Why do older women like to call people honey?

Gale said:
I really do think they need to get rid of "ma'am" though. It sounds too much as if you're addressing someone much older and senior. I am not sure "Miss" would work either. When someone calls me ma'am, it makes me feel much older than I am.

This is one of those situations where it would be cool if we could adapt the French equivalent : mademoiselle
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I think we would just end up saying "Hey woman!"
 
Another one that I've learned recently from reading southern literature is "madear" or "chere". That'd be great to hear. "Hello chere!" "Hello madear".
 
I find it's not o much older woman that say "honey" "sweaty" (though there are a lot that do- my mum's no exception) etc, but rather, young adults that THINK they're old. I mostly see it used in a way that's very demeaning, borderline mocking, and yeah. It's kinda weird. Some of them I don't think mean it or realize what they're doing, but yeah.
 
Because we can. It's a term of endearment from me...I hadn't realized some find it offensive.

:m075:Of course I don't understand that.
 
Sandie33 said:
Because we can. It's a term of endearment from me...I hadn't realized some find it offensive.

:m075:Of course I don't understand that.
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Sometimes, it's the way it's said. It can be used with a patronizing tone as if speaking to child. Believe me, it happens. Some may not realize they're doing it, but it happens instinctively because they see the person as much younger, maybe young enough to be their daughter or granddaughter, so still a child in their eyes. It's doubtful they mean anything by it. I don't take as much offense as I used to but it's not my preference to be called these names. I'd rather someone ask for my first name, and call me by it. Using particular terms or endearments may suggest a particular perception someone may have of you, so that's why some may be sensitive to it.
 
I read the title of this thread and had a good chuckle.

Anyway...

I find that sometimes terms of endearment like 'honey' or 'sweetheart' occasionally slip out when I'm talking to women, generally my age or younger. I find that when I'm surrounded by women who refer to each other as 'sweetie' or 'darling' or 'love,' I end up eventually doing it too without realizing it.

Obviously, this is just my personal experience and not applicable to everyone's situation, but it does make me think the 'honey' thing might sometimes be an unconscious, cultural tick that some women have acquired because that's just the norm in their social circle. You hear it enough and you'll start calling everyone 'sweetie' too.
 
Here it's common for people to call others "mate"... sometimes to non-stereotypical females, but mostly to males.

Often times service providers and tradesmen will address clients as "boss."

"Ma'am" and "Sir" are seldom used here, especially the latter, as the official title "Sir" is still in use for knighted men, and certain public officials. "Miss/Mrs/Ms + surname" are the standard form, as is "Mr + surname."

"Lass" and "Lassie" are sometimes used by older people addressing young females, and "Lad/Laddie" to young males. Men will sometimes refer to their group of male friends as "the lads", or address them: "lads".

"My Dear/ M'Dear" is sometimes used for elderly women, and "Darling/Sweetie" for elderly men, by younger women. Younger men generally won't use endearing pronouns for older men, because it's seen as a little gay.
 
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Flavus Aquila said:
Here it's common for people to call others "mate"... sometimes to non-stereotypical females, but mostly to males.

Often times service providers and tradesmen will address clients as "boss."

"Ma'am" and "Sir" are seldom used here, especially the latter, as the official title "Sir" is still in use for knighted men, and certain public officials. "Miss/Mrs/Ms + surname" are the standard form, as is "Mr + surname."

"Lass" and "Lassie" are sometimes used by older people addressing young females, and "Lad/Laddie" to young males. Men will sometimes refer to their group of male friends as "the lads", or address them: "lads".

"My Dear/ M'Dear" is sometimes used for elderly women, and "Darling/Sweetie" for elderly men, by younger women. Younger men generally won't use endearing pronouns for older men, because it's seen as a little gay.
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I am term of endearment retarded. I don't call Mr.S anything but his first name. I confess I squirm when women call their husband hubby. It just doesn't sit right with me ... there is a gag factor involved.
 
Sriracha said:
I am term of endearment retarded. I don't call Mr.S anything but his first name. I confess I squirm when women call their husband hubby. It just doesn't sit right with me ... there is a gag factor involved.
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For some reason I want to call you honey-bun, sweetie-pie, sugar-drop, and baby-doll until you puke.
 
Hoodie said:
I find it's not o much older woman that say "honey" "sweaty" (though there are a lot that do- my mum's no exception) etc, but rather, young adults that THINK they're old. I mostly see it used in a way that's very demeaning, borderline mocking, and yeah. It's kinda weird. Some of them I don't think mean it or realize what they're doing, but yeah.
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People who use "sweaty" can die in a fire.

