Ask me anything, and I'll be sure to give you valuable help. You can trust me on this.

Arindum said:
well I think deep conversations takes away the weight on ones chest. I am still getting used to rejection lol. It's kinda funny and sad situation for me where I feel sad for myself and happy for other person, maybe cuz this is the first time I am not obsessing over someone. World works in funny way.
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I have known rejection my whole life. We just have to learn to accept ourselves in spite of this, and that we are worthy of love even though time and time again, certain people didn't find us worthy for them. It doesn't mean we are unlovable <3
 
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April said:
I have known rejection my whole life. We just have to learn to accept ourselves in spite of this, and that we are worthy of love even though time and time again, certain people didn't find us worthy for them. It doesn't mean we are unlovable <3
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Ikr ! Ironically this is what I used to say to her cuz I have seen both of us in bad relationships and it was a core reason for me to be there for her whenever she needs me and reason why I tried to love someone again while keeping the fear of rejection or any other fear aside. I am not blaming anyone and certainly not myself for just this once.
 
Arindum said:
hey ! just an over excited fellow ENFP passing by like always I've been overthinking about something, and yes this is about love !
I have been friends with this girl (INFJ) from the past 3 years and I guess she knows pretty good about myself but I can't say the same though she shared her side of the story in few chunks and I respect that. She's the cinnamon roll of my college and is my only close friend in my department. In the past I didn't think our friendship would turn up to be this value to me but it did, and cuz I was an odd one out in my college and I felt I am not worthy of love but she thought of me as a friend since her first birthday in college when I cooked pasta for her ( wasn't big deal for me I did that for everyone). In the past few months I think I started to develop feeling for her and few days ago I revealed my feelings for her but she said she never thought the same as I do and she thinks of me as a good friend and didn't want to make things awkward. I accepted her feelings cuz I truly love her even though it's sad for me. But things are still bothering me somewhere cuz 1) she knew that I had feelings for her before totally confessing cuz I had tagged in love posts in IG and I had hinted that.
BUT I TRUELY WANT TO KNOW IS THERE ANY CHANCE THAT SHE MAY CHANGE HER MIND ? I mean I don't know what she was going through or what she felt that time due to which she rejected me
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Well I see some common possibilities, which I'll categorize into "she would" and "she would not". This'll be quick and simple.

She would: she doesn't think she's ready to date or she sees something as an obstacle in her life, either currently or in the future; she is dating someone else, or has had someone in her sights for some time (the way I hear, it's most common for INFJs to have tunnel vision in romance)

She would not: she feels like her role is somewhat motherly in your relationship, and although she likes it that you can be relaxed with her(?), you two don't necessarily make a romance right now; you could be confused about your feelings, and it might be more feeling accepted than love (I always crushed on female therapists as a teen), or at least she might see it that way; she greatly values her solitude and peace, and doesn't feel like she would want to be in a romantic relationship with anyone.


Anyway, it is true that your only realistic course of action is to let it be, and the course of feeling will of course govern itself, but that's okay. It won't change a thing, no matter how many possibilities we might think of. I'm simply glad you have someone with whom you feel accepted as a human being.
 
Jopetzki said:
Well I see some common possibilities, which I'll categorize into "she would" and "she would not". This'll be quick and simple.

She would: she doesn't think she's ready to date or she sees something as an obstacle in her life, either currently or in the future; she is dating someone else, or has had someone in her sights for some time (the way I hear, it's most common for INFJs to have tunnel vision in romance)

She would not: she feels like her role is somewhat motherly in your relationship, and although she likes it that you can be relaxed with her(?), you two don't necessarily make a romance right now; you could be confused about your feelings, and it might be more feeling accepted than love (I always crushed on female therapists as a teen), or at least she might see it that way; she greatly values her solitude and peace, and doesn't feel like she would want to be in a romantic relationship with anyone.


Anyway, it is true that your only realistic course of action is to let it be, and the course of feeling will of course govern itself, but that's okay. It won't change a thing, no matter how many possibilities we might think of. I'm simply glad you have someone with whom you feel accepted as a human being.
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Thank you so much giving your insight about this, It takes a lil bit stress off my shoulder. But yeah I think I do have a bit romantic feelings about her cuz I guess I find her pretty especially her Alita like eyes. She may not find me that attractive cuz INFJs tend to set unexpectedly high standards for the special one maybe. And she happens to be a big fan girl of Vampire diaries so that standard is pretty high ... Damn you Ian Somerhalder
 
Arindum said:
Ikr ! Ironically this is what I used to say to her cuz I have seen both of us in bad relationships and it was a core reason for me to be there for her whenever she needs me and reason why I tried to love someone again while keeping the fear of rejection or any other fear aside. I am not blaming anyone and certainly not myself for just this once.
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Well, I hope you stick around. ENFPs are said to be a good match for INFJs so at the very least you could make some wonderful new friends here <3
 
Arindum said:
Sure I'll actually when I found out that she's an compatible match for me my confidence may had been boosted a bit. Lol
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Well, I must admit that I thought you sound hot, though as a heterosexual male, you that I assume to be a male, are not exactly that romantically interesting to me. Still, I'm quite positive INFJ is a good fit for you.
 
