endersgone

I didn't forget about you.

haha I know that was a weird thing to mention. It's just that sometimes when I express how depressed I feel at times, people are like"so you're not thinking about.. well you know... has it ever been a thought that you want to commit suicide?" I should say "wait... are you trying to tell me I should?"
Okay, so I'm not feeling so low at the moment if I can laugh right now

You shouldn't be mad at yourself for hating small talk. Some people are just naturally good at it... we apparently are not. Once you get really good at guitar, you won't even need to talk, and the ladies will line up

But yeah, walking helps with sorting out your mood. I used to take walks by myself a lot. I find that I don't need to do that a lot anymore, because I would mostly just dwell on my depressed emotion. You either feel better after your walk, or you end up feeling worse (at least that's how it is with me).
Hang in there man. We will have plenty of good news to talk about in the future

i think you should give me a negative rep so we're even!

I haven't forgotten about you. I am still thinking about what I want to say and how I want to say it. I have a backlog of people, but you are front of the list.

I reflect on sad things sometimes when I go on walks, it's sometimes hard to focus my mind on the grounding sensory environment all around me, particularly if it's familiar. I've discovered that if I go to a place I've never (or rarely) been all the new sensory stimuli will be what my mind focuses on rather than my depressing thoughts. I find jogging/running really helpful cause I'm focused on breath, the noise of my steps, the scenery, and the necessary pain of doing something I've not done for a long time. Seems stabilizing to me.

Thanks I thought I'd put one up, I'm really conscious about my security and find it hard to have a natural expression in both self/ other people as subject portraits/videos. I much prefer nature/landscape to people photography! Are you enjoying the 30 day challenge so far? I'm liking it-- interesting scenery, less (pretty much useless) introspection, flexibility.

'running around with Billy Bob' How dare you Those track events are fun. I've only went twice. I should definitely go more often. It feels very rewarding to finish strong. Join a gym? I'm going to but my top priority should be finding a better job to replace my bagging job. And I heard my schedule is going to be changed for where I work at the retirement home.

I really need more motivation so I can start making plans for a career though. My sister has been noticing that I seem very depressed- that I should consider professional help. I'm just going to believe I'm gonna get well though. She recommended taking fish oil as that promotes positive thinking. More than anything I should be praying to get well.

I know it sounds concerning. Sometimes I tighten up and it's hard to show emotion to people. But don't worry! I have not had any thoughts of killing people or myself. It's more so that I turn inward and start having irrational fears. I used to have so many unnecessary fears, but you just learn to fight it.

Anyway, enough about fears, what's some good news with you?

oh! teehee oops.

*throws you into the sun*

That's terrible : (. Your computer is evil.

You online atm? :O

I'm on msn for once!

That was meant to be positive reputation. My phone sucks balls!!

Thanks. =D

Okay, well thanks. I realized if I set up my laptop close to the router it works. It's not so much a pain now because this computer works much better.

I like it it's so weird to hear the Russian bits sung in a Japanese style.

you kick ass dude.

Yeah I looked up Cold on iTunes after I saw you post that. They had a new album out last year actually. Know if it's any good?

I thought so too! It makes me wanna cuddle the lion though lol

Oh no! I meant the router is connected wired. And this slow computer is the only way I can go on internet now. Once we unhooked everything, we weren't sure how to hook it back up wirelessly.

Sweet! I'm popular now! Wait...that's so the opposite in real life terms...