Working With People...

5

54192&#cmy

Outta Here.
Donor
MBTI
InFU
There is this guy that I work with. I work with several people actually. Anyhow this one particular person is my main focus. Let's call him Ed. When I first started on this new jobsite this guy seemed like an asshole to me. That was my first impression. I tried as hard as I could to understand this guy and tried to make a friend of him. He likes to what he calls joke with you. He would call me names and make little snide comments. He told me that I could not read a tape measure. And was all about proving me wrong. I reminded him that in another life I was a cabinet maker and unless plumbers use a different unit of measure I needed to see it cause I was reading in inches. Anyhow everyday he would find ways to mess with my mind. I was lucky enough to get away from him and go work in the basement of the building. Halfway through my day another co worker that I was working with came down from up stairs complaining about this guy and refused to go back upstairs to work with him. He said that the guy was challenging him to fight and was being disrespectful toward him.

The next day Ed comes and works with us in the basement. And everything seems fine between the both of them. We get our work done and the guy who had the problem with Ed goes back upstairs to finish some other work. At this time Ed starts bad mouthing the other guy to me. Telling me how he does not like Snakes or Rats. So I ask him which one am I. He says neither so far. I try to explain to Ed that it takes two to tango. That if there is a problem that he was responsible for helping create it. But he won't take responsibility for his part he keeps blaming the other guy and says it's all his fault. Then he proceeds to call me and the other guy butt buddies. This sets me off. So I say to him now your calling me a Faggot? He says no. And I respond with then why call me butt buddies? At this point I tell him to shut the fuck up. He stands up puffs his chest and says you gonna make me. For a split second I almost did make him. I almost jumped on him. I stopped myself though. I knew that he was not going to fight me. So I just kept yelling at him.

He won and I lost that battle. Now I could go to Angie and have her Dad climb up his ass he owns the company. And most likely get him fired. Or put on some other job. Instead of that I am going to talk to him Tuesday. I realize now that it must have bothered him that me and the other guy was getting along. I have went to lunch with him once. And we talk at work when we work together. For some reason Ed has a problem with this. I remember from our exchange that Ed said that he was calling it like he saw it. I responded that I will do the same and I told him that I thought he was an asshole when I first met him. Now mind you this guy has been pushing my buttons for more than a week. From what I can tell he likes this type of confrontation. At the lunch the other day I saw him at the same restaurant he had his hardhat blocking the seat across from him so I sat close to him and tried to talk to him while I ate. I have actually tried to get along with this fellow even though he talked poorly of my fellow workers. I am going to try to talk to him again on Tuesday to see what his problem is. Or do you guys think that maybe I should just avoid Ed? And forget him all together?​
 
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I have found that the best way to deal with people who cause trouble at work is to avoid them. I might tell Ed that I harbor no ill will and find ways to seem nice. I might even tell him I got off on the wrong foot too. Other than that, I would just keep a polite distance. He probably has other stuff going on in life that makes him miserable. I wouldn't want his bad attitude to rub off on me.

Edit: I would also ask myself why I let him bother me in the first place. He sounds like he is trying to get a "raise" out of people and enjoys that. You can choose not to play his game and just blow off his comments. He isn't worth your peace of mind. Just realize you don't have to get along with everyone you work with and professionalism is the cornerstone of good work.
 
I agree with you. I don't have to work with him since it's a large building. The foreman knows how I feel about this guy. And there are others on the job site who do not like him. Eventually he will be working all alone. And I am sure my foreman is going to talk to my boss about his behavior at some point. I go to work to work. Not to play little games. So the best thing I can do is just ignore the guy and let him be by himself. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. And he proved he did not deserve it. He has made other comments that were offensive too. It's just better if I avoid this guy at all costs....
 
Yeah, I think you should just avoid him and not worry about it took much. At some point his behavior will come back to get him, and that is something the HR person can deal with I guess. It shouldn't be your problem.
 
it's better to avoid this guy because he's got some serious issues that being nice isn't going to fix.
 