Arindum said:
Thank you so much giving your insight about this, It takes a lil bit stress off my shoulder. But yeah I think I do have a bit romantic feelings about her cuz I guess I find her pretty especially her Alita like eyes. She may not find me that attractive cuz INFJs tend to set unexpectedly high standards for the special one maybe. And she happens to be a big fan girl of Vampire diaries so that standard is pretty high ... Damn you Ian Somerhalder
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Lololol!!!! You are very right at least in my own experience I always shot above my "league" with my romantic feelings because at least when I was young, looks had a lot to do with it. Now, however I am attracted to their heart and soul first then their looks begin to get more intriguing usually as a result of this. As in they "grow on me" in a way.

But there are some... who we just immediately fangirl over. I was going to say, she may just not be attracted to you but that doesn't mean you're ugly or anything lol.

But you're right about Ian Somerhalder...
giphy.gif


Dear Lord help us women in the presence of such a hot man. *swoon*
 
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Jopetzki said:
Well, I must admit that I thought you sound hot, though as a heterosexual male, you that I assume to be a male, are not exactly that romantically interesting to me. Still, I'm quite positive INFJ is a good fit for you.
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So how will you define romantic feelings ? Cuz now I curious to know your perspective or to know the general definition.
 
Arindum said:
So how will you define romantic feelings ? Cuz now I curious to know your perspective or to know the general definition.
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I know you asked him and not me but I will say I have been confused before about my feelings and whether they were romantic in nature or just intense respect and admiration. When I love someone even platonic love, it can get pretty intense and obsessive. But I crave their connection so much because I just intensely admire and want to be close to them. This has led me to be confused about whether I was having platonic or romantic feelings and honestly, sometimes the line is very fine.

But I am in a relationship so, beyond flirty banter and joking around I don't let myself cross it :)
 
Arindum said:
So how will you define romantic feelings ? Cuz now I curious to know your perspective or to know the general definition.
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Eh... Should I talk about being heteroromantic in addition to being heterosexual? I'm not exactly sure about this subject, but I do know that I personally have never developed as warm feelings for men as for women. Then again, I have never been very sociable, prefering my solitude. This is the first definition a Google search offered: "Romantic feelings are long term relationships that want to spend time together and share the truth about their relationship." I find it a shame that this assumes my romantic feelings kept in my head and body are actually relationships, but then again I'm just a nitpicking virgin. I don't see why I couldn't feel this way towards men, and I think I kinda do sometimes.
 
Rit4lin said:
giphy.gif

Ew, Feelers
How dare you generalise a generation of my peers, I'm offended and hurt. I'm off to Twitter
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LMAO. King, you aren't king for nothing. You're old. It shocked me when I learned your biophysical age. That's a compliment, m'lord.
 
Arindum said:
to be honest it doesn't hurt cuz I was rejected by a girl, it hurts because I was rejected by a good human being.
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Arindum said:
Though I did said to her that It's fine if she's not able to return the same feelings which I have for her, and whether she says yes or no I'll still be her friend who loves to annoy her for no reason at all.
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Mind her reaction if she's still comfortable with this. If she isn't, it might be necessary to give it a good break for a while. Also ask yourself if you're okay with this too, for real. I do have to say, I respect the sportsmanship but there are guys who say they're okay but later give off an energy of bitterness, or just does a complete cartwheel and goes back to square one with the pursuit. That could get burdensome on the girl and it might not be a very nice experience. Be sure to be in okay place yourself, too.
 
Nah it's okay I am open for suggestions, and besides I love to know about "how other people feel in love" I think knowing this fills a void somewhere in my heart and afterwards I can tell myself that I still have to keep hope for myself.
 
Arindum said:
Nah it's okay I am open for suggestions, and besides I love to know about "how other people feel in love" I think knowing this fills a void somewhere in my heart and afterwards I can tell myself that I still have to keep hope for myself.
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though I loved it more if few INFJ females would share why and how they fell in love and what things they looked up in a man.
 
mintoots said:
Mind her reaction if she's still comfortable with this. If she isn't, it might be necessary to give it a good break for a while. Also ask yourself if you're okay with this too, for real. I do have to say, I respect the sportsmanship but there are guys who say they're okay but later give off an energy of bitterness, or just does a complete cartwheel and goes back to square one with the pursuit. That could get burdensome on the girl and it might not be a very nice experience. Be sure to be in okay place yourself, too.
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Well I have been that guy when I was younger, and I came a long way from that point. Guys do pretty stupid things when they're emotionally overwhelmed. Right now I am putting her priorities and free will before mine
 
Jopetzki said:
Eh... Should I talk about being heteroromantic in addition to being heterosexual? I'm not exactly sure about this subject, but I do know that I personally have never developed as warm feelings for men as for women. Then again, I have never been very sociable, prefering my solitude. This is the first definition a Google search offered: "Romantic feelings are long term relationships that want to spend time together and share the truth about their relationship." I find it a shame that this assumes my romantic feelings kept in my head and body are actually relationships, but then again I'm just a nitpicking virgin. I don't see why I couldn't feel this way towards men, and I think I kinda do sometimes.
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I do feel like l crave for spending time with her but it doesn't haves very often cuz you know INFJs are always in a rush for going back to their room to their one and only love which is their bed. But even if it's just a min I get with her, it feels like the best min of my life. <3
 
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