Biggest Source of Frustration as an INFJ

Virgoess said:
People to connect with is my biggest frustration. I've found what I need and want in friendships and relationships - is in short supply. That is depth.

As I journey through life often I see only fragments of people peeking out behind their walls in my day to day interactions. Its so frustrating. I think our culture (United States) also strongly encourages a lack of depth. Keeping people fixated on Paris Hilton allows people to make money.

I need more than discussion of Britney Spears and who's hot in People Magazine.
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Same, I can relate to so many frustrations on here. I can connect with very few people, and of those that I do connect to, that are my friends, we seem to only ever talk about very trivial things e.g. exams, programmes we've seen on TV, films and minor events/stories in our lives. I long for meaningful, in-depth, philosophical discussions, but it never happens. *sigh*

Another frustration of mine is that, whenever I spend a long period of time without any social contact other than my family, I start having negative thoughts about how I am different from my peers in terms of my behaviour, personality and thoughts. The longer I go without seeing anyone else, the more I begin to feel isolated and alienated from society to the extent that I forget how to interact with people anymore.
 
JustNickey said:
My biggest source of frustration are my impossibly high standards. I really need to *get over* myself. Where do I get off?
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perfectly. yes. i have 4 (ENFJ, ISTJ, INTP, INTP) friends. 0 associates.... and a husband (ISTJ.... dont do it. i strongly suggest against ISTJ mates for INFJ's).

my impossibly high standards are an anchor but also a drag.


i cant stand the answer 'i dont know.' everything has an answer.

i ahve an overwhelming drive to help, balance, keep the peace with communication, logic and good ethics. it drives me bananas when people can not see past their own cloud of misdirection to improve their own lives.

i am beautiful. see this. help me believe in my own beauty so i can share it with others, so i can inspire them to their own most beautiful.

inconsistency... disregard for others rights, desires, dreams.

interruption. i have a hard time coming back to a thought when its been interrupted. i have 3 children. -sigh-
 
want4rain said:
perfectly. yes. i have 4 (ENFJ, ISTJ, INTP, INTP) friends. 0 associates.... and a husband (ISTJ.... dont do it. i strongly suggest against ISTJ mates for INFJ's).
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My dad's an ISTJ, and I can understand that perfectly. I can tolerate him for the most part but we have completely opposite ways of approaching things and they often conflict. He's completely unable to understand my way of thinking and once said that he doesn't believe that I think the way that I explained to him. Nonetheless we're still on good terms and we've figured out how to avoid frustrating each other to no end.

Most frustrations posted in this thread I share, though. Connections are difficult, though somehow I usually make the first move almost unconsciously.
 
Giving too much away to people who don't deserve it. Sounds harsh I know, but I'd rather give the shirt off my back to someone who wouldn't spit in my face, yet, with spit running down my cheek, off comes the shirt and on goes the false smile of humility. The shirt is a metaphor, by the way, although being spat at and retaining a smile isn't.
 
The game playing that is so important to social and professional interactions is frustrating to me because even though I can perceive the dynamics of it, I have no desire or ability to participate. I am absolutely out of step with it and it is integral to success. When people play the games and brag at me, I nod, tell them that it is all impressive and wonderful, but wonder to myself if they realize how irrelevant it is to gain my respect. I see their core and respond to them as a human being whether they won the prize or not. My respect and acceptance is not related to their image, and yet they work so hard to impress me and everyone else. I feel sorry for people when they become lost in the need for external approval. I can't bring myself to actually desire that concept of success enough to put forth the effort to construct a personal facade. I'm frustrated if it keeps me from functioning in the world, but perhaps more frustrated by what it does to everyone involved. It makes people so insecure and hollow, so harsh and false outwardly, and so in need of being accepted for something more meaningful than prizes and paper certificates.
 
