gloomy-optimist

gloomy-optimist

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  • S
    What did Abraham Lincoln say after a 3 day drinking binge?
    "I set WHO free!?"
    S
    Think of a number.
    Multiply it by 2.
    Now add 10.
    Take away the number you first thought of.
    Now add 5.
    Add back the number you first thought of.

    Now, close your eyes.

    Dark, isn't it?
    S
    So I was in the pub drinking away and this guy barges straight past me knocking my damn drink all over me!
    So I said to him, "HEY! You! You're gonna fight me for that."
    He says back, "woaaa mate relax, I'm a lover not a fighter."

    So I snogged him...

    Turns out he was a fighter...
    S
    An arab national is interviewed at the embassy for a visa.

    Consul- your name please?
    Arab- Abu zina
    Consul- sex
    Arab- every day
    Consul- er i mean male or female?
    Arab- dont matter sometimes even camel
    Consul- Holy cow!
    Arab- yes cows and... donkey too
    Consul- Isnt that hostile
    Arab- Hosstyle, doggystyle, any style
    Consul- Oh dear
    Arab- No dear ass too tight and run too fast
    S
    An actor in Spain with Down's Syndrome has won an award for a film where he played a man with Down's Syndrome.

    That's just cheating.
    S
    Aye, flying around all the time, with the opportunity to help people.
    S
    I'm doing a course that'll get me trained in Search and Rescue, my current employer can get me onto a search and rescue plane.
    S
    for some things, waiting can be terrible. especially if you already know how much you want it.
    S
    not for another week unfortunately :(
    S
    You should watch "A Woman of No Importance", it's another wilde play, and just as funny.
    S
    Haha, yeah that part was great too.

    :) So she smears butter all over her scone.
    S
    evening lass, how was the importance of being ernest? my favourite scene was the one between the two gents at the start
    S
    I'm just working on my new business card style
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