Best online dating profile for attracting NFs?

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Outtie5000.....
 
Thanks, @StRoNgO! Processing slowly and deeply, as is my way. Made two "connections" (rolleyes) this week; one expired before I realized it was there, and the other one didn't respond to my message and the conversation expired. I am thinking more about what words I might put in my profile about myself that would be the kinds of things *I* (therefore, presumably someone who is LIKE me) would respond to. Maybe I've been thinking too much about how to mold myself to what other people might respond to -- the old chameleon effect, except with no clear idea of what I might be playing to.

Also I have been thinking about what words I use in my initial message when a connection is made. So far none have gone anywhere, except one I accidentally swiped right on and followed through as an exercise to see what the whole thing looked like from start to finish. It wasn't a good match and fizzled within a day or two, but it was good to at least see that it can happen. Anyway, my strategy thus far has been to acknowledge something of interest that indicates I actually read their entire profile and then ask either a deep-thought or an intelligent quirky/silly question. I would like to think "someone like me" would take that bait. But nobody has yet.

One of the best things I've gotten so far about my deep-dive into INFJ info online (like this site) has been feeling more secure in how I don't play the game the way other people do. Maybe it's okay if I'm not getting more matches, if the right one does eventually come along. I've spent my life berating myself for feeling like a social failure and trying to find ways to fix it by changing myself. I am starting to get some solid perspective on how that isn't true, even if I don't get matches or go on dates. Hard to put into words. Anyway, that's where I'm at today...
 
Pin said:
Online-dating is almost completely appearance driven. Most people don't even read profiles because they're physically, mentally, and morally inferior. You probably won't find cool NFs there.

Currently Tinder, Bumble, and most dating-apps are a breeding grounds for the degenerate herd, the lemmings, the letzer-mensch.

Here's what you're going to do: get into great physical shape, great financial shape, and live a great life. Guys who are worth dating don't or barely use dating-apps, let alone date online.

These guys are busy making moves: starting companies, majoring in STEM, joining the military, police-force, fire-department, and posting here on this forum.
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I always agree with your dating advice about focusing on making yourself a better person, but in this case parts of your post don't work for people in @worthy's (and my) age group. The men we'd be interested in have already achieved what you're going after and are "middle aged". While the rules of bettering self still apply, there are some key differences.


worthy said:
One of the best things I've gotten so far about my deep-dive into INFJ info online (like this site) has been feeling more secure in how I don't play the game the way other people do. Maybe it's okay if I'm not getting more matches, if the right one does eventually come along. I've spent my life berating myself for feeling like a social failure and trying to find ways to fix it by changing myself. I am starting to get some solid perspective on how that isn't true, even if I don't get matches or go on dates. Hard to put into words. Anyway, that's where I'm at today...
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worthy said:
Also I have been thinking about what words I use in my initial message when a connection is made. So far none have gone anywhere, except one I accidentally swiped right on and followed through as an exercise to see what the whole thing looked like from start to finish. It wasn't a good match and fizzled within a day or two, but it was good to at least see that it can happen. Anyway, my strategy thus far has been to acknowledge something of interest that indicates I actually read their entire profile and then ask either a deep-thought or an intelligent quirky/silly question. I would like to think "someone like me" would take that bait. But nobody has yet.
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Love it! And yes: more ≠ better.

If the people who contact you are a better match, quantity is irrelevant. :) (Of course you know, just encouraging.)

I like your exercise of swiping right on someone who doesn't seem like a good match just to see where it goes. It is brave, and gives you practice, plus you never know.
 
Asa said:
I always agree with your dating advice about focusing on making yourself a better person, but in this case parts of your post don't work for people in @worthy's (and my) age group. The men we'd be interested in have already achieved what you're going after and are "middle aged". While the rules of bettering self still apply, there are some key differences.
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Hmm, fair enough.

What are these key differences that should be accounted for?
 
@Pin
Hmmmm, I don't know what @worthy is looking for, specifically. Middle aged people should have succeeded at some life and career goals, and come to terms with some that were not realized. A healthy attitude about that is key, as well as a "readjustment of the sails" for future achievements. Where we've been, vs where we thought we'd be are often different places, and a person needs to embrace that. At the same time, I think achievements are less important that the overall mindset and wellness of the individual and their attitude toward life. Older people are often stuck in their ways, too, so finding someone truly compatible is essential. Working on self often means inner self in this case.

Worthy may say something different.

My own point of view is all second hand, and based on what I value in myself, my partner and friends. If I were single I wouldn't date. (Why?: Because I've spent a lifetime knowing someone more intimately than anyone else, and nobody can live up to that. Because I've spent most of my life in relationships and while I'm happy to continue doing so, he is completely worth it, while filtering through a bunch of strangers is not.)
 
