What Is a Good Man?

invisible said:
I have absolutely no idea whether they have poor impulse control or not and I don't think that it's possible to know whether they do or not. I think all it is really possible to determine about people who have sex with other people is that they have sex with other people. Saying more specific things about them would be making generalisations and assumptions.
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But we're talking about people who call themselves sluts or have it written on their clothing. So I don't have to assume anything they're communicating their personality directly.
invisible said:
As far as society is concerned, I think that the most important thing is that they are fully mutually consenting with their partners about the interaction that will take place. As far as I'm personally concerned, why they do it or how they go about it is basically their business. I don't judge, I get on with my own life, I support them to get on with theirs.
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Yeah, that's how I see it too.
 
Reason With Logic Filling said:
But we're talking about people who call themselves sluts or have it written on their clothing. So I don't have to assume anything they're communicating their personality directly.
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I don't know what they think when they think "I am a slut" or why it empowers them. They may be thinking "I celebrate the fact that I have poor impulse control", but I very much doubt it. I think it's more likely that they're thinking something like "I take control of enjoying sex with whoever I choose, whenever I choose, and I refuse to take on any of anyone else's bullshit shame or guilt ideas about it." But I just don't know what they think or what they find to celebrate about being a "slut"... it's their business to live their own life and deal with their own thoughts about it in whatever way is best for them, and I do my best to refrain from judging it or making assumptions about it
 
invisible said:
I don't know what they think when they think "I am a slut" or why it empowers them. They may be thinking "I celebrate the fact that I have poor impulse control", but I very much doubt it. I think it's more likely that they're thinking something like "I take control of enjoying sex with whoever I choose, whenever I choose, and I refuse to take on any of anyone else's bullshit shame or guilt ideas about it." But I just don't know what they think or what they find to celebrate about being a "slut"... it's their business to live their own life and deal with their own thoughts about it in whatever way is best for them, and I do my best to refrain from judging it or making assumptions about it
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Right, but it's not their thoughts we're talking about it's their words and actions. And when your words and actions communicate that you are a slut, people tend to believe you are a slut. If I dressed and acted like a police officer it would not be strange or unusual that people might think i'm a police officer. They have no way of knowing what ironic musings or empowerment or metaphors are flying through my head, they're just faced with the reality in front of them.
 
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A slut is a slut though. I've got a friend, he's the biggest slut for real. He's not proud of it. The slut life chose him. Now you say that same thing about a woman and it's still funny but maybe not quite as to some, because sexism.

Sluts are people too.
Sluts are funny.
"Ahhhh why am I doing this"
*garbled sounds of passion*
 
Wyote said:
A slut is a slut though. I've got a friend, he's the biggest slut for real. He's not proud of it. The slut life chose him. Now you say that same thing about a woman and it's still funny but maybe not quite as to some, because sexism.

Sluts are people too.
Sluts are funny.
"Ahhhh why am I doing this"
*garbled sounds of passion*
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Slut lives matter. :p
 
Wyote said:
A slut is a slut though. I've got a friend, he's the biggest slut for real. He's not proud of it. The slut life chose him. Now you say that same thing about a woman and it's still funny but maybe not quite as to some, because sexism.

Sluts are people too.
Sluts are funny.
"Ahhhh why am I doing this"
*garbled sounds of passion*
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Yeah I never said sluts are bad. They're doing god's work here on earth.
and to any sluts reading this- thank you for your service.
 
Reason With Logic Filling said:
But we're talking about people who call themselves sluts or have it written on their clothing. So I don't have to assume anything they're communicating their personality directly.
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I think often this is likely just an attempt to "take" a word that has traditionally had negative connotations, and reclaim it as their own. The LGBTQIA community did this with "Queer." They were basically like "You know what, you flung that word as an insult and used it to cause me pain, but I'm going to take it, make it mine, and stand proudly by it."

There is power in doing this. In this case, it's showing that you're unashamed that you enjoy sex. "Yeah, sex is awesome, and I enjoy it. Deal with it."

Oh and re: "Gigolo," don't hear that often at all, more likely to hear "player," although that's typically used in a "*chuckle* "Oh, you. You silly man, you, enjoying sex." *winks, claps on the back*" sort of sense. I remember my older brother had some people over once, and someone at some point wrote "(my brother's name and his friend's name) are players" on his black stereo in silver permanent marker. It was like a badge of honor for him, lol.
 
hush said:
I think often this is likely just an attempt to "take" a word that has traditionally had negative connotations, and reclaim it as their own. The LGBTQIA community did this with "Queer." They were basically like "You know what, you flung that word as an insult and used it to cause me pain, but I'm going to take it, make it mine, and stand proudly by it."