You need to make an ISTJ friend who will remedy this situation.
 
My Father in law owns the business I am sure I could go to him and get him canned. But I decided to handle it myself. If his attitude does not change and he keeps it up I have other ways of messing with him. He may be an asshole but I am a dick and I know how to spread the pain around. I have been taught well by all the people like him I have dealt with over the years. I know how to say random messed up stuff too. Although Angie is the one who hands out the paychecks and his could get misplaced or she will yell at him. He is stupid really. Mess with the son in law and think that it's going to slide? That's just plain stupid. At some point I am gonna be his boss. You think I am gonna keep him around? I am sorry he got upset that I get along with others. But really who the hell is he to say anything about who I associate with at work? He is messing with the wrong INFJ. I just plain won't take any shit anymore. Right wrong or indifferent I have accepted that I am gonna die so I live fearless. I have nothing to fear. Death bring it on. I am ready...
 
efromm said:
There is this guy that I work with. I work with several people actually. Anyhow this one particular person is my main focus. Let's call him Ed. When I first started on this new jobsite this guy seemed like an asshole to me. That was my first impression. I tried as hard as I could to understand this guy and tried to make a friend of him. He likes to what he calls joke with you. He would call me names and make little snide comments. He told me that I could not read a tape measure. And was all about proving me wrong. I reminded him that in another life I was a cabinet maker and unless plumbers use a different unit of measure I needed to see it cause I was reading in inches. Anyhow everyday he would find ways to mess with my mind. I was lucky enough to get away from him and go work in the basement of the building. Halfway through my day another co worker that I was working with came down from up stairs complaining about this guy and refused to go back upstairs to work with him. He said that the guy was challenging him to fight and was being disrespectful toward him.

The next day Ed comes and works with us in the basement. And everything seems fine between the both of them. We get our work done and the guy who had the problem with Ed goes back upstairs to finish some other work. At this time Ed starts bad mouthing the other guy to me. Telling me how he does not like Snakes or Rats. So I ask him which one am I. He says neither so far. I try to explain to Ed that it takes two to tango. That if there is a problem that he was responsible for helping create it. But he won't take responsibility for his part he keeps blaming the other guy and says it's all his fault. Then he proceeds to call me and the other guy butt buddies. This sets me off. So I say to him now your calling me a Faggot? He says no. And I respond with then why call me butt buddies? At this point I tell him to shut the fuck up. He stands up puffs his chest and says you gonna make me. For a split second I almost did make him. I almost jumped on him. I stopped myself though. I knew that he was not going to fight me. So I just kept yelling at him.

He won and I lost that battle. Now I could go to Angie and have her Dad climb up his ass he owns the company. And most likely get him fired. Or put on some other job. Instead of that I am going to talk to him Tuesday. I realize now that it must have bothered him that me and the other guy was getting along. I have went to lunch with him once. And we talk at work when we work together. For some reason Ed has a problem with this. I remember from our exchange that Ed said that he was calling it like he saw it. I responded that I will do the same and I told him that I thought he was an asshole when I first met him. Now mind you this guy has been pushing my buttons for more than a week. From what I can tell he likes this type of confrontation. At the lunch the other day I saw him at the same restaurant he had his hardhat blocking the seat across from him so I sat close to him and tried to talk to him while I ate. I have actually tried to get along with this fellow even though he talked poorly of my fellow workers. I am going to try to talk to him again on Tuesday to see what his problem is. Or do you guys think that maybe I should just avoid Ed? And forget him all together?​
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tell your boss, if he doesnt listen just beat the shit out of that guy out of work and thats it. Dont let him push you around once because then he will fuck with you always
 
Sai said:
tell your boss, if he doesnt listen just beat the shit out of that guy out of work and thats it. Dont let him push you around once because then he will fuck with you always
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Oh believe me I made it overly apparent that I was willing to fight him over his choice of words. If he keeps it up it will come down to blows. Except I won't be talking this time I will just start the hitting. I already warned him that that was what was going to happen. I will see tomorrow what happens. I am thinking that he may just quit. Which is fine with me. And I am sure the other guys at work would be happy to see him go.
 
