please, if you're thinking of doing what you seem to, please don't. You deserve so much better, and I'm certain you'll get it!! It may take time, but even after the longest night the sun will rise, and the phoenix will rise from the ashes!! I truly wish I had some way to physically reach out and hug you. We love you here, and if you can find so much love from this small community, it only shows that you will find it in your physical world.
please don't go.