I worked with a mod on another forum who would address me as such when we got in an argument, and she would pull that card, and she is 5 years my junior. I don't think so.
 
Some mature women who are genuinely caring can get away with this... generally this behaviour rubs me up the wrong way.

If you know someone's name, it's respectful to use it. Or however they introduce themselves to you. That's the name that they use and prefer to be known by. "Sweetie" and "Hon" is not their name, it's generic bullshit that denies their individuality.

Earlier on this thread Paladin-X is saying something strange about logic, and it being wrong to stop calling people this just because some people don't like it. Etiquette is not logical, it's about being considerate enough of people to refrain from demanding that they should be logical in their preferences, or should conform to any other imposed set of expectations. The fact that some people express a marked aversion to being addressed in this way is an excellent reason to refrain from addressing people in this way. Addressing people in this way is making assumptions and taking liberties with people, and that's totally inconsiderate.

Maybe it's accepted in a local culture to address people in this way, so fine, keep it to the local culture. Or people who you know very very well.

For years now my younger brother constantly called me "dude" to the extent that it's as though he has forgotten my name. I need to somehow find a way to break it to him that I hate this. I feel a gentle pulse of rage every time he uses this word on me. I don't know why he started calling me this, because I never expressed any kind of preference for it. I find it totally infantilising. But he doesn't seem to have considered me at all.
 
I'd also like to say that I have worked in service cultures for a long time and that unless the business is formal enough to have developed a specific greetings policy, that it is absolutely unnecessary in interaction to address people as ma'am, madam, sir, sweetie, hon, or anything at all. "Excuse me please," "Good morning," "Certainly", and "Thank you very much," do perfect service. If you will need to address people personally in more detail, you will know their name.
 
invisible said:
Some mature women who are genuinely caring can get away with this... generally this behaviour rubs me up the wrong way.

If you know someone's name, it's respectful to use it. Or however they introduce themselves to you. That's the name that they use and prefer to be known by. "Sweetie" and "Hon" is not their name, it's generic bullshit that denies their individuality.

Earlier on this thread Paladin-X is saying something strange about logic, and it being wrong to stop calling people this just because some people don't like it. Etiquette is not logical, it's about being considerate enough of people to refrain from demanding that they should be logical in their preferences, or should conform to any other imposed set of expectations. The fact that some people express a marked aversion to being addressed in this way is an excellent reason to refrain from addressing people in this way. Addressing people in this way is making assumptions and taking liberties with people, and that's totally inconsiderate.

Maybe it's accepted in a local culture to address people in this way, so fine, keep it to the local culture. Or people who you know very very well.

For years now my younger brother constantly called me "dude" to the extent that it's as though he has forgotten my name. I need to somehow find a way to break it to him that I hate this. I feel a gentle pulse of rage every time he uses this word on me. I don't know why he started calling me this, because I never expressed any kind of preference for it. I find it totally infantilising. But he doesn't seem to have considered me at all.
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I'm going to kind of take back what I said here, because it sounds totally crazed. But I'm still leaving it there because I think it could be of interest to people to read.

What I'm going to say though is that if you are addressing people in this way, you should definitely be addressing them by their name at least as often.

Also, I think this form of address has no place in professional situations. Managers shouldn't talk to their staff like this. It's the same crappy ungrateful behaviour towards hard work as managers who call their staff "kids".
 
invisible said:
What I'm going to say though is that if you are addressing people in this way, you should definitely be addressing them by their name at least as often.
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I grabbed your blurb @invisible because this is spot on. In most of the social settings I'm involved in I use first names, or title and surname, and 'hunny' or 'Darlin' for those I am familiar with. Since this thread was opened I've made a conscious effort to catch myself. I honestly hadn't realized I was offending some folks. (I think I slipped and called @Gale hunny in a thread once, I apologize if that was offensive)

invisible said:
Also, I think this form of address has no place in professional situations. Managers shouldn't talk to their staff like this. It's the same crappy ungrateful behaviour towards hard work as managers who call their staff "kids".
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This statement is spot on also---no manager good at their job or worth their salt talks to staff like they are children or beneath them somehow. Instead they should manage all aspects of their employees--the labels intrinsic and extrinsic come to mind. Encouraging their subordinates to excel in their skills.

These 'low-level' workers are the backbone of the organization, they should be treated with respect, especially if you want to build a repore with them and ensure retention.

Not to derail, but management would find it is interpersonal conflict 80% of the time and not the tasks of the job themselves which causes workers to resign. And instead of speaking up, the offended pack up and leave ....good topic for another thread???:D
 
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