Why wouldn't you bother with your own boyfriend/girlfriend?

[TigersGoRAWR]

I over heard a conversation between 2 people about this today... Let's call them person A and person B.

If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but you can't be bothered with them, why are you with them?

For example, person B was asked this question by person A, and they responded with "Its so much effort to keep up with... I feel like doing other things are better and more fun than being with them, and when it comes to talking to them I just...cant be bothered."
If you loved the person, you'd make every effort for them... or at least that's how I see things. You shouldnt feel forced to make an effort you should WANT to make the effort for them. You shouldnt feel forced to talk in a relationship you should WANT to talk to them... etc etc.

I feel a relationship needs to be balanced. If you have a one-sided relationship it isn't fair on that person doing everything to keep that relationship going.

What do you think about this?

P.S. Sorry for the typo in the Title xP It should be "Why wouldn't you bother with your own boyfriend/girlfirend" T.T

P.S.S. Thank you for changing it :3!

 

[Faye]

I think INFJs tend to have higher expectations than most other types for relationships, and yes I totally agree with you, but obviously most people aren't willing to put as much effort into relationships as INFJs typically are and often just want to do what is entirely selfish, convenient, and easy.

 

[Artsu Tharaz]

Relationships don't have to be too serious to be worthwhile.

Having someone there when you need some intimacy is nice.

 

[Nixie]

Well, it is hard to analyze an overheard conversation...just to be clear.

I dislike intensly needy partners. I can relate to the sentiment in a way because I require alone time. REQUIRE! If you bother me when want to be alone, I get very testy and start to have strong--why am I bothering with this person feelings. Everyone has their own definition of what "too much" and "clingy" means. If you hang all over me and expect me to be there every second of every day, you are bound to be disappointed and I am bound to probably drop you.

As to the specific OP, I would guess that they were just trying to sound "cool" and be all "yea, they adore me" obnoxious. Sometimes people have a tendency to think being dismissive about someone's love is okay--sounds like immaturity. I would venture to guess if the partner was there, they would have sung a different tune.

 

[TigersGoRAWR]

Aye. I was gonna start a thread like this a little while ago, but I didnt for some reason. Hearing this today reminded me of it.

I like my alone time too. I just feel that if a couple love each other and one of them just cant be bothered with it... I feel like it could be very hurtful to that other person. At least, Id feel hurt. I know everyone is different.

But I mean if the person you love is in a constant "I cant be bothered" mood... it wouldnt be nice o.o

 

[Chamomile]

If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but you can't be bothered with them, why are you with them?

I can't stand staying in relationships that don't give back the energy I put into them in the form of affection and support. It will absolutely drain me if I try to stay in that. I think some of that is an INFJ thing. Seems like a lot of people stay in a relationship out of laziness (when its just comfortable to stay), fear, or money issues.

 

[TigersGoRAWR]

I can't stand staying in relationships that don't give back the energy I put into them in the form of affection and support. It will absolutely drain me if I try to stay in that. I think some of that is an INFJ thing. Seems like a lot of people stay in a relationship out of laziness (when its just comfortable to stay), fear, or money issues.

I know the feeling... being in an non-supportive relationship wouldn't be good for me either. I tend to need a lot of support emotionally sometimes...

 

[Kmal]

Relationships don't have to be too serious to be worthwhile.

Having someone there when you need some intimacy is nice.

yeah, "cheating" isnt cheating until you're married, or have both openly expressed that you only want to be with each other and will not be with anyone else. personally, if i'm 'exclusive' with someone, they will be worth bothering with-- why someone else would limit themselves to someone who isnt is beyond me; or they just want sex and are both caught up in the trees of the forest.

 

[Chamomile]

I know the feeling... being in an non-supportive relationship wouldn't be good for me either. I tend to need a lot of support emotionally sometimes...

I agree! I need a lot of support, but I give even more than I get. The word that keeps popping into my head to describe it is 'interactive.' There's just a lot of affection, support, and feelings being provided and given and its just busy with a lot going back and forth.

I used to be insecure about that, as if it was a bad thing (while it can be an unhealthy thing if unbalanced, but thats unrelated), but I have found that as long as your partner is as invested and willing to give support/affection the way you are, it can be a healthy and balanced relationship. some people just aren't that way.