Being told how you feel or think.

I hate this

Wow this drives me crazy. I have never even thought of it as a power game, I always just seen it as people being stupid.

Some people are just stupid. Some people just don't understand validity. To tell someone how they feel is always invalid, and therefor usually incorrect. But unfortunately some people don't understand simple concepts like that so they walk around saying retarded shit.

My best advise is just to let you know that you are surrounded by stupid fucking people. When someone invalidates you, you should try to explain to them why they are wrong (or invalid). If they continue to hold their ground then you should simply tell them that they are too stupid to hold an intelligent conversation with you and that you would rather talk about something they can understand.
 
This used to bother me when I was in high school, and freshmen year of college. The reason being is I felt obligated to prove them wrong. Thus I would expend a lot of energy doing so and it would really bother me.

Now, I just tell people that what they see is incorrect, and I will explain why I see that as fitting. If they still disagree then I simply termalize the discussion and say that they can continue thinking what they choose to, but it is incorrect. It passes and then does not bother me. My dad still tries to do this to me. Interestingly enough since I now do this where I just tell him to keep thinking what he wants, that he has backed off a lot from doing it.

The only time such a thing can get to me is if it is someone I value, or there is some truth behind what they are saying.
 
I don't get it so much, but that's because most of my friends know not to say things like that to me.

I also hate it when people randomly just say 'oh, I know how you feel'. I know in some cases it's of course true, but sometimes it just seems to be an automatic response that noone has thought about.
 
I rarely get this seriously from others. I get it all the time with my friends in a joking manner, but then we joke about just about everything. One benefit of going through that humorous routine with my friends for so long is that in that rare situation when someone really does tell me "there's no way you could think X, or not think Y," you can bet I'm pretty well prepared for it :P

I would say that if you really believe in X and someone tells you otherwise, sugarcoat it if you must but tell them that "no, I really do believe X, for Y reasons." If they can't be swayed by reason, then as other posters have said, there's nothing you can do to reasonably change it and you can just let the wrong be wrong.
 
What I do when someone tries to invalidate my feelings/thoughts

1. Calming explain to them that contrary to what they may want, it is exactly how I fell/am thinking

2. If they continue to insist, apologize for leaving but say that I cannot discuss the issue with someone who refuses to acknowledge my abilities to think and feel as an individual.

I always avoid fighting about it, or trying to prove them wrong. Why? Because by asserting that I feel a certain way, and then walking away, I have the power in the situation. If I get defensive, while I may still be asserting my thoughts/feelings, I have given them power over me to have to validate my thoughts/feelings. My thoughts are valid already in the sense that I am a person and I am thinking them. Now mind you, I don't do this to shy away from arguments about whether my opinions are right or wrong, only when someone refuses to accept that I can have an opinion self-sufficient from their own. By walking away, I no longer give them the opportunity to try and assert their power over my experience as an individual to my own thoughts/feelings.

TL;DR
1. Assert that you are feeling/thinking what ever the person is trying to downplay, and assert that you are capable of individual thoughts/feelings.
2. Walk away, and in doing so, retain power over your own free will to think and feel. By argumentatively defending your ability to think/feel independently, you are giving the other person the opportunity to once again invalidate you as an individual by countering your defense.
 
Seraphim said:
I don't want to get married or have kids and I always have people telling me "Oh, you'll change your mind one day" or "Oh, you just haven't met the right guy yet, just wait." So I know the feeling.
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Well actually they're not exactly wrong. Even if you don't want to have kids your body does, and as soon as it feels it's time is coming up your hormones will go into overdrive and this can very often change your mind. My sister was adamant about not having kids, now, at 32, she's happily pregnant.
 
Seraphim said:
What I want and what my body wants are two different things. I don't let my hormones control me. (Not implying anything against your sister, I'm sure she had reasons for changing her mind).
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Calm down dear. It's not going to happen for at least 8 years yet.
 
