What Is a Good Man?

Happy Phantom said:
A similar thread was posted on an NT forum with less feelings based replies. :tonguewink: That being said @Katniss Neverbeef, @Ren, @Pin (minus the ATM comment. Seriously dude, what did you mean by that?), @Free and @James have given great replies. Somehow this thread turned into a pile of shit, but hey that happens in group forum conversations, and sometimes you gotta deconstruct and rebuild to come to agreeable opinions. I think if some members would be more open minded we'd do much better.

When I asked, "What makes a good man" I was referring to exactly what I asked. Should others possess these qualities? Yes I believe they should, however I think that discussion might be better served in this thread, although I do not care if it's discussed in here as this is an open forum, blah blah blah. . .

Good ethics, morals and values are important to me. @Katniss Neverbeef touched upon these in one of her posts.
■ Ethics describes a generally accepted set of moral principles.
■ Morals describes the goodness or badness or right or wrong of actions.
■ Values describes individual or personal standards of what is valuable or important.

Yes understanding what issues need to be addressed is subjective. Let's say you're dating a woman. How would you resolve a conflict? You can choose your own conflict.
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You mean how would I try to resolve a conflict.

I try to be accommodating as possible. If there's something she wants and it's obtainable, why not let her have it? She wants time away? Ok. Wants to go to school and it means more work for me? Ok.
She's nagging me to take the trash out? Take the trash out.
I suppose in all seriousness though is the most conflict comes when it involves my own freedom. This is also what's most difficult for me to resolve. I want to go somewhere, I'm told it would be better if I stay. I offer that both of us go. I'm told that doesn't work, none of us are going. After my best attempt to resolve this in a reasonable way, I go anyway.
 
Happy Phantom said:
Silly goose. lol
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Sorry. Serious answer. Talk to each other. Be kind, but be honest. Work towards collaboration and understanding.

Honestly, I don't think you are a "couple" until you've had a disagreement and gotten over it. All relationships, friendships require some give and take, and work.

There will always be bad times. And when they occur in good relationships, you're there for each other, and the bonds become stronger.
 
invisible said:
Conclusions I came to so far on my own, about what it seems to me that a "good man" must always have in order to qualify to be a "good man", apart from variations in any 1 member's particular preferences:

Flaws
Masculine Gender Identity
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It's my personal conviction that this idea that there is a fixed "masculine gender identity" is inimical to being a good man for many men. Because many men will misinterpret it in so many ways, by taking admitting weakness, or being wrong, or showing the depth of their feelings, as "unmanly". But to be a good man, there are times when a man has precisely to do that ;)
 
James said:
Sorry. Serious answer. Talk to each other. Be kind, but be honest. Work towards collaboration and understanding.

Honestly, I don't think you are a "couple" until you've had a disagreement and gotten over it. All relationships, friendships require some give and take, and work.

There will always be bad times. And when they occur in good relationships, you're there for each other, and the bonds become stronger.
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A million pluses.
 
Happy Phantom said:
@Pin (minus the ATM comment. Seriously dude, what did you mean by that?),
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For a man, having enough money & wealth is of the utmost importance. I'll be damned if I don't acquire the means to provide myself and/or my family a high quality of life.
 
Ren said:
It's my personal conviction that this idea that there is a fixed "masculine gender identity" is inimical to being a good man for many men. Because many men will misinterpret it in so many ways, by taking admitting weakness, or being wrong, or showing the depth of their feelings, as "unmanly". But to be a good man, there are times when a man has precisely to do that ;)
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I sort of view this as a polar opposite, magnetism kind of thing. The more feminine partner you want, the more you will probably have to illustrate masculine characteristics, and vice versa. I don't have any data for this or anything, but intuitively it feels like it may be tending toward some sort of truth. There are outliers, of course.
 
Wyote said:
I sort of view this as a polar opposite, magnetism kind of thing. The more feminine partner you want, the more you will probably have to illustrate masculine characteristics, and vice versa. I don't have any data for this or anything, but intuitively it feels like it may be tending toward some sort of truth. There are outliers, of course.
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I think though this opens up the question about what masculinity or feminity really is. I hope it's an outdated thing, that we can leave behind. It should be in my view.
 
James said:
I think though this opens up the question about what masculinity or feminity really is. I hope it's an outdated thing, that we can leave behind. It should be in my view.
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I feel like chalking masculinity and femininity up to outdated philosophy glazes over our natural instincts. Ultimately we are mammals. It would seem strange to me to see two does bucking heads or a peahen attempting to display her plumage. I'm not saying that this can't happen or that it would be in some way wrong if it did happen, I am simply saying that it is not within the nature of the vast majority of these animals to behave in such a manner.
 
The Ringmaster said:
I feel like chalking masculinity and femininity up to outdated philosophy glazes over our natural instincts. Ultimately we are mammals. It would seem strange to me to see two does bucking heads or a peahen attempting to display her plumage. I'm not saying that this can't happen or that it would be in some way wrong if it did happen, I am simply saying that it is not within the nature of the vast majority of these animals to behave in such a manner.
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I understand what you say, but I think whilst that "DNA" still resides powerfully in us, we have a capacity for thought, that gives us the potential to overcome historical or societal norms.

Have you ever seen any Robert Sapolsky lectures ? He's spent a lot of time studying primates. It's interesting how those patterns can change in primate groups. I think looking at human history across different cultures we do the same.
 
I used to be very much, "gender identity is all a social construct that interferes in authenticity, tear it down and flush it in the toilet!"

Later I read quite a bit about a man whose penis was very badly damaged in a routine neonatal genital cutting (I think by a diathermy machine, can't remember), and the decision was made to amputate his penis and bring him up as a girl. But it didn't work, he was a man, he rebelled and lived as a man with a woman partner, and in the end his life trying to live as who he really was became too difficult and he killed himself.

Huge admiration for this man... his story really challenged me. I decided, how can something that was so real for him be fake or imaginary? I think it's same for transgender people (for example)... their experience of gender as significant to their true self is REAL, legitimate.

I think people deserve support in who they really are, not negation... I agree with questioning the trappings that have built up around gender, such as corsets for example, bras, even pointe shoes... but think that gender identity is important, real, and part of life for many people, even if it doesn't have the same importance for everyone.
 
Sloe Djinn said:
Or like d bag ho, @Misadventure !
Joookes #forumsims
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Read the thread title, and am wondering how this applies to my d-bag ho-ness...

Ah ha! <lightbulb>
Reason With Logic Filling said:
Women will occasionally apply these titles to themselves with pride so... self sexism?
EDIT: Well except for "whore"

Or he's being a gigolo :neutral:

Also the first 45 seconds of this video:
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Not just women, stop being so sexist. It's more appropriate to say social groups. But since we're on this topic, it's reclaiming a derogatory term and using it for empowerment instead. For instance, nigga. I say "my nigga" all the time. My husband is black, my kids are mixed blasian (black latino asian) I think it's important for them to be able to turn this word that once was used against them in negative ways into something that celebrates brotherhood/sisterhood.

invisible said:
They can reclaim it if they want to, and find power in it, that's good for them. They are entitled to take control of their own self and experience it how ever they want to with whatever words they choose. It's not the same thing as others inflicting judgments on them about who they are, and it doesn't make it OK for others to inflict judgments on them just because they experience those kinds of ideas in their own way on their own terms.
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THIS! Oh gawd I've missed you my nigga! :kissy: (anyone who takes offense to that is an asshole)
 
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