Anyone met a Twin Flame?
- Thread starter David Nelson
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AureaMediocritas
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I haven't had the opportunity to read through every contribution to this intriguing discourse, but this stuck out to me as an erroneous perspective in the sense that it creates a high-pressure environment where the individual is absolved of due right-action towards the other because they can rely on the other as the sole burdened party. This would be fine if both people weren't people, or were absolutely perfect and self-less so as not to create an inequal balance of power. What I mean to say is that what would inevitably occur is one person being the one who consistently has to maintain and uphold the equilibrium of the relationship, where the other lacks. I surmise that the latter happens naturally in a give/take continuum throughout the span of most relationships, but likely never to an extent where any one individual's responsibility surpasses the other's unto themselves unless in extremely unhealthy circumstances.
Simply, relationships that are healthy have a balanced approach to this idea, but it is contingent on a set of spoken expectations and values that both parties take responsibility for.
On the subject of Twin Flames, specifically, I have felt something similar to what you've described, but I've never expected the other person to heed my yearnings, nor conspired to convince them. If there exists one with whom I can mirror in such a way, I hold to the hope that by some chance they'd be looking my way too. If not, then I will myself into the hands of the Divine. I know no other way than this.
I'm so sorry for your pain, and I hope that it is quelled soon.
David Nelson
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Thank you. The saga continues. I actually don't think I was explaining myself well. I never 'conspired to convice her' as you put it. But you must realise that people often don't make the best choices for themselves (no I don't assume I know best). If she doesn't feel the same, her actions will mirror that., but the TF experiences I have been learning about are not typical romance stories. Normal rules don't apply other than consent and respect etc. Relationships are a dynamic, so nothing is black and white. We can influence them, for better or worse, as they can us. 'What will be will be' ultimately. But if TF theory is right, and we are that, she probably/certainly won't find anyone else like me, nor I her. AND she will probably be suffering in some way like me. If I'm wrong about TF, then she probably won't be suffering, although her overreaction is unusual. Worst case for me is she can see the sadness in me, and finds that hard to be around, due to her own sensitivity. She definitely liked my attraction/attention to her at some points, but this can be repellant if it comes across as desperate/needy. That could cause her discomfort as well as TF ego stuff. She probably doesn't know TF theory, so discomfort due to that would just be put down as lack of attraction. This is why TF thing can be so confusing, as there are big ups and downs to attraction. That I have sensed from her. I know she has felt something positive towards me. It's a battle between the mind and soul. Her last and only text to me means I will make no moves in her direction. I do respect what she says, I have to. But this story might not end there. Or it might. We'll see. I am genuinely objectively intrigued as to what happens, even though my happiness and mental state are highly impacted either way. I guess this is the INFJ being logical and emotionally analytical and keen to objectively understand. I find it hard to feel such lack of control, but it is what it is.
Love is indefinable, as is the merging fo 2 souls. If we only see it in terms of power and/or needs/wants, I think we are missing the point. The TF thing seems to me from what I have been hearing (and experiencing) to be more a spiritual thing than a romantic one, although it can be that too. Our souls crave company or understanding, whatever you want to call it. My current experience is new to me, and can only be understood through experience. I'm still in the dark wrt her feelings or lack of them. What a person says is not always true. She could be in denial or scared. I don't know, nor does anyone else except her. All I know is I'm going through the strangest time of my life. I feel like I've spent years asleep or half-awake. A new level of experience is now opened up to me, such that many day to day things seem more trivial than ever. A feeling of deep loneliness follows and haunts me. It's like a combination of sensing the amazing possibilities in life with the feeling that I might never get to realise them, or my sanity depends on finding some new level of existence for myself which can give me some peace and contentment. Maybe it is like having experienced a powerful drug and craving more. What this looks like to most people is not what it is. It seems my life has changed forever. I've been awakened into a kind of new discomfort. Sleeping and eating are disrupted, my thoughts often race. Many symptoms mirror depression. I think that's mixed in with it tbh. What I am going through it real and not made up. It's nothing I have ever experienced before by a long shot. There are good and bad sides to it, but overall most people would probably rather not experience it imo. It's like being a sad alien. It may be worse for an INFJ because we are highly sensitive and already suffer from alienation, and this situation makes that worse. I'm trying to find words for it, which is hard, but it's like having feelings which are so intense, it's hard to handle and there is a desire for others to know what I am feeling. I think seeing her has triggered feelings of deep sadness which I have had for a long time, and seeing her is a reminder of what I have been missing (and may continue to do so). That's hard. You could think I am expecting too much from a relationship, but it's more the lack of any or good ones which I crave, not necessarily the expectation she could 'save' me, although a good relationship probably could just make me deeply happy. Imagine that? A happy INFJ! Try spending decades alone, and then tell me you don't 'need' a relationship.
dZpADTLrPmX4c
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Have things changed? or are they similar as before?
