What is the key to knowing you better?

bionic said:
Honesty... I believe it's the gateway to trust. I can't trust in someone who isn't honest with their intentions, motives, feelings, etc.
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Honesty is good, but trust is definitely important (I had an ex admit that she cheated on me. I appreciated her honesty but it definitely didn't help on the trust side of things). Other factors include someone who respects me for who I am and willingly wants to learn more about me without being pushy. The x-factor is how I feel about the person overall. I tend to open up parts of myself to certain people about certain topics based on what I feel is their understanding level on the subject. Usually I'll gravitate to other introverted people who will be able to absorb the information I give them and give thoughtful and/or deep responses.
 
Be everything I want and expect.

If you are a lot of work to get to know then I will just decide you arent worth it. You are obviously being obtuse so that I dont find out how crappy you are.
 
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Willingness to engage in unmitigated, honest discussion. It's relatively easy to know me from there.
 
I am of the mindset that if you want to know me, you will. How far in you will get with me depends solely on the individual, and how much they want to know. I have a lot of friends, and I have a lot of people who feel particularly possessive of me and our relationship, and I have a lot of close friends, very close and intimate friends, all of these people know me on certain plateaus and levels because I really am very honest and open... but only to certain degrees, only to the level that said individuals show that they want to know me. Most of my friends are satisfied with what they know of me and don't think much about the rest, I have a life outside of theirs and they are glad just knowing I am and that I'm okay and vice versa. Then I have friends who I share deeper parts of my emotional and physical self with even among these some are just content with what they know of me with no real desire to push the boundaries of our relationships, I feel as if these friendships have plateau'ed as well. I am content with that. I have a few friends who want to delve deeper in to my psyche and occasionally I open up certain parts to them... we are still growing. These are my soul mates. I have a few. I have yet to meet anyone who wants it all, or who can handle it all for that matter. A best friend of mine once said that seeing and knowing me was like the feeling you get when you stand at the edge of a canyon... whatever that means. Mentally and emotionally, he's probably the closest friend I have and there are so many walls I have up against him, and vice versa... Its all quite funny. :) The key to knowing me? Wanting to. If there is a will, there is a way. :)
 
FamineGT said:
Honesty is good, but trust is definitely important (I had an ex admit that she cheated on me. I appreciated her honesty but it definitely didn't help on the trust side of things). Other factors include someone who respects me for who I am and willingly wants to learn more about me without being pushy. The x-factor is how I feel about the person overall. I tend to open up parts of myself to certain people about certain topics based on what I feel is their understanding level on the subject. Usually I'll gravitate to other introverted people who will be able to absorb the information I give them and give thoughtful and/or deep responses.
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That's exactly it though... you still needed her to be upfront and honest about what she did before you chose to trust her again (or not). Like I said, honesty is a building block to trust and to understanding. You cannot expect someone to understand you when you're not honest with them in the first place. Trust is a choice. Someone can be completely honest and upfront with you but you can still choose not to trust them. Also, if you're not willing to give back what they give you... then issues can spark there as well.
 
I think another key, which others may relate to, is not expecting too much too soon. I know I have the bad habit of expecting people to share things when I get to know them. It usually makes me feel close to them, but if someone expected me to open up too quickly, then I'd probably be a bit nervous about sharing anything. So, patience and not expecting too much too soon.
 
bionic said:
That's exactly it though... you still needed her to be upfront and honest about what she did before you chose to trust her again (or not). Like I said, honesty is a building block to trust and to understanding. You cannot expect someone to understand you when you're not honest with them in the first place. Trust is a choice. Someone can be completely honest and upfront with you but you can still choose not to trust them. Also, if you're not willing to give back what they give you... then issues can spark there as well.
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I guess that's true. The other aspect is that I wish she was more honest back when all the warning signs were approaching. It was also a communication thing as she decided to hold back from telling how far/quickly things were developing until after it went too far. I tried to be nice after the incident but she started giving me attitude so I ended the communication.

Sorry for the slight derail. I guess I just needed to vent a bit. o_O
 
Patience leads to trust which leads to understanding which leads to love.

But I guess you could stop at understanding just to answer the question
 
hi [MENTION=1579]Odyne[/MENTION]

I tend to be selective of my friends.

I like to observe from far and then make out of their actions, their speech, the conversation topics etc (basically I'm judging them... I KNOW IT'S BAD BUT I LIKE TO CALL THIS QUALITY CONTROL).

Once I have chosen, it depends on the person to reciprocate. If he/she does, then we be friends. If not, uhm, it'll likely to remain surface level.
 
Online: I find it VERY difficult to open up and share something about myself becuase this laptop is in my way.


In real life: Just show enthusiasm, interest, be genuine.
 
Almost all of the time, my feelings and values are implied in my decisions, not expressed.
 
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