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Julia said:
I feel sorry for people, and yet it is their game that fosters success. I have less external success because of it, but i can't bring myself to actually desire it enough to put forth the effort to construct a personal facade.
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Ah that is so true. It's pointless to create a persona, just to interact with other people's personas, when all you really want is to communicate as a person, with another person.
 
Cecilff2 said:
My dad's an ISTJ, and I can understand that perfectly. I can tolerate him for the most part but we have completely opposite ways of approaching things and they often conflict. He's completely unable to understand my way of thinking and once said that he doesn't believe that I think the way that I explained to him. Nonetheless we're still on good terms and we've figured out how to avoid frustrating each other to no end.

Most frustrations posted in this thread I share, though. Connections are difficult, though somehow I usually make the first move almost unconsciously.
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i can understand that. my mother is an ISTJ and although we have a rather calm relationship, it is only because we have learned it is best for us to avoid each other after many years of emotional outbursts and misunderstandings. regardless of how many times i have tried in the past to be understood, my faith has slowly dwindled with each attempt. my emotions toward her resemble a vast lake, calm on the surface and complex in depth.
 
I agree people are troublesome for me also. They are some of my greatest regrets in life. People have the ability to change you for life. I stay clear of people most of the time now. I have also met very few people that I can connect with. And it seems like those friendships never last. It's too bad I guess it's like a fire that burns hard and fast the good times only last for so long.
 
Julia said:
The game playing that is so important to social and professional interactions is frustrating to me because even though I can perceive the dynamics of it, I have no desire or ability to participate. I am absolutely out of step with it and it is integral to success. When people play the games and brag at me, I nod, tell them that it is all impressive and wonderful, but wonder to myself if they realize how irrelevant it is to gain my respect. I see their core and respond to them as a human being whether they won the prize or not. My respect and acceptance is not related to their image, and yet they work so hard to impress me and everyone else. I feel sorry for people when they become lost in the need for external approval. I can't bring myself to actually desire that concept of success enough to put forth the effort to construct a personal facade. I'm frustrated if it keeps me from functioning in the world, but perhaps more frustrated by what it does to everyone involved. It makes people so insecure and hollow, so harsh and false outwardly, and so in need of being accepted for something more meaningful than prizes and paper certificates.
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Get out of my head! :m077:
 
Another frustration is functioning more easily at a core level than a surface level. It seems so important in social interactions to be able to repeat all the expected sayings and do the little rituals based on norms. In a way people appear somewhat primal in their motivations when I interact with them. I can kind of tell when a person wants to haul off and hit or slap, but society's rules moderates that behavior. I can sometimes tell when someone wants to intrude or cross boundaries, but doesn't because of consequences, etc. In a way it makes people more threatening than when you are able to dismiss that core and just trust in social conventions and not look below the surface.
 
I feel a bit silly for this one but I will get it off my chest, whether this is INFJ or just me but: I can't stand that I'll say the wrong thing though it sounds so right in my mind. The worse are nervous situations that I'll end up speaking in disjointed sentences and/or mumbles. I'll often end up silencing myself all together because paranoia creeps up. This is all common for others too, I realize.

This evening I had one of the most fluent conversation that I've ever had, feeling as if my mind was truly being read. For once in my life I wasn't bitterly amused by all the happenings around me. I was drawn in, following most of the time and not only able to respond how I wanted to but genuinely interested in responding! ...Okay, but I was speaking to someone with a severe psychosis.

Perhaps it is a core level connection as Julia mentioned in her last post. This friend is obviously very honest, no room for subtilties, and damn intriguing on levels that are not similar to the ones I'm used to entertaining with friends, family, co-workers. Maybe being INFJ means we're all a little bit wacky?

Most likely reading too far into this but I love this forum when I need to purge these thoughts. I suppose THIS is my biggest frustration with being INFJ or whatever I may be... how I think and interpret things. Blessing/curse.
 
anomaly said:
I feel a bit silly for this one but I will get it off my chest, whether this is INFJ or just me but: I can't stand that I'll say the wrong thing though it sounds so right in my mind. The worse are nervous situations that I'll end up speaking in disjointed sentences and/or mumbles. I'll often end up silencing myself all together because paranoia creeps up. This is all common for others too, I realize.

