Jill Hives

A goat???

I hope that wasn't real for the goats sake as well... guess all schools have their "rumors".

Yeah, that's rough... there's so many girls in highschool that will do almost anything for popularity or to fit in.

I'm wondering now... I knew a girl knew a girl in highschool who was nicknamed "hot dog"... might have just been a rumor.

I win.

All the times I've been dangerously close to suicide seem absurd to me since I found out I'm dying regardless. It's kind of weird that I spent all that time wishing for death and now that my 3 year chances of survival stand at about 15%, I kind of want to... live. A little. We humans are truly bizarre creatures, huh? I don't actively wish for life as I did death, such would be heartbreaking and vain, yet I kind of wish I'd have gotten more out of it over the years. You can prepare to have a gun in your hand, but you can't prepare to be told you have an inoperable heart valve defect.

Then again, I'm not depressed anymore, so I guess I can thank the doctor who gave me the news for making me want more out of life instead of less.

Assuming I really don't have much time left, I know I can't go back. I can try to make the future better but, what future? I work, I move, I learn, I love, I play, and then I drop dead walking down the street? On one hand, what's the point? On the other, what is the point in not, and going the distance to sulk?

Depression is truly a monster. I would rather face down a heart-valve defect ten times over than deal with another long-term depressive bout.

lol, alright then. I'm surprised with the depressing shit I post anywhere anyone likes me haha. ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

lol Well... She wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

lol Nahh... but the other day on campus a canadian goose went after my bag of pretzels so I chased after him and gave him some apple instead... he seemed to like it better. lol

"I am actually repping you for your avatar. AVATAR AVATAR! Haha. EEE SOKKA! I always loved him. XD"

hehe. I'm glad you like him. I have no idea who he is, but I saw the general "character" of this drawing and immediately thought that it represents me in some way.

Lol, I know. I agree with you. He knows I am independent and stubborn, and he loves who I am inside. He feels (infp) that it is none of his business, and is really hard on himself when he expresses his opinion on what I should do with my body. I like to know what he thinks, and want him to be attracted to me, but I know that ultimately my body tells the story of me. It is my canvas, and I will paint it as I wish.

I almost went purple this last time, but she had sold it, and had NO unnatural colors! FIRED! Please your good customers! I am thinking about that Rhianna fire engine red... I dunno, lol, insonty gets scared. He's not really diggin' on my impulsive nature. He's like, "do you really NEED more tattoos??" Oh boy...

Me too. I feel like I know these things too on a deeper level. I used to be really tapped into my subconscious there for a time. My old blog was really fun to write in when I was in that state of mind. Lately I have not had the energy to go that deep. Something that I do miss. I guess like anything you just gotta keep on trying. My problem is I get these thoughts and ideas and they only seem to come when I can get into a deep thinking place. At work I think about all kinds of things. But mostly I think about humanity and why we just cannot learn to respect one another. Why it is that man still act's like children. That after all this time humanity seems to be worse off. Then I read some old books and I realize that man condition has been messed up for a long time. I also wonder why we work so hard for our modern day conveniences and let our families go for money. And really we should be living life. I wonder that if there is no God then why do we waste our lives on money and status? It's seems to me that our life would be even more precious since it's our only shot. And if we could see that would we be able to respect that the other humans that live on this planet too and have the same things going on that we do. A little mutual respect and understanding really does go a long way. All we have to do is give it. And yet try as we do it seems like an impossible task. I wish I could do something to wake people up. To make them see that we are all the same. Money means nothing compared to time. You can always get more money. You cannot buy more time...

Hey Jill. Actually my real name is Erick Fromm. So I shortened it to efromm. When I was in school my teachers would ask me if I was related to him. I would tell them, As far as I know I am not. lol I need to reread some of his books. I try not too though. I try to reason life out for myself. Hoping that my thoughts are my own. Most likely that is foolish because the information I get would only help me to move further in my own thinking. I really wish I could find a person who was like a modern Socrates or Erich Fromm it would be fascinating to swap ideas on life and human behavior. If I could do one thing in my life it would be to find a person that is wiser than myself to get to know. Maybe someday. I guess I should start looking lol...

Thank you for the comment. I think we all are oblivious a lot of the time!

Amen to that, sister!

[video=youtube;ktW43nEqcDg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=ktW43nEqcDg[/video]

he has the same face as the puppy! it's too cute lol

You're alright, Ms. Hives.

The irony of you doing that is not lost on me lol.

Yes it is. haha.

She wants to be Melissas beaver. I dont know but thats funny.