There is power in doing this. In this case, it's showing that you're unashamed that you enjoy sex. "Yeah, sex is awesome, and I enjoy it. Deal with it."
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I understand what they're trying to do but if a person keeps getting triggered by being called what they already call themselves I wouldn't really say that is "taking" the word.
 
Reason With Logic Filling said:
I understand what they're trying to do but if a person keeps getting triggered by being called what they already call themselves I wouldn't really say that is "taking" the word.
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Do they keep getting triggered? No one I've seen use the word on themselves, have I seen triggered by being called it. The reaction is typically something around the lines of "damn right." Typically the ones who react adversely to it are those who have not gone the route of reclaiming it and instead are focused on its negative societal connotations.

(We're veering a bit off course from the thread topic here, though)
 
Reason With Logic Filling said:
Right, but it's not their thoughts we're talking about it's their words and actions. And when your words and actions communicate that you are a slut, people tend to believe you are a slut. If I dressed and acted like a police officer it would not be strange or unusual that people might think i'm a police officer. They have no way of knowing what ironic musings or empowerment or metaphors are flying through my head, they're just faced with the reality in front of them.
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No, We WERE talking about their thoughts. We were talking about their experience of reclaiming the word "slut" and we were saying it is quite a different thing for them to experience in that way themselves, than for other people to apply it to them in judgment.

For some one to apply it in judgment ("You look like a slut and act like a slut therefore I call you a slut") goes with a whole lot of connotations, like "You're a slut because you fuck too much" or "You're a slut cause you dress like a slut and make yourself up like a slut" or "You're a slut because you fuck the wrong type of other person" or "You have poor impulse control" or "You are doing God's work" or "You are doing service to others" or "You don't want to do this but you can't help yourself and you are getting lost in passion".

You don't know what any given person thinks when they think "I am a slut". If you know what what person thinks when they say it because they tell you what they mean by it, you don't know what other people think when they say it, because they're different people to the person you know who told you. They experience it differently. Therefore, it is better to refrain from judgments like "sluts have poor impulse control and that's what they celebrate when they reclaim the term 'slut'". Because you really don't know whether they do or not.
 
hush said:
Do they keep getting triggered? No one I've seen use the word on themselves, have I seen triggered by being called it. The reaction is typically something around the lines of "damn right." Typically the ones who react adversely to it are those who have not gone the route of reclaiming it and instead are focused on its negative societal connotations.

(We're veering a bit off course from the thread topic here, though)
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Yeah, I don't think getting "triggered" is really a factor here.
 
I think a good man has mastered several aspects of himself in the categories of his occupation, sex life, and relationships. Because he has attained mastery this graphic image applies to him:
upload_2018-1-8_4-37-50.webp
 
hush said:
The reaction is typically something around the lines of "damn right."
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Bully for them.

invisible said:
No, We WERE talking about their thoughts. We were talking about their experience of reclaiming the word "slut" and we were saying it is quite a different thing for them to experience in that way themselves, than for other people to apply it to them in judgment.

For some one to apply it in judgment ("You look like a slut and act like a slut therefore I call you a slut") goes with a whole lot of connotations, like "You're a slut because you fuck too much" or "You're a slut cause you dress like a slut and make yourself up like a slut" or "You're a slut because you fuck the wrong type of other person" or "You have poor impulse control" or "You are doing God's work" or "You are doing service to others" or "You don't want to do this but you can't help yourself and you are getting lost in passion".

You don't know what any given person thinks when they think "I am a slut". If you know what what person thinks when they say it because they tell you what they mean by it, you don't know what other people think when they say it, because they're different people to the person you know who told you. They experience it differently. Therefore, it is better to refrain from judgments like "sluts have poor impulse control and that's what they celebrate when they reclaim the term 'slut'". Because you really don't know whether they do or not.
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I have totally lost my comprehension of this conversation now. Who was arguing what and why? I don't remember anymore.
 
Reason With Logic Filling said:
I was expecting a Phil Collins reference
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Debating experiences and expressions related to gender identity frightfully early (depending on timezones) on a Monday morning is Nihilist Penguin territory, Phil Collins fits neatly into 2pm on a Thursday afternoon.
 
That's OK, you don't have to care about it or talk about it. I understand it is late there for you guys... I do happen to care about it and find it interesting and valuable to discuss, which is why I talk about it.

Experiencing sexuality should be a happy fun experience (unless you like getting humiliated... whatever you want it to be) and as long as they're doing it with consenting others, no one should ever have to go through feeling bad about what they're into sexually in any way. Big supporter here of ending shame and stigma and judgment given by society and culture to to people's sexual choices, big supporter here of ending slut shaming, and big supporter of different types of people to be in control and at peace and judgment-free about their preferences for their own experiences of sexuality. Pretty sure that almost everyone else who regularly participates on this forum wants the same
 
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