What is that attracts other types to INFJ's?

[under skies]

Distancing yourself from all of your friends, relations, and all that doesn't make you strong.

You misunderstand me. I took your use of the word "dependent" differently than how you defined it later; I thought you meant that we constantly craved acceptance and attention from our loved ones.

I will not claim to be strong, whatever you mean by that, but I know that I feel uncomfortable when I am under the impression that others are too dependent on me, thus I often end up ignoring phone calls and skirting invitations. I, therefore, find the idea you seem to have of INFJs as being too socially dependent as odd. We are introverts, after all.

I'm not using this forum to gauge your behavior but even with that being side, I don't think it' silly to use this forum for that reason. Most INFJs feel comfortable around this site, comfortable enough to recite their real life dealings and continue to mull over it openly, with the help of various site members who care and want to actively help. Your own stories and ways of telling them show me your real life dealings, and often you talk about the facade you put up to deal with life (Well I had my INTJ persona going on at the lab today!) That's most likely some knowledge that it would take forever for me to learn in "real life" And it's not even about that, real life that is, it's about how you interact with people.

I cannot blame you for making what you feel are logical assumptions, though your statement seems to me to be a bit of a hasty generalization. It is possible that this behavior could be an "INFJ thing," but what evidence do we have that it's not just a "people thing," or something common of people who frequent the internet for socialization? Digressions aside, I personally do not feel that I am any more dependent than the next person, regarding "desir[ing] for everyone to like [me] and treat [me] nicely."

I suppose most of my confusion regarding your argument is due to the fact that I can't imagine what you are referring to when you say that INFJs are apt to "ignor[e] what [they] truly want to have a friendly atmosphere." What kinds of things are you suggesting that INFJs will sacrifice to maintain such an atmosphere?

It is true that I, personally, would prefer an environment devoid of conflict, and I wouldn't want people to dislike me without reason, but I would never compromise my values just to make people happy or, worse, to create the illusion that they like "me." Will I walk all over others to get everything that I want? Definitely not. However, this has very little to do with creating or maintaining an "image."

I say again, I cannot speak for all INFJs, but I know that what you describe is not me.

 

[Reon]

You misunderstand me. I took your use of the word "dependent" differently than how you defined it later; I thought you meant that we constantly craved acceptance and attention from our loved ones.

Acceptance? Yes, most often than not. Attention? Not exactly. If you are actively pushing people away then you don't have anything to worry about, you've already been accepted. Everyone wants to be accepted, INFJs seek it and are very dejected when they do not received it. (INTJs get misanthropic, for example, from not being accepted)

I will not claim to be strong, whatever you mean by that, but I know that I feel uncomfortable when I am under the impression that others are too dependent on me, thus I often end up ignoring phone calls and skirting invitations. I, therefore, find the idea you seem to have of INFJs as being too socially dependent as odd. We are introverts, after all.

Depends on what you mean by socially dependent. I don't think that INFJs go out of their way to meet people and all that nor are they dependent on all of the people they know. I do think that INFJs have a tendency to place a lot of emphasis on what other people think of them.

I cannot blame you for making what you feel are logical assumptions, though your statement seems to me to be a bit of a hasty generalization. It is possible that this behavior could be an "INFJ thing," but what evidence do we have that it's not just a "people thing," or something common of people who frequent the internet for socialization? Digressions aside, I personally do not feel that I am any more dependent than the next person, regarding "desir[ing] for everyone to like [me] and treat [me] nicely."

Aw. Feisty. I've seen a remarkable amount of this acceptance seeking behavior from this particular group of people (The authenticity of the MBTi and it's types is a whole other discussion) and from that I make the assumption/generalization. INFJs are a sub sect of people and they are also on the internet as well and those could be reasonable explanations for what I am seeing but why would I make the assumption that this is a people's thing I have apparently missed out on in real life or a weird internet ritual I have missed out on over the past 12 years of being on the internet in various places? The main theme of this site is a particualr MBTI site and I have noticed a particular behavior on such said site, what should I assume?

I suppose most of my confusion regarding your argument is due to the fact that I can't imagine what you are referring to when you say that INFJs are apt to "ignor[e] what [they] truly want to have a friendly atmosphere." What kinds of things are you suggesting that INFJs will sacrifice to maintain such an atmosphere?

Perhaps I stated that wrong, I find that INFJs tend to really covet a friendly atmosphere and to acquire that, they don't actively try to be an issue/challenge something unless it's really important.

It is true that I, personally, would prefer an environment devoid of conflict, and I wouldn't want people to dislike me without reason, but I would never compromise my values just to make people happy or, worse, to create the illusion that they like "me." Will I walk all over others to get everything that I want? Definitely not. However, this has very little to do with creating or maintaining an "image."

Read above. I didn't mean to state that INFJs would compromise their values and all that. That's my mistake.

I say again, I cannot speak for all INFJs, but I know that what you describe is not me.

If I were describing every INFJ, I could see how that could be an issue. People are unique, ya? Are there any other misconceptions I have? I'd rather not hold them if they are truly wrong.

 

[under skies]

Acceptance? Yes, most often than not. Attention? Not exactly. If you are actively pushing people away then you don't have anything to worry about, you've already been accepted. Everyone wants to be accepted, INFJs seek it and are very dejected when they do not received it. (INTJs get misanthropic, for example, from not being accepted)

I don't know that INFJs necessarily feel any more dejected than other types when rejected. Perhaps they tend to emote it more strongly.

