Has the field of psychology failed men?

hush said:

This image is very correct. Self-harm comes in many forms (this topic is rather important to me, I have written an essay about it) beyond the most obvious ones.

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This is very well observed hush. One of the more subtle and damaging ways people can self harm is by tying themselves to others who are badly dysfunctional. I sometimes think that we can try to sublimate our own problems by immersing ourselves in those of another. It becomes like a drug though that needs bigger and bigger doses until something breaks badly.

hush said:

I think this might be a large part of what brought me to where I am today. I tied myself to two such individuals for 5 years, and on the other end of it all I find that I am now badly dysfunctional. I did break, sort of still breaking a little bit. But I'm putting myself back together at the same time, piece by piece

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I feel there is a lot of healing going on in or behind what you are posting. If feels like you are headed in a good direction

It is not beyond the realm of possibility that psychology has failed men, but I think it is more that we on the cusp of a society where men and women have been discovered to be mostly the same despite the differences we observe. Still, it all depends on the level one is looking at a person. If a person's ego is strongly tied to their gender identity, one aspect of self, psychology may fail them because they are not likely to receive complete validation for their behaviors related to what they perceive to be biologically innate, and hence, feel accepted. I think we have only scratched the surface in our understanding, but I don't think that understanding means what many hope, which is a return to living lives devoid of such knowledge.

I do think that knowledge has brought us to understand that psychology deals with the whole human person, which does address aspects of one's ego, that while can be self-preserving and of interest to others, often has a negative affect on others as well as to ourself. The harmful aspects is what brings one to therapy. Since relationships are dynamic, the whole idea of taking someone exactly as there are has taken hold in people when life often a process of growth, including inner growth. So when men go to a psychologist, they may not be going with the understanding that they still have a lot of growing to do. Of course, validation is important, but if one feels that validation is the only purpose they are not using psychology for a very healthy reason. Even if psychology is done well, you will see your older self grow into your present self. This does not have to be done with professional help, but that is the whole idea. The most resistant are the one with the largest, most fragile egos because it is based not on what is, but what one believes it ought to be.

Humans have failed men for thousands of years. Systemic marginalization against disabilities everywhere did not happen accidentally. The modern world is far more ruthless to disabled men. Inflation, no more job security, retirement becoming a pipe dream, deteriorating communities when people are chronically online, and other things translate into economic genocide against disabled men while non-disabled ones survive more easily. Even the modern entertainment industry treats disabled characters like a joke.

The field of psychology has had some advances, many in fact.

When it comes to men the social pressures faced by them has to do with an honor culture. Doing the right thing in face of opposition (bravery). This is how one survived in the world of hunter gathers thousands of years. Your group was your family and you protected each other. Not only do males have differences in bodies but in the actions they take require a noble sacrifice if they ones they love have to not come to harm.

Modern society has isolated people from strong male "role models". It has atomized us, separating us from lived experience of group community. Without going much detail this has been studied and made explicit by many thinkers who discovered people need purpose. in finding purpose people can overcome many hardships. One famous piece is (I have not read) tells of the hero's journey. Joseph Campbell.

As a kid 6 years old when my mother left my father I had at least my mother and brother and sister and aunt to take care of me. It wasn't that I had been a delinquent or anything but I went into foster care after I fought my brother too many times at age 14 for two years - I had always been good at school but my mom let us kids do whatever and several times I had been punished by people outside my family my mom had around. She bought us toys and let us watch tv but never talked to us or told us what we should be. It was that she wanted to be a house wife and not anything else and we kids had nothing we really wanted to do either. I graduated high school by my sister and brother had to get GEDs years later. I had to go on SSI because I got depressed. Over two decade latter I still do not know what I want to be.

This reminds me of Rey from Star Wars.

She was abandoned by her family and has to make a new family.

I know the story is off but it could have been about that.

Abandonment is a real issue when it comes to male identity.

With female identity abandonment is worse much worse but that is how when it comes to males they are taught to be independent and at least do something for the group. That is why what we have learned exists in a fuzzy place. What do you do when out in the cold alone and need help. You look at yourself and say I am not afraid. Then you try and be an adult and a role model yourself.

Speaking as a person who has literally been catatonic for about 2 weeks of my life and then was diagnosed with a severe and fairly rare mental illness called schizoaffective disorder.

Just chiming in here to say I have been on both extremes when it comes to my representation as a male. I've very much been the strong, silent type, barely saying a word when in a group, and later in life, I've become somewhat of a more vocal leader whenever I find myself in such a situation.

I used to be more or less a stoic when I would say I was severely depressed (but not suicidal).

Therapy has not helped me much, except for one therapist I had who happened to also be a (Catholic) Christian and was a male, which helped a great deal. I've had other therapists who were male, but none of them really helped me much. When I have had female therapists, it was almost like it was worse to have a female therapist than no therapist at all. Just being honest. Sometimes, the opposite sex doesn't really understand what you are going through, no matter how much schooling they have had.