So I am now calling my co worker Mr Ed after the horse.
[video=youtube;y_PZPpWTRTU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_PZPpWTRTU[/video]​
 
I heard a story one time about a monk in charge of a long term retreat with westerners. For some time he had the whole group moving bricks from one side of the road to the other. While they were doing this one of the group members complained loudly on a continual basis and whined and moaned and groaned. Then he began projecting this onto the other group members. It was horrible.
After long time of this the complaining obnoxious member walked off. He quit. The remaining group cheered.

Immediately the head monk told his assistant to find that man and offer to pay him to stay.

You see....the obnoxious man was a teacher and a good opportunity for the retreat participants to practice such things as: loving kindness, being grateful, and learning to understand how life is always throwing us curve balls....it's our reaction to it we can choose.

efromm? I've known you for a long time now. You have a temper about SOME things. I guess we all have our flashpoints. The question is - what do we do with them?

I think this coworker is a chance for you to see the world in a different perspective than perhaps you've encountered till now. What to do - in order to change one's view? Take a step back? Be quiet and listen? Open our eyes wide and see? One thing I try to do on a regular basis is walk backwards and turn in circles with my eyes wide open taking it all in.
Some of the others have advocated ignoring him or leaving him alone. My idea involves some disengaging in a way - but re-engaging in a different way.
Stop reacting and watch? [shrug]

That's what I would try if I were in your shoes.
Good luck. :hug:
 
I hear ya K. And I agree. This week has been very good so far. Mr Ed is working in the basement shoveling dirt all day while I am setting toilet flanges in the building. What really set me off was the way he was bad mouthing Kenny. The guy he got in a fight with the day before. You ever know one of those people who want you to not like the people they don't like? He has been trying to bad mouth me and Kenny at work but it's not working. A lot of the guys I work with speak Spanish I don't speak Spanish but Kenny does. Anyways they were talking to Kenny today about me and they all like me. Actually they like me more now that I cussed Mr Ed out. They can see that I am a loyal guy. And a giving guy. I let them all use my tools and I help them anyway I can. Mr Ed has been bad mouthing people since he started working for Angie's Dad. He thinks he is the best at every aspect of plumbing. He is not. And he is making enemies out of his co workers. Everyone this week says hi to me and tries to talk to me now. And they realize what this guy was trying to do. Because he has done it to them too. Kenny and I were the only ones to really stand up to him. Until today.

Mr Ed got yelled at again today for doing the same sort of thing to Tom. And Tom had to straighten him out too. It's nice to know that I am not the only person who sees this poor guys bad behavior. If he keeps it up he will be working either all alone or elsewhere. I think Mr Ed is being humbled. And if that 's the case GREAT! Cause I will be fine with him. If he keeps it up he won't have anyone to work with and eventually he will just get canned. I decided to just let him be and talk to everyone but him. And the more he tries to convince others that I am an a-hole the more they like me and stop dealing with him. It's very amusing really. He needs to learn this lesson. If he loses his job he is just going to do the same things at his next job and the same things will happen to him there. I am sure he can be a great guy if given the chance. That's why I did not nark him out to Angie's Dad. I am letting this one work it's self out.​
 
YAY!

Good for you efromm! :high5:
 
Hello Efromm,

Everyone has given you good advice already, but I wanted to add something. I read your posts and just wanted to add that what "Ed" did is illegal.

Harassing someone or using slurs based on race, religion, nationality, gender or sexual orientation, like Ed did, is ILLEGAL, and, in addition to being obviously wrong from an emotional and social and human rights viewpoint, it is horrible from a business standpoint also. It could get your company sued, and seriously damage people's morale. It could also injure people. He tried to start, what -- two fights? Someone could easily get hurt physically, never mind hurt feelings.

That's ridiculous, and totally unacceptable behavior in a workplace.