David Nelson
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Similar. She doesn’t communicate and I haven’t seen her in over a month. I was told that she had phoned someone at the club we are both members of that she didn’t think she could carry on going there. They talked her round I think and captain took me aside for a quiet word. Strange reaction of hers imo. But all she says is I made her feel very uncomfortable. That gives little away doesn’t it and is open to much interpretation. I texted captain to give her a message where I apologised to her and explained my situation a bit, but no more info has come forth. Presumably I may or may not see her on club nights. Got a feeling she may not go for several weeks or even months till autumn. I just gotta get on with my life as best I can.
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David Nelson
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When I said strange reaction of hers I mean to want to leave the club (her b/f is also a member and they play in one of the teams). If I was just some annoying guy pestering her, why give me that power to make her leave? Also note for several months prior to my texts, I mostly definitely wasn’t making her feel uncomfortable. I don’t know if her threatening to leave was a ploy to get me kicked out or not. That was my initial thought. But it doesn’t fit in with her overall reaction to me for several months. The last and only text and call to club don’t fit overall picture. Most above have just seen this and jumped to simple conclusion that I am stupid and read everything wrong. They also assume that people say and do things in simple ways, which isn’t always the way. As I said above, don’t make assumptions. I know more than you about this situation. It’s insulting to assume you know differently, but this is common experience of INFJs.
David Nelson
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Analysis and response of a Sensor.
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lmfao yes of course, if you don't like it, it's from a smelly sensor
David Nelson
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No it’s just you tend to focus on superficial details which leave a lot out. Then you make assumptions on those details. This is how many errors occur. It’s why Intuition is important.
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Don't you ever worry that it is you --and only you--- that is making her feel uncomfortable enough to change her ways of life?
In my view, your situation is beyond mbti.
Do you feel pride that she is "affected" by you even though the impact of that effect is most probably negative?
Is it love and twin flame attraction, still, if you are causing her disturbing discomfort?
@David Nelson
In my view, your situation is beyond mbti.
Do you feel pride that she is "affected" by you even though the impact of that effect is most probably negative?
Is it love and twin flame attraction, still, if you are causing her disturbing discomfort?
@David Nelson
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Nah fam, I actually know what's going on here, you are just blind
David Nelson
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It could be because that is part of TF phenomenon. She stared into my eyes for many seconds on more than one occasion, gave me smiles from a distance, etc, is that harassment?? The runner in a TF dynamic most definitely can feel uncomfortable. They can also block and say they don’t love their TF. Do some research before claiming you know what’s going on here.
David Nelson
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I’m in awe of your powers of analysis about a situation and people you have never met or experienced.
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This indicates your own uncertainty. You don't really know for sure at all.
If anything, you need these uncertain theories to help you coax your own beliefs. Are you sure the theories are helping?
Her obvious choice has been verbalized AND acted upon. Why are you struggling so hard to look for possibilities through theories when it is only bringing both you and her so much agony?
If you could accept her choice, the probability of you freed from this is much higher. Are you more afraid of being left alone?
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Sir, her smiles are things of the past. Assuming she was friendly or even flirting, the actions stopped there: at smiling at some point in the past. She has not chosen, not even once, to continue acting upon those smiles.
Thus, the probabilities have been suspended, halted, ended there in those moments and cannot be forced to continue into the present.
David Nelson
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I’m trying to understand a situation which makes no sense to me. I don’t know anything for certain, but why should I junk a TF theory when many things suggest it could be true. I cannot ACT any differently in this knowledge anyway, it’s only my own perception of what has gone on. It’s not the TF theory that is causing me or her agony, that is happening anyway to me (don’t know about her at present).
I do accept what she has verbalised. Many don’t use the club in summer so her absence could have been happening anyway, plus I’ve missed some sessions.
As I have said above, I can’t do anything now. If she is mixed up and does like me, she can come to me. The last 2 times I saw her prior to my stupid texts she was all smiles, sat next to me, wore perfume I had not smelt on her before, talked more openly than ever, ok? May have just been being friendly, but hardly behaviour of a victim right? Then she missed 2 sessions, one was boring AGM.
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I mean, that's the limitations of discussing something with others, right? None of us can be you or experience the exact situation you are in. We only have our own opinions based on what we have experienced, and that's all we can provide, right?
David Nelson
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Are you even reading what I type? “Forced to continue “ wtf, you are disturbed!!
David Nelson
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Yes but some people assume they know more which is silly and annoying.