Why are infj's "antisocial"?

[Saram]

I'm reluctant to socialize sometimes because, as I'm sure many, if not most of you are the same, being infj, am really good at reading body language. Often when I read emotions that that person thought was private, I feel like I've just violated them. Like I've cheated somehow. Especially if, because I've read them, skipped from point A to F with regards to establishing a raport. It's why, in some cases, why infj's can come off as being so intense sometimes. I am unusually candid, because I'm accustomed to seeing the world through my own eyes (can't hide feelings so don't hide them). And yet, my cadid responses can be ammunition for others against me, so I have trust issues. If someone has unintentionaly disclosed, via non-verbal, for example that they are confused, angered or enamoured by me, or someone else, but speaking as though they felt the opposite, there is no problem in me reading what is actual. So what do you respond to? What they want you to believe, or what you know to be actual. It can be very draining. It's like having two people, speaking very loudly about two different things, in each ear. I used to think that I was overly self-concious, but I have come to realize that it's not me that's faulty, but that I'm somewhere where I shouldn't be. I'm in their emotional space. If they need me to be in their space, as a confidant or mirror, or whatever, then that's great, I'm fine to socialize. Actually, body language is something I'm really missing in this forum. I'm new to forums. As there is a lot of playful banter here, it's hard for me to appropriate from which emotion certain comments are coming from, so I'm filling in blanks, sometimes to the disservice of others I think, or conversely so.

 

[Cryo Soul]

I'm not really "Anti-Social" per se; rather, I'm more emotionally intense, and invested in the "potential" relationship/friendship that may ensue than most are willing to put out in a conversation...I'm usually so emotionally intense, but I wanted my privacy that I FORCIBLY developed my Ti function to best keep my feelings inward. My emotions, although subtle are scary...it's in my face, and when I look at people they just dart away...lol I don't mean to do it, I just can't help but to be that way.... I think my only crime is wanting to get to know a person....completely and INTENSELY lol

I don't like it too much when people aren't emotionally authentic, and i can 'sense' when someone is depriving me of their 'truth', it feels like their words are hollow, (like their words are arranged to sound and conform to some pre-written script) that will (inspite of my calm outer expression) and they make me SEETHINGLY angry. I just don't care for anything superficial, and words that you would say to impress someone aren't words I care to hear at all. I connect, through body language, and fixed intentions, and values/principles....I like to communicate in a very intense and deep way because this allows the other person to get a "feel" for me as well. I can verbalize with the best of them, and use my head in a way that resembles the pure INTJ, but the difference between myself and perhaps say an INTJ, is that I don't like the way it "feels" to be phony in ANY way, shape, or form....empty words, leave me feeling empty....period....I usually want to gag about that stuff lol

 

[SweetDreams]

This does not mean however, that they are anti-social or overly reserved. They will go out of their way to make friends with people they definitely like, and open themselves to them entirely. However, such people are often few and far between, which is why the INFJ might seem reserved. In truth, they just don't think you're worthy enough to make friends with. (One of the biggest weaknesses of Ni-doms that is glossed over in almost all type descriptions.)

Wow. This is totally me! Although the bolded part sounds a bit arrogant, I think this is the unconscious thought process which is going on.

 

[the]

...

I wonder if most outgoing people lack great social awareness. ...

Do you know for certain that she was annoyed? Maybe she is busy or doing anything else. I'd be more annoyed with someone not carrying on the convo. Is your friend outgoing? I have trouble equating people who make FB photo comments with being social butterfly types. I think outgoing people are probably more socially aware.

I dont mean to pick on you specifically, its just that your post made a good example.

 

[the]

Nah, there's nothing to indicate that she was annoyed other than my reading too much into things. She probably wasn't. She's pretty outgoing; I'm just really paranoid.

LOL, I don't feel picked on. I kind of made an example of myself with that comment.

Well to clairify, I think they are more socially aware because they realize that people like being communicated to and that people like to be approached in the right ways. Since they do most of the 'heavy lifting' they are more experienced to know what works and what doesnt, which might make them less paranoid. Where as people like me are less experienced and just try things til something works or we are declared a creep or otherwise to be avoided.

 

[Chamomile]

INFJs are avoidant sometimes because they are highly sensitive to social interaction and often have a good amount of anxiety surrounding it.

+1.

I just feel so much from things that other people might consider low intensity interaction. I get overwhelmed by too much interaction (overstimulated) so I need to spend a lot of time alone or with small groups to balance it out.

Like, me attending a wedding for 3 hours might feel to an extrovert like going skiing with 10 friends all day. We'd both need some serious rest after

 

[noun]

I think we just can't be otherwise...at least I can't. Even when I express my thoughts, I am still perceived as guarded and reserved. I also find myself staring into space like that guy mentioned in the first post.

Maybe I am just plain...and empty.

 

[Spiritual Leo]

I am an INFJ and I can say that I love talking to people in social institutions like school or work, but hanging out with people on my personal time isn't on my list of things to do. I have few friends, but I love them dearly, so I have what I need....

I think it's that we love people soo much.... we willingly want to help anyone who is struggling or go through a hard time... but when it comes to hanging out with everyone..... we aren't interested in, let's say, "getting fresh" or talking about meaningless things... so we stay inside... introverted..... because the "external world" is filled with distractions that take us away from our inner-truths which we hold deeply

 

[Skathac]

The glorious amount of internal dialogue accompanied with the tempo of a situation can at times cause me to seem rude and standoffish. Sometimes I don't have anything particular to say at that moment. Most people that know me well seem like they enjoy time around me, but I cannot be out and about all the time. Gasoline is expensive and kickin back in a comfy chair in yer cave is a very tough option to outweigh.