse, and nuance.
 
Winterflowers said:
And sometimes there are no good choices. Only bad, worse, and nuance.
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It's where T types have an easier time than us Fs because they accept that the best they can do is choose the least bad way forward. I'd rather agonise over it though even though the logic helps to sort out what the options are because I know I've really gone into all the possibilities for the other person or people. It does remind me of the end of the Our Father prayer though - the bit that asks not to be tested by being put into that sort of situation lol.
 
I've yet to see someone who is fully unafraid.

I've had crippling fear of my old man, a few years ago. It was that kind of crippling fear born out of trauma i'd figure.
In recently year and months, i've been pushing my old man to deal with nonsense at home which i have no intent of entertaining or pouring out my energy into.

It feels beyond liberating to be rid of your fears, my fear toward confrontation greatly decreased when i put the work in therapy to address myself and heal.
It took 2 years, and a shit ton of moolah, but yeah i wouldn't have it any other way than this honestly.

Ordz
 
ordz404 said:
It feels beyond liberating to be rid of your fears, my fear toward confrontation greatly decreased when i put the work in therapy to address myself and heal.
It took 2 years, and a shit ton of moolah, but yeah i wouldn't have it any other way than this honestly.
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That. That's the point of therapy. That's the goal; the idea. Yeah, you had to work at it,but man if it didn't pay off!
 
Pin said:
Nowadays, being completely alone. Having no one to love.
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For some that is just how the cookie crumbles, could be worse seeing people trapped in relationships without hope of ever being happy even in superficial ways. I really do wish that it was better for people in general.
 
Roses In The Vineyard said:
For some that is just how the cookie crumbles, could be worse seeing people trapped in relationships without hope of ever being happy even in superficial ways. I really do wish that it was better for people in general.
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There's always monasteries and convents.
 
Thanks, Sethaiel. However, I was just sharing with others.

I feel many of us concern ourselves with what we leave behind. Some of us may feel we won't leave anything worthwhile behind us. Some of us think we could have done more with our lives. We don't think that well sometimes.

Had a little half-crippled guy come across the cemetery lawn to me when we buried my best friend: my Step-Dad I called my Dad.

The little guy's Mother had asked me to take and spend a little time with him when he was about 13. I jumped at the opportunity and took him fishing. He was just a little rough around the edges, but a good kid. Showed him how to bait and cast the bait out into the pond, tighten the line, sit in a chair and put a foot on the rod. Told him about the catfish I had caught there and they were about three pounders. He was up and walking, leaving the pole, within a minute. He didn't want to hear what I had to say. I told him he should learn to listen, and to bring me his rod for me to watch it.

He said nothing was going to mess with it and turned away. I told him if he left and a catfish took his rod, he was going to wade out and find the rod or the line. He said fine. I said I was serious. He turned and walked about 15 steps when his rod dove into the lake. I hollered at him to go get it. Are you serious? Told you I was. The water was about 40" deep. He emptied his pockets and removed all but his short pants, and off to the hunt we went. I then coached him into how to find it. About 80 yards from the bank, he said he had it. I told him to hold his breath and get it, holding the rod tip up high. He was so excited to find the fish on it still. Low and behold, he asked me what to do. Told him to just walk back slowly. When he got to the bank, I helped him up and told him what to do.

He reeled it and softly slid the fish in one motion up a bit, where I pounced on him. We had a good time doing all that and fishing. Never thought about it again til he came and thanked me at my Dad's funeral. Now he was the healer.

Sometimes it is the little things we do that mean more than we can imagine to someone. We leave a lot behind us, sometimes in bits and pieces.
 
John K said:
It’s so very difficult when you have to do what’s right and best for love of them, but it’s going to hurt them. One of the hardest things I have had to do was stopping my father from driving when his dementia had progressed so far it was unsafe. There was no way he would stop of his own accord. I actually left it almost too late. He lost his independence then because he could no longer do his own shopping. It’s a fearful thing.
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Knew of a guy whose son took his keys from his Dad after he wouldn't give them up. Went by after work the next day to check on him. He had bought himself a brand new Cadillac.
 
just me said:
Knew of a guy whose son took his keys from his Dad after he wouldn't give them up. Went by after work the next day to check on him. He had bought himself a brand new Cadillac.
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Gosh that’s a tale and a half. It’s a most peculiar experience trying to care for someone who is moving into the middle stages of dementia. They do things that are hilarious yet terrifying at the same time. My dad was a 94 year old toddler when I stopped him driving and not capable of replacing his car without help thank goodness!
 
just me said:
Knew of a guy whose son took his keys from his Dad after he wouldn't give them up. Went by after work the next day to check on him. He had bought himself a brand new Cadillac.
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You knew my dad?


Actually, my dad didn't wait for us to take the keys... he went out and bought himself a brand new car thinking his bad driving was due to the car he had.
I was so mad they allowed him to buy the car, but car sales people only see dollar signs.

I'm currently going through this with my mom now. She's blamed not being able to put the car in gear, turn corners and thinking stationary things were moving on her cataracts. Well, she has surgery next week... I'm hiding those keys when I leave. I think at the top of the attic stairs will do since she can't climb.
 
MoonFlier said:
You knew my dad?


Actually, my dad didn't wait for us to take the keys... he went out and bought himself a brand new car thinking his bad driving was due to the car he had.
I was so mad they allowed him to buy the car, but car sales people only see dollar signs.

I'm currently going through this with my mom now. She's blamed not being able to put the car in gear, turn corners and thinking stationary things were moving on her cataracts. Well, she has surgery next week... I'm hiding those keys when I leave. I think at the top of the attic stairs will do since she can't climb.
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When the licence people revoked my dad's driving licence I disconnected his car battery and disabled it. He'd have just driven it anyway if I'd not done that and he did actually try he told me the next day.
 
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