Who said I was advocating avoiding gay men? Don't strawman my argument, please.There's no survival value in avoiding gay men because they all seem to dislike you. Like I said, it could be costing them a job.
She's avoiding gay men. Again........the job thing.Who said I was advocating avoiding gay men? Don't strawman my argument, please.
OK here's what's happened:
OP: Gay men don't seem to like me. What am I doing wrong?
Forum: Nothing! Stop generalising, it's probably just your attitude.
Now, this is fine, as long as OP is, in fact, not doing anything specifically irritating to gay men. The problem is that the value of generalising in this case was rejected, and so we can't actually explore the behaviours. This means that, if OP goes into another environment with gay men, believing that her past experiences were all in her head, and they still don't like her, then the problem remains unresolved.
There could very well be a behaviour or set of behaviours that OP is doing which puts gay men off. Maybe she's drawing too much attention to their homosexuality in an effort to prove that she accepts it? My mum does this; she's overly curious about the differences that gay people feel defensive around her.
There are a multitude of reasons why it's useful to explore the generalities, and it's a bit silly to blindly assume otherwise. However, if OP is content with the current solution presented, then we've no reason to go down the road of further exploring this (that is, until she realises that they still don't like her, and comes back to square one).
I see what you're saying, and I think that this is the likely culprit, too, it's just that I didn't really want to 'throw the baby out with the bathwater', as it were.She's avoiding gay men. Again........the job thing.
I think it's less reasonable to assume that gay men as a group dislike her---assumimg most gay men she meets will dislike her based on a few interactions. It's just a jumbled mess of what I suspect are flawed assumptions. OP admits this. I think it would be more reasonable to review OP's own bias (stereotypes, generalizations about gay men) and then reform their thinking about this group.... And the generalizations formed. Even if it's just thinking that most gay men are harsh on women. Because OP is probably incorrect in her assumptions and it is negatively affecting their self image and impacting career prospects. Doesn't seem like much to be gained from assuming that she has some flaw most gay men dislike. It probably is her attitude. If you enter into an interaction believing someone will dislike you of course it will leave an impression.. or self fulfilling prophesy. Sometimes you just have to throw all that out and go into an interaction focused on learning about the other person-- not confirming your own insecurities. Maybe easier said than done.
Good lord, can I keep you?She's avoiding gay men. Again........the job thing.
I think it's less reasonable to assume that gay men as a group dislike her---assumimg most gay men she meets will dislike her based on a few interactions. It's just a jumbled mess of what I suspect are flawed assumptions. OP admits this. I think it would be more reasonable to review OP's own bias (stereotypes, generalizations about gay men) and then reform their thinking about this group.... And the generalizations formed. Even if it's just thinking that most gay men are harsh on women. Because OP is probably incorrect in her assumptions and it is negatively affecting their self image and impacting career prospects. Doesn't seem like much to be gained from assuming that she has some flaw most gay men dislike. It probably is her attitude. If you enter into an interaction believing someone will dislike you of course it will leave an impression.. or self fulfilling prophesy. Sometimes you just have to throw all that out and go into an interaction focused on learning about the other person-- not confirming your own insecurities. Maybe easier said than done.