Depends on what you mean by socially dependent. I don't think that INFJs go out of their way to meet people and all that nor are they dependent on all of the people they know. I do think that INFJs have a tendency to place a lot of emphasis on what other people think of them.

Aw. Feisty. I've seen a remarkable amount of this acceptance seeking behavior from this particular group of people (The authenticity of the MBTi and it's types is a whole other discussion) and from that I make the assumption/generalization. INFJs are a sub sect of people and they are also on the internet as well and those could be reasonable explanations for what I am seeing but why would I make the assumption that this is a people's thing I have apparently missed out on in real life or a weird internet ritual I have missed out on over the past 12 years of being on the internet in various places? The main theme of this site is a particualr MBTI site and I have noticed a particular behavior on such said site, what should I assume?

Perhaps I stated that wrong, I find that INFJs tend to really covet a friendly atmosphere and to acquire that, they don't actively try to be an issue/challenge something unless it's really important.

I feel that this is a much better way of conveying the point you were making, although I don't understand why anyone would put effort into "try[ing] to be an issue/challenge something unless [it were] really important." I mean, maybe it's because I am an INFJ, but I have to wonder if most people (re: non-INFJs) really do this. It seems a bit antagonistic to me to walk around creating conflict with no real purpose.

I don't know. I usually don't like conflict because it means energy is being wasted on things I consider unimportant.

Read above. I didn't mean to state that INFJs would compromise their values and all that. That's my mistake.

If I were describing every INFJ, I could see how that could be an issue. People are unique, ya? Are there any other misconceptions I have? I'd rather not hold them if they are truly wrong.

I appreciate that you are taking the time to learn about various personality types, including INFJs. I still don't know if you completely get the motivation behind this behavior (if there even could be a solitary explanation), but I don't expect anyone who does not feel the same way to really understand it, just as I don't really know how to explain it any better than reiterating that while I do enjoy being liked it is not necessarily the only reason I do the things I do.

 

[Rakawi]

Lol
I shouldv'e thought to add mistaken identity.

 

[the]

I dont think any MBTI group has a monopoly on any certain traits. I just like people who are nice and nonthreatening.

 

[Sam]

I dont think any MBTI group has a monopoly on any certain traits. I just like people who are nice and nonthreatening.

+1.

 

[LucyJr]

In my opinion, INFJs are attractive because of a certain vulnerability they have, in a good way...let me explain.

There is almost a a naivety, a openess, a childish honesty which very often surprises people, who are usualy more guarded and inpenetrable.
If a INFJ is attracted to someone, he/she will unintentionaly "spill the beans", showing openly his strong affection or appreciation.
So is this whole hearted attitude in relationships that INFJs show and somehow makes them very attractive. Most of them aren't even aware of it.

But then of course there are also INFJs who are far from being like this...it depends, but most of INFJs I meet are displaying this naivety.

There are also another kind of INFJs who make the impresion that one can not "get enough of them". This is the mistery charm that many INFJs use, intentionaly or not. I heard been described as "can't get enough of she/him", "inpenetrable or in-scrutinising" or just elusive, enigmatic or misterious.

 

[aureliusandoinky]

I may be way off topic, but I am just wondering if this is a standard belief regarding INFJs. Do other people feel this way, as well?

It simply strikes me as odd because I do not see it as being true at all, though I have seen similar statements made elsewhere. I cannot speak for all INFJs, but I have more of a tendency to push even my dearest loved ones away if I feel they are becoming too clingy. I like my personal space.

I agree with this. I too am more likely to push people away. I also strongly dislike clingy people, and I have been known to "lose my phone" a lot...which is an excuse for not texting/calling back. I just need space sometimes.

 

[Keirouen]

All right, here's a question(s) for non-INFJ's of the forum.

What is it about INFJ's that attracts you?

An infjs feelings are more pure and childlike. It's nice. Most people don't feel as genuine as an infj. I like the quirkiness that's unique in each infj

Do you feel you lack these qualities?

More like I feel like we are extremely similar. I'm more held back than an infj... not by much. I admire all the positive infj qualities

Do you prefer friendships or romantic relationships with INFJ's? Why?

Both. Either. My first infj was a girl I only got to know thanks to being friends with her friends. Funny thing? She's the sister of a guy I've known for years and I didn't realize they were related until I showed up at their house for a party. She was a very low key member of the group. Whenever she spoke she had such pure and absolute enthusiasm in every expression. My girlfriend at the time was an enfp. I thought enfps were the most passionate and expressive type of all. But an infjs passion? It's so beautiful because it's not so expected. I love seeing an infj get passionate about something he or she loves

closest relationship you've had with an INFJ?

Intimate friendship. It didn't work out because I wanted an intimate relationship and my timing was terrible.

 

[Mun]

Distancing yourself from all of your friends, relations, and all that doesn't make you strong.



My personal view is that if you strongly desire for everyone to like you and treat you nicely, to the point of ignoring what you truly want to have a friendly atmosphere, then you're weak. I have seen INFJs on this very forum do this, that does not mean that they aren't a strong person in any cut of the term, it just means I don't find them to be all that strong.

INFJs link their responses and stances with "harmony". there is no weakness there only temperament and coexistence.