Also, people like Ed are usually dickheads to anyone they perceive as less powerful, but, amazingly, they manage to be super-nice to the boss or owner of the company. And then what happens, is the people in charge, who probably want to run an ethical and safe workplace, honestly have no idea how poisionous Ed's behavior can be. He could have started fights between people who otherwise were friends, but luckily, in this case everyone saw him for what he is.

I think you need to tell you FIL and Angie exactly what happened, and make sure they know about this.

Maybe getting "Ed" fired is too harsh, but the people running the company are responsible for creating a safe and non-harrassing work environment, period. And they cannot do that if they do not know what he's done. He sounds like someone who could use some sensitivity training. There are classes like that which teach people how not to harass their co-workers. (Which you'd think people would know naturally, but they don't) It could help improve things and show you take treating people right seriously.

Just my take on things. :hug: For what it's worth.
 
I saw this old post I made. I should finish this story. Kenny the guy that Mr Ed did not like was a snake and a rat. It seems that he was looking out for me. I did not discover kenny's deceit until months later. Kenny was trying to position himself next to me so he could be closer to the Boss. Kenny and I eventually came to a show down. He thought that the new foreman Henry would favor him. Turns out he favored me. He liked the fact that I was a Gringo that had a heart. And he took the time to get to know me. We became very close. And Kenny got jealous. He told me that he was more political than I was and that he would show me. Well he got to see my humorous I'll say what I gotta say right to you right in front of everyone. I poked fun at him when I could he liked to banter but I could do it so much better.

I gave Kenny the full benefit of the doubt. And he proved that he was exactly as the co workers said he was. Kenny was the one who eventually left the job site. He called Mike and asked to get back on his crew. Henry used to drop me off at the IMF Concordia building and he would leave me there all alone to work in peace. He would come at the end of the day and pick me up. I spent a lot of time at the IMF building. A month or so. When Henry went on vacation for 2 weeks I was given the job of foreman. I was already doing it anyways. I went to all the meetings and took the notes and answered all the questions.Filled out the daily paperwork that was required of us. People think that the foreman has an easy job. They never see all the extra effort the foreman has to put in. Picking up parts and going to meetings. Calling in inspections. The list in long.

I really put myself out there when I was working in VA. I tried very hard to do a good job. And I went above and beyond what was expected of an apprentice. For a guy with no plumbing experience at all I look back now and see that I did a good job. I did more work than most of the guys I worked with. I was always going to the shop and pulling parts after work for free. I did not get paid to do that. I did it so that it made my work day easier and everyone else s too. I was always doing stuff like that. Going to the job site early and getting everything started up and ready for everyone else. I was happy to do it until I heard that I was hated by my father in law. Him yelling at me and his wife yelling at me pretty much sunk my ship. Henry knew this cause I was crying at work over it. I could not hide my pain. That is why he would take me down to DC to the IMF. I left my job while he was on vacation. I called him a few times when I got home. I do not have a phone so we have not kept in touch. I got word that his brother was killed in El Salvador. I knew his brother too. He had went back to work on the farm they bought and someone gunned him down. Just the same way they killed his Father. That is why they were working in DC they got green cards a long time ago and came here to be safe. But they always wanted to go home and they were making that happen for themselves. I can only imagine how badly Henry must feel.

After Kenny left Mr Ed and I had lunch together a lot and we became good friends. We talked about what happened between us and we both apologized to one another. I worked with him daily until my last day on the job. I can remember walking out of that building sweating and happy to be leaving that job for good. I was disappointed at how I was treated by my so called family the in laws out there. I have had no contact with Angie's Dad now in three plus years. When your told that you are hated and then the hatred is acted upon you it's pretty tough to play along. I gave up everything to go through this. And I am finding that I am better for it in some ways and worse off in others. It has challenged me to dive deeper into conciseness. To find my strength and center. And to forgive myself for being foolish.

There is always a cost when you give people the benefit of the doubt. Some pan out others not so much. So I have learned to be careful now and to let people deal with their own shit. And to watch closely just what it is they are really doing. Everybody lies. But your actions can be observed and the lies will be shown. The truth will always shine through.
​
 
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