This evening I had one of the most fluent conversation that I've ever had, feeling as if my mind was truly being read. For once in my life I wasn't bitterly amused by all the happenings around me. I was drawn in, following most of the time and not only able to respond how I wanted to but genuinely interested in responding! ...Okay, but I was speaking to someone with a severe psychosis.

Perhaps it is a core level connection as Julia mentioned in her last post. This friend is obviously very honest, no room for subtilties, and damn intriguing on levels that are not similar to the ones I'm used to entertaining with friends, family, co-workers. Maybe being INFJ means we're all a little bit wacky?

Most likely reading too far into this but I love this forum when I need to purge these thoughts. I suppose THIS is my biggest frustration with being INFJ or whatever I may be... how I think and interpret things. Blessing/curse.
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^^^ yes to all ^^^
I have moments where the order of my words is so skewed that people will cock their heads and stare at me like they're trying to unravel the sentence (or figure out wtf is wrong with me). I hate those moments. Additionally, sometimes, I will think of something I phrased poorly a long, long time ago (usually a compliment that went wrong somewhere) and feel bad about it. We're talking little things here, like if I bring it up, the person goes, "What?... Ohhhhhhhh..... I remember that... Why do you feel bad about that?"
 
anomaly said:
I suppose THIS is my biggest frustration with being INFJ or whatever I may be... how I think and interpret things. Blessing/curse.
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Ignorance is bliss and the INFJ way is a bit hellish.

I wouldn't choose to be someone else now, but as an adolescent I desired to be like other more popular, happy people.

I think the lesson for me is that life gets easier with time and experience.

We need to keep our heads up and be the best we can be.
 
Stephanie said:
My frustrations cause me pain. Sometimes I get so frustrated that my heart actually starts to ache. Often watching the news or hearing really sad tales will also cause physical pain, I call it a "heart-wrenching" feeling, because that's the only way I can think to describe it. It hurts my heart. (my 4th chakra)

In example, just recently I was so frustrated with some things (mostly just wanting to understand things happening and wanting some real answers) that I was laying in bed one night curled up in pain, though not truly a physical kind, and I just never wanted to get up again, but I almost wanted to feel real physical pain that I could truly explain. . . I'm not sure I'm making much sense of things today. Huh.:m075:
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So it's like when you here sad things you experience a spiritual pain that resemble physical pain. And it confuses you so you wish it was physical pain so you can explain it.

Is that what you were driving at?
 
I can relate to all of this in some way or another.

I've never realized how much other people really make our lives harder then they need to be.

The majority of the population is frankly pathetic.

I'm so tired of people. Adults who act like children. Who refuse to take responsibility for their actions but are more than willing to rip you a new one when you mess up.

People who are more than willing to walk over anyone to get what they want.

People can't seem to grasp the big picture their always rooting around for the wrong things that frankly don't matter.

I swear, I can't take it the hypocrisy, stupidity and just the pathetic nature of most people.

Everyone is so fake. And it feels like I'm the only one who won't play the fake game.

Another thing that really bugs me. People who belittle or brush of your opinions or thoughts. People that don't care if what your saying if it dosen't fit what they want to hear. Or its not one of the things society seems to force on us as important.

And finally for this post. SJ personality types. I'm so sick of SJ's. I wish I could force them from my life...... :m144:
 
Lucifer said:
So it's like when you here sad things you experience a spiritual pain that resemble physical pain. And it confuses you so you wish it was physical pain so you can explain it.

Is that what you were driving at?
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sometimes this spiritual pain does manifest itself into physical pain or rather the two synchronize. when intense, i may explain it as a branching pulse through my chest cavity.
 
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