This is no bueno with me. Especially
if you refuse to acknowledge you
are wrong.
 
You think what you think. You feel what you feel. What difference does it make what people say? They're either right or wrong but that's irrelevant to your thoughts or feelings, which are what they are. How does what people say change things?
 
Ria said:
I have found an interesting way to deal with this. Try asking whomever it is who is telling you these things, to share their reasons why they believe this for you. It's a way to make them think about why they say it, and can open up discussion for mutual learning. It has helped me direct a few people in my life, to truly seeing exactly what they are doing, and how they are minding MY business, rather than their own.
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I value this.

Asking questions to understand what's going on better is respectful to both yourself and to the other person.
 
When someone does this simply answer "according to who?"

This forces the speaker and anyone else listening to realise that it is just this one person's opinion. Not fact.

If they say according to them respond with "how exactly did you arrive at this opinion?"

It is likely that they won't be able to answer and will end up lookig stupid
 
bickelz said:
I've had this done to me before. Just do the same thing back and see how much it pisses them off.
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I don't like this push-and-pull concept. Ghandi said, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
I would try to justify my own thoughts and help them see my viewpoint, so that they could then accept it as more valid and not bug me about it.
 
ultrauber said:
I don't like this push-and-pull concept. Ghandi said, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
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He was wrong, unless you're unfortunate enough to only have one eye. Ghandi should have said, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world lose their depth perception thereby crippling one of mankind's evolutionary advantages as a species."
 
Ah. It seems a lot of us (me included) have experienced a lot of invalidating responses. :| As per myself, aside from experiencing... I'm probably guilty of invalidating even here (and does question it often. So it has a name; yay!). :]

Read the article aeon posted, and it offers a lot of interesting points.
 
I also think that it depends on the context and you have to question if your impression is true or not. Sometimes relationships develop that have unequal power distribution and that becomes unhealthy. People get entrenched in the roles they play when things are less than ideal. I see some people who allow themselves to get "walked on" (emotionally) develop sensitivities. I am not validating that it okay for someone to tell you how you feel. What I am saying is that sometimes you become "vigilant" about seeing such behavior as well. Like anything, I think it is important to start with yourself first rather than project all your negative feelings on the other person like you didn't have a part in the process.
 
CorLeonis said:
This happens to me... far more than I could ever like to think about.




There is nothing more maddening, to me, than being told,

"Oh, you don't really think that."
"Oh, no, you can't really want to do that."
"Oh, you don't like that."

Etc.




Does this happen to you?

How do you deal with it, on an interpersonal level?

And, most importantly, how do you deal with it within yourself? I feel like my soul's been drained when this happens to me, and it drives me crazy. This has been happening so much to me as of late (mostly from one person... but that's besides the point) that I am just shut down. I see no point in talking when people already, "know everything that I'm thinking and feeling".
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I came from a culture and society that pretty much did this. For the first 12 years of my life; i had to conform to a communist state as well as asian family cultures of doing what is already defined as proper and acceptable. But because of my emotional intuition I had a hard time becoming a blind sheep like many of my friends had. I always saw the silver lining behind what was being said and saw right through the situation. But of course being young and female; you cannot be openly expressive or question anything. This resulted in a lot of repressed understanding of life and the polarity that exists in every situation. Finally in the US i was able to break open and have free expression and choose to represent myself however i desired. Although the transition was quite difficult. Social conditioning and brain washing really do work and the younger it starts the more it become inherent part of our reality.

Dealing with someone who maybe trying to exert control over your expression and behavior is tricky. It is based on pretty much how you handle conflict and assertion under stress. Also depends on your relationship with the person trying to control you. Some people just take the domination for a while hoping it will go away. While others become extremely defensive and lash out. Either way; you have to protect your boundaries. This will entail you to first define what your boundaries are and stick to them. If you don't have understanding of what you will deal with and what you won't; others will decide that for you. It never hurts to learn to be assertive to maintain your stance. People will respect you for it.
 
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