Barnabas
Time Lord
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I just realized that it's possible to post in different fonts!
thats nice sweety
I just realized that it's possible to post in different fonts!
So the reason why I find this to be rude is because:
A) I do not intimately know this woman and she is using a term of intimacy.
B) As a young woman working in the tech field, it is very important to me that I be taken seriously by clientele, when older clientele set the tone of "I'm older than you and you don't know what you are doing" then they are creating an atmosphere where I lose the title of expert, and my role becomes diminished.
C) If I find her use of this "endearing term" to be obnoxious, I am put in a situation where I cannot fight against this term of "endearment" because I would then be the rude one- even though the person's tone is nasty and she is saying "honey" condescendingly.
So the reason why I find this to be rude is because:
A) I do not intimately know this woman and she is using a term of intimacy.
B) As a young woman working in the tech field, it is very important to me that I be taken seriously by clientele, when older clientele set the tone of "I'm older than you and you don't know what you are doing" then they are creating an atmosphere where I lose the title of expert, and my role becomes diminished.
C) If I find her use of this "endearing term" to be obnoxious, I am put in a situation where I cannot fight against this term of "endearment" because I would then be the rude one- even though the person's tone is nasty and she is saying "honey" condescendingly.
Especially B. I like to be treated as an intellectual equal especially by people I do not even know. It is a respect thing. These sorts of childish terms tend to make me feel very much that either they do not take my intelligence seriously or are trying to convince someone else not to, like in the situation that you described.
I wanted to ask, why do you assume that if a stranger calls you Honey, that they think you are less intelligent? If older adults are the primary users of these terms, how are they 'childish'? Or are we still talking within the context of condescension?
I am asking, because I do not understand. Maybe it's because I'm autistic, or dumb, or whatever, but I just don't understand the logic behind these social rules. If one does not believe it is disrespectful, but another does, who is right? Which rule must we conform to? This is in part why I have a social disorder/phobia. I never understand what is appropriate to say and what isn't because everyone is different. I get yelled at a lot or people just avoid me altogether.
What I find interesting is that I am the one whose disability is being unable to generalize social rules across many individuals. I don't think I am disabled that way. I think I have it right. I maintain a ruleset for each individual and I interact accordingly. I'm going to argue this with my psychologist.
People who you can call honey: a lover, a child, someone who could be your child. To use it any other way I would take as they are using it in the way I italicized. To talk to me as if I am a child is insulting and people know that.
says life man. i dont make the rules.Says who?
to call someone honey just means that they are sweet like honey, not that they are a child or a lover. The tone behind the word may imply that however. Without the tone, how do you make that assumption? Or is it because this is only how you've seen it used?
If I go to the grocery store and the cashier calls me honey, should I immediately assume that she is being condescending? If I visit the South in the US, do I assume everyone is doing the same? What about 'flaming' gay people? Visiting a senior's home?
NOTE: Again, I am not attacking, though it can be perceived that way. I am genuinely curious.
says life man. i dont make the rules.
Where I live it doesn't mean you are sweet like honey. That made me lol actually. How would they even know that, its always used with new and passing acquaintences.
I was watching king of the hill the other day and hanks male employee was calling people honey, so in that context I have no idea what it means.
But if no one told you, then you are making an assumption; probably based on observed behaviours.
Think about it logically. The terms Honey, Sugar, Cupcake, etc are all things that are sweet. Ergo, you are sweet like honey, sugar, etc. They are terms used primarily in previous generations which have filtered into our own dickish generation. (From what I can see, the current generation seems to try to make everything out to be something bad). Otherwise, those terms make no sense as negative implications, unless there is such ann intention behind the word. But if there is no tone or context to indicate as such, then the implication is an assumption on the assumer's part. Which means the assumer would get upset over something that may not even be happening.
This made me laugh. Not sure why, but it was probably the idea of males calling other males honey, especially in Texas.
interesting perspective. I disagree with the way you go about coming to your conclusions as well as with your conclusions themselves.
Alrighty then. I get the point the Fe users around this hurr thread are trying to make and I can see that and sort of appreciate it, but this is a sore spot for me and I've been dying to say this (namely thanks to my ESFJ mother in law). So I am going to.
It would appear that some Fe users would go far to acknowledge just what sort of individual they are speaking to before they use these so called culturally accepted terms of endearment. Isn't the entire point to make someone feel good? And if the person you use them on does not enjoy being spoken to that way, it does the opposite of making them feel good. And if you are a stranger, you really have no way of knowing if this person is going to be one of those types of people or not. Maybe what would make them feel good is to be spoken to in a more serious manner. Not everyone is the same.
I don't expect someone to change the way they prefer to interact just for me. But if I don't like something someone is saying to me, I'm not going to act like I like it just to make them feel better about the fact that they were "trying to be nice", when the entire point of them doing it in the first place was to be nice, and I didn't like it. This is assuming they actually were being nice, and not just being a condescending poopy pants.
And if someone expects ME to suck it up and deal with it because that is just how they are after I tell them politely that I don't appreciate being addressed in that way, I am going to add them to my naughty list.