I know why I hate getting close. It is not just because they are all idiots as I like to claim. More specific than that, it is their resentment that scared me off as a child. I picked up on so much resentment that people seemed to be unaware of. They directed it at smaller, nonthreatening people, like little me. Their internal drama wore me out. It exhausts me. If only they could see it, then direct at themselves for change. That as opposed to taking it out on me and others. So much hatred in people. Who would want to be around that? I don't. Now I'm accustomed to being alone. Their ways are stupid anyways. Ridiculous social norms.
I can relate to the base of what you are saying. Relationships are a lot of work and mostly for their benefit as I am entirely satisfied being on my own. I prefer to reserve 'connecting' in that way for a very few because I can only give so much and I want to ensure those few get everything they need from me.
I grew up around drama, and have come to the conclusion that these people are blind. No matter how much effort we put into showing them the varied perceptions of reality they see only their dark world as being the solid and unwavering truth.
My disconnect from humanity:
I dont understand why people enjoy sports as if they themselves were accomplishing some great feat in watching a stranger put a ball through a hoop.
I don't understand why people get so excited about some pictures of some mountains another person took.
I don't get why people are excited about showing off a car they spent a load of money on when the car is overkill and they will never be able to use it at its full potential, plus the money could have been used to help others or improve themselves.
I don't understand why 50% of peoples thoughts, words, and actions are related in some way to sex.
I dont get why people get angry when most situations are better handled in a calm manner.
I don't get why peolple lie to eachother, giving eachother false confidence, as if that would somehow make things better for them, and I dont get why the other party believes those lies.
I dont get why people care about image; the only practical purpose of image is to decieve others into thinking I am a competent person because I wear a tie, or that I am a good family guy and decent member of society because I keep my grass shorter than is practical.
Everyday they show how impractical they are, how biased they are to some ideal only they can comprehend but is not helpful to anyone else. They show how ruled they are by their environment, so manipulated by their situations. Their minds are caged by their emotions and how the world affects them. I am arrogant as I cannot help but believe they are all unreasonable, like animals, they are slaves to their desires. So what am I if they are human? Am I even human?
While part of me believes there is much wrong with humanity, I then realize the blessing their emotions and desires bring to the world. I have to accept their differences and not let myself see only wrongness in them for it is without a doubt they see a great wrongness in me. I must balance their wrongness with their greatness and accept them as they are.
