Why do you forgive?

[This]

I forgive because, honestly I don't really want to try and keep track of the people that have pissed me off. Everybody's got faults. Not forgiving seems petty to me.

 

[jrun83]

I agree with so many of these responses. I find that when I finally forgive someone when I come face to face with them, there's no emotion. There's no anger, and sometimes I can barely remember their transgressions. That's how I know I've moved on. It's usually other people around me who want me to harbor the grudge and want to play "west side story" that make it so much worse. I've had this happen so many times that even when someone does something horrible to me, I just don't say anything and deal with it alone.

Can you say adding fuel to a fire that probably would've died in a day or two, but instead became dragged out for a few months to a year? Humans never cease to amaze me. There are so many other things going on this world.

And I think having my own hopes and dreams has really allowed me to remove myself from situations which are potentially laced with becoming quickly tactless. Or maybe it's a lot of experience. The scariest part is when they begin infiltrating your "safe zones" to find forgiveness. Truth is they probably just don't want to be forgotten.

 

[knight in battle]

And I think having my own hopes and dreams has really allowed me to remove myself from situations which are potentially laced with becoming quickly tactless. Or maybe it's a lot of experience. The scariest part is when they begin infiltrating your "safe zones" to find forgiveness. Truth is they probably just don't want to be forgotten.

Definitely it's experience. You seem to be talking about avoidance of situations that are going to become tactless. This seems like a smart kind of avoidance.

In hindsight, the reason why I wanted to continue in those friendship interactions was because I really didn't have the energy to move on from a hurtful situation; and I didn't want to, because the friendship was already deeper or more regular than average. I believed that expanding my friendships beyond the 3 or 4 people would spread my emotional connections too thin. While I have been able to move on from friendships that quickly become threatening, I have been less capable of detecting the more subtle signs of a progressively more conflictual friendship.

 

[knight in battle]

I forgive because, honestly I don't really want to try and keep track of the people that have pissed me off. Everybody's got faults. Not forgiving seems petty to me.

It does seem petty. How do I forgive? What are the thoughts that I have to follow?
I have tried just to ignore the faults, of course, and telling myself that everyone has faults. But these don't seem to work very well. I am starting to wonder whether reconciliation of some kind is necessary to forgiveness. Certain religious principles seem to suggest that this is the case.

 

[Gecko]

It's a bit of a logical process.

If I don't forgive you, and you don't forgive me, then it's a lose-lose situation.
If I forgive you, but you don't forgive me, then it's a lose-win situation, which is better than the first.
If we forgive each other, it's a win-win. You should always aim for the win-win, it's the logical thing to do, that's why I forgive.

 

[paradanmellow]

I forgive to be forgiven
and if i care enough, i forgive out of understanding how it is to be in the other's shoes
if i can't get in their shoes...well. i ll get me honest enough to ask wtf? then forgive anyway because holding it in is like a sickness, it's eating me up inside sort of drama, you know?

-sort of what Gecko said-

and

I agree with Sir in that I think forgiveness should be about accepting a person for who they are instead of who you want(ed) them to be.

 

[Nixie]

I think that time and perspective help with the process of forgiveness. If you are the type to hold onto pain at the expense of your well being...learning the skill of forgiving can aid you a great deal in this life.

Some things are very hard to forgive because the pain scars you in ways you cannot imagine. Hopefully, you never experience such things but if you have, you will know how difficult it is to forgive. Sometimes, forgiveness is a road that cannot be traveled easily because it is littered with broken pieces of your yourself.

 

[knight in battle]

I think that time and perspective help with the process of forgiveness. If you are the type to hold onto pain at the expense of your well being...learning the skill of forgiving can aid you a great deal in this life.

Holding onto pain. That's a nice definition of unforgiveness. Thank you. So perhaps the way to forgive is to let go of pain - whatever that may mean.

 

[rachel]

I forgive but I never forget. You got two strikes and you're out.

 

[the]

Maybe I forgive because nothing bad has happened to me that is really worth remembering? Ex: sure I got divorced because my exwife is a lame-o, but who cares? Its been 7 years. It's not like it is an ongoing burden I have to bear. The situation is resolved so why hold on to bad feelings?

If I was a slave or something that was an ongoing evil towards myself, then I'd probably have trouble forgiving my masters as they whipped me into submission. Unless my master was [MENTION=1814]invisible[/MENTION]. Then Id just get off..... wuuuuuuut?

 

[wonkavision]

I couldn't vote on the poll, because none of the options were quite right.

The main reason I forgive is because I have been so graciously forgiven of all my sin--through the perfect life, atoning death, and resurrection of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

It is also true that:

"You're only hurting yourself if you don't."

and

"You can't sustain any relationships without forgiveness."

Lack of forgiveness poisons everything.

 

[Tin Man]

I think it's pointless to hold a grudge. Unless someone has caused you intense duress, they're not worth it.

 

[knight in battle]

It's a bit of a logical process.

If I don't forgive you, and you don't forgive me, then it's a lose-lose situation.
If I forgive you, but you don't forgive me, then it's a lose-win situation, which is better than the first.
If we forgive each other, it's a win-win. You should always aim for the win-win, it's the logical thing to do, that's why I forgive.

You ENTPs are wonderful.

 

[Apone]

I don't understand the 'I'm not religious, so there's nothing to forgive' option. Non-religious people also get into conflicts.

I mostly forgive people because it's too exhausting not to. I don't turn around and start being anyone's best friend, but there's not much point in holding on to it because it won't make you happy and it puts other people off. If someone starts being nice again I'm pretty much always willing to give them another chance, depending on what it was and whether or not I still trust them.

 

[knight in battle]

I don't understand the 'I'm not religious, so there's nothing to forgive' option. Non-religious people also get into conflicts.

I guess what I meant was that some people basis their need to forgive by citing their religious principles.

 

[AnimeGirl2501]

I forgive because I'm Wiccan and believe in " you reap what you sow " or Karma or whatever you want to call it. I let my goddess deal with the people who fuck me over in which ever way she chooses. That is good for me as I can be free from the hurt and feel as if justice and fairness have been done. Plus not forgiving someone actually eats you up, but I don't know. I mean if someone killed/hurt my children I'd want revenge and I don't know if I'd be strong enough to stop myself from killing those who ended my children's lives.

I guess that's the only time I would take the law in to my own hands. =/