Well, whaddaya know. I got a mutual like and a bit of chatting with someone today. I am appropriately jaded, at least enough that I'm not heart-aflutter or having any illusions or fantasies. It is a good chance to give what I've learned about online dating a whirl.

Sometimes you just have to shake your fist at the universe to get things moving, yk?
 
worthy said:
Well, whaddaya know. I got a mutual like and a bit of chatting with someone today. I am appropriately jaded, at least enough that I'm not heart-aflutter or having any illusions or fantasies. It is a good chance to give what I've learned about online dating a whirl.

Sometimes you just have to shake your fist at the universe to get things moving, yk?
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worthy said:
Yes, I know all types CAN be compatible, or so people like to loudly shout when this kind of question comes up.

Seriously, I would love to know how to offer the secret NF handshake on Bumble, etc. Not just noting my four-letter type, but using the words and phrases that will signal to and attract other NFs.

I have had a profile up for a couple of years and thought it was pretty good. Authentic. Clever. Interesting. (Same for my photos.) But the lack of response is...curious...and I would love to know if there are some tricks to this especially for INFJs.

I hated the idea of trying to meet someone online, but the odds are challenging enough on all frontiers that I figure I'd best keep an open mind and use the tools that other people use. Advertising myself in such a superficial way is a challenge. But what else can one do (other than hope to find someone compatible offline, which I am also doing)?

If there's no magic formula - and I'm sure someone here will say there is none - then what are YOU looking for when thumbing through dating profiles in search of an INFJ-compatible person?

Help me crack this code! As usual, I feel like everyone else gets it and I'm left in the dark despite my best efforts to emulate what others are doing.
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I have asked this question to myself so many times!!! I’m on Bumble for both dating and BFF and have found that of the people that DO post personality types on their profiles, they are pretty much all intuitives. Probably because we know we are different and rare and are seeking that connection from someone else who is too (probably the only way we will actually feel a connection, to be honest).

Honestly for me, and ENFP, just stating that you’re an INFJ on your profile is a pretty automatic swipe right. But other things I look for are what is the vibe/dynamics of the pictures— is the person by themselves or with people? What activities are they doing? Are they status-oriented or more genuine? (Ie are there just posed selfies or something more substantial that shows their interest/personality). Literally 90% of profiles are the exact same cardboard cutout of each other, so if you have a different vibe I am going to pick up on it even without mention of type.

State what you like thinking about, aka some philosophical things, and that will draw an NF in who wants to theorize with you about things (or really any intuitive). Mention that you are looking for real connection. Yeah sure some basic types may see you as aloof or weirdly deep, but you don’t want them anyway. It will attract the right ones.
 
General guidelines for attracting NFs on online dating sites:
  • The majority of your profile pics should be of cats.
  • At least half of your profile pics should have you and your cat snuggling.
  • If you do not own a cat, pose with a friend's cat.
  • If you do not like cats, consider the fact that it's very likely a potential NF mate will own a cat, and you will have to deal with it.
Once you start dating, it gets easy. Avoid uncomfortable questions (such as "Where's that cat you had in all your pictures?") by spontaneously forcing your date to watch YouTube videos of cats on your phone.

This is how I generally do it.
 
HollyBeeTheENFP said:
I have asked this question to myself so many times!!! I’m on Bumble for both dating and BFF and have found that of the people that DO post personality types on their profiles, they are pretty much all intuitives. Probably because we know we are different and rare and are seeking that connection from someone else who is too (probably the only way we will actually feel a connection, to be honest).

Honestly for me, and ENFP, just stating that you’re an INFJ on your profile is a pretty automatic swipe right. But other things I look for are what is the vibe/dynamics of the pictures— is the person by themselves or with people? What activities are they doing? Are they status-oriented or more genuine? (Ie are there just posed selfies or something more substantial that shows their interest/personality). Literally 90% of profiles are the exact same cardboard cutout of each other, so if you have a different vibe I am going to pick up on it even without mention of type.

State what you like thinking about, aka some philosophical things, and that will draw an NF in who wants to theorize with you about things (or really any intuitive). Mention that you are looking for real connection. Yeah sure some basic types may see you as aloof or weirdly deep, but you don’t want them anyway. It will attract the right ones.
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Thank you, @HollyBeeTheENFP! This is helpful. I think I could/should put some activities photos in mine. I love the idea of saying I'm looking for deep connection (because I am, of course). And what I'm thinking about...I can see how that would attract an ENFP, LOL. I think I already do have INFJ listed in mine (I should doublecheck) though I was worried it would turn some people off. Except it would probably turn the not-right people off, so that's a good thing! Lots of good things to think about here. Good luck finding *your* someone.
 
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