What's the worst insult to you? | INFJ Forum

What's the worst insult to you?

saint fushimi

Aug 5, 2022
6000 feet beyond man and time
It's my hunch that one's own worst insult to recieve can a say a lot about what resides in their shadow.

For example, the harshest insult for me is probably to be called a coward. I rarely call anyone this because it's a grave thing for me to say. Complancy and sloth are disgusting to me, and seem worse than immoral behavior, because they are apathetic and offer nothing passionate at all. Fear is unavoidable but running away and ignoring it is unacceptable to me. Of course-- this also says a lot about me, too. I have a pathalogical urge to confront and overcome problems. Sounds great, except when it leads to disgust and fear of seeing myself as 'weak' or 'cowardly' just because I am scared and exhausted and want to rest.
It's my hunch that one's own worst insult to recieve can a say a lot about what resides in their shadow.
I’m very Enneagram 5 on this particular one. To be called ignorant!

Of course I am ignorant in fact and I’m not just talking about intellectual knowledge either. The more we know and understand the more there is on the border of what we know that we don’t. It’s a security thing. If I let it, this would be a constant reproach for me instead of what it really is - just one aspect of a magical journey through the mind and soul of God.

Things become easier if we let go of all the visceral, private ‘oughts’ and we find the natural flow of the rivers of life. It’s hard to see the way to go in the middle of all that noise and we charge off in the wrong direction. I don’t mean abandon them, because they are essential servants, but they are awful masters that can usurp our true destiny.
Maybe being accused of insincerity.

My introverted feelings (values) are very introverted and meaningful to me. That means it's a very intimate insult. My values are very difficult to express or show to others, except insofar as they implicitly govern my observable actions. But as an INTJ my actions are going to be practical, unsentimental, and largely indifferent to people's feelings.

It's admittedly near impossible to communicate my deep sense of care for others when I can't demonstrate it emotionally, or in deference to their emotions. The best I can hope for is that people can read between the lines and see that my intentions are benign.

I strangely found the old movie, I Robot, as expressive of the weird difficulty I describe above. The robots did what was necessary to preserve human life, rescuing the main character from a watery car crash, but he hated them for rescuing him instead of his daughter. Those robots at their core were programmed to help and not harm, but were hated for not being equipped with a good ability to perceive and weigh emotional good and harm.

When someone who is supposed to care about me causes me harm (emotional, physical, reputation, career, sabbotage, etc). I guess you could sum it up as "disloyalty".
I struggle with the insecurity of being useless, or burdensome to others, especially if it's someone I care about or whose approval I desire. So the most hurtful insult to me would be the suggestion 'You have nothing to offer me, therefore I have no place for you in my life'. Perhaps not delivered with those exact words, but something to that effect.

I have been hurt in precisely this fashion and I've never forgotten it.
It being expressed to me that simply me existing is an unwanted burden to another person. This has mostly been expressed by my mother which is likely why it is most painful. But due to feeling like the person who brought me into the world blamed me for existing and hated me the most, any time others express this the vulnerable part of my child self fears it is true and is just another confirmation of it.

I'm not sure if it has anything to do with my shadow or my personality. Childhood abuse really can shape how you view yourself.
Don't call me Shirley
For me context matters more than anything.
I've been called everything. Usually I'm relatively unaffected because the offending party is clearly being moronic.
But something seemingly innocuous coming from a person who allegedly has my feelings under their care can sting a bit.
For me it is anything of a sexual nature and when that happens I generally don't forgive nor forget. As for other offenses like insulting my intelligence in time I might let pass if it were just a one off but however when it happens a couple of times or more then I pretty much have negative opinions of the offender for years or even decades in some instances after. Handling some normalized social biases can be irksome like how men in general are supposed to be sensors which is a problem on a lot of jobs coupled to some expected mindsets that to say the lest are either ridiculous to even moronic like being a work martyr to the point of disability through non recoverable injury such as spinal or neurological problems.
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For me context matters more than anything.
I've been called everything. Usually I'm relatively unaffected because the offending party is clearly being moronic.
But something seemingly innocuous coming from a person who allegedly has my feelings under their care can sting a bit.
This is why for me, when my beloved told me to '' f*ck off '' at the end of an heated exchange of which she started over nonsense, I took it more personally than I should have. I could flesh this post out for more detail but the wound is still a bit fresh.
I think i’ll drop an addition to my own comment on here too, since the replies have been a little different than my first idea. I also realized that i insult myself most by calling myself weak and a coward, and lazy, but those aren’t really the deepest insults someone else could call me. That would be more related to calling me inauthentic or insincere, or hypocritical. I have suffered immensely for my constant dedication to authenticity and being true to my word and values. Some of the scariest decisions i’ve ever made involve trusting what i believe, even directly in face of my greatest fears(abandonment, being worthless and special to no one).
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I understand now how those things that really hurt at the time were the products of the other person’s ignorance, or fear, or thinking style, or values, or attack-as-defense. That understanding, of course, came later—at the time, I felt hurt.

They all have something to do with being unseen, or invalidated, or not believed. For example:
  • (long ago) Being told my sole motivation for engaging with someone was because I wanted to get into their pants. Stung because there were many other reasons as well, and ignorance of that or willful dismissal means a fundamental part of who I am was disregarded. In addition, I didn’t fully understand myself at the time, libido included, so that comment played on unresolved (at the time) shame for my nature.

  • (long ago) Inasmuch as I am unwilling to adopt certain gender roles, or behaviors, in regards to dating/relationships, combined with how being double-demi affects my engagement, I present in a way that has utterly confused some people. I’ve been called a number of things, from naive, to gay, but the most ridiculous of all was that I was a master manipulator, and predator, playing some complex long game—all because I didn’t want to have sex with someone, on their schedule. It was the combination of being absolutely misunderstood and then being told I was a sociopath. And again, in part because at that time I knew how I was, but not the what or the why, so I couldn’t adequately explain myself.

  • (years ago) Someone observing my behavior, then assuming they could accurately ascertain my values and intent, without asking me what they actually were. Upon my protest and offer of my truth, I was dismissed and I was told I was caught up in my own lie, lost in my self-deception. I burned a lot of energy, considering this, because what if it was true? Now, I think I can see what was going on—they had their reasons, and I had my truth. Invalidation hurts on its own, but when you are also coercively forced to carry someone else’s projection? Yikes.